i have a chromosome want to meet you

Chu Xiuyuan went back to school and took a deep sleep. Too many things happened in the past 24 hours. He was exhausted but energetic. He was more frightened than any bungee jump he had jumped. From the clouds to the abyss, the sky The ground collapsed, but the dawn was seen from the abyss.

Taking off all the shackles and burdens, cutting himself open in the most honest and naked state, cutting open the true self, he lay on the bed, never felt so relaxed and unfettered.

Although he has a heavy responsibility on him, although he is still touching himself at the bottom of the abyss who may never have been liked by Song Yu, but he knows that he has become different.He can finally treat that family with peace of mind, and look at everything his father and mother have done with peace of mind. He will have a new life.

Two days later, my father saw that my mother's condition was stable and she was in a good mood. The most important thing was to rest for two days and prepare for the two-week war of resistance. He called Chu Xiuyuan, and Chu Xiuyuan rushed back without saying a word.When he came to the door, he took out the key, but found that the keyhole could not be aligned no matter what, he was nervous.

Taking a deep breath, holding his right hand with his left hand, the door suddenly opened.

Chu Xiuyuan took a step back, and seeing his mother's happy eyes, he was pleasantly surprised to hand him the slippers.

Chu Xiuyuan took off his shoes while stepping on his heels, and took the slippers: "I'm back."

After changing the shoes, mother dragged Chu Xiuyuan to the bedroom: "Your father said that you will come back today, and I have prepared many gifts for you!"

Chu Xiuyuan followed and walked to the bed. There was a row of photos on the bed, and upon closer inspection, they were all photos of blind dates.

"mom……"

"How is it? I printed it out from WeChat." My mother picked up one expectantly, "Look at this girl, her family is full of intellectuals, with a scholarly background, and her family conditions are similar to ours. She has two suites. ..."

"Mom..." Chu Xiuyuan pressed the photo and interrupted his mother, "What do you think a happy marriage looks like?"

Mom was a little confused: "Why do you ask this?"

"I have a secret to tell you. Before that, I want to judge whether I can tell you the secret."

Hearing the secret, the mother was curious: "Is there any secret that the mother cannot know?"

"I have a standard in my heart. If our ideas and perceptions differ too much, I will choose not to tell you for the sake of us not having disputes."

"Take my appetite..." Mom muttered twice.

Chu Xiuyuan looked at his mother with a smile, a little badly: "Want to hear, my secret."

How could my mother not want to hear it? That mysterious secret hit my mother's weakness.

"So what do you think a happy marriage looks like?"

Mom thought for a while: "The family is harmonious, the husband and wife are loving, and the children and grandchildren are filial."

"What about the Dinke people? They won't have filial offspring. Wouldn't their marriage be happy?"

"Huh?" Mom was stopped by the question, she tilted her head and thought for two seconds, then asked nervously, "You don't mean to tell me that you want to be a DINK, do you..."

Chu Xiuyuan pretended to be disappointed and sighed: "Forget the secret I said, I'll help Dad."

"Wait, wait!" Mom held Chu Xiuyuan back, "I'll think about it, I'll think about it again."

Chu Xiuyuan stopped and said, "Suppose you are with Dad, but you are unable to conceive due to physical reasons, and you can't raise children, but Dad will never leave you and block the pressure from the family for you. You don’t have any children for the elderly, but you and your father travel around the world together, and he will be with you until the end of your life. Do you think such a marriage is happy?”

Mom was stunned, looked at Chu Xiuyuan, glanced away and thought about Dad, opened her eyes wide and looked at Chu Xiuyuan again, nodded: "Happiness."

"I also feel happy. Because you have dad, and dad also owns you." Chu Xiuyuan smiled, "But if it wasn't dad who accompanied you around the world, would you still feel happy?"

Mom shook her head: "Your dad and I have been together for so many years..."

"Then if you knew that you were infertile, would you still agree to Dad's marriage proposal?"

