like your mustard

Wednesday, August 2018, 9

I think childhood probably plays a very important role in shaping a person's personality. I once looked at most of my childhood, and it may be because of a long-term lack of sense of belonging that my personality tends to be introverted. There may be other reasons that I have not yet discovered. They make who I am.

It must be experience that shapes a person's character.

Since I can remember, my parents and I have been sleeping in a room in the back of my grandmother's house. When I was a child, I was completely brought up by my grandmother, with my brother Zhang Han.By the turn of the millennium, my family's economy may have improved slightly, or it may be because my dad was fed up with the feeling of being dependent on others. In 02, my family borrowed money and moved to a new house. The new house is very large, with two living rooms and my own. room, and even a guest bedroom.

I left from one place I was familiar with to live in another.

I think my parents should be like many parents in this world. They get married and have children, but they never think about how to be a parent. It’s just that when the time comes, they need to start a family, get married, and then have children. Life has always been like this , They are just spending the part of their lives that they should spend.

When I decided to come out with my mother, I asked her why human beings must get married, start a family and have children when I was walking with her in the park at night.

I questioned her: "You don't know why you are doing this, you don't know why you are doing this, you just see most people in this world doing this, so you think you should do it, but you don't know reason."

The older generation is actually very strange. They know that what you say is right and reasonable, but so what if it makes sense. Reason does not prevent them from letting the world continue in an orderly manner. Reason does not prevent her from letting you Be sure to follow the steps of this world.

So after being silenced by me, my mother told me unmoved: "Anyway, you just want to get married and have children."

That was when I was in college, and my mother took her for a walk when I came home from a long vacation.

My mother's marriage is actually very boring. In today's terms, it is probably a "Chinese widowed marriage". Every time I go home, she will let me take a walk with him, go shopping with her, watch movies with her, and act as a husband in this marriage. The responsibility of accompanying them has been missing for a long time.

It's not that there are conflicts in their marriage or that either party has an affair, it's the fact that they have probably gotten used to each other's presence during more than 20 years of marriage, and at the same time they've probably gotten used to ignoring each other.

Probably like the air, it goes with you and people don't care.

A series of conflicts between me and Ruan Xinhe derived from this conversation on the concept of marriage caused me to separate from Ruan Xinhe for a period of time.

A pretty long time.

And I was raised by my grandmother in childhood, changed the environment when I was just familiar with it, and there must be a level of liking between my grandson and grandson, which shaped me into a temperament. A bland, to some extent even been said to be emotionless personality.

I have hardly looked at Ruan Xinhe for a long time.

His grandfather lives in the same place as my grandmother, and he needs to come to visit him to beg for candies during the New Year and holidays. I don't even bother to show him the politeness.

When my cousin went to his house to pay New Year's greetings and picked up a few cigarettes, he asked me, "Ruan Xinhe is at home, why don't you go and play with him, so why did I see you wearing the same pair of pants as him?"

I said: "Fart, he helped Jasper Tsang beat me up when he was young, will I get along with him and wear the same pair of pants?"

My cousin laughed: "My mother, you are too damn vengeful. How long ago was that?"

When he said this, Ruan Xinhe was being led by his father to my grandmother's house to pay New Year's greetings. My grandmother brought him some white sugar cakes and must stuff them in his hands, and said cheerfully: "Little crane grows taller and longer You are beautiful, you are from the same class as our family, Chengcheng, right?"

Ruan Xin Hechu took grandma's white sugar cake at the door: "Thank you grandma."

My grandma also insisted that my uncle smoke for him, he would be a big man if he said anything, just smoke a cigarette.

Ruan Xinhe waved his hand and refused: "I don't smoke, grandma."

My grandmother held his hand happily: "It's fine if you don't smoke or smoke."

When Ruan Xinhe was taken away by his father to pay New Year's greetings at someone else's house, I didn't even look at him.

Early in the morning after paying New Year's greetings, I ate a boiled egg in sugar water. My brother stood in the yard smoking a cigarette with Jasper Tsang. We chatted for a while about school, and then we talked about how I was beaten by Tsang Yu-wai when I was a child and I still hold grudges.

I was moving a chair outside to bask in the sun, listening to my mother and aunt chatting about family matters, what to buy and decorate, etc., Zeng Yuwei waved at me: "Fuck, Doucheng, you are too narrow-minded, aren't you?"

I sat there and said a word to him.

