sleep in your heart

You Zeyi can't remember where he heard that sentence, it means that memories are sometimes beautiful, but sometimes they are also very hurtful.

When he walked back with Zheng Zhi in a circle, he saw Zhou Tong sitting behind the basketball hoop smoking a cigarette.

When the two of them approached him, it started to snow.

"Let's go?" Zhou Tong asked.

You Zeyi hesitated for a moment, and asked him, "You don't want to go shopping?"

Zhou Tong forced a smile: "You two are a young couple who came back to find memories. Why do I go shopping? This couple doesn't mean much to me."

He raised his eyebrows with a playful smile: "After all, my wife and I have never been classmates."

Zheng Zhi patted him in disgust: "Okay, don't be poor, let's go."

The three of them walked outside the school, and when they reached the gate, Zhou Tong still looked back.

He didn't lie, this place was not as meaningful to him as Zheng Zhi and You Zeyi, it was his alma mater, yes, he also loved his alma mater, but he didn't have much love for his alma mater.

But now there was, and he had to untie it.

Zhou Tong drove Zheng Zhi and You Zeyi to the cemetery in the north of the city. Along the way, the snow fell more and more, and he didn't know if this was the first snow in his hometown this winter.

As soon as You Ze looked out of the window, he felt that the snow scene was very beautiful. He liked snow days very much, and felt that no matter how noisy the city was in snow days, it would become silent, as if all the complicated things in the world had been buried.

He also felt that the snow might be for them, and Ning Lu knew that they had come to see him, so he regarded the snow as a gift that he hadn't seen for a long time.

After all, they didn't have a deep relationship in middle school, but perhaps because they were the same kind, Ning Lu put a lot of emotion on him.

At that time, You Ze was still not sure about himself, but Ning Lu had already helped him make sure.

In the last letter Ning Lu wrote to him, Ning Lu said: Can you understand me?Can you understand why I have to leave?Can you imagine the feeling of being despised by others every day, and living in ridicule and contempt?Not one or two people are like that to me, but most of them.If it was an individual who hurt me, I could still fight back, but just after I punched me, I was hit in the back.In this prosperous land, there is no place where I can live for a moment.

When You Zeyi first read this passage, he felt a heart-wrenching pain.

Of course he understood, and Ning Lu must have told him because he understood.

However, he was luckier than Ning Lu.

Braving the snow, they arrived at the cemetery.

Zhou Tong asked the two of them to go first and find a parking place by himself.

Zheng Zhi originally wanted to wait for him, but was dragged away by You Ze.

"Let's go together later."

"Farewell," You Zeyi said, "Let's go first."

The two found a flower shop and bought a bouquet of white chrysanthemums. You Zeyi searched for a long time based on his memory before finding Ning Lu's tombstone.

The photo on the tombstone was pasted on the student ID card when Ninglu was in middle school. It has a nice smile and a pair of dimples.

Someone told You Zeyi before that people with pear dimples have a sweet life, because when they are unhappy, they can smile at themselves and become in a good mood.

However, Ning Lu failed to save himself.

Now, looking at the sweet smile on the photo, You Zeyi actually felt a sense of sadness.

"The letter he wrote to me is still at home." You Zeyi said, "I never dare to read it again."

Zheng Zhi held his hand and didn't speak.

At school, Ning Lu did have contact with them a few times, but Zheng Zhi really didn't have much impression of him. Looking back now, he was a living person at that time, and when he met again, he turned into a cold grave. Can't help but sigh.

"I actually really hate it," You Zeyi looked at the photo on the tombstone and said blankly, "It was everyone who drove him to death together."

"He's actually not having a good life at all, but no one can listen to him about the things that are pressing in his heart. It's like pouring water into a container. Those foul language and obscene injuries are poured into his body like water. In the end, The water was full, and he drowned to death." You Zeyi said, "I especially hate those people who bullied him because of his sexual orientation, because they are different from them, so they have to be ridiculed and humiliated, they are all teenagers How can your students be so vicious?"

Zheng Zhi remembered the time when You Zeyi was subjected to campus violence, he and Zhou Tong tried their best to protect him, but he still suffered a lot of injuries.

And what about Ning Lu?No one ever helped him.

"I can't imagine what he went through," You Ze turned to look at Zheng Zhi, "I feel very despicable."

Zheng Zhi looked at him puzzled.

"Sometimes I'm actually glad that you were on my side at that time."

"you know?"

You Ze smiled: "Your confidentiality measures are not good."

Having said that, You Zeyi has to admit that although he has encountered too many desperate things in the past twenty years, he is always lucky because, every time, someone pulls him out of the abyss.

"Hi."

You Zeyi and Zheng Zhiwen turned their heads and saw Zhou Tong walking over with a large bouquet of white roses.

