like your mustard

Thursday, August 2018, 9

Because Ruan Xinhe has been so annoying these two days, my diary is the same as the weekly diary of a primary school student.

The reason why I started writing a diary ten days ago is actually for the sake of memory, and for introspection. is something that should not be done.

What can be remembered and what cannot be remembered, life is a long river, although it may be ridiculous to say it, but I want to make myself live a little bit more clearly.

The separation between me and my childhood was probably after 2002, and it might be the summer vacation of the 2004 Athens Olympic Games. I had already moved into my own new home, and would sneak back to my grandmother’s house by walking four to five ten minutes from my house. I ran to Ruan Xinhe's house with Zhang Han to play the Xiaobawang game console. The game console with the card still had games like Tank Wars, Squirrel Wars, and Contra.

Because when playing games, Ruan Xinhe's game characters were often lifted over his head and thrown in front of the boss, and the boss slapped him to death. I fought with Ruan Xinhe many times on the floor of Ruan Xinhe's house.

When I was young, I must have been a little dull. I was teased many times by children of about the same age, including Ruan Xinhe, without knowing that I was being teased.

I heard from Zhang Han that I seemed to be bullied by students from the same school when I was in the second grade of elementary school. It was Ruan Xinhe who secretly ran to find my brother and then my brother brought someone down to rescue me.

I don’t have much memory of these things. People’s memories probably always selectively avoid some moments when they were weak and fragile, as if they should be a warrior, a chosen child from birth, the protagonist of the world, and always invincible .

He couldn't admit the mistakes he had made.

In 04, Liu Xiang won the championship in the [-]-meter hurdles. During the summer vacation when the country was shocked The old town of the house moved out.

I didn't tell anyone about that now, they all thought it was an accident.

When I was kicked off the game table, I ran to the road to pee, and when I poured water into a winding ditch, I saw with my own eyes that the sister who lived at the entrance of this old house, who was probably in high school, lit a candle and burned herself Room curtains.

After I peed, I went back to grab the game controller with Ruan Xinhe, and got into a big fight because of it, and the fire started.

My mom picked me up an hour later, and I could still hear the whine of the fire alarm as I followed her.

When I was more than ten years old, I didn't quite understand the meaning of death, but I could probably know the difference.

Many children who played marbles together moved to a new place because of the fire, and my whole childhood was split like this, like half of the scorched earth that was destroyed by fire in the old housing area and the other half of the tile-roofed houses that are still intact.

The funny thing is that after more than ten years, my grandmother still lives there, and the dilapidated wall is still a dilapidated wall.

One year when Ruan Xinhe stood in the burned house and looked up, I suddenly seemed to see the two of us when we were young. It was like a black horse galloping past. I didn’t even have time to observe its shadow. None remained.

I think I should be an extremely nostalgic person.

But according to Ruan Xinhe, I am an extremely unfeeling person or a person with a heavy idol burden.

In 2014, I completely cut off contact with Ruan Xinhe. I was about to graduate from university, defending my thesis, finding a job, and finding a new suitable living environment. It was a busy year.

You know, as the owner of this diary, it must achieve a degree of self-beautification to some extent. For example, in 2014, I was so busy that I didn't have a good time at all.

The year when I had no contact with Ruan Xinhe at all, I didn’t live without pain or itching, even when I lay alone in the rented room and slept at night, I felt pain. Of course, the pain was not given to me by Ruan Xinhe, and it wasn’t all because of our separation. caused by.

There is always a lot of pain in life that you would lump together and pretend it was caused by the same cause, which might make you feel better, probably because it seems at least possible to visualize a pain to heal.

In 2014, my colleague at the time took two drama tickets and invited me to watch a drama, a very famous drama.

The actor said on set.

"Forget her, forget you so you don't have to suffer, don't have to suffer anymore, forget what you don't have, forget what you lost and what you won't get in the future, forget hatred, forget humiliation, forget love..."

"But I decided not to forget her."

Later, I watched the version of Duan Yihong and Hao Lei in 03 on station B. They sang: "You are my warm gloves, cold beer, and shirts with the smell of sunshine, my dream day after day."

Because this is my private diary, I won't write that I have done or thought about making Ruan Xinhe and I reconcile immediately, regardless of whether he decided to confess our relationship to his family or not.

It must be what I wrote.

He came to me, walked up to me, and said to me: "Dou Cheng, let's make up, don't quarrel again, okay?"

Then I will say yes.