If you wear it fast, you will return the scum

After Jiang Yifan died, I didn't come out for a long time.

When I woke up in the morning, I would still subconsciously reach out to hug the person next to me. I didn't wake up until I was empty, and it turned out that he was no longer there.

I looked at the sunlight leaking from between my fingers, and suddenly I was at a loss.

He used to say that I was his light and called me little sun.

This is what he likes to say most. I didn’t know what he meant before, but when I finally saw what kind of timid child was hiding behind these words,

I can barely stop the grief from creeping in.

He likes to call me brother, and every time he calls it, he looks like a spoiled child.Every word sound is full of attachment, as if I am his everything.I like that he looks at me with his unique eyes, full of possessiveness and envy.

He also yelled when he was going to bed. At first I thought it felt too weird, and I felt a sense of immorality. I was afraid that my mother would dream of me in the middle of the night, give me a chestnut, and scold me for fucking her precious son.She always favors Jiang Yifan, and I have no doubt that she will do so.

But Jiang Yifan always needs more love, he is very sensitive, and his father doesn't really treat him well.So my mother took care of him a little more in everything, probably because she wanted to make up for some of the love he lacked.

But then I liked it when he shouted like that, it was exciting and intimate.

We are brothers not related by blood, and we are also lovers who share the same bed.

We meet, know each other, love each other, and stay together.

Jiang Yifan is jealous of me, envies me, but loves me.

Maybe in his heart, I will always have something that he can't have.When he hugged me, I could read his mind from his eyes.

Look, although Ding Yisen you have everything, but now you are mine, so everything is mine too.

He is so playful and funny.

Jiang Yifan has always been very proud, haughty, elegant, and sharp.

He is like a knife, like a gun, like a bullet, like all dangerous and deadly things. I used to think that this is his characteristic, but I don't know it. This is also the basis for him to protect himself.

He is cruel to everyone, including himself.Only when facing me, he will put away all the sharp claws and fangs, and present all the softness in front of me.

For a while, I thought he was a poisonous snake, cold and cold, even his blood was cold.

But now that I think about it, I think he should be a little hedgehog.His thorns are cold, but his stomach is hot. He exposed his softest heart in front of me, but I stuck a knife in it with my own hands.

Every time I think about what he has done for me, my heart aches so badly that I can hardly breathe.

He killed three people related to him, all for me.

Including his own biological father.

It was as if there was no one in this world he cared about except me.

You will never guess what he will do, there are too many sharp things hidden under his hypocritical surface.

But when I thought about the details of our time together, I realized that many of the things he showed were actually his truest side.

Getting mad at me for not doing laundry, arguing with me about what to have for dinner, getting jealous when I talk to people too much.

He was so difficult to serve and yet so cute.

When I catch a cold, he will soak up the medicine, and he will tell me in earnest, stupid brother, let you not listen to me, go to the rooftop without clothes, and watch yourself suffer.

At this time, he is more like a brother.

But he will also be lazy on purpose, such as never cooking or anything.

He would say a lot of good things, boast that my cooking skills are unparalleled in the world, and then he will sit on the chair obediently to eat after filling the meal himself.

In fact, it is not so delicious, but he is too lazy to do it himself.He didn't even bother to wash the dishes, and whenever he was asked to wash the dishes, he acted like a terrible thing to get his hands full of oil.

What else can I do, of course I will do it, who made me like him so much.

It wasn't until he died that I realized exactly how much I liked him, how much I loved him.

I looked at him lying there, he was already very light, but when he turned into the box of ashes in the small box, I realized that he could be a little lighter.

I always have a lot to do.

Whether it is learning or learning self-defense methods, I will always spend a lot of effort.

I spend very little thought on him.

Sometimes I would pick him up from school and help him drive away the older students who tried to bully him.

In fact, I just wanted to be a hero, but I didn't expect him to regard that as my love and protection for him.

He remembers a lot of things when we were young, and those things that I have long forgotten, he remembers them clearly.

He remembers the stories I told him and the things I told him.

He said he was a devil, how could he be a devil, he is so good, although sometimes he can play petty temper, but when he seduces, the whole bar can cheer for him.

He is like Medusa, even though she knew she would turn into a stone statue just by looking at him, she still couldn't help but sink down.

When his hidden hair was exposed, I was not surprised.

Also, how could such an outstanding person like him be able to be an ordinary person in peace and stability? The so-called ordinary is just a disguise for his blessing.

I just hate him for involving Dad.Even as a lover, I still feel that he is part of our family and that he should also be grateful to Dad.So I cannot tolerate such betrayal.

He used Dad to achieve his purpose, which directly led to Dad's death.

How could I tolerate, how could I endure.I have lost my mother, but he wants to take away the last of my relatives.

I hate his ruthlessness, and I punish him with my marriage.

I don't love Yang Feiyan, I love him, but I also hate him.

After announcing the news of the marriage, Chen Weilong approached me and took me to see my dad.

I looked at Ding Fengyi, my father, not knowing what to say.

His existence seems to be mocking my behavior, everything about me.

My lover lied to me, and my father lied to me.I was played around like a fool by them.

At that moment, I suddenly wanted to go back to him.

I remember that day after I said that to him, he chased him out.

I heard him fall to the ground, but I didn't look back.

But I can't go back to him.

I still care about his deception and his use. Dad's threat is not the reason for my decision to get married, but the gap between me and Yifan.

But when the wedding came, I couldn't help thinking of him.

I wanted to marry him—the idea was clearer than ever.

If he comes here, I will definitely go with him. From now on, it will be just the two of us. Let's leave here, go to a place where no one can find us, and live like this for the rest of our lives.

