What he sang is all fake

On November 2016, 11, the beginning of winter, Weicheng has not yet ushered in the first snow of the year, and it is already very cold.It was windy at night, and the biting air slammed into the window, but fortunately, there was sufficient heating in the house, and the closed doors and windows cut off the harsh winter atmosphere, forming a warm and comfortable world.

Qi Chen walked out of the bathroom covered in warm steam, tapped on the keyboard of his laptop, clicked on the evening news and listened while wiping his hair.A healthy male voice announced the news of the cold snap, the phone on the table buzzed twice, and Qi Mei, who was separated by the wall, yelled "Ah!!!" on time as in the past few nights.

As long as there are such patchwork sounds at night, it is already wonderful.Qi Chen pulled his arms left and right, his stomach was full from Qi Mei's stuffed with too much cake, and he didn't know how many push-ups he had to do to consume these excess calories.

“2017年全国硕士研究生招生考试初试时间为：2016年12月24日至12月26日,24至25日每天上午08:30开场，下午……”

At this point in the news, Qi Chen took out a pen from the gap in the pile of books on the desk, and wrote down the words "12/24-12/26" on the paper. This time when I write it down, it seems that I will arrive in the blink of an eye.One corner of the light yellow sticky note was warped, and Qi Chen neatly tore it off and pasted it on the glass door of the bookcase.

The phone buzzed and vibrated a few more times. The day was almost over, but sporadic messages were still sent.This time it was Liang Feng, who directly transferred two sums of 888, and added a note: I was so busy with the opening of the new store that I almost forgot my brother's birthday!We straight men don't talk nonsense, don't be polite to me, just collect the money and spend it!

Qi Chen raised the corner of his mouth, he really didn't need to be polite to a rich second-generation close friend like Liang Feng.He replied thank you, and Liang Feng sent another advertisement page.The photos of the "Cool Breeze" bar on Sanli Street look good, but it's a pity that Qi Chen would never step into such a place with high decibels and a crowd of demons dancing wildly.He swiped up the long picture page for a few glances, and when his eyes fell on a row of exquisite wine racks, Qi Mei called again from the next door.

At [-]:[-], the light in the living room was turned off, Qi Chen walked out of the room to the next door and knocked on the door.Qi Mei wore a headset and was immersed in the concert DVD. She didn't realize her volume, and it took a long time before she heard the sound of the door.

Most girls of this age now either decorate the room fresh and beautifully, or they are star-chasing girls with N-piece suits, hand-painted posters, small cards and stickers flying all over the room. Qimei is in the second mode recently.She has a meal with a new popular idol boy group, About Five, and is addicted to the official CP. Every night before going to bed, she will drink for a while, and every night Qi Chen can hear her vaguely howling ghosts and howling wolves.

He reached out and took off her headset.

"My parents are asleep, what are you calling?"

Qi Mei covered her mouth and paused the video.She wanted to say okay and go to sleep right away, but the next second her eyes fell on her brother's face, and she widened her eyes again in surprise.

Qi Mei suddenly jumped up and held Qi Chen's face and looked left and right, "Oh, I suddenly discovered...you and Zhou Nan look alike?" Qi Chen frowned and broke away, Qi Mei said again, "I said, why do you always have Zhou Nan?" It’s a mysterious sense of sight... Really, if you don’t believe me, look at it!”

The video starts playing again.

The concert in the video has come to an end.The sky above the venue was covered with silver-white pieces of paper, like snowflakes that hadn't had time to fall on people's shoulders this year, and they complemented the water-colored fluorescent sea below the stage.The close-up of the camera was on a tall man who was very similar to Qi Chen in outline. That man had half of his face sideways, with cold eyes and handsome eyes, and he was really similar to him.But before the camera could capture his face, another small figure suddenly occupied the screen.

The boy with crooked eyebrows jumped up, and blew away the colored ribbon stuck to the hair of the tall man in front with a whimper.Immediately, the tall man turned around and flicked off the paper flower on the young man's forehead with the corner of his mouth hooked.

It can be heard even after noise reduction, and the screams at the scene suddenly increased by one decibel.Qi Chen couldn't understand what exciting things had happened, but Qi Mei showed a suffocated expression, grabbed the corner of his clothes and murmured, "I don't care, I'm going to start saving money now. Within this year, I must watch an AB5 concert in the first row of the stands..."

Qi Chen was helpless, he just felt that he and his sister really didn't belong to the same world.

"Stop making noise and sleep."

"Woooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo good."

After telling the star-chaser girl to go to bed early, Qi Chen exited her sister's room.At a quarter past eleven, the minute hand of the wall clock in the living room jumped by one notch, and the day could have ended here.Qi Chen's 22nd birthday was as ordinary as every day, but it was satisfying enough.

originally.

