Pastel Colors

Day0921:00

When Song Ran woke up, it was completely dark.

The street lights in the community are like dark moss attached to the foot of the tall building, casting sporadic light, which cannot illuminate the floating [-]th floor.The curtains in the bedroom were closed tightly, preventing any ray of light from passing through, and the whole room turned into a huge cage that could not be seen to the side. It was tightly stitched, dark and dull, and locked the people inside.

After the nightmare, the body temperature suppressed by the drug went out of control again.

Song Ran struggled to sit up, only to feel that a mass of fire was spreading hotly in his chest, and his stomach and intestines were constantly churning, and a slight movement would trigger a strong nausea.The pajamas and hair were soaked in profuse sweat, the skin was sticky, and the breathing was hot.

He groped along the edge of the bedside table, found the water glass left by Zhan Yuwen, picked it up and took a sip.The water temperature was bone-chillingly cold, flowing through the burning throat, barely causing the exhaled hot air to drop a few degrees, and then it rose up extremely quickly again.

The bedroom was silent, and through a door he heard laughter in the living room.

Probably Zhan Yuwen and Lin Hui were playing with Bobu, a little game of chasing each other, which made Bobu jump and have fun.Song Ran held the water glass in his hand, sat alone with his knees bent, and lowered his head silently.

He actually felt jealous, but also panicked.

The room was really too dark, too much like the cell in which he was imprisoned in the nightmare—the nightmare was still happening, and he was once again isolated elsewhere, listening to the laughter outside, but unable to join it due to illness.Fever makes emotions sensitive and thinking tends to go to extremes.Song Ran broke a heart of glass, and couldn't help thinking, Zhan Yuwen and Lin Hui, one is a family doctor hired by Mr. He, and the other is a preschool teacher who graduated from a major. If they perform better, will they be in the same place from now on? Boo Boo doesn't need him anymore?

He still has so much love that he hasn't given out, and Bubu has changed someone to take care of him, so...who can he give his love to?

He really, really wants a child.

Just at this moment, the familiar Pikachu march sounded.Song Ran trembled and spilled half a glass of water.

It's nine o'clock.

Mr. He called.

He heard the uproar in the living room subside, Bubu picked up the phone, and softly called out "Baba".The two sides chatted in detail, about chickenpox, dinner and games.Bubu was chatting happily, and Lin Hui and Zhan Yuwen beside him also interrupted from time to time. The atmosphere was so relaxed, and the scene of the living room at this time could be imagined just from the tone of voice.

Light tones, clear and bright lighting, cats, flowers, and hanging paintings.Color picture books are scattered around, on the coffee table are ornaments made by himself, and three pairs of cotton slippers are tilted beside the sofa.Bubu was resting on the adult's lap, his brows and eyes were curved, and everyone was smiling.

Song Ran put down the water glass, hugged her knees and hid in the darkness, slowly hooked up her ten fingers, and wrinkled the fabric of the pajama pants.

He knew what he was waiting for.

The heart was beating fast, pounding, pounding, and chaotically resounding through the inside of the chest cavity.The ears were occupied by chaotic buzzing, the more I tried to hear the movement in the living room, the more I couldn't hear it clearly.Time was passing by, Songran finally couldn't wait any longer, lifted the quilt and got out of bed, walked to the door, and put his ears on it.

He hears the lively "Nutcracker Overture"—the call is over, and Boo Boo's favorite "Tom and Jerry" is playing outside.

Song Ran retreated back onto the bed without saying a word, got into the tortoise shell, covered her ears, and buried her face in the crack of the pillow.

Mr. He didn't remember him, and hung up the phone after chatting with Bubu. He didn't even remember that there was a small tail behind Bobu.

It's fine to say a word, even... even if it's just a name.

Song Ran smashed a pillow, her waist softened, she turned over on her back, and lay powerlessly flat on the bed.