But I looked everywhere, but couldn't find him.

But when I asked about that year, Chen Weilong told me that he came that day.

What kind of mood he should be, I can't guess.

If it were me, I can't imagine him marrying someone else, just thinking about it makes me mad with jealousy.I think he will love me forever, he is so proud, there are very few people who can make him look sideways.

I thought of him alone, secretly hiding in the corner of the wedding, watching me walk hand in hand with others on the red carpet, and I felt that he was so pitiful that it made my heart tremble.

He will cry, he always sheds tears easily.As soon as he burst into tears, I couldn't help but want to hug him and whisper in his ear that I love him.

Chen Weilong told me that he was found by the Jiang family at the wedding, taken away, and had all his bones broken.

He was in the hospital, protected by the Ding family, but the Jiang family could not find him.

But he ran out secretly just to watch his lover and someone else's wedding.

That's why he was discovered and taken away.

In his saddest and most desperate time, I was not by his side.When he lost hope in sadness and despair, I wasn't there either.

I live a false life self-righteously, even thinking that one day he will take the initiative to come back to me.

He takes the initiative every time between us, and he pays more every time.

He always feels that I am pampering him, but in fact, in many ways, he is the one who accommodates me more.

Obviously he is the younger one, obviously he is the one who needs to be loved more.

I missed him a lot, I owed him a lot, and when it came time to make it up, there was no chance to make it up.

In the last days, I was happy, but also suffering.

I watched him become weaker and weaker day by day, and watched him step by step towards death.

As proud as he is, how could he endure being taken care of by others, wiping his body, inserting a catheter to pee, being watched to go to the toilet, that kind of life.Every day is torture for him.

He was tortured by illness and life, but I couldn't even share it with him.

Even if I give everything I have, I can't buy his time.

His love cannot be replaced.

After finding him, he never called my brother, and he rarely even called my name.

Most of the time he will ask me to do something when I am not there, only when necessary.

Before the moment of his death came, I had felt the will to die in his body countless times.

Sometimes he sat on the edge of the window sill, looking outside, I was afraid that he would suddenly climb up the guardrail and let go and jump down.

His body is still alive, but his heart is dead.

Only a dead soul remained in the body.

He loves me, I know, even during that time, he never said a word of love to me.

But I know, I just know.

He is waiting for me.

Waiting for this lover who betrayed him to come to him.

At that moment, I even thanked Yang Feiyan a little bit, even though she was not a good person, but I thanked her for informing me of Yifan's whereabouts.

If I come a little later, maybe I won't even have the chance to accompany him in the end.

He was so fragile and so pitiful, he was finally pulled out of all his thorns by everything outside, he lost all support, only the softest lump was left, lying there dripping with blood.

The little hedgehog finally lost all his sharp blades, leaving only his scarred body.

One thing I read correctly, in his heart, he always regarded himself as a member of the Ding family.

Even though Dad never treated him the way he treated me, he still respected him.

He killed his father, killed his cousin, and his blood debt is all for me.

His mistakes were also made because of me.

He is so smart, how could he not understand the principle of being wise and protecting one's life.But he still took out his weapon, protected the Ding family behind him, and stood on the opposite side of the Jiang family.

Jiang Yifan, Jiang Yifan is made up of pride.

When I saw him in the nursing home, I saw that everything he had lived on was missing.

His pride, his handsome face, his vigorous posture, his healthy body...

And my approval.

He loves me, he needs my love like weeds need sunshine.

But he lost it all.

So I said, he was dead in that body.

But because of my return, he continued to linger in this world.

My existence made him reluctant to leave and die. Even though he knew he was dying soon, he still greedily absorbed the warmth from my body.

But my temperature can no longer warm him.

On rainy days, lying in bed, he would almost lose consciousness from old injuries.

He used to bite his lip till it was bloody, until I found out about his masochistic behavior and forced his teeth open.

I put my finger in his mouth, but he pushed my hand away, bit the corner of the quilt, and endured the pain alone.

I hated myself, hated my powerlessness.

I couldn't even help him share the pain.

He always said that I was his light, but when he completely left me, I realized that he was my light.

After he left, my whole world went dark.

Sometimes when I look at the empty wheelchair and the half-empty bed, I will cry uncontrollably.

My love, he is so cute, so gentle, so proud and playful, how can he disappear without seeing him?

When I realized that I had finally and completely lost him, there was only one thought left in my mind:

I'm going to find him.

When he left three years ago, I didn't go to him.

That was the worst decision I've ever made in my life.

Now he was gone again, to another place, a colder and darker place.

From beginning to end, he walked alone.

I was with him briefly, but left him cruelly.

Karma loops, and now it's finally his turn to leave me.

The one who is left behind is always the most uncomfortable.Because from now on, every day I live is a day without him.

No expectations, no hopes, no future for the future.

I read the last words he left me word for word, over and over again.

I don't believe everything he says, I don't believe that he doesn't want to see me, he loves me to death, but he doesn't want to tell me.

Otherwise he wouldn't have waited for me so long.

He just hated me, hated my being late, hated the things I said that hurt him.

He never forgave me.

But it doesn't matter, when I get to the ground, I will tell him my guilt and my love bit by bit.

After he passed away, I found all the members of the Jiang family who tortured him, and made them pay the price they deserved.

I also have blood on my hands, so I don't have to go to heaven, I will go to a place with him.

The road to hell is so long, I will accompany him down the road, and I will never leave him alone again.

This time, I will stand by his side and never let him get hurt again.

Yifan, my younger brother, my lover.

I'm here to find you.