He poked his head out and called Ruan Xinhe over: "Come here, Ruan Xinhe." When someone came over, he pointed at me, "This man Dou Cheng still remembers how we beat him when we were young."

Because his voice was too loud, my aunt and mother who were chatting next to me laughed when they heard it.

I sat there and gave him the middle finger: "The damage is irreversible, okay? Otherwise, if you let me smash a scar on your head with a stone, this is disfigurement, okay? Maybe the rest of your life's happiness will be ruined by your hands."

Zeng Yuwei walked towards me with one hand on my brother and Ruan Xinhe on the other, with a smile on his face: "I'll invite you to sing tonight, can I give you a grand apology?"

My mother looked at it for a while with a smile, and pointed at me and said: "I have held grudges since I was a child, and I am not arrogant at all."

Ruan Xinhe's sleeves were over my hand on the armrest, and his three red fingers stretched out from the sleeves and touched the back of my hand. In the winter, his fingertips were like ice cubes, and the touch was very distinct. .

I put down my hand on the armrest, stood up and walked over him to my mother: "Mom, who is your son?!"

My mother laughed again with a group of seven aunts and eight aunts, and I turned to look at Zeng Yuwei: "No, I have an appointment with a classmate tonight." After thinking for a while, I said, "I will treat you to supper in two days. The days are quite full."

In the evening, I had dinner with my relatives and friends at my grandma's place. My cousin made an appointment with a friend to go to the Internet cafe to play games. He casually asked me if I wanted to go, so I went with him.He directed two games with earphones in the Internet cafe, and he scolded indisputably that he was too good to move. When he was queuing up for the next game, he turned his head and asked the network administrator to bring him some drinks, only to find that Ruan Xinhe was sitting beside him.

He looked at me and said, "Which district?"

I put on the headset and ignored him, and let my brother's friend in the headset start the next game.

After playing the next game in 10 minutes, the person sitting next to me was replaced by a fat man. I went to the toilet to fill up the water and zipped up my pants to go back. Ruan Xinhe stretched out his hand from the back door and pulled me out. The Internet cafe’s toilet is the back door. Outside, the winter wind was bitterly cold, and the hand he grabbed me was red from the cold.

It's very strange, it's clear that before he liked it so much that he wanted to hold the whole world in front of him, he liked it so much that he couldn't see him being wronged in this world, but after feeling that he was hurt, he wanted to inflict it on the other party thousands of times.

I didn't understand love at all, and I wasn't even a mature adult male, at least at the time.

Ruan Xinhe pulled my wrist and leaned against the blue and white wall with his head down and asked me in a low voice: "Didn't you say that you have an appointment with a classmate at night?"

I said, "None of your business."

He asked: "A high school classmate or a junior high school classmate?"

Ruan Xinhe and I are in the same kindergarten, elementary school, junior high school, and high school. The junior high school is in the next class, and the high school is assigned to the same class. There is no one of my classmates who plays well that he doesn't know.

I still said, "None of your business."

Ruan Xinhe's eyes were red when he raised his head to look at me: "Do you want my mother to kill me? Do you want my family to never have a son like me?!"

I didn't speak, and even thought it was ridiculous.

Now that I think about it, it's really ridiculous.

Ruan Xinhe said: "Why did you let me do this?! Did you do it yourself? Did you tell your parents about it?!"

Yes, we had a big fight over coming out and decided to have a cold war because we didn't get any resolution.

The cold war will always turn into resentment and anger in the future.

Resentment and anger will always make human beings lose themselves and drain their emotions.

I said, "I didn't say it, and I'm not going to say it."

It was a very formal quarrel, and it was so noisy that we met for a long time without knowing each other, and for a long time, I think we should really be over.

I even feel very disadvantaged and regretful, regretting that I shouldn't have raised the relationship with him from a friend to another level, so at least I still have a friend who knows everything and talks about everything.

That was all after graduating from college. I could calm down and start to reflect on our relationship, and reflect on the step I shouldn’t have taken. After the reflection, I felt extremely peaceful.

When you think that there is probably no resentment in a person's mood, at that time you should be able to re-adjust the relationship between the two with a normal heart.At the age of 24 when I was in a very calm mood, I saw Ruan Xinhe began to smile and nod to him again. I attended his grandfather's funeral with a gift, and patted him on the shoulder to comfort him: "Birth, old age, sickness and death are normal in life."