under the filth

Tang Cen sat on the sofa for a while, and when he regained feeling in his legs, he staggered to the dining room and opened the medicine left by Eisen.There was only one tablet in the medicine wrapper, and Tang Cen recognized it as Sertraline. Eisen didn't prepare sleeping pills for him, perhaps because he was worried that something might happen to him.

It didn't matter, Tang Cen threw the pill into his mouth and swallowed it with cold water.

The cold liquid slid down the throat and into the stomach, and there were small throbbing pains in the irritated organs, but they quickly subsided.

Even the tangled mass of negative emotions disappeared from Tang Cen's body.

Too strong fear and regret swept through his brain. After his emotions calmed down, Tang Cen suddenly fell into a moment of confusion. He didn't know why he was so afraid, and he didn't know why he made such a move again.

Tang Qian and his father are obviously two completely different people. He speculates on Tang Qian's actions from his past experience, and equates him with his father based on the so-called father-son relationship. Regardless of whether this is the case, it is too much Too hasty.

Everything happened so suddenly that Tang Cen had no room to think. His subconscious reaction was not only meaningless, but even hurt Eisen's heart.

Tang Cen leaned on the back of the chair, his gaze was erratic, wandering back and forth in the small space in front of him.

Eisen took some things, although not many, but Tang Cen obviously felt that something was missing in the kitchen.He thought for a long time before he could remember what was missing, but soon he put the question behind him.

The dose of one pill is usually enough to stabilize Tang Cen's mental state, but now it is completely unable to suppress the negative emotions that are spreading wildly in his heart.Tang Cen pulled the blanket over his shoulders, recalling the scene when Aisen left just now, the warm blanket suddenly lost its temperature.

Tang Cen stood up abruptly, and the chair was moved back half a meter by the strength of his standing up, making a harsh rubbing sound.He walked to the locker where the medicine box was placed, sat cross-legged on the ground, and rummaged through the medicine box.

But after searching through the medicine cabinet, Tang Cen couldn't find any medicine that belonged to him.The place where the medicine bottle was originally placed is no longer the medicine bottle with the label on it, but a box of unopened cigarettes has been replaced.And in the corner of the cabinet, the ashtray containing the lighter was quietly placed there.

Lightly touching the square corners of the cigarette box with his fingertips, Tang Cen touched the smooth plastic cover and silently put the cigarette and ashtray on the ground.

The smoke rolled into the lungs from the respiratory tract, and the nicotine paralyzed the nerves. Tang Cen couldn't help but sigh with emotion when he calmed down. Although the habit of dependence he developed many years ago was drinking pigeons to quench his thirst, it still works today.

11 years ago, he was pulled down from the clouds by someone who thought about it, fell to the ground, and fell into the mud. All the light of Tang Cen was wiped out by the mud, and all the pride and self-esteem were knocked by Tang Songyuan's cane broken.He has nothing now, only the illusory love and support Eisen gave him.

But those are too fragile, so fragile that they will break and disappear at any time, just like Tang Cen's current life, which looks stable and stable, but can't withstand the slightest blow, a phone call without any follow-up can throw him off his feet.

If Tang Cen was asked if he regretted the choice he made six years ago, he would not be able to answer it himself.His persistence earned Lu Sheng's betrayal, and he also waited for Eisen, but if he hadn't severed ties with Tang Songyuan, would he still be able to come up with Eisen who said he loved him six years later? The courage of the year was with him.

However, the word "if" never existed in his world, and all the choices he made were covered with blood and scars.

Ever since he got sick, Tang Cen had always been terrified of answering the phone. In the beginning, just hearing the phone ring would make him panic.So after going abroad, Tang Cen deleted the contact information of all the people he knew.His current mobile phone number is only given to the landlord and Su Yuqing, while Eisen secretly saved it during the Cold War before, and has never given it to anyone else.

He had mentioned this matter to Eisen, so whether it was the shopping mall or the rescue center where Opera Chow was adopted, all the numbers on the form belonged to Eisen.

Later, it was also because there were only three people's numbers stored in the phone, and he only received calls from Aisen on weekdays. Over time, Tang Cen got used to hearing Aisen's voice as soon as he picked up the phone.Although his heart would still beat violently when the phone rang, Tang Cen slowly accepted it.

Eisen will not give his number to anyone else, and it is impossible for it to be leaked from the landlord. It can only be given by Su Yuqing, and he is the only person who has the opportunity to tell Tang Qian.

Before Tang Cen was kicked out of the Tang family, he had no idea that he had an uncle, and all he knew about his mother was the cold photo.

In fact, Tang Cen didn't know the character of this uncle who appeared halfway, but Su Yuqing took him in when he was kicked out of the house, and Su Yuqing gave him the job afterwards. The expenses were also paid by Su Yuqing.