Zhou Tong rubbed his nose and said, "There are no other flowers."

You Ze smiled, pulled Zheng Zhi's hand and said, "Let's go for a stroll and let them talk alone."

Zheng Zhi felt intimidated by his words, and complained while being dragged away: "What is there to do in the cemetery?"

You Zeyi pulled him to walk a few steps quickly, and said in a low voice, "Don't tell me you don't know, Ning Lu has always secretly liked Zhou Tong."

Zheng Zhi really didn't know, it took him a while to react, and then he muttered, "You said it was secretly, how could I know?"

"The reaction is too slow." You Ze smiled at him, "Zhou Tong knows it all."

"It's not unusual for him to know. I don't know because my mind was on you at the time."

After what he said, You Zeyi was shy, let go of his hand, and walked outside quickly.

"By the way," Zheng Zhi caught up to him and asked, "Do you want to just visit your mother?"

You Ze paused for a moment, then pursed his lips, and looked back at Zheng Zhi who was standing in the snow: "She wasn't buried here."

"Then at home?"

You Ze nodded: "In my hometown, there is no cemetery yet."

Zheng Zhi probably understood what he meant, walked over, and walked forward with his arms in his arms: "There will be."

The snow is still falling, and a thick layer has already accumulated on the tombstone.

Zhou Tong put down the bouquet of white roses, walked over, and brushed off the snow from the tombstone with his hands.

He walked back and stood in front of Ning Lu.

He lied just now, he chose the white rose himself, he just thought that Ning Lu would definitely like it.

In fact, Zhou Tong couldn't remember when he first noticed Ning Lu, nor did he remember what the first sentence he said to him, let alone when he found out that the other party might be interested in him. interesting.

Zhou Tong has never had any strange feelings towards the same sex, he only focuses on beautiful girls.

In retrospect, what impressed Ning Lu the most was that almost all the students around him, especially boys, liked to use him as a joke to amuse them. There were also a few times when school was over at night and the campus was very dark. Ning Lu was dragged under a tree Bullying, only he went to help Ning Lu out of the siege.

Zhou Tong never cared about those gossips, so even though he knew that provoking Shang Ning Lu might cause him to fall into a storm of public opinion, he still helped him every time he saw it.

He thought, perhaps it was because of this that Ning Lu fell in love with him.

"Are you cold?" Zhou Tong looked at the person in the photo and said such a sentence in a daze. After speaking, he smiled.

"This place should be cold in winter and hot in summer," Zhou Tong said, "You too, why..."

He didn't know what to say anymore, as if everything he said was wrong.

"Actually, you're pretty good." When Zhou Tong spoke, he spit out a cloud of white mist, making him unable to see the world in front of him clearly. "Really. It's a pity that I didn't talk to you much at that time."

A long time ago, Zhou Tong was dragged by He Ye to take a philosophy class in the Faculty of Arts. At that time, a student asked a question, whether death is more painful or life is more painful.

At that time, Zhou Tong scoffed at this kind of question, and he took it for granted that it was death.

At the moment of death, everything perishes.

But now, he suddenly felt that perhaps for some people, living was like being in hell, and death was the real release.

There are too many demons and ghosts in this world, like Ning Lu, who has been haunted by evil spirits and swallowed by nightmares, death is his only way out.

Of course, if possible, Zhou Tong really wants to go back in time and try to see if he has the ability to save him.

Zhou Tong is not a bad person, but he thinks that Ning Lu has done nothing wrong from the beginning, who has not made mistakes, why should he be treated like this?

At that time, none of them knew the truth behind Ning Lu's so-called "suspension from school". It was really cruel. They couldn't imagine that a boy who was their same age and talked with them a while ago would be buried in the ground like this.

Zhou Tong didn't know how Ning Lu ended his life, he didn't ask You Zeyi, and the other party didn't say anything.

Not knowing is better, less helpless.

Snow fell on the two bunches of flowers, a bunch of white chrysanthemums and a bunch of white roses.

The person who slept here, the last person he loved before he died, finally came to his grave, and after waiting for many years, he finally had the rose he sent.

Maybe the love when I was young was more about the worship of the strong, but no matter what, it has never faded.

Always remember, there will be reverberations.

After waiting for so long, Ning Lu could finally continue to sleep peacefully.

When leaving, Zhou Tong remembered that he accompanied He Ye in the library when he was in college, and accidentally saw a post-it note pasted on the water tank of the water heater.

On the note is a poem.

"Like the world doesn't keep him

He won't stay in the world anymore

this unwelcome visitor

will eventually abandon the original

lost dream

make a heavenly

tramp"

Ning Lu wandered in the sky.

Zhou Tong stepped on the snow, hoping that his world over there would be better.