Mom opened her mouth to say yes, but she only took a breath of air. She tried hard to think, her brows furrowed, and she couldn't answer anything in the end.It was a very simple question, but she couldn't get an answer: "I don't know, I want to agree, but I'm afraid of delaying him..."

Chu Xiuyuan turned around, heaved a sigh of relief, and showed a very faint smile, sat down by the bed, swept through the photos on the bed, and looked up at his mother: "My secret is, I can't delay these girls, Because I have a person in my heart, just like you have a father in your heart."

Mom was stunned: "Do you have... someone you like?"

"Yes." Firmly.

"Ah." Mom patted her forehead, and only now remembered that Chu Xiuyuan seemed to have said that he had a sweetheart a long time ago.

Chu Xiuyuan smiled: "Mom, let me tell you a story."

Mother nodded ignorantly, and sat down beside Chu Xiuyuan: "Okay."

"my story."

Mom laughed: "Do you have any stories that Mom doesn't know?"

Chu Xiuyuan's hand on the bed slowly grasped the quilt tightly. He recalled the night he and his father watched the moon together, and then slowly let go: "In my life, I have two obsessions, but I give up one of them."

Mom suddenly wrung her hands nervously: "Why? Where did you give up..."

"I gave up my dream."

Mother pinched her fingers repeatedly, and Chu Xiuyuan reached out and patted the back of her hand twice: "Do you remember that I wrote a composition when I was in elementary school?"

Mom shook her head nervously.

Chu Xiuyuan said: "It's called my dream."

Mother is much more sensitive than father, and her emotions are too delicate. Chu Xiuyuan said it very seriously. When he told his mother that he didn't know how to explain to his friends that he couldn't become a doctor, and didn't know how to explain to Zhu Zhao why he went to the public health to report, When he labeled himself "Three No People", with no goals, no ideals, and no visions, his mother sat stiffly by the bed, unable to pull a smile anymore.

"I have no way to tell them that my dream is dead. I can't say it. It seems that if I don't say it, I'm still alive."

"I learned that summer, what means that some people are alive, he is already dead."

Mom's lips trembled, but she seemed to be frightened by Chu Xiuyuan, and she couldn't say a word.

"That summer, I discovered that I could not have any nostalgia for this world. I couldn't find a place to hold me, I couldn't find a place where I could exist, I couldn't even exist in this home, I couldn't exist in the future I envisioned Even in my fantasies, there is no place for me. The only reason I am still breathing air is that I love you all." Chu Xiuyuan smiled wryly again, "You said you were afraid of accidents and my death , but mother, tell me, am I still alive?"

Two lines of tears flashed across the mother's trembling lips. Chu Xiuyuan couldn't tell whether it was regret or self-blame, sadness or pain, but he knew that his mother could not cry, choked up over and over again, repeated many times, Chu Xiu Only then did I hear my mother saying: "Don't be like this...don't be like this...I beg you don't be like this..."

It was an ordeal.

Dreams, life, value and meaning of existence.

Did everything she thought was good for Chu Xiuyuan end up hurting him?

The collision of her uncontrollable thoughts and Chu Xiuyuan's dream that was crushed by her own hands smashed her to pieces. Suddenly, she cried in pain and fell to the ground, leaning against the edge of the bed, hugging herself tightly, the broken cry Overflowing from the knees, intermittently, it seems that even the breathing is no longer coherent.

Chu Xiuyuan didn't know what his mother was thinking at this time, but only knew that her mother's crying was mixed with intense struggles. She was entangled with the stubborn rock in her mind, pierced by the bull's horn with her whole body, and her life And alive, how to choose.

Chu Xiuyuan helped his mother up, hugged her and patted her lightly twice: "Mom, I don't hate you, because I have found a new goal."

"Really...Really?" Mom seemed to have grasped the straw.

"If at the last moment of my life, I can't fight in the consulting room or die in the hospital, then I want to die in his arms." Chu Xiuyuan lowered his head and closed his eyes, imagining a bit, then chuckled, "Dead In his arms, holding his hand and telling him, I've lived my life."

