deep hypnosis

"Sometimes you persist, not because you really like it, but because once you give up, everything you have done before is meaningless."

What Yi Yang said to the camera, Xie Jintian repeated countless times until the phone ran out of battery.Plugged in the power, but the heart was also tied, spinning in circles.In fact, these words are just Yi Yang's thoughts on the "waiting" chicken soup story, but Xie Jintian chewed on the deep meaning, thinking that these words were meant for him at a time, and at the same time feeling that they were purely self-indulgent.Whether it is well-founded or not enough, I waved back and forth all afternoon, arguing with myself, but there was no conclusion after all.

"Teacher Xie really treats money like dung!" Wen Xianya, the little assistant assigned to him by the organization, half-jokingly said, who made Xie Jintian not answer a single case all afternoon, and only reasoned that he was not interested, and his absent-minded appearance seemed genuine Don't care how much the other party pays.

"It's not what you think." Xie Jintian glanced at the wall clock, pulled out the charging cable and put the phone in his pocket.

"Mr. Xie! Is the person you like... nice?" Wen Xianya tentatively asked, she was really tired of being asked, and heard a lot of rumors.She has always been sought after by others because of her unique advantages, and she also has an unavoidable competitive spirit in matters of love, she is clearly close to the water, but Xie Jintian never takes a second look at her.

Xie Jintian was taken aback by her question, and then realized that he seemed to have ignored Yi Yang's appearance for so many years because he was too familiar.Although Yi Yang is 1.7 meters tall, but because of his small frame and always keeping his head down, he always feels that he is weak and looks like a scholar.In fact, when Yi Yang got serious and looked up into the opponent's eyes, no one could resist.Therefore, Xie Jintian always provokes him subconsciously, just because of the childlike stubbornness in those clear eyes, or even a rare layer of sullenness, which is quite different from his usual gentle appearance, but it is also the most exciting.

Xie Jintian thought about it, but couldn't help worrying, Yi Yang is famous now, and he is much more confident than before, just like the rough jade after carving, gradually showing a warm and moist color, which is admirable and yearning.Opening Weibo, he can also see that his fans are constantly increasing, and they are always chatting and asking about his health, as if they are all coveting him.And he, Xie Jintian, was just a shadow, dragging obliquely behind Yi Yang, lingering in his memory, gradually passing away.But Xie Jintian is unwilling to easily break his vow of never seeing each other. After all, from the red line to the cat to traveling together every year, he has never fulfilled his promise, but Yi Yang remembers every word and looks forward to it wholeheartedly. Falling short again and again.Now, although Xie Jintian can only watch from a distance, in this struggle and suffering, he seems to have obtained self-torture redemption.

He changed his profile picture to a recent photo of "Sheriff", and liked every Weibo post by Yi Yang, but he didn't dare to comment.He swiped the screen of his phone, and finally stopped on the recent photo of the previous winter solstice.Yi Yang's appearance in Hanfu appeared in his dream, and that dream seemed to foreshadow everything today.He has always been materialistic, but once a person has an obsession, he would rather believe in the so-called fate, the so-called reincarnation, and the predestination of the past and present, otherwise, how would this abrupt plot continue?How will this hopeless ending be rounded?

Perhaps, as early as seeing the kiss between Yi Yang and Fan Yizhou, he had awakened a different kind of affection, otherwise, he was just being concealed by his friends, so how could he be so angry?Hate and love are nothing but the front and the back. At that time, the anxiety of not knowing how to deal with unfamiliar feelings suppressed the unspeakable desire, and only let the superficial hatred do whatever it wanted. Drag Xie Jintian into the unknown abyss.

Xie Jintian turned down the party with his old colleagues, hid in the rented car, and waited for Yi Yang to get off work at an inconspicuous corner near the restaurant.It was already dark, he turned off the heating, and covered his face with the menu written by Yi Yang.This is what he asked someone to sneak in on the opening day, and he seems to be able to feel the residual warmth of Yi Yang's palm through the ink.On this winter day that heralds the arrival of a cold wave, he indulged in fantasies of being caressed on his face, indulging in hypotheses that scratched the surface.

Today is Yi Yang's birthday, and he should have received many gifts from fans, but one of them is an architectural model that consumed Yi Yang's countless time and energy but was smashed to pieces.It is the backdrop of that eerie dream, and the witness of feelings that have been resurrected from the past.

Xie Jintian spent countless days and nights restoring it. Originally, he only intended to let it be quietly displayed in his dark room, but for some reason today, someone sent it away by accident.In fact, at that moment, he regretted it.He knew it was mean, and he threw this indigestible problem to Yi Yang again.He couldn't wait to know the answer, but he was afraid of knowing the answer, so he could only hide outside the examination room and wait.

