Pure White Core

"Crack! Crack! Crack!" The crisp applause echoed in the dilapidated rental house. I was pulling my left arm so hard that I could only try to protect my head and face with my right arm in a panic, but I couldn't stop the slaps falling like raindrops on my face.

It stands to reason that during this period of time, the anti-pornography and anti-illegal investigations have been strictly enforced, and it is definitely not my fault that there are no customers, but she has not vented her anger, so what can I do?Moreover, my mind was in a daze, and I didn't know why I would go back to being seven years old in a daze. It was really powerless... bad luck!

"Still competing with me, aren't you! Huh? Ah!?" I didn't even snort when my hand hurt. In my mother's eyes, this is definitely a typical example of rivalry. She bent down to pick up the plastic slipper and slapped me hard on my face. Mouth, I was twitched on the ground, my eyes stared at gold stars, I struggled twice and couldn't get up.

"Pretend! Pretend! Pretend you are MB!" My mother pointed at me with her hands on her hips and pointed at me with her plastic slippers, but she couldn't think of anything else to scold, so she bared her teeth My plastic slippers slammed by my side and jumped up high. With a cold snort, I turned and went back to the room.

I really didn't pretend, my eyes were black and I was very dizzy. I groped and crawled to the sofa by myself like a blind man, and then leaned back against the sofa to rest.

I haven't figured it out until now. When I was a child, I was beaten like this every three days, and most of them were on the head. Why didn't I get hit stupidly?I still remember one time when she drank the censer and smashed it on the back of my head, the solid brown ceramics were shattered into pieces, and my head was bleeding. At that time, I was smart enough to squat down and pinch incense ash on the wound to stop the bleeding...

The face and nose hurt, but the pain at the corner of the mouth was different, it felt wet... I stretched out my hand to touch it, and there was red blood, and the corner of the mouth was cracked.I searched for a long time in the small sundry drawer but couldn't find a Band-Aid, so I could only prop up my feet and pinch a pinch of incense ash in the incense burner on the shrine, and carefully pressed it on the wound at the corner of my mouth.

I don’t remember things very clearly when I was a child, I only have a vague impression, but what puzzles me even more is that the memory in the future is even more chaotic. It took me a lot of effort to remember that I seemed to have gone to college, and I vaguely remembered that someone dragged me to study with me, but I couldn't remember what major I studied or what I learned.

"Kara..." The door of my mother's bedroom opened, and I subconsciously wanted to shrink under the table.

"I'm going out to buy food, what do you want?" My mother's voice is calm now, and you can even feel a little sorry.

"...Three Liang Zhajiang noodles, no chili." I like to eat chili, but the corner of my mouth tells me that it is best not to.

"... Ang." She should be a little surprised, probably she didn't expect me to answer the random question.

It was very windy outside in the evening, and when my mother put on an old black windbreaker full of wrinkles and opened the door, the cold wind mixed with yellow sand rushed into the small room, and plastic bags and waste paper flew around.

The broken door, which was difficult to close due to moisture and deformation, was slammed twice before it was closed, and the room returned to tranquility.I had nothing to do, so I turned on the black and white TV set that looked like a small microwave oven, and crouched on the sofa with the dirty blanket in my arms to watch it.

I was lucky. One set was animation city from 05:30 to [-]:[-]. I remember I used to love to watch it, and today's performance of Power Boy was also one of my childhood favorites.I'm ashamed that I can't stand watching the same cartoon at the same time and place.

Squatting on the old sofa in a daze, unconsciously stroking the index finger of my right hand with my left hand, there is a ring here, an invisible and intangible ring, but I know it is on my index finger.I can't remember what I should remember. For example, I vaguely remember that I had a very close person, and then broke up embarrassingly because of the intervention of a third party, but I can't remember his appearance, and I can't remember his name, just like I know I have a ring on my index finger, but I can't remember where it came from or why I can't see or touch it.

Why do I go back to being seven years old?I couldn't find the answer, so that I even wondered if the messy and unclear memories in my mind were my delusions.

The gust of wind with yellow sand was still howling outside the window, and the sound was like the howling of an unknown beast.Just like in my memory, the sandstorms blow in the dark every winter, and the whimpering from the wind blowing through the electric poles and the eaves is very dry, which always makes people feel tired and scared.

There was a blunt pain on my face, and when I touched it with my hands, it was hot and full of numbness. In the small mirror, my swollen left cheek and large bruises looked very scary, and my eyes were black and bright, which I was familiar with. faces.

The sound of unlocking the lock echoed in the old rental house where a large piece of wall had fallen off, "Tong! Squeak~~" The door was lifted open by my shoulders, and the yellow wind with sand and dust came in again, and I had to hold my breath I squinted my eyes to see what my mother looked like.The deformed wooden door is even more difficult to open. My mother used to use her shoulders to resist every time she opened the door. I am smarter. I know that I can open the door with very little effort after kicking the bottom part of the door with my foot.

The old street is very unsafe because of the mixed fish and dragons. My mother never allowed me to go out by myself. I remember that in seven or eight years, no less than five children were lost in this alley. There were boys and girls. On the full moon, some bodies were found, while others were left without news, leaving only despair and fear.

My mother closed the door with her back, and I also got off the sofa and sat on the folding stool next to the small wooden table waiting for dinner. I was very uncomfortable with the old clothes that didn't fit me, and my small arms and legs.

The savory noodles with miscellaneous sauce made my mouth water, and it was difficult to even mix the noodles with the chopsticks in my weak hands. In my last memory, I was a young and strong guy. The standard, I forgot that I can't finish it now that I have shrunk.

"I'll mix it for you." My mother took my enamel bowl and mixed the noodles with the chopsticks. Soon the sauce evenly covered the hot noodles.