"This is my new goal." Chu Xiuyuan asked solemnly, "Mom, can you let me live once?"

Mom was dumbfounded, and nodded after a while.

Chu Xiuyuan said again: "I like him, but he is a boy."

"Male, boy?" Mom hadn't recovered from the first blow, and her face turned pale in an instant, "No..." But the word "no" was only half pronounced, and couldn't continue.

Chu Xiuyuan: "Do you still remember what you said just now, what kind of marriage can be happy?"

Mother was stiff and unable to give Chu Xiuyuan a reply, even nodding and shaking her head.

"You said that your happiness is your father. He walked into your life. Even if you don't have children to take care of you, but you own him, he also owns you. You can travel around the world until the end of your life." Chu Xiuyuan bowed his head and squeezed Smile uglier than crying, "I don't want to travel alone."

Mom's "no" can't be said anymore.

"I can give up being a doctor for you, but I can't give up him for you." Chu Xiuyuan held his breath, "I have already buried my dream in that summer with my own hands, and I don't want to bury the proof of my life with my own hands again , I am not as strong as you imagined, and I am also a high-risk group for depression, I can't bear the third world collapse."

Mom's clenched hands suddenly trembled.

"Before I met him, my life was just for you, but after I met him, I want to live for myself." Chu Xiuyuan's voice was so gentle, "Mom, I can live like myself ."

Mother looked at her hands stiffly, and then at Chu Xiuyuan stiffly, those gentle words poked blood holes in her body, it hurt, I couldn't tell where it hurt, my whole body hurt.The suppressed emotions suddenly collapsed, and my mother started to call out my father's name with a choked up sob. The voice went from small to loud, and finally almost hysterical.

Dad stumbled into the room, hugged mother into his arms, and drove Chu Xiuyuan out of the bedroom with a wink.

That night, Chu Xiuyuan didn't stay for dinner.

Two days later, father tiredly called and told Chu Xiuyuan that mother was still ill.

She used to think that for the sake of the child's life and future happiness, it was nothing to make decisions for him and change his will, but now she realized that it wasn't just Chu Xiuyuan's dream that she had destroyed.

But she still couldn't get out of that dead end.Intertwined with deep self-blame and stubborn thoughts, she collapsed.

Dad took two weeks off, took my mother to see a doctor, accompanied my mother insomnia, and listened to my mother asking him over and over again if I did nothing wrong.Until No. 14 days, my mother came out of the consulting room and fell into my father's arms crying.

"The doctor said it was all my fault...it was all my fault..."

Dad hugged his mother tightly and sighed: "It's indeed your fault."

Mom suddenly stiffened her shoulders.

On the way home, my mother was so depressed that she didn't say a word. After returning home, she just sat on the sofa in a daze.That night, Mom lay in bed with her eyes open until Dad woke up in the morning and asked him, "Am I a good mom?"

Dad tossed and turned on the bed, rubbing his eyelids that were still glued together.

"Am I a good mother?" Mom asked again.

"you are not."

Mom covered her eyes, and Dad heard the forbearance of crying.

"But you can be a good mother in the future, starting today."

Mom didn't speak.

Dad got up and gently stroked Mom's soft hair: "He has grown up and knows what he wants. He is so stubborn, even if you force him to marry a woman, he will not have children, and he did it after we died The first thing, must be a divorce. I don't want us to leave him a legacy of a broken home and a lonely him when he gets old."

Mom suddenly choked up, she thought of Chu Xiuyuan begging her with a wry smile that day, I don't want to travel alone, only then did she realize that there are so many unfinished words behind her.It turned out that I didn't know him at all.

"I'm not a good mother..." Mom finally broke down in tears, "I'm not a good mother..."

Dad hugged his mother's shoulder tightly: "I'll call him back, and be a good mother from now on."

Mom cried for a long time, and finally nodded slightly in Dad's arms.