under the filth

Tang Cen lowered his eyes and sat cross-legged on the sofa.

The alcohol completely absorbed by the stomach flowed through the body along the blood, and Tang Cen could even hear the sound of bubbling in the alcohol-soaked brain.The alcohol-smelling bubbles washed away his unspoken words, leaving only fragments and bursts of pain from his heart.

He still has a lot to say to Eisen, and he knows what he wants to say. He thinks he should still be awake, but now his brain can't organize a complete sentence, and he can't even utter a single word.

Tang Cen could only sit there, let his mind go, and let Eisen's fingers rub against the smooth and soft skin of his cheeks.

During this time, Tang Cen lost a lot of weight, his waist hidden under his clothes had distinct ribs, but the flesh on his cheeks hadn't completely disappeared, barely maintaining his original beautiful skin.

Eisen couldn't put it down because of the slightly elastic soft touch. He had accidentally touched Tang Cen's cheek before, and the soft and delicate touch made him want to touch it again.He wished he could get so close to Tang Cen every day, but Tang Cen at that time was very resistant to making such intimacy with him.

Perhaps it was the submissive character that brought too much pain to Tang Cen. Tang Cen, who was tortured and bruised all over his body, seldom showed a docile side in front of Eisen.

But Tang Cen was not completely unapproachable. Eisen vaguely remembered the night when he sneaked home from the reception, he pushed Tang Cen who opened the door for him behind the door, ignored his resistance and struggle, and kept kissing him.Tang Cen's nails scratched bloodstains on Eisen's neck, but when his hands moved along his thighs to his hip bones, Tang Cen suddenly became quiet.

Tang Cen, who doesn't want to get close to anyone, only won't push him away when he proposes sexual desire, and will obediently reveal his soft belly when he is deep in desire.

Tang Cen would not refuse to sleep with him, he would not cry or make noise when he was drunk, and he would just quietly follow the people around him when he was unconscious.

So Eisen could only keep asking for it, and get close to Tang Cen wantonly while Tang Cen was in a trance.But Tang Cen's body was getting thinner and thinner, the ribs on his waist were distinct, even when his knees rubbed against his waist, he felt a little pain, and his spirit was gradually on the verge of collapse.

Eisen knew that the relationship between them was sick and deformed, but he didn't realize the seriousness of the problem until he was driven away by Tang Cen.

Tang Cen couldn't tell what to obey and what to reject, and he let it go for a short time of tenderness, which led to all this happening.

Eisen's eyes fell on the half-drunk wine bottle on the table. He really wanted to have a good talk with Tang Cen about this issue, but even if Tang Cen was willing to listen, he didn't know how much he could listen to. Will leave a little memory in the brain.

Wait, now is not the time.

After screwing on the bottle cap, Eisen was about to stand up with the bottle and glass, but Tang Cen grabbed him.

"Where are you going?" Tang Cen hooked his elbow, not daring to use force or let go.Aisen's action of preparing to leave made Tang Cen feel a sense of crisis in his heart. He was afraid that Aisen would leave, and he didn't know why this fear came, so he subconsciously held him back.

Eisen didn't understand why Tang Cen suddenly showed a frightened expression, but he still sat down with the force of Tang Cen's downward pull, rubbed the back of Tang Cen's hand, and said softly: "I'll go and pour water for you, my throat is sore. Are you dumb, does it hurt?"

After drinking too much wine and crying for a long time, Tang Cen's voice was so hoarse that he could hardly speak.Tang Cen couldn't hear it by himself. Hearing his increasingly hoarse voice, Eisen wanted to get up and go to the kitchen to pour water several times, but he couldn't find a suitable opportunity, so he dragged it off until now.

After drinking too much wine and crying for a long time, Tang Cen's voice was so hoarse that he could hardly speak.Tang Cen couldn't hear it by himself. Hearing his hoarse voice, Eisen wanted to get up several times to pour water in the kitchen, but he couldn't find a suitable opportunity, so he had to wait until now.

Tang Cen didn't notice the discomfort in his throat until he heard Aisen ask him if it hurt.Realizing how embarrassing his subconscious action was, Tang Cen let go of his hand in embarrassment, and shrank in the corner of the sofa to watch Eisen go further and further away.

Eisen mixed a glass of warm water in the kitchen, and he stuffed the glass into Tang Cen's palm, waiting for him to drink it slowly.Seeing the red corners of his eyes, Eisen couldn't help reaching out and touching them again, "It's getting late, let's go to bed tonight."

Tang Cen picked up the cup and took a few sips. The warm water moistened his dry throat, and the warmth rising from his stomach melted the bubbles in his mind.

"What's wrong?" Tang Cen suddenly held the cup and remained motionless, Eisen's heart skipped a beat, wondering if he made a mistake.

Tang Cen raised his head, looked at the worry in Aisen's eyes, and the sourness that had just been suppressed in his throat began to surge again.

