long friend

"She has been waiting for you for so long, do you have the heart?!...Have you fulfilled your responsibilities as a husband? You refused to see her the last time she left—why didn't you just die at Yanmen Pass!?"

Li Xu's fists fell on Su Yan like a shower, mixed with his unreasonable curses.

He could easily push Li Xu away, but Su Yan didn't hide, and let him drag him by his collar into the courtyard door, and then beat him up indiscriminately.

After all, my brother-in-law is an adult man, and his strength is not small under the extreme grief. Su Yan was beaten by him until he groaned a few times, but he swallowed it back and continued to bear it.It wasn't until Li Xu punched him in the abdomen, but was blocked by Su Yan's light armor, that he stopped venting like crazy.

"You...you're sorry for her! How could I miss it and let her marry you!" Li Xuhong said with eyes, his hands were sore and painful, and the eyes he looked at Su Yan almost wanted to tear the person in front of him into pieces. part.

Su Yan looked at him calmly, turned his head and spat out a mouthful of blood—he had just been punched in the face by Li Xu, and accidentally bit his own tongue—and said as if he didn't feel any pain at all: "Is that enough?" ?”

Li Xu was at a loss for words, and the people who tried to persuade the fight just came back to their senses and quickly pulled them away.

Su Yan took off his cloak and threw it to a servant. His eyes were red and his lips were so dry that they hadn't rested for several days: "If it's not enough, continue."

Li Xu: "..."

Su Yan wiped off the blood on his lips with his thumb indifferently: "I rushed back from Youzhou all the way without sleep, and now I don't have any energy and I'm in a bad mood. You are Rongniang's brother. If you still want to fight, look at her." I don't care about your face, I just have some words - I died in Yanmen, can Rong Niang come back?"

He hadn't drank water for a long time, and his voice was extremely hoarse.

After staying on the battlefield for almost two years, and hanging out with big men and rough guys all day long, Su Yan's life should be as casual as possible.Now life, death, and pain are commonplace for Su Yan, easily obliterating the youth's last high spirits and the rules that have been bound by etiquette for more than ten years, and replacing them with hostility.

Su Yan's coercion when he spoke was tinged with blood, which made people feel that he was about to draw his sword in the next moment.The ruthlessness honed from outside the gate of hell is no match for the soft-spoken literati in Jinling City.

Li Xu, who was rarely unreasonable, was frightened by him for a moment, Su Yan threw a ferocious look over him, and he shut up knowingly.

After finishing Li Xu, Su Yan turned his head and walked to his room. Behind him, Li Xu muttered in a low voice: "What's his attitude?!"

With the bustle and bustle outside, he fell headlong on the bed, smelling the peculiar smell of the bedding room that hadn't been cleaned for a long time.

Suddenly, Su Yan was wrapped in layers of emotions called discomfort.He's finally home, not triumphantly or on a shift break, but stuck at such a sad time.

The white lanterns hanging outside the gate of the Hou Mansion, Su Yan was a child when he saw them hanging there last time, his height was half shorter than now, and he heard Mrs. Cao cry for no reason.It wasn't until a month later that he knew that his brother would not be coming back.

Then it was Ran Qiu, who heard the news of his death very suddenly, without even mentally preparing for it, the figure galloping away under the setting sun that year became a farewell.

There are also those soldiers of the Xiaoqiguard who get along day and night. On the night of the full [-]th lunar month, everyone sits by the bonfire to miss their relatives at home, and vows with great enthusiasm to show Turks a good look.Later, after one battle after another, he found more and more familiar names on the stone tablet of Yanshan Green Tomb.

Farewell is no longer difficult for him to face.

So Su Yan accepted it very quickly - from now on, Li Rong would never ask him again, and it was impossible to ask him if he wanted to eat plums.

Su Yan sniffed, feeling tired from the complicated emotions, and his eyelids drooped heavily.

He was really tired, not only because he didn't see Li Rong for the last time when he left, but also because of the innumerable pressure, those responsibilities that Su Yan carried on his shoulders invisibly, were about to crush him in the wind and sand at Yanmen Pass .Li Rong's departure was the last straw, he put it lightly, and Su Yan immediately collapsed.

