hold back the merman

"My skills are good, and I have the ability to protect myself. That's why you have been ignoring me for so many years? Because I am strong enough, I don't need protection. Because I am strong enough, I can carry everything alone. Because I Strong enough, not as weak as Ye Zixin, he shed tears when he was wronged, you coaxed and held him when he was hurt and cried, he was self-willed and unreasonable because of your indulgence, everything seemed to be taken for granted, but what do I have?"

"Because you think I don't need me to be strong enough, so when I am injured, I will always be the only one who grits my teeth and bears silently. Willfulness? That also requires capital. I dare not and never have that capital in front of you." You saved everything you need to wear, and even your life. I don’t have the capital, and even you didn’t give me the capital of indulgence.

"Brother Ze, have you ever thought about it, I am a living person, I also have emotions and desires, and I also have times when I am weak and want to rely on. I also have times when I am angry and want to lose my temper. I am not a god who is not so powerful that I am omnipotent, and I am also tired. I want to have a shoulder to support me when I'm in trouble, it doesn't take long, at least give me some comfort when I'm helpless and sad. I also want to lose my temper with someone occasionally, to vent the depression and pressure in my heart, I hope that Sometimes the other party responds not with cold or violent quarrels, but with occasional pampering, caring and understanding."

"Brother Ze, you only see how powerful I am. Standing out from many killers is almost omnipotent. You have never seen my efforts. No one is born strong and everything I have cost me a thousand times more than others. , Thousands of times of hard work in exchange for!"

"You only see my wisdom and rationality, but you have never seen my helplessness and exhaustion. You don't know that I have done things to perfection every time since I was a child, but I just want to get your appreciation, your surprise, and your inadvertent A compliment."

"Afterwards, no matter how much sweat, blood, and suffering I have suffered, as long as I can help you, I think it is worthwhile, but occasionally I also want you to care about me and tell me 'I am good enough, I can take a proper rest before moving forward .’, not that I’m good enough to be ignored.”

"Brother Ze, I don't want to complain or make you feel guilty by saying so much. I just want you to know why I was so good, and also to let you know that I am not as strong as you imagined. Crying children have candy, but I am not even qualified to cry, I don't blame you if you don't know that, I just ask you not to say 'love' me in the future, but ignore me for another person." Every step I take It's all to get closer to you, but I don't know what went wrong, but it makes you farther and farther away from me.

"Do you know how I've felt for so many years? That's when Ye Zixin and I fell into the icy lake at the same time. Brother Ze, you always pick up Ye Zixin. You take care of him when he's sick and cold, but I just I can climb ashore by myself at the risk of being submerged in the lake, and I can only lie in bed alone when I have a fever, telling myself that I am not cold. Brother Ze, I am really tired after all these years, between you two I don't want to get involved in any problems, I just hope that we can be strangers who don't know each other in the future, and just forget each other in the rivers and lakes."

Nan Gongze finally understood where he was wrong, why Jinnian was afraid of his tenderness.The tenderness he gave to Qian Mian was fatal, making him obsessed and addicted, but every time he was left with heart-piercing pain.He stubbornly wants to grab what he wants to grab, but never considers their feelings from their standpoint. He just wants to control them because of possessiveness and control, but he never tries to understand their thoughts. And needs, so that one keeps loathing and fleeing from oneself, and one tries to love such a self with all his strength, and finally leaves with scars and despair.

Nan Gongze couldn't help thinking of the day when he asked for Qianmian by being drunk, the reason why he pretended to be drunk that day was actually just to attract Qianmian's attention and want him to pay attention to himself.Maybe Qianmian didn't notice it, but Nan Gongze, who clearly felt Qianmian's burning and sad eyesight, clearly felt that in the third year of Zixin's coma, Qianmian's eyesight on him began to change.

There was no scorching and bright light in his eyes that seemed to scald people, but instead seemed to be immersed in bleakness and sadness. Sometimes he would feel distressed and worried, but the heat was no longer there.The inexplicable Nan Gongze didn't like that kind of feeling very much. Such thousands of faces always gave him an uncontrollable illusion that he would lose it at any time, especially when he and Ouyang were getting closer and closer, the uneasiness in his heart It spread more and more intensely.

Originally, he just wanted to feel the hot gaze of that person with drunkenness, but what disappointed him was that the hot gaze of obsession never appeared. Whenever he said a little more, the light in that person's eyes became less and less intense at that moment. Nan Gongze, who was holding Qianmian waist, even had the illusion that the person in his arms would disappear in a second.

