Midsummer Night's Ashes

gray of night

13

I have always been very clear that I rely too much on Lou Wei.

But once some things happen, it's like certain habits have been formed and cannot be changed, at least I don't have the extra strength to change.

I miss him, thinking of him is like the sky before the night, watching the light being swallowed by the darkness but helpless.

These days, the feeling of being peeped has become more and more intense, but this time, no Lou Wei hugged me and said it's okay.

Although I know very well that in the hospital, I even feel that Lou Wei can't make me feel at ease, but after returning, we have returned to the world we are familiar with, and I still miss him and want him. Others, Lou Wei is the only one who can make me feel better.

That said, it's a bit selfish.

My feelings for Lou Wei seem to have started to deteriorate.

Am I really in love with him?Or is he just using him out of selfishness?

I love him, I definitely love him, but besides his love, I also want to get something else from him.

I miss him all day, miss him all day, hide in the room, and panic at the slightest disturbance outside.

On a day when the temperature exceeded 40, I really had no choice but to call the police.

However, the result can be imagined, I did not have any evidence of being followed or peeped, and the police looked at me like a madman.

I failed.

I failed to escape.

Three days later, I made a decision.

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Sometimes, it's not that people don't want to continue living, but that they have no choice.

Powerless.

Unable to reach the normal end of life.

So you can only end your tragic life at the "midpoint".

I bought razor blades, the kind of sharp blades you use for shaving.

At a certain point, I finally understood why the three previous tenants committed suicide in the bathtub, and finally realized the magic of it.

I sat in it, filled it with water, and held the blade in my hand. My only regret was that I couldn't see Lou Wei again.

But isn't life beautiful when it's full of regrets?

I leave this world with this sad beauty, no matter whether there is the other end of death, another world of soul, I should be content.

The blade rests on my wrist, all it takes is force.

But I failed, not because I failed to make a move, but because someone rushed in.

I was surprised that the blade was accidentally dropped in the bathtub and cut my leg.

The person who rushed in was Li Hantang, my tenant.

The moment he opened the bathroom door, like a monster with green face and fangs, he rushed over and grabbed my neck.

He seemed to be trying to strangle me, and I was terrified by the inescapable suffocation.

I don't want to die like this.

In my opinion, I can't decide my own birth, but at least I can hold the opportunity and possibility of death in my own hands. I have to decide how to leave this world, and what expression and posture I will use when I leave.

Not like this, so embarrassing and pitiful.

I struggled frantically, but he was getting harder and harder.

At that time, my mind was blank and I couldn't think about anything.

Just when I thought I was going to die, another accident happened.

The doorbell rang suddenly, and I heard Lou Wei's voice in a trance.

Is it my hallucination?

Is it fantasizing with the last bit of strength left before dying?

The doorbell sounded very clearly, as if ringing directly in my head.

I thought, Lou Wei came to see me.

Then I gradually began to lose consciousness, but before my consciousness disappeared, Li Hantang let go of my hand.

I opened my eyes again, and the person in front of me was Lou Wei, who hugged me nervously and asked me how I was doing, but the hideous Li Hantang had disappeared.