【Taizhong】Forbidden Love

BGM:Loving Strangers

Don't go faroff, not even for a day, because—

because—Idon't know how to say it: a day is long

andIwillbewaitingforyou,asinanemptystation

When the trains are parked off somewhere else, sleep.

- 100 LOVES ONNETS: XLV, Pablo Neruda

Someone once planted a seed in a piece of barren soil, with a heart eagerly expecting it to take root and sprout. He waited for a long time, but the soil was still the same barren soil, and his patience was worn out, so he couldn't bear it. Wait and walk away.As everyone knows, in the following winter, the small seeds broke through the ground, and a delicate rose bloomed in the snowflakes all over the sky.

Hanging his hat and coat neatly on the hanger, he lay loose on the sofa, holding a letter paper envelope, and spinning a pen in his hand. Omega wasn't wearing a belt at the moment, and the bulge of his belly made the shirt, which was originally a good size, a little tighter.However, he was originally thin, and the child's body was not big, and with the loose coat, he still couldn't see it clearly even after seven or eight months.

That life is always very quiet, rarely stretches the body, and rarely has strong activities.Zhongyuan sometimes forgets the existence of children, when fighting, when injured, and when dealing with work.Unlike in the early stages of pregnancy, he often felt uncomfortable, unable to eat and lack of rest, but as the months progressed, the feeling of discomfort gradually eased.

It is not easy to carry another life, and it is not easy to be a father.In addition to the plethora of work, he has to humbly read the precautions during pregnancy, and remember them one by one.

What should I say?

Zhong Yuanzhong, who was trying to write a letter for the first time, also encountered difficulties.

Forget it, don't worry about it, first he picked up a pen and scribbled a few large and clean characters on the envelope——

"Whoever sees it is a fool."

It starts with "To the bastard mackerel", "To the silliest bandage waste device", "To the toughest boss", "To the stupid Dazai", "The bastard Dazai has no heart", "To Dazai:"

Immediately after the first sentence: "You opened the envelope, you are indeed a fool."

Zhong Yuanzhong also scribbled and daubed, and finally started to write the content of this letter. After a few minutes, he felt that it was inconvenient to write like this, but the sofa was much more comfortable than the wooden chair in front of the table, and he didn't want to move the place, so he had to find a book. The thick book is under the thin paper.

It was gloomy and rainy outside again, and the city was rainy this season. The Central Plains didn't hate this kind of weather, maybe even love it.He often wakes up in the middle of the night because of calf cramps, and hears the pattering rain on the window, and the cool wind touches his skin through the cracks in the window sill. He rubs his legs and feels much better, accompanied by the wind and rain. Sound sleep.

Why did he write this letter to Osamu Dazai?He couldn't explain why.Maybe it's because Zhong Yuanzhong always believes in his intuition, although he usually doesn't take it seriously when his subordinates talk to him about such metaphysics.After all, generally speaking, isn't an accurate sixth sense the talent of little girls...

But sometimes, he had to trust his instincts.For example, every time before Dazai committed suicide, he was able to accurately capture the slight to insignificant changes in his emotions.He used to think that Dazai didn't really want to die, but sent weak signals to himself time and time again. While that person experienced the pleasure of death and pain, he also saw the result he wanted to see—he went to die. prevented his suicide.

But now... since Dazai became the leader four years ago, the feeling of uneasiness that has grown up has accompanied him until now.The leader clearly did not commit suicide frequently, but he was more disturbed than before.He received no signal.He didn't know when that person would want to die again.When he was young, Osamu Dazai committed suicide with great fanfare. Nakahara didn't think he would leave, but if Dazai planned death quietly, then he would really want to throw himself into the embrace of death.This kind of expectation has not been smoothed by time, but has grown wantonly.

Oda doesn't know Dazai.Zhong Yuanzhong also learned this from all the tentative questions, which further confirmed his conjecture.The leader is not the kind of person who will work hard for strangers, and it is unimaginable that the leader will become the leader.strangeness.Too strange.

What would he have to do, but what could he do besides obeying his subordinate duties?

One day he walked into the coffee shop to meet with the mafia branch, and saw a girl next to her. She had long black hair and was sitting in front of the French window writing a letter. There was an envelope quietly lying beside her hand. She was pure. The flawless side face and white skirt were bathed in the sun, and the girl raised her head from time to time to glance at the summer scene of the leafy street in front of the window, and then smiled.

"She was actually writing a letter. Now that technology is so advanced, few people use this method." The mafia member opposite him whispered.

"Indeed, very few." Zhong Yuan replied.

I don't know who the girl sent the letter to, but I believe she has already conveyed her emotions to the recipient.

At that moment, he had the answer.