The words he wanted to say but couldn't say were stuck in Tang Cen's heart, making him restless.He knew that Eisen saw it, so he always wanted to talk to him, but he was not very good at expressing his emotions and thoughts, and only used avoidance to solve problems.

Avoidance can't solve any problems, and one day he will still have to face these, so it's better to speak out all of them with the strength of alcohol now.

Even if he spoke upside down, as long as the person listening was Eisen, he would definitely be able to understand him.

Surely he will understand...

"Before, I always felt that whether my health was good or bad, it didn't matter whether the condition got worse or not. Anyway, it was already like this. So much effort can only make it not so bad, it won't get better, and there is no need to struggle anymore. .”

Tang Cen has been passively accepting all kinds of feelings imposed on him by the outside world. He can't protect himself from malice, but he has learned to resist kindness. His meekness has become a sharp weapon to hurt himself.

"I'm used to this kind of messy life, and I don't want to change it, but I regretted it again when I arrived at the hospital today. You are so worried about me, and I have been ruining my body." Tang Cen's hands kept shaking, and the water in the cup Water splashed on his hands, Eisen quickly took out a tissue to help him wipe off the water, but he heard Tang Cen say again: "I thought I didn't care about your feelings at all, but I really saw your reaction , I don’t think about it that way anymore, I even thought about recuperating well in order to make you less worried.”

If this had happened half a month ago, Tang Cen would probably have sneered and put all these things behind him.But no matter how he treats Eisen and his own body, Eisen will always show that worried expression, just like now, the water in the cup is not hot at all, and there is no red mark on his hand, Eisen still carefully checked whether he was burned.

Even a stone would be warmed up, not to mention Tang Cen, he would feel sad because he made Eisen worry.But the better Eisen treats him, the more afraid he is.

"But it may not be long before I forget it. It's the original virtue again." Tang Cen's throat was so choked that he could barely speak, his lips were trembling, he could only bite his lower lip tightly to keep from crying , "I really can't change, and I don't know what I should become."

"I can't control myself, just like last time."

It was just a few days ago, and the mirror in the bathroom hadn't been replaced yet, and the hole that was smashed out was still there.Every time Tang Cen looked at the broken mirror, he would think of the fragments on the ground and the small wounds on his hands, and think of his hysterical and crazy self.

"I might die one day." Facing Aisen's eyes, Tang Cen asked tremblingly, "I can't give you anything, I will only cause you trouble. Even so, do you still like me?"

The painful experience that has only been experienced once is like a ticking time bomb, which may explode at any time. Tang Cen doesn't know how long he can hold on.

Tang Cen didn't know much about Aisen, but he knew that Aisen had his own dream, and he would never be at a loss and at a loss for his own life. Perhaps he had already realized it when he was living in chaos.

But Eisen could go further, Tang Cen didn't want to drag him down.

"I like it." Eisen pinched Tang Cen's chin, and kissed his slightly trembling lips that were bleeding from the bite.The tip of his tongue traced the lines on his lips, licking the stars and blood spots on it, until the blood was completely wiped away, Eisen let go of Tang Cen, "You may not understand, but I really love you, More love than you can imagine."

Eisen could never have imagined that Tang Cen had endured so much torture alone, and he never thought that this relationship was not his wishful thinking.Tang Cen thought about it seriously and tried to change it, but he couldn't do it. It was too difficult for him to do it alone.

"Lu Cheng chased after you just talking about himself, you agreed, what about me?" Aisen held Tang Cen's hand, looking at him with anticipation in his eyes, "Can you give me a chance to do it all over again?" ?”

"You're different from him!" Eisen's question made Tang Cen completely flustered. He didn't know why the topic turned around and returned to Lu Sheng, which was beyond his imagination.He tried to explain, but he still couldn't tell what was different. He could only keep repeating: "It's different, it's really different."

In order to make Aisen flinch, he finally slammed it at Tang Cen. He regretted it, and regretted hurting Aisen by saying such words.

Seeing Tang Cen's flustered look, Eisen grabbed his hand and patted the back of his hand twice, "I know."

Seeing Tang Cen's reaction, he knew everything.

"Do you really want to be with me?" Tang Cen moved his fingers, but his brain suppressed the subconscious movement of pulling his hand back.Putting his hand in Eisen's, Tang Cen leaned over, resting his head on Eisen's neck, and asked in a sighing voice: "Who do you like, why is it me?"

"because I like you."

No matter how many times Tang Cen asked, Eisen would tirelessly answer him with the same answer.He knew that Tang Cen didn't have confidence in him, so he repeatedly confirmed it, seeking a short-term sense of security from his answer.

Tang Cen kept confirming over and over again, but all he got was the same answer. In the end, he simply gave up struggling.

Just like it.Tang Cen lay on Eisen's shoulder, sniffling softly.