painless gl

But I still want to live.

The saddest thing in life is that there is no tomorrow to look forward to, no one to care about, even if you lose everything and have nothing, you don’t know why you still want to live, but you still have to live.

I think as time goes by, maybe it can be lightened. Time will change a lot of things. Once it was unforgettable, but it will be calm and breezy in the future.

I am still walking in this city, still walking in the dark with the flickering street lights.

I don't know how long it will take me to let go of her, maybe I can't let go of her for the rest of my life, at least, don't miss her so much.

I often go back recently, to the orphanage, and spend the whole afternoon with the old lady.

Watching unwanted kids play, just like I did back then.The old lady probably found out with conscience and asked me what was wrong.

Probably because I was too busy before, but now I always feel too free.I answered her like this.

I really feel free.

The old lady is actually a very good person. Although she is stingy and a philistine, she is not a philistine. How can she support so many children?Without her, I don't think I'd be alive.

I don't hate the world, I don't blame my parents for abandoning me, I don't blame anyone, I'm alive and that's fine.

Maybe the old lady felt that I had finally grown up and told me a lot, about me.

When they abandoned me back then, I had a high fever and congenital painless anhidrosis. They probably thought I would not last long and had no money for treatment, so they left 1000 yuan at the entrance of the orphanage, probably hoping that I would survived.

But there are so many children raised in the orphanage, if I pick up the half-dead me, if I want to cure them, I am afraid that these cubs who are also abandoned by others will starve to death.Besides, I may not be able to survive after being cured.

So the old lady really wanted to send me to the orphanage in the north of the city.

But she still kept me, and used the 1000 yuan to go to the hospital to see a doctor and get some fluids, which was the only thing she could do.

I was lucky to have survived like this, under her loving care.

As for my index finger, I bit it off myself when I was three years old, because I didn't feel any pain, and I was probably very hungry at the time.The old lady was terrified, probably she had never seen a guy who was so hungry that he bit off his finger in her life.

Fortunately, she found it in time, and I didn't swallow the knuckle. I quickly sent it to the hospital to connect it, leaving a circle of marks.From then on, you have to look at me for everything, so that I won't bite all ten fingers.

Now there is a real ring that covers up that mark.

The old lady is also old, although I have always called her that, she is really old now, so old that the shrewd eyes of the once philistine need to wear reading glasses to see clearly.

I also want to spend more time with her. I want to see her more while she is still around. If she leaves, I will miss her very much.I am most afraid that the tree wants to be quiet but the wind does not stop, and the child wants to support but the relatives will not wait.

So I went to the orphanage more often.

I don't know how long it has been, I haven't counted the time for a long time, I got off work early today and was about to go to the orphanage, but I received a call.

"Hello, are you Miss Jane?" The other party was very polite.

"Yes, are you?" I asked, not remembering what I had recently called someone I didn't know.

"Well, do you know a lady named Ann?"

"...Yes, what's the matter?" I didn't expect to hear her name again.

The other party was silent for a while, and then said: "Sorry, please mourn, Ms. An committed suicide by taking sleeping pills at [-] o'clock in the morning today. The possibility of homicide has been ruled out. You are the only special contact in Ms. An's mobile phone address book, and you communicate most frequently. So contacting you..."

I can't really hear what the person on the other end of the phone said, I can't believe it at all, but his words keep echoing in my mind, An Zi killed himself, how can I believe it?

The whole world in front of me seems to be falling apart, am I hallucinating?