Pure White Core

My mother didn't come today, why didn't she come to see me?I don't know, all I know is that I am very peaceful now, lying quietly on the bed alone, I can see the mottled lights on the ceiling when I open my eyes, what does the dark yellow halo suggest to me?I think it suggests that I too should curl up like those circular arcs, to conform to some invisible law that exists in all things.I just bent sideways slowly like this, the round light halo on the roof, I feel like I am the same as it now.

I'm not curled up in a little ball under the covers because I'm afraid of dying, and I'm not shaking because I can't bear the endless dull pain in my legs, I'm just cold.The small coal stove that was left unattended had been extinguished long ago, and I was so cold that my teeth were chattering. I could feel the cold wind coming in through the cracks in the rusted and mottled windows, not only taking away the little warmth in the room, but also bringing Take the strength I want to clenched my fist.

If I were me, I would definitely not cry at such a time, because men who cry are the most useless, and I don’t have any reason or right to cry. I dragged Huihui, the only one who cared about me, to die with me , I finally got my wish and finally used my own death to avenge my mother. What about her, who did she use her death to avenge?

I have no reason to cry, the most important thing is that there are other people in the room.

Trying to shield my eyes with my arms, I carefully covered my mouth so as not to make any noise.

I already regretted letting Huihui wear the ring I hid under the coal bag, but it was too late.

"Hi, are you okay?" The junior high school student who was sleeping in the next bed got off the bed, came over and patted my back while talking, I didn't make a sound, and leaned my head on my knee in a panic.

"Are you crying?" The quilt was uncovered, the light was dazzling, I shrank even tighter, and I didn't care about the injury that affected my calf.

He sat on the edge of my bed and stretched out his hand to push me: "Move over." I didn't move, he stretched out his arms to support my neck and legs and moved slightly to the edge of the bed, lifted the quilt and lay down.

"Hey! Why is your quilt so thin?" He pulled the dirty-looking quilt to cover his legs before making a fuss: "What does it smell like?"

"Poverty." I shouldn't have said it, but I couldn't help it.

"Hey, you're not crying anymore?" He jumped out of bed and took off the quilt on me and stuffed it on the small table in the corner. Come in.His quilt and pillows were sent from home, they were fluffy and soft and had a nice smell.

"You sleep with your clothes on, isn't it uncomfortable?" He propped his head sideways in the bed, the heat from his body quickly warmed the bed, and I even felt it on my back.I awkwardly reached out to unbutton my coat, and clumsily took off the coat and the pullover sweater. I was afraid that my coat would be too dirty and leave marks on his clean quilt.

"Hey hey..." I heard him covering his mouth and laughing.The neckline of my sweater is very narrow, and every time I put it on or take it off, it takes a lot of effort to pull my head out. I thought he was laughing at my clumsy appearance, but after I took off the sweater, I realized that he was looking at me. I raised my arm to look at it myself, and hurriedly pulled the sweater back on my body with embarrassment.The creaking hole of my underwear has a big opening, I am used to it and don’t notice it at all, I didn’t expect it to be seen by others today, it’s really embarrassing.

"Go to sleep, don't wear it anymore." He took the sweater from my hand and folded it on the small cabinet next to me, and then lay down next to me: "I'm sleepy, aren't you sleepy?"

Originally, I was thinking about things alone, but now I was in a mess after being disturbed by him, and I couldn't continue to think about it.

The back is very warm, and the sound of another person’s steady breathing makes me feel peaceful. I vaguely remember the scene when my mother hugged me to sleep with me a long time ago, and my head was on her arm. Such a light fragrance is very different.

The ward is very quiet, I can clearly hear my own breathing, and I can also hear his even breathing, I try my best to let my breathing be gentle, and not make any noise that will disturb him.

Time seems to slow down, or even if time flies in the dark, I have no way of knowing it without a clock as a reference.I'm not sleepy, just keep my eyes open and look around in boredom.The circular halo of light and darkness on the roof has disappeared, and the whole room seems to be full of life because of the warmth.

"Are you asleep?" I asked softly.

"No," I heard a sleepy nasal voice behind me: "You can't sleep?"

"Are you afraid of death?" I asked him, but I wanted to hear the answer in the affirmative.

"I don't know," he propped his head up on his arms again: "Why do you ask that?"

"..." I don't know why I asked that, but I want to know.

He put his arm around my waist: "What about you, are you afraid of death?"

"I'm afraid." I knew this very well, I was terrified of death.