Su Yuqing had done a lot for himself, and Tang Cen simply judged that he would not hurt himself based on the care he had taken for him before.

When Tang Cen went abroad, Su Yuqing gave him a lot of help. When he moved here, Tang Cen also called him once and told him his current address and phone number, but Su Yuqing never contacted him after that.

Not long after, Tang Cen met Aisen.During the time when he was entangled with Eisen, Tang Cen even forgot that he had such an uncle.

Until last month, he and Eisen bought a lot of things, spent a lot of money but still couldn't see the balance bottomed out. Surprised, the two went to the bank to check the balance together.After seeing the string of remittance records, Tang Cen realized that Su Yuqing had remitted a large sum of money to him the day after the phone call.When Eisen saw the numbers displayed on the screen, he was slightly surprised.

With everything added together, Tang Cen thought that Su Yuqing would not hurt him.

But now, Tang Qian not only found Su Yuqing, but also got his number from him.Tang Cen didn't know why Su Yuqing gave Tang Qian and how much information about him, and he didn't know who else besides Tang Qian knew.

Tang Cen couldn't figure out what Tang Qian wanted to do, and he didn't know why Su Yuqing would tell other people his phone number.These unobtainable answers are what scares him the most. He feels faintly uneasy, but he can't solve these problems at all.

The only thing Tang Cen knows now is that he once again believed in the wrong person.Those people Tang Cen thought he could trust, just gave him some insignificant things because of his pity, but he regarded them as being included in his own small circle, but in the end they still regarded him as a burden and kicked him away.

A certain nerve in his brain throbbed violently, Tang Cen frowned and let out a muffled groan.

The pain came and went quickly.

After his body returned to normal, Tang Cen poured out the last cigarette in the cigarette case and picked up the lighter at his feet.He pressed the lighter, half-covered the flame with his hand, and lowered his head to light the cigarette in his mouth.

The lit cigarette butt sparkled faintly, and the white smoke mixed with the smell of burning tobacco escaped from the faint spark, lingered on Tang Cen's finger holding the cigarette, drifted upward slowly, and disappeared bit by bit. In the cold air.

Whether it's Tang Qian or Su Yuqing.Half a world away, it was impossible for Tang Cen to give up everything he had now and fly to Tang Qian and Su Yuqing to question them.

In the end, to Tang Cen, they were no longer part of the same world. How they thought of themselves was no longer important. Tang Cen could also think of the words they would say and the labels they would slap on him.

But what about Eisen, what does Eisen think of him?

Tang Cen once thought that facing his intermittent madness, depression and low self-esteem, Eisen would one day get tired of such an entangled life.But he was wrong. When the problems left over from the past were exposed one by one, Eisen was not the one who flinched first, but he was the one who kept running away.

Big and small problems are like deep and shallow gullies between Tang Cen and Aisen. Every time he crosses a gap, he is one step closer to Aisen.

Now they may be closer, but the price they pay is Eisen's feelings. He keeps killing those illusory loves. Eisen's love is like a credit card that cannot check the overdraft limit. How much, but every time can withstand his profligacy.

But there will always be a day when it is completely exhausted.

Tang Cen sat on the ground with his back against the table leg, and looked up at the closed door in front of him.

He knew that through two thick wooden doors, Eisen and Opera Claude were opposite him, as long as he stood up, made a phone call, or knocked on the door on the opposite side, they would return to him.

As long as he is willing to stand up, the life disrupted by Tang Qian can return to its original appearance.

Pressing the nearly exhausted cigarette in his hand into the ashtray, the cigarette butt drew a few black marks on the bottom of the glass container, and the white smoke rose from the ashtray with the movement of Tang Cen's hand, and drifted into the air. air.

No matter what Tang Qian's reason for looking for him is, he must be very disappointed to see himself like this now.But what Tang Qian thought had nothing to do with him. After he was kicked out of the house by his father, they were no longer brothers, and no one would chase after him and call him "brother".

As for Su Yuqing, his uncle, Tang Cen didn't know how to deal with their relationship yet.There wasn't much connection between them, even if they were completely cut off, Tang Cen wouldn't think it was such a painful thing.

Just a little sad.Tang Cen's only regret was that Su Yuqing never called his name except on necessary social occasions.

Eisen always called him by his full name without any intimate titles, but Tang Cen felt more at ease than all the previous code names.

Tang Cen got up from the ground, and put the ashtray stuffed with cigarette butts on the table.He didn't want to let Eisen down anymore, even if it was just to make up for the part that was overdrawn by him, he would return to Eisen's side.

Picking up the key on the cabinet, Tang Cen stepped on the cotton mop and pushed open the door in front of him.