He thought that he was somewhat different from Mr. He compared to the relationship between employer and nanny, or between neighbors.He likes to chat with Mr. He every day, so he judges others by himself, and naively thinks that Mr. He also likes to chat with him, so that he feels that half of the love calls every night are for Bubu, and the other half are for him.

So... is that just a polite greeting from the employer to the nanny?

Don't want to admit it.

Because I poured excess emotion into him, I am ashamed to admit this wishful thinking.

In the next second, the phone under the pillow vibrated in time.

Like a shot of adrenaline, Song Ran opened his eyes and took out his mobile phone with lightning speed.The screen was blindingly bright in the dark, and he subconsciously frowned, resisting the urge to vomit and looking at the contact name.

He Zhiyuan.

These three words were like a rope tied around his waist, instantly pulling him out of the bottom of the abyss.Songran's heart fell to the ground, he closed his eyes in a relaxed manner, and then dropped the phone back to the pillow.Sorrows and joys ebbed and flowed, and the grievance of being awakened was too late to dissipate, making the corners of his eyes slightly wet, his throat choked up, and he dared not speak even after he connected the phone.

In the silence, the sound of heavy breathing due to a cold is particularly obvious.

"Songran?" He Zhiyuan asked in a low voice, "Are you okay?"

"..."

Song Ran remained silent.

He Zhiyuan paused, then asked again: "Did I wake you up?"

Then Songran replied wearily: "No."

"You don't sound very energetic... Is the fever still going away? It's hard?"

"No." Hearing his caring tone, Songran felt warmth flow through his body, unconsciously raised the corners of his lips, hugged the quilt tightly, and said, "Mr. He, I'm fine."

After finishing speaking, he still held his breath and asked, "You called Bubu just now, why didn't you call me?"

He couldn't hide his thoughts in his tone, and when He Zhiyuan heard it, he immediately understood where the frustration came from just now, and couldn't help laughing in a low voice: "Are you unhappy because of this?"

Songran was ashamed and firmly denied it.

He Zhiyuan explained: "I asked Bubu, he said you are still sleeping, I don't want to disturb your rest."

Song Ran was taken aback, and blinked dully.

Is it such a logical reason?Then his brain was burnt out before, thinking about some messy things!

"No, that's not right!" He tried his best to pull out a trace of contradiction from his faintness, "If this is the case, why are you still calling me now?"

He Zhiyuan smiled: "I'm afraid you didn't sleep."

Song Ran: "...Huh?"

"I mean, I'm afraid you're waiting for my call. Of course, you're not the only one waiting." He Zhiyuan said warmly, "Songran, we haven't talked all day, haven't we?"

There was a smile in his voice, with a different kind of intimacy, which almost lifted the last veil of ambiguity.At this time, Songran's defense was so low that it was unbelievable, and when he inadvertently touched him, his bones became crisp, his cheeks were hot, and he gave a soft "hmm" like a mosquito, just like a little daughter-in-law.

So... so embarrassing.

He Zhiyuan asked him if he was recovering well, he was so happy that he was a little dizzy, rolled up the bedding twice, and talked nonsense with a high fever of 38°C, saying that he recovered very fast, surpassing the fastest speed in the universe , Guaranteed to be able to run 1000 meters tomorrow.

He Zhiyuan twitched the corners of his mouth: "Don't try to be brave, Zhan Yuwen has to see you for at least two days."

"Oh." Song Ran covered his face and withdrew his arrogance just now, "Then I'll run again in two days."

He Zhiyuan: "..."

When we were talking to the point of excitement, Songran suddenly remembered something, and his stretched posture froze halfway: "Mr. He, Zhan Yuwen said, you...you checked my medical records?"

"Correct."

Song Ran raised his heart in his throat, and asked very guiltyly: "Then besides chickenpox, did you see anything else?"

He Zhiyuan lowered his eyes to think, and answered truthfully: "Yes."

He knew what Song Ran was referring to.

The electronic medical records of the T City Welfare Institute are quite old-fashioned, taking pictures page by page, and then making them into pdf files sequentially.When He Zhiyuan got Songran's medical records, he wanted to check the chickenpox records, but he didn't expect to see a line of eye-catching words on the first page.

