Comprehensive fear: This dog's life

My name is Suyuan, and I died on May [-], [-], at the age of eight.

I used to think that I would grow up happily like every ordinary girl, then marry someone I like, and have children for him, just like my mother.

But everything happened when I was eight years old, and my dream was shattered.

I don't know why this happened, and when everything happened, I often wondered if I hadn't had a fight with my mother that day, everything would have never happened.

I have walked that road many, many times. I have always obeyed my mother obediently and never walked an unsafe path, but why would I encounter danger even on a safe road.

It hurts, I've never been in pain like that, even the last time I knocked over the water bottle because I was disobedient, it didn't hurt like now, I lay on the cold ground, watching the uncle sway away The figure of the past, the world in front of her was buried in blood, uncle, what did Suyuan do wrong?Why are you doing this to Sowon?Sowon really hurts, hurts, hurts...

I never know what death is, is it like grandma, lying in a cold coffin, never opening my eyes, never touching my head and calling me darling, but lying on the hospital bed I'm still talking to my mother, if she is Suyuan, then who am I?

Everyone couldn't see me, as if I was something that didn't exist. The nurse and aunt passed through my body, and my parents couldn't see me either. No matter how I shouted, they couldn't hear me.

Suyuan is so scared, Mom and Dad, why don't you come to protect Suyuan?

There is nothing difficult in this world. I slowly accepted my current state, and I also accepted the me lying on the hospital bed with my body.

I know that the person in my body is not actually me, because she is much stronger than me.

My body was so seriously injured, she never showed the slightest bit in front of my parents, only when people couldn't see her, she convulsed in pain, biting the quilt tightly with her teeth, and didn't make a cry of pain.

I know how much it hurts, I feel sorry for her, I try to wipe away her tears, but the transparent fingers will always penetrate the body.

I can't touch her.

My mother said that people will become elves after death, so I have become an elf now.But why don't I feel sad, but feel a little ecstasy instead?Is it because you don't have to face the various eyes of those people, or because you don't have to face the discrimination that your friends may have.

I don't know, I think I'm bad, I let that irrelevant person bear the suffering that should be borne by myself.

Mom and Dad, has Suyuan really gone bad?

I used to think that my parents didn't love me, because my father never bought me the roasted chicken legs that I like to eat, and my mother would often forget to braid me, but now I have become a ghost, but I can see things that I couldn't see before matter.

The father who never shed tears cried in despair, and the weak mother showed a strong side. When she took care of my body, she always had a smile on her face, but I saw the mother who came out of the ward, leaning against the wall Weeping silently.

I stood beside my mother, even though she couldn't see or hear, I still told her over and over again: "Mom, don't cry, Suyuan is fine, really."

My mother's tears passed through my transparent palm and fell to the ground. I stared blankly at the pool of water stains on the ground, and couldn't help but burst into tears.

*********

I went to see the uncle who hurt me, and saw him go through the torture that I had suffered. I couldn't tell what I felt at that time, but I just thought that it would be good if he continued to suffer like this for the rest of his life.

People can't see me, I can go to places I wanted to go but couldn't go, in the playground, I can play all kinds of amusement facilities wantonly, I went to the aquarium, went to the zoo, went to the past All the places I want to go.

But in the end, I went back to my parents, even if they couldn't see me, even if they couldn't hear me, I wanted to be with them.

My injury was almost healed, my parents took her home together, and when I saw the notes pasted on the glass window, I cried,

My dear friends, it's good that you don't hate me.

I saw Rong Zhi, who I used to secretly like, come out of the corner. He was lingering at the door, but he didn't dare to approach. I saw him crying and telling his father that it was all his fault. He said that he planned to be with me that day. In school, he said that if he was there that day, I would not have encountered such a thing.

That chubby kid, even if his father hit him with the sole of his shoe, he was so stubborn that he never cried. In front of my father, he cried so hard that he couldn't make a sound.

Rongzhi, why would Suyuan blame you, it's okay, it's okay, don't cry, okay?

