Psychiatric Internship Records

As the sun sinks to the west, the light gradually dims, the shadow of the grape trellis moves from the bottom of the feet to the east, and the fruitful grape vines are intertwined above the head.

The change of sunlight reminded Zhou Bin, he took out the sketchbook from his backpack, and the pages of paintings that had lost their traces revealed old paintings when Zhou Bin opened them.

The black and white picture depicts the story of another youth from the No.1 perspective, from the initial "Contact Painting" with immature brushwork to the last "Temporary Parting".Li Hongyun sat in the classroom and drew seriously; stood in front of the window and looked longingly at the expensive painting tools inside; he waved his arms and ran towards the painter on the bluestone road; he carried his luggage and walked away step by step long-distance bus.

Zhou Bin patted his head, took out a pencil, and said with a smile: "It's an agreement. Every time we meet, I will draw a picture as a commemoration. I almost forgot."

"Yes, yes." Li Hongyun reluctantly responded.He completely forgot that there was such an agreement between them, and mechanically prepared the sketchbook like Zhou Bin.

Zhou Bin turned to a new page, carefully wrote down the word "Reunion" in the upper left corner, and drew the outline with a pen.His mood was fluctuating, and his lines were flowing freely and freely. With a few simple strokes, he outlined Li Hongyun who was getting off the car in front of the station. He was in high spirits, like a young wanderer returning to his hometown after fulfilling his dream. Compared with the reality, it has a beautifying effect that is several times better. .

The paintbrush on this side was swishing, but Li Hongyun on the other side was still unwilling to write.

Later, he was busy with his livelihood, abandoned painting, and hadn't touched a brush for decades. Now holding the brush, he found tremblingly that he couldn't even draw a straight line.

"Fortune." Zhou Bin lowered his head and called softly.

"Huh?" Given the chance to be lazy, Li Hongyun stopped the painting he couldn't draw, and responded with concentration, "What's wrong?"

"Why do I always have the feeling that time has passed for a long time?" There is a clock hanging beside the station. Zhou Bin drew the shape, but he was unable to draw the hands of the clock. "It seems that you have been walking for a lifetime."

Li Hongyun was stunned, he didn't dare to look into Zhou Bin's eyes in a panic, and could only mutter: "I'm sorry."

"Why do you keep apologizing today!" Zhou Bin asked strangely, "It's all my nonsense, don't worry about it."

He randomly drew the clock hands, finished the whole painting, held it up to Li Hongyun, and showed off, "How is it? Does it look good?"

Not only is it beautiful, the whole painting was completed so quickly, and it is much higher than Zhou Bin's painting skills back then. It seems that he has created countless times. Every detail and every line has been carefully thought out and practiced repeatedly .

"..." Li Hongyun looked at the familiar youth in the picture, but couldn't say the word "beautiful", he felt that he was not worthy.

Zhou Bin carefully put away the notebook, rolled his eyes, "Wait for me." Then he turned and ran into the house, closing the door behind him.

The small courtyard away from the street was silent, Li Hongyun sat in a daze, his mind was full of the painting that Zhou Bin just drew.

The peeping duo from a distance were wearing school uniforms, carrying old schoolbags, sitting with their legs bent on the floor covered with mats, surrounded by a circle of snacks, eating fruit and vegetable skins all over the ground, like students on an autumn outing.

"What is he looking for again?"

Jiang Mu is getting tired of this dream. The protagonist is suffering from illness, which is already troublesome. He also adds plots to his own ideas from time to time, and cannot communicate normally.He was in a bad mood and wanted to pay back from other places, so there was a flash of lightning and thunder above Li Hongyun's head, and a cloud floated to rain on him. to stop.

Zhou Bin was rummaging through boxes and cabinets, and caught him out of the corner of his eye, "Ah, why did you come in, I haven't found it yet!"

"Outside..." Li Hongyun was about to say that it was raining, but turned around to find that the rain had stopped, and the ground was not wet except for his own clothes. "...Just to see what you are looking for?"

"Painting utensils." Before Zhou Bin finished speaking, he saw the thing he had been looking for for a long time on the bedside, and rushed to pick it up, "I found it!"

A brand-new set of painting tools is stored in an antique wooden box. The paints are neatly placed in the small grid on the first floor, and there are various brushes in the lower drawer.

Li Hongyun recognized at a glance that this was the set of painting utensils that he never forgot. Bought by Zhou Bin.

He was stunned: "How do you have the money to buy this?"

Zhou Bin blushed slightly, and said embarrassedly: "I started saving money a long time ago, and I didn't tell you."

He covered the painting box and held it to Li Hongyun with both hands, "I just thought, if one day I save enough money, I will buy it for you as a gift..."

His voice became smaller and smaller, Li Hongyun couldn't hear clearly, "What?"

Zhou Bin plucked up the courage to repeat: "It's just a bride price!"

bride price?Had he already considered this step?As people grow old, they have to hesitate every time they take a new step. Li Hongyun's hands trembled, wondering whether he should take the painting tool or not.