"Oh...Actually, I'm also a little bit scared, but people don't die that easily. You can see a lot of people around them who are in their seventies and eighties, right?" It will get better and I won’t die.” As he said, he hugged me gently, his chest warmed my back like a flame,

For a second, I wanted to die in such a warm embrace, not to face the completely unknown despair in the pure white core, and to ignore Huihui's confusion and fear as she went to the white room wearing a ring.

But that's impossible. If I die in the arms of a stranger, he will probably be disgusted for the rest of his life, right?Huihui will still go to the pure white core to die in a daze, and everything will develop towards the most vulgar and disgusting route. Even thinking about it makes people feel sick, and death is not safe.

"Go to sleep, sleep more and heal quickly." His voice was very soft, and his warm breath brushed against my cheeks, a little itchy.

"……I am not sleepy."

"Then I'll tell you a story?" He laughed again.

"I want to hear your story."

"My story... Let me tell you the story of when I was a child, when I was as old as you." His voice was lazy, his face was a little blurred under the dim light, and the thick eyelashes on his narrowed eyes were like two The little jet black fan is so pretty.

He said that when he was young, he was not in this small county, but in a distant provincial capital. When he was a child, he always went to the zoo near his home that was not strictly managed, pulled a lot of grass and jumped into the outer fence, and fed the sika deer through the cage. .He said that the sika deer always licked his hand so tenderly, with big and beautiful eyes, and the hand would get oily if he touched the antler.He said that the deer antlers would be sawed off every year, and he didn’t know if it hurt or not, so he would pull more fresh grass to feed it. People in the zoo only fed hay, which didn’t look good; he also said that the monkey’s cage The largest, the largest number, and many people who feed them, some annoying people feed peppers, angry monkeys shake the cage and spit; there is a black bear who has retired from the circus from time to time. Xi Smelly has never taken a bath; there are also two wolves, who are always walking around restlessly in the cage, never seeing them stop, ignoring people and not wanting food, he feels very pitiful.

I think maybe he has heard what Huihui and I said about lambs, and he thinks I like animals so he told me this?I have never been to a zoo in my life, but I have seen animals running in groups on the street to hunt living people. I heard that they came out of the zoo after the "Doomsday". cute.

I asked him if he hated this small county town, and he said that he had made many friends here, and kept in touch with his original partners by writing letters... He didn’t say he didn’t hate it, but he reluctantly gave me the answer in his smile .

We chatted without saying a word, until he yawned again and again, and I was sleepy before falling into a deep sleep.

"Yu Shaorong, why are you still sleeping! Get up quickly!" Huihui's cheerful voice rang in my ears, and then there was a burst of shaking. I reluctantly opened my eyes and saw Huihui's red face and bared teeth.

"Why do you sleep with Yu Shaorong?" Huihui tilted her head while pushing me up, and asked the person next to me in the bed who was flipping through old comic books.

He shook the tattered book with no cover in his hand. "Do you like watching Doraemon?"

"That's a doraemon, mine!" Huihui frowned and grabbed the book from the person, with a strange expression on her face, as if she didn't eat the bananas given to her yesterday: "Why are you sleeping on Yu Shaorong's bed!"

I asked Huihui, "Why are you here, where is my mother?" I grabbed her two hands and came over to look at them. They were usually dirty and clean today, without rings.

"You can't see now." Hui Hui said without thinking. I knew what she was referring to, but I didn't understand what she meant. What is "now" invisible?

The ring was already on Huihui's hand.Even though I knew that such an outcome was inevitable, my heart still sank.

The squad leader from a big city is Qin Kai. He is two years older than the 12-year-old sister Peiyuan in his second year of junior high school, but I always feel that sister Peiyuan is an adult and he is at most a child.Huihui has only heard about the appearance of so-called big cities from TV and others. In her eyes, children like Qin Kai who come to us from big cities are no different from princesses and princes in distress in fairy tales. Mysterious aura.

Qin Kai’s bone fracture is not serious and he can be discharged from the hospital today. Soon his mother and his friends came to pick him up. He left me snacks and fruits and walked away surrounded by several people. I didn’t even say goodbye. I had time to tell him.

"Did you come here alone?" I asked Huihui, who was sitting next to me on the bed happily tossing and turning among fruits and snacks.Now there are only the two of us in the ward, and she is lively again.

Huihui took a bag of rice crackers and looked left and right, loving it: "Grandpa sent me here, and then he went to sell the goods."

"Eat."

"I don't want to eat it now," Huihui shook her head, and patted the rice crust bag in her hand, "I'll eat it later." Before she finished speaking, there was a strange distorted ripple around her hand, and the rice crust in her hand disappeared.

"!!!" I jumped up.