Chaotic dreams take turns, painting boats on the Qinhuai River to listen to the rain sleep, geese returning from Yanmen Pass to Hu Tian, ​​fleeting but carefree youth, and the boundless loneliness of guarding a lonely city.

The flowing water in Qixia Mountain is gurgling, and unknown wild flowers are blooming all over the mountains and plains. On the stone by the stream, someone is holding a bamboo leaf and blowing a ditty tune with incomplete tune; The singing of the board spread far behind thousands of miles of yellow clouds...

The flowers at home are all withered, Li Rong... Li Rong ate plums and asked him if he wanted something sweet.

Su Yan lowered his head and took the plum. When he raised his head, the scene suddenly changed, and the person opposite him suddenly became Xiao Qichen.There was a painting hanging behind them, and Mo Mei was so freehand that there were only a few black spots left.Su Yan didn't notice the abnormality at all, and stuffed the plums into his mouth, the sweet taste was bitter.

They seemed to be talking about something interesting, Su Yan smiled slightly, and then Xiao Qichen leaned over, his naturally sloppy mouth made him look carefree at all times.His eyes are bright, and the mole is red——

Then kissed his lips softly.

When he closed his eyes, the eyelashes swept across Su Yan's eyelids, and there was a heart-pounding itching.He was about to instinctively hug the person in front of him, when he felt a sudden pain in his back, and at some point he was on the battlefield, and a feathered arrow shot out from his heart.

Su Yan woke up in a cold sweat.

This dream was so weird that Su Yan didn't know where to start to tremble with fear.

He sat up, head swollen.He opened his collar slightly, because the sweaty shirt stuck to his back, the light armor pressed his waist sorely, and the improper sleeping position made his whole right arm go numb.

Sitting on the side of the couch, before dawn, Su Yan went to the window to blow a breeze. It was already August, and the wind was still not cold.

He rubbed his temples, stood quietly in the room, and silently took off the light armor that had restrained him for three days.Su Yan opened the cabinet and picked out a black singlet from among all the clothes.

The courtyard was quiet all around, all the windows were dark, there were no lights or human voices.The long and ethereal voice of the watchman on the street came, and it was only five watch.

When Su Yan walked into the courtyard, he stood still under the apricot tree, silently raised his head and stared at a yellow leaf that was about to fall, and the dew soon covered his body.Su Yan suddenly had a splitting headache and was surrounded by the flowers and plants arranged by Li Rong in the courtyard. With drooping eyelids, Su Yan thought, "What else... what else can I do?"

He couldn't figure out why, and when the gray light lit up on the horizon, Su Yan straightened up and limped towards the backyard.Li Rong's first seven days have not yet arrived, and there is no funeral for now, so I can still see her.

The rest of the objects in the room were cleared away, the faint candlelight illuminated the words on the memorial tablet, and the coffin was placed in the middle.

Su Yan walked over, caressed the cold coffin, moved his lips, and finally said: "...I'm sorry."

He wanted to say a lot, such as "It's my fault", such as "I'm not good enough for you", but Su Yan's breathing rose and fell, and no word escaped from his lips.

He heard the hustle and bustle of people in the courtyard, and the others got up and went about their business, and it wasn't long before one of them would be here.He wanted to have a few more words with Li Rong, but when he was alive, there was nothing to talk about, and after he was gone, he didn't know what else to say to make Li Rong, who hadn't gone far, happy.

Su Yan stared at the coffin for a long time, and finally gave Li Rong a promise softly.

The smoke from that stick of incense floated straight up, as if it was a response heard by the soul, and the green smoke turned a corner in the middle.

When Su Yan came out of the room where the coffin was parked, he had collected his emotions and walked towards the Buddhist hall with his head down.

"...Ayan?"

When the voice came out, it just coincided with the name in the dream, and Su Yan turned around in disbelief.

Xiao Qichen stood in the corridor, dressed in plain white, obviously coming to attend the funeral.When he saw him turning back, Xiao Qichen's brows slightly relaxed, and then he smiled at him very lightly, and said cautiously: "Are you back?"