The strong uneasiness made Nan Gongze hold Qianmian's hand tightly to prevent him from leaving when Qianmian helped him to the bedside. He was afraid that if he let go, that person would disappear completely.He needed something to ensure that Qianmian would not leave, so he asked him to promise not to leave over and over again, and Qianmian agreed to himself, but that perfunctory attitude made Nan Gongze more and more uneasy, and finally he told himself that maybe it was If you think too much, Qianmian will return to his original appearance after waking up after sleeping.

Wanting Qianmian to 'coax' him to sleep was originally just a temporary proposal, but the song the other party sang was not the lullaby he sang next to him before.It was a song he had never heard before.Qianmian sang too focused and affectionate, Nangong Ze felt that he was expressing his emotions through this song, Nangong Ze didn't remember the content of that song, he only remembered this sentence 'However, Heavenly Father is not considerate of good people until I open There is no bright light in my eyes to guide my love Lord, why did my lover abandon me and I got out of the car, how can you agree?" At that moment, there was only one thought in Nan Gongze's mind, this person really wanted to give up and leave.Just like when he was a child, he wanted to abandon himself and leave with others, but he didn't allow it...Only Qian Mian absolutely couldn't leave him.

He wants to get Qianmian, he wants Qianmian to return to the way he used to be instead of drifting away, and he wants to make sure that no matter what happens, Qianmian will not leave.Nangongze was very happy when he received Qianmian's reply, but soon Nangongze realized that something was wrong. No matter how much he coaxed that person, he was unwilling to open his eyes and look at him. His heart of resistance.Nan Gongze had a feeling that he got Qianmian, but still got nothing. He didn't know what he wanted from Qianmian, he only knew that what he wanted was not that kind of feeling.

When the tenderness of pity never got a response, Nan Gongze was like an enraged trapped beast, hitting deeply into the deepest part of Qianmian and ruthlessly possessing him. Only then would he feel a little more stable in his heart. Only then can he confirm that Qianmian belongs to him and will not leave.Later, he was so tired that he couldn't bear to hug Qianmian tightly and fell asleep. He thought...it doesn't matter if he doesn't get what he wants for a while, as long as he can have this person like he is now, one day he wants to get it must be able to obtain.

But when he woke up, there was no trace of that person around him, and there was no trace of that person's presence in the bedroom, Nan Gongze panicked.He contacted Qianmian countless times but failed to get in touch. It was the first and only time that Qianmian refused his call.When he asked the butler where Qian Mian had gone, the butler looked at him in surprise and said that Qian Mian didn't come back today at all.How could he not come back?Nangongze still remembered the temperature when he hugged Qianmian, thinking about what happened between them, Nangongze thought that the other party had changed because of their relationship, and wanted to calm down.

But when Qianmian came back again, he looked like nothing had happened. What was more different than before was Nan Gongze, who clearly felt Qianmian's attitude towards him.He was hiding from himself, constantly alienating himself.Nan Gongze didn't understand what he did wrong, he wanted to draw their relationship closer, but Qian Mian's reaction was more like pushing him away.So much so that apart from issuing tasks to him later, Nan Gongze never saw people with thousands of faces.During that time, Nan Gongze was very restless, he wanted to make up the distance between him and Qian Mian but he couldn't find a way, until Qian Mian asked that sentence, at that moment Nan Gong Ze promised Qian Mian without hesitation,' After half a year, when we come back from completing this task, we will be together. '

At that time, Nan Gongze forgot that there was an unconscious Ye Zixin lying on the bed, he just wanted to keep this person to ensure that he would not leave like before.At that moment, he saw the lonely pupils of thousands of faces gradually ignite a little light. After he repeatedly confirmed that he was serious, Nan Gongze saw the most beautiful picture in the world, whether it was the rare smile on thousands of faces or the smile in his eyes. The rays of light are as beautiful as fireworks blooming.At that moment, Nan Gongze's heart finally settled down, and the restlessness in his heart finally subsided, because he saw the burning expectation in Qianmian's eyes again, and he thought that Qianmian would never want to leave him again.

Because he was sure that Qianmian would not leave, he once again thought of Zixin who had been neglected by him, and he was doubly devoted to Zixin and wanted to make up for him, and even promised the freedom that Zixin longed for most.When Zixin woke up again, he was ecstatic and endured his disgusted appearance and accompanied him to recover until he recovered a little bit and gradually became impatient to leave. He threatened and lured him and finally got the man to agree to marry him A marriage agreement was signed, but he never expected that the wedding would become a place where thousands of faces would die.After learning of Qianmian's death, Nan Gongze felt that more than half of his sky had collapsed with a bang, and even Zi Xin's escape made him tired and unable to muster up the courage to go after that person again.