He recalled the appearance of ceramic kittens brought back from Japan by his friends squatting in the remodeled loquat garden. They were black, white, and flowery, all of them were naive and lifelike, eagerly waiting for the owner's attention.

However, the master did not come for a long time.

Xie Jintian waited and waited and actually fell asleep. He didn't look at his watch until he woke up from the cold.Half an hour had passed, and he didn't know if Yi Yang had passed by during that half hour. He wanted to open the fan group to see what was going on, but he was stunned.

At this time, Yi Yang was sitting in a coffee bar, returning the menu to the waiter.

"I'm sorry, senior, I didn't come to you immediately."

"What's the matter?" Xia Xue smiled, and put the red cashmere coat she had taken off on the hem, but her cheeks seemed to be dyed, like two smears of rouge. It’s one of your die-hard fans.”

This was taken lightly, which made Yi Yang feel even more guilty.He promised to return completely, and told Xia Xue as soon as he came back, but he failed to do both.After all, there is some estrangement in his heart. After all, Xia Xue will remind him of the past and his failures, making all his seemingly peaceful things unbearable to scrutiny.He wanted to wait for him to settle down before looking for Xia Xue, but he didn't expect that it was Xia Xue who came to him first.

"I took the initiative to ask you out to give this." Xia Xue said, taking out an envelope from her bag and handing it over.

The red color of the envelope has penetrated into the inside of the invitation card, leaving no blank space, as if to fill all the unhappiness with this lively celebration, and inadvertently study the deja vu in the dazzling joy.

The groom's name is strange.

"My classmate from college." Xia Xue leaned on the rim of the cup with her polished and round nails, which were also bright red, "Next year will be spring, I hope you can come."

Yi Yang tried his best not to show surprise, put the invitation back in the envelope, bowed his head and said "Congratulations".

"You must think it's too fast, afraid that I'm just angry?"

Yi Yang raised his head and looked at Xia Xue noncommittally. Indeed, it has only been more than half a year since he separated from Xie Jintian. It would be a lie to say that there was no accident.

"He has always been very kind to me. I kind of knew what he was thinking, so I kept a distance. This time, as soon as he knew that Xie Jintian and I were separated, he came to me and said that he hoped that I would give him a chance." Xia Xue posted A lock of hair was put behind the ears with a face, "People, they always don't cherish what is at your fingertips, but like what is out of reach. As you said, sometimes you can't tell whether it is sincerity or obsession."

After hearing Xia Xue's monologue, Yi Yang seemed to be talking about himself, and he didn't know how to respond for a while.He only took a sip of coffee in silence, and then felt the warm bitterness flow into his always weak stomach through the esophagus, waking up his hibernating emotions.

He looked at Xia Xue, she had a pear-blossom haircut, she had long since given up the contact lenses she wore to cater to Xie Jintian's taste, and put on black-rimmed glasses, her plain face turned upside down, making her seem a few years older.

Xia Xue noticed Yi Yang's gaze, and smiled slightly: "Is it very different from before? I used to cater to Xie Jintian's taste and was fully armed, but now I can be myself without defense, even if I hiccup loudly , squatting on the ground to play with the mobile phone, and crossing one leg to masturbate, he still thinks I'm cute."

The party who pays more in the relationship has a sense of insecurity, fearing that he will lose the other party one day, so he twists himself with inferiority and insists on squeezing into the frame set by the other half. Such full armor is really exhausting , That's why Xia Xue fell so easily into this feeling of being able to be herself without any scruples?

"I would like to thank Xie Jintian, who made me realize that marriage is very realistic, down to the smallest details. I know that my choice may not be love, but it is the relationship that makes me most comfortable and at ease."

This kind of compromise, Yi Yang is the most understandable.He also wavered in the struggle of not being able to ask and not being able to give up, wondering if it would be easier to be with Fan Yizhou.But his heart didn't allow it, and insisted that he must thank Jintian.If he could learn to be a little more selfish and care about himself a little more, why would he be reduced to this point?Why can't I go out in this maze?

"Sister Xia Xue...Actually, many things happened after that day." Yi Yang didn't know why he suddenly had such a strong urge to tell.He had originally made up his mind not to mention the experience of his illness to anyone who didn't know, which is why he hadn't gone to Xia Xue for a long time, but at this moment, the loneliness that he couldn't talk to suddenly grabbed his throat and forced him to He laid it all out.

But at this moment, Yi Yang's cell phone on the table vibrated suddenly, and it was a message reminder.He didn't intend to pay attention to it at first, but when he glanced at the content that only showed one line, he was stunned.

He opened it tremblingly, and saw a text message from a female fan who had come to the store to participate in the event before, which said: "Go and see in the group! Someone said you are a genius, and even posted a photo of your doctor! "