They haven't seen each other for so long that Su Yan can't remember the last time he and Xiao Qichen lived under the same roof so calmly.Xiao Qichen seemed to have grown in stature, and his body, which always looked weak, had also been straightened a lot. When he was standing there like this, he did not know when he got rid of the green onion in the past, and looked like a calm adult.

The tear mole was too eye-catching, Su Yan stared at it, and saw it getting closer, only to regain his senses in shock.

And Xiao Qichen was already standing in front of him, with deep sadness in his eyes, before Su Yan could respond to the previous sentence, he said first: "Rong Niang...she left at dawn on the fourth day of the lunar new year, she told me she didn't blame you, she knew you suffering."

He distorted Li Rong's words lightly, so that Su Yan wouldn't listen and think wildly.Sure enough, this trick worked, Su Yan nodded blankly: "You..."

"I heard that you were beaten by Secretary Cheng in front of everyone?" Xiao Qichen touched his nose and said, "That's good, at least I don't have to blame myself."

Su Yan: "I..."

Xiao Qichen interrupted him quickly, as if he would feel ashamed when Su Yan spoke: "Death is like a lamp going out, and you don't have to take any grievances and grievances behind you. Rong Niang also meant the same thing, so please forgive me."

Seeing that he was still going on, Su Yan felt an indescribable irritability in his heart.He had already passed through the difficult hurdles, but Xiao Qichen said that he was filled with sorrow again - human nature is sometimes very strange, when he has clearly passed the difficulties, when everyone comes to say "sorry" to him, it seems that it is more difficult to accept The truth is even more irritating.

In this contradictory mood, he took a step forward, not even knowing how sad his expression was.The person over there paused for a moment while talking, and looked at him with a pair of clear eyes: "...what?"

Infinite melancholy and weakness flooded the sky, Su Yan hugged Xiao Qichen suddenly, buried his head on his shoulder and shook his head: "Don't ask, let me lean on you."

It seems that Su Yan has never relied on anyone, let alone such a fragile one.So Xiao Qichen shut his mouth obediently. After a long time, he heard Su Yan's heavy inhalation, he couldn't help but raised his hand and rubbed the back of his head, and said softly: "Are you all right?"

"Yeah." Su Yanweng said in an angry, nasal voice, "I feel sad."

The copper bell hanging under the eaves jingled, Su Yan only hugged him for a while and then let go, continuing to look for Mrs. Cao as if nothing had happened.Xiao Qichen clenched his hands in his sleeves tightly, and the words he wanted to ask were blocked in his throat.

What is that painting?

A few simple words lingered in his heart for several days, and they would not go away for a long time, but now is not the time.

He turned his head, looked at the small wet marks on his shoulders, remembered what Li Rong said before he died, forced his thoughts not to fly too far, sighed, and followed Su Yan.

Su Yan was scolded by Mrs. Cao and his mother-in-law, but no one asked him whether the border guard was injured. It seemed that the son turned into a punching bag at this moment, and it was Su Yan's fault that Li Rong died of illness.Xiao Qichen looked on coldly, which was really uncomfortable.

Su Yan finished their scolding, and then went to the two brothers of the Li family to make amends.

The eldest brother of the Li family had already been in dispute with his parents over his sister's marriage, but now that his sister had ended up like this, all his anger was directed at Su Yan alone.Although he never made a move, the words he said under pressure would never be too polite.

Xiao Qichen, an outsider, was helping Mrs. Cao intermittently, and took care of the young Su Heng for the time being—the nanny was too sad and fell ill.He listened to the movement from Su Yan's side, afraid that the man who was used to being a commander would suddenly be violent and attack the two family members.

Fortunately, Su Yan knows how to measure, and he accepts cynicism and angry questioning without distinction. After a few words of apology, his mouth is dry, but the other party still glares.

When his side was finally no longer leaking, Xiao Qichen hugged a babbling dumpling and silently rubbed past him.

"Your son, haven't you seen him yet?" He handed Su Heng forward.

