under the filth

Eisen's wailing did not wake up Opera Cen who was sleeping on Tang Cen's chest. Tang Cen rubbed its head and hugged it from his chest to his legs.With no restrictions on his body, Tang Cen sat up and leaned against the pillow and stretched, then asked lazily, "Are you still going next week?"

"No need, I'm on vacation from now on." Eisen threw his bag and coat on the desk, walked to Tang Cen's side while pulling his tie, leaned over and kissed him on the cheek, "Your complexion looks bad , haven't slept well recently?"

Tang Cen ducked back slightly, his back sank into the soft pillow.

"Maybe." He replied, but his eyes were evasive, not daring to look at Eisen.

Eisen put the back of his hand on his cheek, and the skin that was pressed against it was slightly cool, and then touched his hand, which was also at the same temperature, not as cold as it would be for someone who has been staying in a warm room all the time.

Tang Cen's eyes showed a light blue-black color again, and it seemed that he hadn't had a good rest for a while.Eisen sighed, patted the back of his hand, and said, "I'll go clean up, go to bed early tonight, and see Raymond tomorrow."

Aisen didn't ask, Tang Cen secretly heaved a sigh of relief, leaned on the head of the bed and watched Aisen dragging his tired body into the bathroom.

Winter itself is a period of high incidence of diseases, and the longer the winter, the more tormenting people are. However, for a person like Tang Cen who suffers from chronic diseases, every season is a period of high incidence, but the lack of sunshine in winter is more difficult than other times.

In the winter without sunshine, every day when Tang Cen opened the curtains, what he saw was a gray sky, and what fell on the window was not warm yellow sunlight, but drizzle mixed with snow, or condensed snowflakes .

The coldness of winter froze the lake and blocked the road, but it did not freeze Tang Cen's consciousness, causing his sensitive nerves to lose consciousness. Instead, he trembled as if he had been bitingly frozen, and his brain became dull at the same time. .

Tang Cen thought that if he could stay in an undisturbed environment and spend a little time, he would gradually get better.But the reality doesn't always go his way. As long as he still has a slight connection with anyone, it is impossible for him to completely isolate himself from the world.

Especially when interacting with people with healthy families like Eisen, meeting his family members is always unavoidable.Knowing that these cannot be avoided, Tang Cen still can't help but imagine the scene of seeing Lei Meng tomorrow. He doesn't know what kind of eyes that man will look at him, whether he is like his uncle or more like his father ?

Tormented repeatedly by anxiety and worry, Tang Cen tossed and turned on the bed, unable to fall asleep even though he had taken medicine.He turned over slightly, but it still woke up Eisen who was already asleep beside him.

Eisen turned over and groped around in the quilt for a while before he caught Tang Cen's hand.He pulled the person who had rolled over to the edge of the bed back to his side, and squeezed his palm again: "Can't sleep?"

"A little bit." Tang Cen responded softly, but he didn't turn over and get into Eisen's arms as usual. Even though his hands were being held, he still maintained his original posture.

Eisen wanted to say something to him at first, but Tang Cen didn't move for a long time, so quiet that Eisen thought he had fallen asleep.

Feeling drowsy, Eisen, who was already too tired to keep his eyes open, struggled after holding his eyelids for a while, but when he was about to close his eyes, Tang Cen suddenly turned over.

"Eisen, you know..." Tang Cen paused, hesitated for a few seconds before saying the name, "Do you know Dodder Flower?"

"I know, and I know what you want to say." Eisen took a deep breath, with a bit of exhaustion and helplessness in his voice. When Tang Cen said that name, he knew what Tang Cen was thinking just now. "Are you still worried about Raymond?"

Tang Cen lay on his back, his eyes fixed on the ceiling: "Maybe. I don't know what I'm doing or thinking about right now, my head is in a mess."

"There is too much difference between us, regardless of family background or ability, I don't have anything I can do, and I don't have the courage to stand with you. Throwing it all to you, I dare not face it at all, and I am afraid to even meet your brother once."

"You're planning the future, but I always want to break up with you." When Tang Cen said this, he felt Aisen move his hand, but only slightly, it didn't throw off.

Both of them fell into silence. Tang Cen glanced sideways at Ai Sen. Ai Sen was lying on his back like him, looking at the ceiling and wondering what he was thinking. The silence made Tang Cen a little worried.

As he himself said, Tang Cen thought about what he would do after breaking up with Aisen more than once. Every time they did it, Tang Cen couldn't help but wonder what life would be like without Aisen in the future.But he didn't know if he should say that. That day Eisen showed a frightened expression in front of him for the first time, and that expression was still clearly reflected in his mind.

But the matter has come to this point, and it is impossible to take back what has been said. No matter how annoyed Tang Cen is, there is no way to change this fact.

After waiting for a long time, Tang Cen did not hear Eisen speak again.The hands of the two people were still holding each other. Tang Cen wanted to pull his hand back. As soon as he moved his fingers, Eisen noticed his movement and quickly closed his hands. The ring on his ring finger got stuck on Tang Cen's. fingers.

"Why?" Eisen turned his head to look at him, his blue eyes flickering slightly in the dim room.