I buried my head in eating the noodles. My mother seemed to have no appetite. While watching me eat, she reached out and touched my head very gently.

"...Does it still hurt?" Her voice was soft and soft, as warm as fine cashmere.

"It hurts." I answered vaguely while eating noodles.

"..." I could feel the hand on my head stiffen, she didn't expect me to say it hurt.

Under normal circumstances, I would softly answer her "it doesn't hurt", which will make her feel much better.

My mother stretched out her arms and hugged me: "I'm sorry, it's my mother's fault. Mom shouldn't hit you. Mom won't hit you again!" She patted my head lovingly, and her arms were soft and warm, very comfortable.

Every time she hit me, she hugged me and said sorry, and said she would never hit me again. I think this sentence is more like a symbol, symbol, or ritual to my mother.

My mother hugged me and cried, and I didn't stop the chopsticks in my hand. First, I was really hungry, and second, I felt that I was a big man in my mind. If I hugged my 23-year-old mother as usual Crying is boring.Usually, when my mother hugged me after beating me, I would feel aggrieved and bitter, and I would hold her and cry with her for a long time.

To be honest, my mother really loves me very much. At least this year, my mother’s colleague, Aunt Wenrui, is bringing her 12-year-old daughter to pick up business with her to make money, and my mother will pick me up on time every day during her busy schedule. After school, let me eat and dress warmly.

The poor life, harsh environment, cheap lipstick puffs, and poor-quality perfume all make my mother age quickly. She is 23 years old this year, but her skin is loose, and wrinkles can be seen faintly around the corners of her eyes and mouth.The mom I remember was beautiful, but being in her arms again made me feel the price she paid to survive.

It's not uncommon for a young lady to go to a strange place to change her face and marry a good person. My mother has also considered it, but after she knew that Aunt Wenrui's remarried husband spoiled sister Peiyuan and forced the mother and mother to go out and sit on the stage together to make money for her. He flinched after that, and my mother never spoke to Aunt Wenrui, mother and daughter, and never thought about marrying Congliang again.

For a long time she was hysterical and wouldn't let me out of her sight, even leaving 'work' aside just to take care of me.In her perception, boys are not much safer than girls.

My mother was a little over 16 years old when she ran away from home. She was the prettiest girl in a well-known middle school in the provincial capital. She had a romantic relationship with a handsome and naughty son-in-law, which became a good story.It's a pity that the two of them got into a fire. My mother's family found out and beat the other's house. The son was locked up. Everyone forced my mother to have an abortion. There was no room for the two half-old children to fight.

Brother Gongzi climbed over the wall and wanted to come out to find my mother. He stumbled and fell from a high place. He was seriously injured and died soon after. My mother escaped with her swollen belly full of hatred and vowed never to go back.

Logically speaking, an illegitimate child like me should belong to a black family. Police officer Huang of the anti-pornography office has arrested my mother several times. I wanted to give him a gift to repay him, but unfortunately he and his colleagues were found out and sentenced to death for drug involvement. Both my mother and I were sad for a long time.

There is a big bowl of Sanliang noodles with miscellaneous sauce. After eating half a bowl, I can't eat anymore. I put the rest down, and I want to eat it when I wake up tomorrow morning.

"Mother."

"Huh?" She who was in a daze with me while hugging me came back to her senses.

"I'm dozing off." I want to sleep, maybe it's a dream, if it's a dream, I can go back to where I should be when I wake up.

"Have you finished your homework? Check with me." My mother let go of me and got up to clean up the dishes.

"I forgot what my homework is, can you ask Huihui for me?" When I realized it, I was already home from school, and I didn't have the slightest memory of what happened in school.

"Ang, I'll ask." She got up and put on her windbreaker to go out, and locked it habitually.

Even if she goes out for 3 minutes, she will lock the door, very persistent.

A few minutes later, there was the sound of unlocking and carrying the door again, "Chinese is to copy two lines of each new word in No. 11 class, copy the text once and memorize it, and mathematics is the formula for small exercises in No. 11 class."

"Yeah." I grabbed my cartoon schoolbag, took out the plastic pencil case and messy textbooks and notebooks, and 'do my homework' with peace of mind.

I never thought I could go back to counting 5+6=?One day, with a pencil in his hand, he slowly copied the questions into a notebook and wrote down the answers.

My mother squatted in the corner of the room to wash my clothes. The water was very cold in winter, and her hands were flushed, but she didn't frown.

"Did you finish writing so soon?" She was surprised to see that I had already packed my schoolbag as soon as I finished washing my clothes.

"Well, it's all over." I nodded.

"Ang, I'll pour you hot water." She hung up the twisted clothes, rubbed her neck, took a thermos bottle and poured water into the enamel washbasin, and washed my face after testing the temperature of the water.

After supervising me brushing my teeth and getting under the covers, my mother stretched her waist to wash, then sat in front of the cracked mirror and opened an old plastic makeup box to apply makeup and powder. The pungent aroma of cheap cosmetics wafted out, like greasy, salty wet hands Wander in the air.

My mother patiently re-dyed the bright red nails, and patted my head after blowing a few times in front of her mouth: "Sleep."

"Yeah." I obediently tucked in the quilt.

She put on a windbreaker and turned off the lights to go out. There was the sound of the lock being locked in the howling wind, and her mother went to work.

In the dark, I touched my right index finger. My sense of touch told me that there was nothing on my finger, but in my mind, a ring was firmly attached to my finger. Even if I cut off my finger, I couldn’t even think about taking it off.

"What happened, where did my lost memory go?"

"Why did I come back here? Is this my dream?"

"Is it possible that I am already dead? This is a replay of the clip before I died..."

Thoughts swirled like vultures in my head until fatigue set in and I fell asleep.