Sure enough, Su Yan's attention quickly shifted to Nai Tuanzi in front of him.He wanted to hug Su Heng, but he had never played with such a small child in his life, and he didn't know how to hug him. He stretched out his two arms in a daze, and when he touched Su Heng's fleshy arms, he felt that his hands were soft and boneless. of.

So he suddenly coaxed: "You hug him, I'll tease him."

Xiao Qichen leaned to his side so that he could see Su Heng's appearance clearly, parroting what Madam Cao said that day: "Does he look like you when you were young? It's strange, everyone said that the son looks like a mother, I look like a concubine mother, Brother Ping He also looks like the empress, why is he like you..."

Su Yan couldn't see why, so he frowned and said in distaste: "How is it like me?"

"I can't tell, but he looks pretty similar anyway." Xiao Qichen pursed his lips and said to Su Yan, "He is very obedient and never makes trouble in front of others. He only cries when he is too hungry or pees his pants. He has been teething recently. , I have to suck something every day to be comfortable, I have been bitten by him several times, and my hands are stained with saliva..."

Before the words finished, Su Yan leaned his head over to stare at the child carefully, and Su Hengfu, who had been nibbling his fingers obediently just now, met his four eyes, without any warning, his mouth constricted, and suddenly burst into tears.

Su Yan: "..."

The child's crying attracted the attention of many people outside the square inch. Su Yan was in a hurry, not knowing what to do. It seemed too cold not to touch him. As soon as his fingers touched Su Heng's cheek, the other party cried even louder, out of breath. Breathless, heartbroken, an unprecedented situation.

Immediately, a maid trotted up a few steps, and Xiao Qichen followed suit and handed Su Heng over to her.

Su Yan watched the maid go away, and said desolately: "He doesn't like me."

Xiao Qichen: "Impossible? It's just that he's never seen her before, and you have such a dignified expression. You just need to get along with each other in the future. Now that the war in the north has ceased, you should be able to stay in Jinling for a long time, right?"

These words flowed into Su Yan's left ear and out of his right ear, and he shook his head helplessly: "He won't like me."

Anyone who heard it at this time would think it was an angry remark, Xiao Qichen didn't take it to heart, and quickly changed the subject with him.

Li Rong's funeral had to be done, and the entire Pingyuanhou Mansion was extremely busy. No one cared why Xiao Qichen was here. Maybe it was because he was really close enough to Li Rong, and patiently controlled it so that it wouldn't make him feel uncomfortable. within the realm of human imagination.Su Yan was dragged by him, as if Xiao Qichen was his backbone, helping him take over many responsibilities.

He felt that the burden on his body was lightened for a while, and when he went to see Su Heng again after he was busy, the other party still kept crying when he saw him.Xiao Qichen said that it would be fine when he grew up, but Su Yan kept shaking his head.

"He won't like me" became a prophecy, even after Su Heng grew up and developed a humble and gentle temperament, everyone would have a smile on his face, but for Su Yan, he was always respectful and fearful.

Su Yan never forgot his promise in front of Li Rongling. The relationship between him and Li Rong began with a mutual testing banquet, and then followed the steps to make both parents satisfied that they had a descendant. As for the rest, it was like a mirror image. , when it exists in memory, it looks beautiful no matter what, but it cannot be touched.

These complicated emotions accompanied him until Li Rong's funeral. He supported Li Rong's coffin and sent her to a beautiful place on the outskirts of Jinling for her final rest.

"I raised Su Heng to grow up. I will not force him to do anything. I will help him get rid of the shackles of the gentry, so that he can enjoy the mountains and rivers all his life. So... I don't owe you any more."

The author has something to say: Actually, for Ayan, the reason why he was sad for Rongniang's departure was the same as Ran Qiu's departure. He always felt that the people around him suddenly disappeared, and he would definitely feel lost for a while.He has a high degree of acceptance of death. After all, people die every day on the battlefield, so they will come out quickly, but whether it is cold-blooded or not, everyone has their own opinions, and it is the same as I think if you don’t force it. bar ^^

Start to seriously let the two of them argue - reconcile - fall in love... (.

And Ayan is only 20 years old... Ajin has been born and died for several rounds at this time.