Why?The answer to this question is very simple. Tang Cen feels that Eisen must understand that even if there is no cold war and quarrel, even if he can live like an ordinary couple, Tang Cen still has no way to completely change those thoughts: "I don't want to be your burden."

It was the expected answer, Eisen closed his eyes and took a deep breath, adjusted his emotions a little before speaking: "Tang Cen... when will you be able to face yourself?"

"You don't know how much I admired you back then..." Eisen murmured, "When we first met, you were standing on the stage, and I was sitting on the stage looking up at you. Looking up to you, the expressions on everyone's faces are envious."

No matter how long it has been, Eisen still remembers the first time he saw Tang Cen, the elegant and aristocratic man depicted in an oil painting stood on a high platform, speaking clichéd things in a magnetic voice, but deeply attracted him. Eisen's gaze.

Eisen chewed on Tang Cen's name over and over again, and followed his figure with his eyes. He saw a bit of restrained emotion in Tang Cen's eyebrows and eyes, looming.It was too far away, and Eisen couldn't see it clearly. He only felt that a man who was as bright and gorgeous as a rose must be proud and lonely, and he was good at disguising, so he would use confidence to hide them all.

But when he got a glimpse of Tang Cen's carefully hidden secrets, he realized what shocking fear and inferiority he had hidden.

"For three whole years, you even only talked to me a few words, and I'm already very satisfied..."

"You are too far away from ordinary people from the beginning, you don't know what those who follow your example think of you. The papers you publish, the honors you get, some people can't do it in their lifetime, everyone knows You are outstanding, only you can't see it." Eisen counted down Tang Cen's student days, and even the honors and projects he won during his internship in the UK one by one, and he remembered them all.

Tang Cen didn't think that Aisen would remember these things. His father thought they were dispensable things, and even he himself had long forgotten: "But what's the point of getting those things? Those who can't do it... ...they're probably better off than me right now, at least they're sane."

"There are very few people in this world who can live soberly and clearly know what they should do in life." Eisen closed his eyes, and a sense of fatigue spread from his head to his whole body. "Even I would be confused, it's just that you can't see it."

Just because you can't see it doesn't mean it doesn't exist.

Eisen's tone revealed exhaustion, Tang Cen didn't dare to answer, but the hands held by the two quietly loosened.

Even though there was one more person, Tang Cen still felt that the room was eerily quiet at this moment, even more flustered than when Eisen was not around.He couldn't figure out what Eisen meant by saying this to himself.

"Hmm—" Opera Cunningham uttered a sleepy whisper, which broke the silence and interrupted Tang Cen's thoughts.He heard the sound of Opera Chow turning her body, and also heard Eisen's inaudible sigh.

Tang Cen opened his mouth, wanting to say something, but found that he didn't know what to say.He reached out his hand quietly, trying to grab the hand that was not far away, but just as he raised his hand, he heard Eisen's voice again.

"The dodder is not suitable, and you are not parasitic on anyone." Eisen said slowly.In his heart, Tang Cen will always be a rose that will bloom in spring, not a vampire that clings to other things.

Tang Cen leaned on Aisen's shoulder, curled up beside him, and tapped his finger on Aisen's heart: "You."

The hand on the chest rubbed against the skin, causing a throbbing.Eisen grabbed the troubled hand and pressed it against his chest. Through the thin fabric, Tang Cen felt the fiery beating heart in Eisen's chest.

"Tang Cen, you are an independent person. Everything you have experienced in life has made you who you are now. You will not be unable to live just because you leave someone."

"Even without me, you can survive."

Eisen spoke calmly, as if he was just an outsider.The love when you were young was always so irresistible, but now, how much of that love is left in the cruel reality?

Tang Cen's hand on Aisen's heart trembled slightly. Aisen's words inexplicably gave him some bad thoughts, but he didn't know whether Aisen's words were just comforting or something else. Pointing to something, he could only pretend to be casual and said: "It's as if you want to break up with me."

As soon as he finished speaking, Eisen suddenly grabbed his shoulders, pulled him into his arms and hugged him tightly, so hard that he seemed to want to rub Tang Cen into his body.

"Don't say such things anymore, I will take a long vacation after Christmas, let's go to Switzerland again." Eisen's voice sounded in his ears, and the lower than usual voice was mixed with some heavy feelings, and hugged The pressure on his body together made Tang Cen breathless.

Perhaps it was due to a long illness and becoming a doctor. Tang Cen knew that his condition was very bad. This was a common situation in winter, and he usually increased the dosage of medicine.This time he was negligent, thinking that everything would be safe with Eisen, and he didn't mention this matter to Eisen, but Eisen is not a doctor, so it is impossible to take care of everything.

Tang Cen let Eisen hold his body stiffly, not even daring to breathe hard, but soon Eisen seemed to notice his strangeness, and slightly relaxed the arms around his waist.

"Winter will pass." Hearing Eisen say this, Tang Cen suddenly felt a surge of heat in his eyes, and the warm liquid quickly moistened his eye sockets.He leaned on Eisen's shoulder, bit his lower lip tightly, and nodded vigorously.

At that time, Tang Cen really thought that winter would pass, but after one winter, there are still countless winters waiting for him.