under the filth

In Paris in November, the temperature at night has completely dropped to single digits.The night before, Tang Cen was wearing thin home clothes and blowing the cold wind for more than half an hour. The next day, he developed a high fever not long after falling asleep.

Tang Cen woke up once at dawn. At that time, he only felt that his brain was dull and painful, and his eyelids were so heavy that he could only open a crack.He realized that he might be sick, and tried to wake up Eisen beside him several times, but his dry and sore throat couldn't even make a faint sound of breath.

The discomfort caused by the high fever spread to the whole body, and his limbs were so sore that he could barely lift his fingers. Tang Cen struggled in vain for a while before exhausting what little energy he had.

Before falling into a coma, Tang Cen vaguely saw a blur of white light mixed with light golden ripples,

Tang Cen was in a daze from the fever, he couldn't remember how long he had been sick, and he didn't know what he said when he was sick.But on the way, he vaguely felt that he was being hugged, and not long after, another furry thing was arching his hand.

Every once in a while, someone would touch his forehead and feed him water and medicine.That person seemed to say something else, Tang Cen couldn't hear clearly, but he only remembered that the person's voice was very soft and gentle, and the hand on his forehead was cool and comfortable.

But the medicine is still very bitter.

When Tang Cen woke up from his lethargy again, his mouth was full of the bitter taste left by the pills.The bitter taste lingered for a long time, making it difficult for him to fall asleep.

Eyelids trembled, Tang Cen lifted his heavy eyelids with great effort, and the world out of focus was blurred.He vaguely saw a figure swaying in front of him. Although he couldn't make out the appearance of that person, he knew who it was.

Moving his lips, Tang Cen coughed twice before asking in a vague voice, "Eisen?"

"Are you awake? Are you still uncomfortable?" Eisen's voice rang in his ears, and Tang Cen felt the mattress beside him sink a bit, and then put a cool thing on his forehead, which relieved the discomfort in his head feel.

"I didn't wake up." Tang Cen lay on the bed and shook his head. The splitting headache repeatedly stimulated his fragile nerves, making him want to retch, and wanted to use sweetness to ease the strong smell of medicine in his mouth.But he couldn't open his eyes and couldn't wake up at all.

Tang Cen stretched out his hand from under the quilt, hooked Eisen's finger, "I want candy."

When he was taking medicine before, Eisen would pour out a candy from the sugar bowl and stuff it into his mouth. He was also sick at that time. Why is it that he has a fever and it disappears now?

Eisen was amused by his two words, held his hand and coaxed in a low voice: "I'll make cotton candy for you when you recover from illness."

That morning Eisen was woken up by the painful moans beside him, and when he reached out to touch it, he found that Tang Cen suddenly had a high fever.Tang Cen has been ill for two days with this illness, and he has been worried for two whole days, fearing that there will be another accident.

"Then you have to remember." Tang Cen couldn't tell if Aisen made the promise just to coax him, anyway, he won't remember what kind of nonsense he said today when he wakes up tomorrow, and he doesn't know if Aisen doesn't admit it.

Unexpectedly, Tang Cen's obsession with sweets was so serious that he was still thinking about it even when he was sick. Eisen promised dumbfoundedly: "Remember, I'll make you a cake next week."

When he heard "cake", Tang Cen suddenly turned over and leaned against Eisen's thigh.He was completely huddled under the quilt, and Eisen was afraid that he would be out of breath, so he was about to pull down the quilt, when suddenly there was a voice that was too soft to be heard from inside the quilt: "I want a pineapple."

Tang Cen suddenly wanted to eat pineapples, but he didn't know if there were pineapples in a country as cold as France.

"Okay." Eisen replied with a suppressed smile, a mere pineapple cake would not bother him.

Seeing that Aisen agreed decisively, Tang Cen remembered the previous agreement, and simply took advantage of his illness, and coquettishly made other requests: "I have a backache and don't want to do it, can I eat?"

"Yes." Eisen rubbed his head, and said helplessly, "I'm still thinking about these when I'm sick."