Seeing Li Hongyun's shocked look, Zhou Bin held the dowry gift and said with a smile: "It's impossible for us to get married, and we can't tell others, but as long as we know it in our hearts, it's fine."

At the beginning, the two got tired of being together every day, Zhou Bin knew every trace of Fa Xiao's expression like the palm of his hand, and could read each other's emotions at any time.But now he suddenly feels alienated, but he is sure that Li Hongyun's current state is definitely not happy.

"What's wrong with you?" Zhou Bin asked in confusion.

It's not that the two of them haven't discussed this kind of thing before. Li Hongyun once joked that he would take eight sedan chairs to marry Zhou Bin home. Whoever deprived him of his right to marry a wife must personally compensate him.

But this time, something is different.

Zhou Bin put away the painting tools and held them tightly in his arms. He stared at Fa Xiao without blinking his eyes, "Do you not love me anymore?"

Anyway, it was in a dream, so now you should follow him and comfort him, Li Hongyun thought for a moment, "Love! I love you."

Zhou Bin shook his head slowly, "Lying."

Li Hongyun was at a loss for words, "I'm sorry, it's my fault. I didn't have the courage to face it. I ran away and made you wait so long..."

His emotions had been suppressed for too long, but at this moment they suddenly erupted, expressing all the fear, entanglement, nostalgia, and regret after meeting Zhou Bin in the past few years.

Zhou Bin listened quietly, no matter what Li Hongyun said, his expression did not change, he just hid his smile and looked at Fa Xiao as if he was looking at a stranger.

"I don't ask for your forgiveness, I just hope that you can live a good life and don't miss me anymore. I, I'm just a scum, it's not worth it." Li Hongyun finally said it out, fulfilling the purpose of entering the dream at the beginning.

Zhou Bin didn't say a word, and walked out the door expressionlessly.

"Where are you going?" Li Hongyun grabbed Zhou Bin, fearing that he would do something stupid.

Zhou Bin shook off Li Hongyun's pull, stopped, and said with a sigh: "Go and wait for him to go home."

he?Li Hongyun was stunned, "I am him, and I have come back."

"You are not, you are not just the same person." Zhou Bin turned his back to Li Hongyun, facing the door, "He is enthusiastic and brave, dares to love and hate, is not afraid of being a maverick, and always maintains himself."

Li Hongyun retorted: "But he will change! We have all grown up and have to take responsibility. It is impossible to be independent all the time."

Zhou Bin laughed suddenly, his whole body trembling with laughter, looking from behind, he seemed to be crying, "So in fact what they said is right, Lucky, he died a long time ago." Then he ignored the shouts of the people behind him and walked out the door .

Li Hongyun suddenly realized that Zhou Bin actually knew everything.

It was only in recent years that he suffered from Alzheimer's disease. Before that, he had always been in a sober state. Decades of years had allowed him to know the truth, why Li Hongyun didn't come back, and that he would never come back.

He knew that he would never be able to wait, but he was still waiting.

What was waiting was the person in memory, not him, not the coward who thought he had grown up.

Zhou Bin walked back to the previous station again.

The daily bus has left, there are no crowds waiting at the station, and even the small vendors along the street have disappeared.

On the empty street, Zhou Bin leaned in front of the station sign, looking up and down, as if he was waiting persistently, or just paying homage to his lover who once existed.

Qi Fen woke up from the dream, feeling sullen.

What are these two people called?Still nothing solved!

It just so happened that Li Hongyun also opened his eyes, but he didn't sit up and looked at the ceiling dejectedly.

"If," Qi Fen asked Li Hongyun hypothetically, "if you do it all over again, would you choose to go back and find him?"

The eyes of the person lying on the bed flickered, but Silence did not speak.

Knowing his answer, Qi Fen walked out with a sneer.

Zhou Bin in the inner room was still lying unconscious on the bed as if nothing had happened. Maybe he knew everything, or maybe he didn’t understand anything.

Zhou Bin died half a month later.

On that day, he got up from the bed in a sudden spirit, and took out the dusty painting kit box from the cabinet that no one had rummaged through. Ben put them together, held them tightly in his arms, and told Sister Wang to let her burn together at that time, and he was going to wait for him below.

Sister Wang didn't know whether he was sick or just returning to life. She was so frightened that she hurriedly called an ambulance, but she lost her breath before the car arrived.

When Qi Fen received the news, he sighed and felt sorry for Zhou Bin.

"Actually, he doesn't need me to weave a dream for him," Jiang Mu lay weakly on the bed, and casually commented, "He has already made it up for himself, a cruel and dreamless dream."

Qi Fen didn't answer, Jiang Mu tugged him dissatisfied, "Hey, if you're so bored to worry about others, why don't you peel an apple for me?"

"Don't push yourself too far!" Qi Fen reprimanded him angrily, but he obediently got up and went to the kitchen to wash apples.