Maybe there are some things that he will never have the chance to say to Dazai again, let alone even in front of him.Thinking of this, I picked up a pen and letter paper.

Zhongyuan stopped writing this letter after writing two paragraphs, and put it away.

The rebels have all been captured. Although it took a lot of energy and suffered some injuries, fortunately, the mission was completed.The leader only needs to see this result, and there is no need to explain the rest.

I will go back in a few days, and the rest will continue when the time comes.

After careful calculation, it was early summer when he left Yokohama, and most of the summer has passed by now.In the absence of a chance to meet each other, he and Osamu Dazai had many short phone calls, most of which were about work, mixed with back and forth bickering.This reminded him that no matter whether it is rainy or the sun is high in summer, the time will not be long, and the sky will always be clear.

He got up from the sofa, put the things he brought into the open suitcase, and found a game console silently hidden in the corner of his suitcase, which looked old.Zhong Yuanzhong would never bring such a thing, it must have been stuffed in by Dazai before leaving.

He took out the game console, which had been hidden in his suitcase for so many days, but he never found it.

Ah, sure enough, I bought it when I was 16 years old.

Is it because he is afraid that he will be bored?It's really childish, they are no longer teenagers, who would be addicted to games.

The last time I played games was... oh no, the day when Dazai Osamu came to see him when I went to live in my apartment, ha, speaking of this, every time he played games with that guy, he was defeated and defeated repeatedly Fighting, it was like this when he was a teenager, and he was still like this when he was 22. Although it still made him very uncomfortable, but I have to say that the atmosphere between him and Dazai was relieved in this way, as if going back to the past, they lived together when they were partners moment.

In the afternoon of that day, he was lying on Dazai's lap, Dazai shook him awake, and said to him: "Hey, Chuya, I can only sleep for a while, we have to go on a mission tonight."

"Huh? What inexplicable words?" He was dazed and only felt that Dazai might also be out of his mind.

"I said, we are going to carry out the mission, and Mr. Sen told us to go back early."

"What are you talking about...?" He was still puzzled.

"Chuya, the gunshot wound I got last time hasn't healed yet, so I'll leave it to you to write the report. Well, also, I won the game today, and you have to make crab porridge for me as promised."

"Mr. Sen asked us to pick out a beautiful little dress for Alice when we passed by the clothing store on the way back."

"Alice-chan likes pink, she is indeed a little girl."

"Today's task is completed, and tomorrow I can commit suicide in a refreshing manner. Hey, Chuya, don't come to hinder me."

Zhong Yuanzhong also woke up from his drowsiness for a while, and he remained silent.He vaguely remembered that these words were so familiar.

"They said that I killed Mr. Sen, do you believe it?"

"I'm the leader, and you are the cadre. In that case, we will be subordinates, Chuya."

He let Osamu Dazai continue without saying a word.

"..."

Osamu Dazai laughed lightly as he spoke, as if he had regained his senses.

"Chuya, have you heard the story of the rope?"

"No."

"Ah, I understand. After all, slugs have a limited brain capacity, so it's normal not to know."

Zhong Yuanzhong was not sullen and did not retort: ​​"So what is that?"

"Probably everyone had a rope in the past... Ah no, it has nothing to do with others. This is my own rope."

"I want it to be so long that I can connect with some people no matter how far we go. One day, I want to pull this rope back a few years and see what it looks like where it used to be Yes, talk to the man according to the marks on the rope, but I can't just put the rope where it was, I have to pull it forward."

"But if there's no response, or if I'm the only one who remembers, then the rope doesn't go where I pulled it back a few years."

"The rope will break."

Nine out of ten sentences that Osamu Dazai said to Chuya Nakahara were false. He loved to make up stories to deceive his former partner.

It's a pity that Zhongyuan Zhong also chooses to believe every time, stepping into the trap with one foot.

"Let the rope go backwards? How many years do you want to pull back?" Zhong Yuan asked.

"Whether it was seven years ago, six years ago, five years ago, or four years ago, it's better to live in those years forever."

"Is this why you came to me to play games? Is this also why, would you say those inexplicable things to me?" At that moment, Nakahara also found Osamu Dazai, who he was watching, showing unprecedented sadness, "I don't know Why did you do this all of a sudden. But you know, Dazai, we can't go back."

This is their tacit understanding - that rope has long since broken.

"Yeah, you're right, no matter what kind of rope it is, it can't be pulled back."

Those memories are lifeless, they are sometimes clear, profound, and colorful, and sometimes vague, superficial, and indistinct, holding them in the palm of your hand is like grasping a handful of clouds—and in the end, nothing is caught.

With a snap, Zhong Yuanzhong also closed the suitcase.

He went to the window, the glass fogged up, and the rain kept falling.

TBC.

BGM: Lost Stars