Qi Chen had just pushed open the door of his room when the bell of the landline next to the sofa rang. The ring echoed in the quiet and empty living room at night, which seemed a little harsh.Afraid of disturbing his sleeping parents, Qi Chen took a long leg and quickly walked over to answer the phone.

"Hello? Old Qi, you're bothering me at night! You have a courier left at the door. It was delivered in the evening, but I forgot about it when I turned around and told someone about it. Look at me, a fool."

Qi Chen paused, then lowered his voice and said, "Uncle Li, my dad is already asleep."

The doorman Uncle Li's babbling voice continued, "Ah, Xiaochen, it's the same, you can help your dad get it, I just... oh, I accidentally spilled some tea on it, I'm afraid it's something Important documents, why don't you..."

"Okay." Qi Chen didn't hesitate, "Wait for five minutes."

Only a hundred meters away from the entrance of the community, Qi Chen wrapped a long jacket over his pajamas and stepped out of the house.He still underestimated the temperature at night. The winter in the north without heating is dry and cold. When he walked downstairs and quickly arrived at the guard's place, his fingertips were cold, and the accumulated drowsiness was also blown by the night wind. blow away.

Uncle Li, the doorman, was also not easy. There was a heater in the small pavilion, and it was always difficult to be on the night shift.Qi Chen squeezed into the hut, while the war movie on the small TV was put on the end credits, Uncle Li's simple face was full of apology, he rubbed his hands, and handed over a file bag.The file bag had been carefully wiped down, but there was still a small stain from the tea.

"I'm really sorry, let's see if the things inside are wet." Uncle Li apologized. "I dare not put it next to the stove, in case it burns..."

"It's okay, I'll go back and get a hair dryer." Qi Chen nodded politely at Uncle Li, "I'll go back to Uncle Li first, thank you for your hard work."

Qi Chen withdrew from the small pavilion, shivering from the wind.He walked back quickly, weighing the file bag in his hand.An ordinary kraft paper bag is so light that it weighs almost nothing in your hand.He hesitated for a moment. He was really afraid that the tea would smear some handwriting, so he opened the bag and took a look.

In fact, until a long, long time later, Qi Chen was still not sure whether this seemingly random decision really changed his life.If he hadn't looked at the things in the bag, wouldn't he have gone to another city alone, maybe he would never have found out about it, and then Qi Mei wouldn't have found someone because he missed him who hadn't returned home for a long time. The excuse of not being accompanied by anyone let him go to the concert, and he wouldn't go to Liang Feng's bar because he didn't want to go home, and then he wouldn't meet that person.

If he hadn't met that person, his life might have been so plain and happy all the time.But—just imagining this possibility makes people feel regretful.

In other words, all of this had been foreshadowed long ago. Everyone or everything that was arranged had just reached that step, and even the time when an irrelevant doorman knocked over the tea was calculated accurately.If it is the direction that fate is bound to push, then sooner or later, he will always stand here, and he will always stay under the street lamp in the cold wind of the early morning.Tiny flying insects pounced on the hot lampshade with the last of their strength, Qi Chen dropped the paper bag aside.When he pulled out a thin piece of paper inside, a square-shaped object slipped and fell to the ground with a loud clatter.

Qi Chen bent down to pick it up, frowning slightly.

It was a bank card, brand new, without stamped signature.

He involuntarily turned his gaze to the paper in his hand.The high-grade clerical paper is very textured just by pinching it with your fingers. Two simple lines of words are written on the paper with a pure black signature pen. The handwriting is strong and powerful, as if it was written by an adult male.

Long time no greeting.

In this way, I would like to thank Xiaochen for her upbringing in the past year.

No signing, no lengthy messages.Just a few words made Qi Chen stay where he was, and he could see the shattering of glaciers in his usually calm eyes. Shock was written there, and after the shock, there was an irresolvable daze.

But he was still Qi Chen after all, he stayed for a while, then put the two things back into the paper bag, then walked upstairs silently.When the door was reopened, the house was still comfortable, Qi Mei had already fallen asleep, a small half of the moonlight fell in the dim living room, and the limbs that were shivering physiologically from the cold slowly warmed up.Qi Chen returned to his room with light steps. The warm yellow desk lamp was on, and the screen of the computer that had finished broadcasting the news video had already been automatically locked. At the table corner, everything is the same as it has been for countless nights in the past.

But everything is different again.