Tang Cen fell asleep without hearing the last half of the sentence. He woke up for a short time, but his consciousness was clearer than the previous few times. Eisen's heart that had been hanging around finally fell back to its original position.

Covered in the quilt for another night, at noon the next day, Tang Cen's body temperature finally dropped, but the soreness on his body still did not subside.He lay on the bed, staring at the familiar ceiling in a daze.

Tang Cen's memory was still three days ago. He remembered that he was lying on Eisen's bed before, but now he woke up and went back to his room.

Eisen probably brought him here. Tang Cen looked at the home clothes on his body and rubbed his temples with a headache.This time he was a little seriously ill, and he couldn't remember what happened during his illness at all, leaving only a large blank in his head.

After lying on the bed for a long time, Tang Cen supported his weak body and sat up. It was just a simple movement, but Tang Cen took a lot of effort.For three days, he hardly ate anything, only drank a little water, and now his body couldn't exert any strength at all, so he could only dawdle on the bed a little bit.

As soon as he sat up, Tang Cen smelled a sweet smell, as if someone was making some kind of dessert in the room.

When Tang Cen dragged his recovering body out of the bedroom, Aisen was busy in the kitchen.

Hearing footsteps behind him, Eisen put down the baking pan in his hand, turned around and beckoned to him, "Come here and have a taste."

Tang Cen didn't know what he was doing, but he walked up to him obediently.Before he could stand still, something soft and sweet was stuffed into his mouth.

Eisen asked while cutting the marshmallows in the pan, "Is it sweet?"

Very sweet, or strawberry flavor.Tang Cen nodded, took another piece and stuffed it into his mouth.

The people beside him were eating marshmallows in silence. Although it was his favorite sweet, Eisen noticed that Tang Cen seemed to be in a bad mood.

So he stopped what he was doing, put the cut marshmallow in his mouth, and leaned forward to exchange a sweet kiss with Tang Cen.

"What are you thinking?" Eisen scratched Tang Cen's nose with his starch-stained hand, leaving a ridiculous white mark on the bridge of his nose.

Tang Cen stared at the knife in his hand, and blurted out without thinking: "Did you take away all the knives before thinking about you?"

The thing that was taken away by Eisen has been reclassified, and Tang Cen also remembered what the thing that was taken away by Aisen was, and guessed why he did it.

Eisen lowered his head and twirled the starch on his fingers, as if thinking about something, fell into silence.

Tang Cen didn't ask any further questions, he picked up a piece of marshmallow and put it in his hand, poking its soft and elastic body.

After waiting for a while, Tang Cen heard Eisen say, "Every time you hold a knife, I'm terrified."

Tang Cen's hand poking the marshmallow slipped, and the marshmallow rolled out of his hand and fell to the ground.

Hearing the word "fear" from Eisen for the first time, Tang Cen's first thought was that he was joking.Ever since he met Eisen, Tang Cen felt that "fear" and "retreat" did not exist in this man's dictionary, but now Eisen actually told him that he would be afraid because he held a knife.

Tang Cen thought this reason was ridiculous and absurd, but when Eisen touched his left wrist, he suddenly remembered that Eisen touched his scar the same way when they first met.

Pulling up the sleeves to reveal the scar on his wrist, Tang Cen clasped Eisen's hand and stroked it with his fingertips, "It wasn't cut with a knife, it was smashed out with glass."

The scar on Tang Cen's wrist was horrifying. Just by looking at it, Eisen could imagine the deep and bone-deep wound.He always thought that Tang Cen cut his wrist with a knife, but who would have thought that it was smashed out bit by bit with glass.

Being able to use glass to make such a wound, Eisen didn't know how much enlightenment Tang Cen had to deal with him so harshly.

"Does it hurt?" Touching the uneven scar on Tang Cen's wrist and feeling the throbbing blood vessels under the skin, Eisen's heart felt as if someone was tightly grasping it, and the pain made him breathless.

Tang Cen raised his hand to caress Eisen's face, smoothing his frown little by little with his fingertips.

"I don't feel anything anymore. At that time, I really... wanted to die."