Severe obsessive-compulsive neurosis.

Age at diagnosis: six years old.

He was really stunned for the first few seconds, unable to connect these eight characters with Songran, and turned back to confirm the cover.The name of the child on the cover is clearly Songran.

The description of the condition is very perfunctory, with a few scribbled words, which can be regarded as irresponsible. The general idea is that this child is extremely sensitive to continuous numbers. Whether he hears or sees, he is prone to stress reactions. No one could persuade me to count down until I was exhausted and passed out.If the number is wrong in the middle, it is easy to cause severe anxiety, emotional breakdown, and often cry alone and convulse.

He Zhiyuan paid special attention, the date of diagnosis of obsessive-compulsive disorder was only a few days away from the date when Songran entered the orphanage, which meant that when Songran was admitted to the hospital, his mental state was already very unstable.

He remembered the way this big boy laughed, with white teeth and deep dimples, his eyes were always shining like the morning sun at six o'clock, without any sign of haze.

They are different from those in the medical records.

He Zhiyuan understands that what is recorded in the medical record is Songran's 17 years ago, which seems to be completely separated from the present, but Songran's sensitivity, irritability and unreasonable inferiority complex are the cause and effect of that childhood experience.

He found the answer, and wanted to trace Songran's growth path.

"Song Ran, I saw the first page of the medical record, it said that you suffered from obsessive-compulsive disorder when you were a child." He Zhiyuan changed his relaxed attitude and comforted him, "Compulsive-compulsive disorder is not a serious disease, many people have it. Some friends I know, some like to tidy up the room, some like to walk on the grid, and some eat French fries at intervals, everyone..."

"I'm different, I'm different from others." Song Ran interrupted him, smiled bitterly, and said very softly, "Mr. He, you haven't seen me fall ill, it's scary, really Yes, I won't lie to you."

He looked at the dark and boundless ceiling, his fingers were hanging in the air, and his fingertips trembled unconsciously. He drew an Arabic numeral in the air, then quickly clenched his fists, tightly clasped his five fingers, pinched them into the flesh, and prevented them from moving.

No.

Countless, you know that there are countless.

Faintly, a large number of out-of-order numbers popped up, and they came to mind, densely packed, like giant schools of fish with scales shining from the waves during the migration season.They lined up arrogantly, screaming collectively, at first they were only vague phantoms, and then they began to become clear, trying to arouse his long-suffering longing.

I want to count them one by one, from the beginning to the end of infinity, as if the childhood promise can still be fulfilled. The person he has been waiting for for 17 years is still somewhere far away, ready to turn back at any time.

"Mr. He, if you are not busy, let me tell you a story. It is very short about me and my illness."

Songran stretched out his hand, groped for the rabbit doll he gave to Bubu, and took it into his arms.Rabbits are fat and thick, with soft and warm fur, light chestnut, which can be mixed with raw brown and enough water, painted in a large area, or refined one by one with a No. 0 pen.

Color, shape, temperature, texture... He likes all sensual things, because it has nothing to do with numbers, so it is safe.

He hugged the rabbit doll tightly, until the numbers that invaded his mind were driven out by the patron saint, and then he whispered: "I have always wanted to find someone to talk to, but I can't find it. I don't have anyone close to me, I want to I want it, but I don't have it... It's been more than ten years, I can't forget it, and I can't cure it, if I don't say anything, I will be suffocated..."

He spoke slowly, with a light voice, not tearful, but like a layer of misty rain, which made people feel distressed.

He Zhiyuan really wanted to hug him and give him some tangible comfort other than words, but the distance was [-] kilometers, he couldn't do anything, he could only rely on his voice.

"Tell me, I'll listen." He Zhiyuan said, "Just pretend that I'm by your side and hug you from behind."

"it is good."

Song Ran nodded, folded her arms in front of her chest, caressed her shoulders, and gradually tightened them, as if she was really hugged from behind.