[Wen Ye] Ghosts and Notes

"Fetal Dream [-]"

——Do babies also have dreams about their own birth?

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The pattering raindrops fell on the street, covering the ground with a transparent film.The slightly moist air with the smell of earth infiltrated from the half-open door, stimulating people's senses.

"My wife is one of the most beauties on this street~" the middle-aged man holding the sushi said triumphantly.The creases on the face squeezed out due to obesity trembled up and down with the man's overly contrived movements.

After the low bragging of the middle-aged man subsided, a soft and slightly rising voice sounded just right, "Ah, that's really enviable." With a chuckle, he continued: "Mr. Hanoi, if you want to do it, It’s not impossible to achieve something big.”

The person who spoke just now was a boy who looked to be sixteen or seventeen years old.

The sideburns with slightly natural curls are obediently attached to both sides of the cheeks.Because of the rain just outside the house, the haggard gray hair, which seemed to have lost its vitality and faded, reflected a little bit of water under the warm yellow light.

There are also vague water droplets condensed from the water-absorbing and saturated hair ends, slowly dripping on the wooden floor, blurring the dark water stains.

He didn't seem to care about the miserable state of his body, picked up the water glass, and took a sip of the warm barley tea.Watching the figure of the boss carrying his back, the gentle smile on the boy's face disappeared instantly.Flatten the corners of the raised mouth, revealing a flat expression without any hint of joy or anger.

Women, money, and inexplicable vanity are all the obsessions of this man.

Well, it's ridiculous.It was this vanity that could not be let go that made the young self offend his boss, lose his job, and be reduced to the painful appearance he is today.

And the so-called "family harmony" in the other party's mouth does not know how much water is mixed-the aftertaste of alcohol and cigarettes can be faintly smelled from such a distance, and it also vaguely tells the man's use of alcohol to relieve his worries every night and rely on drunkenness to numb himself fact.

Admitting one's incompetence is really difficult for some people.

He mechanically picked up the sushi on the dinner plate, put it in his mouth, moved his teeth and chewed, and the fishy smell spread on the tip of his tongue.

Ah, it's too bad to eat.

Never had such bad sushi.

The moment I saw the empty dining table in the store before, I actually understood what it means for the customers to be cold.However, he still stepped into the store.

.......Why, probably holding some ridiculous hope, looking forward to something that breaks my concept and thinking.

What am I expecting?

He took out the wallet in his pocket, slowly opened it, and looked at the items inside.

Bank card, transportation card... Ah, is this a photo?

Pull out the photo in the clip pocket, and stare at the group photo of a man and a woman on it—the man and the woman in the photo are snuggling together with smiles on their faces, looking so happy.

Tilting his head, his white fingertips gently smoothed the corners and wrinkles of the paper, put the photo into the wallet, and pulled out the banknotes.

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"Tsushima-kun, come here often when you have time."

Smiling and saying goodbye to the middle-aged man, the boy called Tsushima waved his hand, turned around and sank into the heavy rain without hesitation.

Humming an out-of-tune ditty, he took out the wallet that was in his pocket before, and threw it away at the corner of a certain street.

Looking at the wallet soaked in water on the ground, he chuckled lightly.

Although they seem to be a warm couple, the relationship is not as good as before, and of course it may have become a thing of the past.

Want to ask why?It is very thought-provoking to store photos and cards together, instead of protecting them and putting them in business card holders alone.

Not throwing away the photo shows that I still have thoughts in my heart, but what is the use of this unstable longing.

——Why not cherish it?

The wind mixed with the rain slapped on the face, and the coldness climbed up the body along the exposed skin again.

The boy shook his body, playing hopscotch like a child, stepping lightly on the puddles accumulated on the ground.Watching the water splashes flying and flying in the air flying and falling, the corners of his mouth were raised happily.

Due to the heavy rain, the streets were already deserted, only the occasional vehicles roaming in the stagnant water, heading towards an unknown direction.

Shivering, he suddenly stopped walking aimlessly.The slightly hunched back gradually straightened, and he raised his head to stare at the gray sky covered with light mist.

The originally closed eyes slowly opened, revealing the pupils covered by eyelids.