I silently watched Rong Zhi's figure disappear at the end of the alley, my dear boy, I will never be able to express my heart to you.

****

My mother's belly became bigger. Before I knew it, my mother was pregnant with a baby. Am I going to have a little brother?

My mother fell asleep, and I stretched out my transparent hand to touch her belly carefully, as if I could feel the exuberant vitality of the little life inside.

When the first snow fell, my younger brother was born, such a small soft ball, very cute in appearance, my father carefully carried him to my mother, and I also came up to see that, when she stretched out When I gently touched my younger brother's tender skin with my index finger, I really wanted to feel the smooth touch. I saw her bright smiling face, and the joy radiated from the bottom of my heart. She was really happy that my younger brother came.

I have a new joy, standing in front of my brother every day, as long as I look at him, I will feel happy.

My younger brother grows up day by day, he can laugh, turn over, sit, crawl...

I am very happy, but sometimes I feel sad when I look at my younger brother's sleeping face. As an older sister, I will never be able to hug him, even just once.

Am I asking for too much, to be able to silently watch my younger brother grow up, and watch my parents live happily and beautifully, which is actually quite good.

****

Fifteen years have passed by in a flash. I never knew that time could pass so fast. My younger brother has grown into a handsome boy, my parents have grown old, and I have gray hair on my head. , Has become a well-known lawyer in the country.

The only thing that hasn't changed is probably me. I still maintain the same appearance as before, time seems to have frozen on me, and I still stay in the same way as when I was eight years old.

That I am very good, she is the best lawyer in the country, she helped many children like me, and sent all those sinners to prison, just like sending that uncle to prison back then.

I don’t know when, a trace of resentment rose from the bottom of my heart. It’s my body, why can she live in the sun openly and enjoy the love of my parents, but I didn’t even say a word to them There is a way to do it, obviously I am Suyuan, right?

This idea is like a poisonous snake coiled in my heart, biting my nerves all the time, and then one day, when I found the black mist wrapped around my body, I suddenly realized that I would have such a terrible idea, if It's fine without her, why do I think so?Why do I become so vicious?Who will tell me...

*****

Mom and Dad are going back to my grandmother's house to celebrate her birthday. I stood at the door and watched that familiar yet unfamiliar figure walking towards me. In a daze, I seemed to have returned to that day more than ten years ago. At that time, I was devastated and devout. I wish God nothing but anything to get me out of this pain...  

It was my choice and God answered my desire.

I smiled in relief, letting the body that I had given up pass through me.

I finally mustered up the courage to face her who I had deliberately ignored for more than ten years. Only then did I realize how great the things she did were.

Those children who have been violated, their pain can only be understood by those who have experienced it, and she empathizes with their pain and despair.

I saw her cruel side, torturing the principal who was the culprit to death, and I saw her righteous side, arguing in court and sending all those who committed serious crimes to prison.

All the perpetrators fell into the legal net, and the charity school for the deaf who was not managed by anyone became a hot potato, but she stepped forward at this time and took over the mess.

She is the best lawyer and the best principal. She strictly controls and selects caring and patient teachers to teach those children. She invites well-known psychology professors to help those traumatized children get out of school. pain.

She has done many things, and she has really fulfilled what she promised to let these disabled children grow up healthily, without discrimination or harm.

Looking at those children who had the same experience as me, with her help, they got out of the difficulties and faced life. Those sufferings still exist, but they don’t care anymore. They use their abilities to help more people like me. Children like them, free those children's lives from darkness.

What is the meaning of life?That's what I've always wanted to know but never understood, and now I finally do.

She taught me.

We have come to this world and experienced many sufferings. We must believe that all sufferings will eventually pass and a bright future will eventually come.

When that me was getting old, I walked up to her, just like the first time, looking at her quietly.

"Thank you." I said.

Her bright eyes have become cloudy, but those eyes are still as clear as when they first met.

"You're welcome," she said.