Qi Chen sat at the desk for a long time, I don't know how long, it was so long that he had the illusion that it would be dawn soon.But not yet, the night was still long, he took out the letter paper from the brown paper bag again, and this time he noticed the six-digit number written on the back.What a ridiculous intuition, he knew what it was almost immediately.

It was not difficult to find a 24-hour ATM. When Qi Chen stepped out again, he was wrapped in heavy clothes, but it was still cold.A few passers-by pass by on the long street at night, there are girls with fancy makeup staggering past in high heels, middle-aged men who have drunk their stomachs round their arms and laugh loudly with each other, and some white-collar workers who have worked overtime until now With a tired face, he hurriedly opened the door of the taxi. There are actually many people who are awake in this city.

But the world works normally, why does he feel so absurd only now?

The ATM quickly swallowed the card, and Qi Chen slowly pressed the string of numbers. 941107, is it too boring?He stood there indifferently, looking at the long string of numbers showing the balance in the card on the screen.

220 million whole.

So, it's really not a new number, it's not as good as Liang Feng's 888, it's rustic, but straightforward and cute.Qi Chen tapped the card back, held the cold card, retracted his hand into his pocket, and walked back slowly.

Qi Chen is often praised for being rational and calm, but sometimes the instinct of rationality will make people in a strangely calm state.If 220 million this year, 210 million last year... According to this logic, he quickly calculated a number in his mind.That's not the amount of money a child in their family can touch—no, from this moment on, the word "family" also becomes strange.

03:30 in the morning is not an unfamiliar time. When I stay up late and draw pictures, I can always raise my head before dawn. However, the night sky this night is completely black, as black as fake, as if there will never be daylight again.Qi Chen turned the door lock lightly, and the moonlight falling on the living room had already changed its angle.It's time to go to bed, Qi Chen took off his coat and threw it on the back of the chair, then walked into the bathroom with his cotton mop, and looked at himself in the mirror.

Xiaochen doesn't look like you at all, he is much more handsome than you when you were young!

A joking voice from one of the three aunts and eight aunts came to my ears, and their faces became a little blurred until finally it became Qi Mei's face.

ah?This is your brother, dear brother?I thought it was your boyfriend... Wow, I'm so envious, your brother is so handsome.

"Sister"'s friends A, B, and C, their envious gazes also became distorted, mixed in the mirror, and kneaded into a ball of broken light.

Qi Chen backed out of his bathroom again.

There is just so much space and stuff for a family to share.Exit the room door, turn left and go straight to the end. In a larger bathroom with a bathtub, Qi Chen pulled out two paper towels in the dark, covered them with a women's curling comb and grabbed a handful.

Later, dawn still came, and Qi Chen had a long, deep sleep. There was no such thing as a sleepless night. He satisfied the needs of his tired body, and slept until the sun was up.

A new day has begun.The woman was humming a little song in the kitchen. The lunch meal was leftover from yesterday, and it could be served simply by reheating it.Qi Mei came home with her schoolbag, muttering that her elder brother was still sleeping, she rolled her eyes from sleepiness and sat down at the table.At this time, the head of the family came out with a teacup and knocked on his door.

"This kid read all night again yesterday?"

"It's not that mom said, look at your brother, and then look at you!"

"Fuck, what's wrong with me..."

Qi Chen opened his eyes in the chaos, as if waking up in the deep sea, floating up and down, with a wisp of oxygen left after all.He washed and dressed in an orderly manner, glanced at the kraft paper bag on the table, and then rubbed his eyes and stepped out of the room.

It was a fine day, full of sunshine.The chattering girl couldn't help but blowing about her favorite idol again, her mother taught her not to miss her job, her father sat on the side with a smile serving soup, Qi Chen sat on the side in silence, everything was as usual.

As usual: he really doesn't like to take the initiative to talk, he doesn't like to laugh, he doesn't like to make noise, and he finds things that others find interesting to be boring, so he keeps an indifferent face.No one felt that there was anything wrong, even he himself felt miraculous.

——Why am I here?

Why didn't I realize that I was different from them before?

Maybe someone else would yell and question sharply, but Qi Chen wouldn't. Silence is his habit, his shield, and his most vulnerable part.He should have asked clearly, maybe if he asked clearly, it would be just a tactful and touching story, just like the ones in movies and dramas, and there is not much chilling part.

But what if?

What if knowing more is not better than not knowing, and sometimes ignorance is the happiest thing. Doesn't he understand this truth now?

"Brother, are you listening to me?"

"Ah."

——Do you know?

"Xiaochen, why do you just eat without adding food, hiss, it's strange, you don't have a physique that doesn't make you fat. Look, Xiaomei's arms have grown thicker again..."

"mom!!!!"

"will not."

——Are you aware of it?