When the glass was smashed into his wrist, Tang Cen still felt the pain, the pain distorted his facial features, and even lost consciousness, he could still feel it.But when he heard Tang Songyuan humiliate him in the hospital and asked him why he didn't cut his throat and died more simply, Tang Cen suddenly couldn't feel any pain at all.

"I can't live anymore," he said.

Tang Cen dug out his heart and gave it to someone he cared about, but that heart was thrown on the ground, covered with dust, and was trampled on several times until it was crushed to blood.Tang Cen was almost numb from the pain, but no one cared about his feelings.

By the time Eisen picked it up, it was already so damaged that it was almost beyond repair. Even if he tried his best to fill it with pills and stick it with glue, he could only piece together an ugly lump of flesh that was almost impossible to jump.

"it's already over."

Eisen couldn't think of any consoling words, he didn't participate in Tang Cen's past life, he was just a bystander, and all the words of enlightenment and persuasion afterwards seemed pale and powerless.

"As soon as I heard his voice that day, I remembered that incident." Tang Cen felt that he had severed ties with the Tang family and was no longer Tang Qian's brother, but he had been a brother for more than ten years, and he didn't know What should I call Tang Qian.

"It was the same with my father back then. A sudden call came and asked me if I was living with Lu Sheng. Not long after I got home, I..." Tang Cen didn't know how to bring up the past with Aisen. Tang Cen couldn't remember many details of the matter, and Eisen already knew enough, so he just vaguely stated it.

But no matter what they did at the time, it was Tang Cen's fault in the end. Everyone could see that Lu Sheng didn't love him as much as he thought, but he still went his own way for such a man. "He didn't agree with me being with Lu Sheng, but I still beat him up."

"I haven't seen him for six years and don't know how he is doing now."

Six years have passed, and Tang Cen has no idea what kind of person Tang Qian has become now.

"Then do you want to see him?" Eisen saw the look of nostalgia in Tang Cen's eyes. He still had feelings for this younger brother, but due to various reasons, they couldn't meet each other.

Tang Cen imagined the scene of reuniting with Tang Qian, and shook his head lightly, "It will disappoint him."

Six years ago, he was desperate to associate with Lu Sheng, and now he was forced to leave his hometown. When he was wandering in a foreign country, he met Aisen again, and he lived with Aisen again not even after a long window of time.

If Tang Qian knew about it, he would probably spurn him like his father, because he couldn't live without a man.

"I don't know...what he wants to do. If one day I was taken away by him, would you go to find me?" Tang Cen didn't know if that day would come, but he still couldn't help asking. .

Eisen replied without thinking, "Yes."

But Tang Cen, who asked this question, fell silent. Eisen looked at his lowered head and asked with a sigh: "Don't you believe it?"

"I believe it, but I have no idea." Tang Cen didn't know why he was so disappointed, obviously Aisen had already given him the answer he wanted most.

Tang Cen leaned on Aisen's shoulder, counting the number of times he fell ill with his fingers, "It must be tiring to be with me."

Eisen tilted his head, rubbed against his hair, and said, "I'm not tired."

"Lie." Tang Cen was helpless against such a cheeky Eisen, so he could only smile wryly.How could it not be tiring to fall in love with a mentally ill man like him? Eisen answered him because he couldn't bear to break his heart.

"What about you? Are you happy with me and Opera Ceremony?" Eisen poked his finger into the starchy baking tray and drew a string of small hearts inside.

"Happy." Tang Cen paused, "But I..."

Tang Cen didn't say the second half of the sentence, he knew that if he said it, everything would be messed up.

Eisen cut a piece of marshmallow and stuffed it into Tang Cen's mouth, "Don't talk about the pain, I know."

No, you don't know.Tang Cen said silently in his heart, the words he dared not say were the most hurtful sharp knives.

Eisen couldn't hear the voice in Tang Cen's heart, but sensitively caught Tang Cen's uneasy mood, "He won't take you away, trust me."

"En." Tang Cen responded, but in his heart he only regarded it as a word of comfort.

The marshmallow in his mouth was obviously sweet, but Tang Cen could only feel a bitter taste spreading in his mouth.

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Can't finish writing...