The pure black obsidian-like eyes stared blankly at the rain-falling sky.Even though the rain slammed heavily on the fragile eyeballs, he did not blink.

It wasn't until the rainwater overflowed from the eye sockets and slid down the corners of the eyes that the boy reacted slowly and blinked belatedly.

The ink-like eyeballs are rolling - what kind of eyes are these.

There is no trace of temperature, from which I can't feel the freshness of the age group belonging to the appearance of a teenager. It is decayed, silent and lifeless like an old man who is about to die.

But it would be too arbitrary to say this, maybe he was still looking forward to something, or he was holding some hope, and he could vaguely glimpse the small faint light in his eyes, although this light gave people the feeling of being weak like a candle in the wind.

Death and life are perfectly intertwined, creating a strange and frightening atmosphere.

Just looking at this face, one will feel dragged into an abyss, and a complex and unknown emotion fills one's heart, making one feel uncomfortable.

It's so strange, even the exquisite appearance of the person in front of him can't conceal the indescribable weirdness - this is probably the inner thought of everyone who has seen this young man.

"Monster." The crisp voice echoed amidst the sound of rain.

"water."

"fetus."

"noise."

"asphyxia."

"warmth."

"Dream."

"..."

Mumbling some words of unknown meaning, Tsushima raised his arms, facing the sky, and made a slightly comical hugging motion.

The closed eyelids covered the uncomfortable eyes, hiding the inhuman aura of the gray-haired boy.

Immersed in his own thoughts, he showed a serene and comfortable expression.

Before the fetus is born, the period of time in the mother's body is probably the most comfortable and happy day in human life.

Protected, pampered, and given—in the womb, he became a high-sounding coward, dreaming his own sweet and illusory dream.

After an unknown amount of time, the raised hands hung down like puppets with broken strings, fitting to the sides of the body.Letting out a breath, the gray-haired boy lowered his head.

A little, a little sad.

It is not quite accurate to say that it is sad, but... as long as it is uncomfortable, all emotions can be classified into the category of "pain".

A corner of some kind of emotion quietly appeared in the chest cavity, which quickly inflated and filled the chest, oppressing the upper body.

Like a dehydrated and dried fish, turning his lips, the young man exhaled vigorously and tremblingly, as if doing so could relieve the pain in his heart.

Why is it hard, why is it scary, why is it sad, why is it so... lonely.

"I don't want to be born," murmured the baby.

Not being expected by anyone, living is a kind of pain, struggling to find the illusory meaning.What a waste to give life to a monster like me.

Obviously as long as you let go, just let go, it's as easy as pinching an eggshell - crushing a little bit, it's easy, isn't it?

Why, why do you still give this heavy life to me.

Reaching out to touch his chest, the gray-haired boy felt the slow beating of his heart under his palm.

The slender eyelashes, like gray feathers, trembled slightly.Letting out a mouthful of bad luck, despite the more violent raindrops hitting his cheeks, he slowly opened his mouth, as if to say something, facing his "new life"... crying silently.

——Ah, so what is the self who is out of the "womb" at this moment?

Is it a newborn who is about to enter the world and welcome life or...

There was no expectation in the first place, just a deformed ugly stillborn.

The author has something to say: the first time 2019.12.14 has been revised

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Tsushima is a pseudonym given to him by Disqualification in the World. After all, he introduced himself as "Hello, I am Disqualification in the World".

One thing to say, very silly.

Although Disqualification in the World is said to be Dazai Osamu's ability, it is not at all like Dazai Osamu (referring to personality).

But the essence of these two people is still quite...

The protagonist actually didn't want to be born (referring to becoming an independent body with different abilities), but in order to realize Dazai Osamu's wish, he had to hold his nose and live.

I cherish my life more than anyone else, and my slogan is to live every day jpg.

Although the heart that wants to live is true, the heart that does not want to live is also true (.

For disqualification in the world, he is just a "baby born forcibly", living under the weight of other people's expectations.

Clumsy imitation of other people's actions and language, trying to make themselves more "human".

Although he has gained life, he has no sense of reality, and he still excludes himself from human beings in his heart, observing the world from the inexplicable perspective of God.

The nagging, not sober Yazi, come here, let the filthy mouth stink sober up!