"Xiaochen?" The man stretched out his hand and shook it in front of his eyes, "Why are you in a daze?"

——Are you the ambassador?

He opened his mouth, his throat was dry, but he still spit out a syllable slowly.

"……dad."

The man looked at him, "Huh?"

Qi Chen blinked slowly, it was strange that he couldn't see the face of the loving father in front of him clearly.

"I saw a white hair." Qi Chen said softly, "Let me pull it out for you."

Another kraft paper bag, it seems that this kind of file bag is the only one left in the world overnight.Qi Chen came out of the building and found a nearby coffee shop to sit down. There was a group of high school students chatting at the long table, and a child hugged by his mother by the French window was writing on the glass.He bypassed the crowded place, chose a relatively quiet place to sit down, quickly pulled out the document, skipped over the dense English nouns and numbers and percentages, he directly turned to the end and glanced twice.

To sum up, sample A (F) is related to samples C and D, and the relative rate is 99.7%.

Sample B (M) has no blood relationship with samples C and D, and the relative rate is less than 0.1%.

I knew that numbers are the most rigid and loyal, and now it has the most enthusiastic and cruel core.Qi Chen paused for a few seconds, put away the documents with a normal expression, got up and went to the front desk to order a cup of hot coffee.He sat in the store for a while, and the sufficient heat made it difficult to step out, especially for people who walked out and didn't know where they were going back.

Here's the thing: something that you never consciously believe in, but actually cherishes every moment, something that you subconsciously believe that you can't go wrong until the end of your life - and now I'm telling you that's not the case, It is false, fabricated, non-existent, one-sided and absurd.Then there are more things that can diverge, and they are all negative and true: lies, deceit, concealment, all things that can shake people's minds and make people sick.Bad emotions strike like a flood of beasts, and there is no human life that can walk according to what it "should" do in the programming like a machine, so it is too easy to get into the horns regardless.

This can all be false, so what else can be believed?

The strange timidity and self-ashamedness made him feel novel. He would become resistant to people he still loved, and staying away from this kind of love and dependence was like letting the flesh and blood separate.

For a few seconds, Qi Chen wanted to make a call to Liang Feng, or even Qi Mei.But that strange rationality suppressed his impulse again.What does he want to say? He is not good at talking, so he can't express it in appropriate words, not to mention that even if he can, the other party won't understand.

——No one can understand, no one can understand his feelings one hundred percent.Unless there is a person who has experienced everything he has experienced, and has the exact same personality, memory, character, and way of thinking... such a person does not exist, only himself.People are isolated group animals, living in their own spiritual world, and there is no such thing as empathy in reality.

So he decided to digest this moment of collapse of faith by himself.

Qi Chen still lived as usual, as if nothing had happened.The father at home didn't mention the unreceived express mail, and he didn't know if the doorman, Uncle Li, forgot to mention it when he greeted him, so it was as if it had never existed.At Christmas, he went to the exam calmly, answered the papers calmly, and then——

Snowing.

Snowflakes fell profusely from the distant sky, the city was dyed white, and the noise was swallowed up.According to the principles of fractal geometry, the circumference of a snowflake may exceed the diameter of the earth, and the hard core reality and soft romance are together.

Ending without a problem may be the best ending. Only one person is enough to be stabbed, and the others don't need to be punctured.

Then Qi Chen packed his luggage, dragged the box and walked out of that door.He crossed a distance of more than 1000 kilometers, and finally stopped in front of another door.The old-fashioned keyhole that can only be opened with a hard turn of the key was replaced by a black glass screen of a combination lock, 181206, with a beep, he opened the door, and the figure like a small whirlwind always pinpointed the time, just right, firmly on the spot into his arms.

"Welcome home!"

The man held his waist and raised his face, his beautiful eyes bent into crescents.A lonely and brave guy like him has been trying to say love.

It was also a winter night, and there was still some time before spring, so ordinary that he couldn't even remember the date.But on this day, at this second, he suddenly let go.

He may never know his own original last name, but he's still entitled to one.He felt that he seemed to have the courage to look directly at the day of Lidong, and he also felt that birthdays should indeed be celebrated, no matter good or bad, true or false, selfless or selfish, he can embrace all of them , no matter what the truth is.

Suddenly, Qi Chen finally walked back to this end of the long street at night. He watched him walk away alone in that time and space, and then silently said goodbye to the long winter that had not yet had time to snow.

"—Because I'm not the son of the Qi family."

Qi Chen raised the corners of his mouth mockingly, and looked at the stunned man in front of him.

How brave, how helpless, how selfish: I still love you, but.

"So it's up to me to choose who my family is."