under the filth

In summer the sun always dawns early.

Tang Cen tossed and tossed for most of the night, and after cleaning up the mess, he lingered in the bathroom for a long time. When he came out of the shower, the sky outside the window had already dawned faintly, but the white night was completely blocked by the curtains. Tang Cen, who was physically and mentally exhausted, didn't notice at all.

With his back to the window, Tang Cen sat on the edge of the bed for a while and then dozed off drowsily.

At first he just wanted to sit and rest before turning off the lights, but he didn't expect to fall asleep while sitting, and even lost consciousness completely.But sleeping while sitting was just as uncomfortable as sleeping with the lights on. It wasn't until the second time when he lost his balance and woke up that Tang Cen realized that he should lie down and have a good sleep.

But the lights hadn't been turned off yet, and the chandelier above his head was still emitting light. When Tang Cen raised his head, he was still squinted by the dazzling light.

Tang Cen consumed too much energy and mind that night. Hunger and exhaustion occupied his body, and he was dizzy from the steam in the bathroom. When he came out, his body was almost at its limit.

He was so tired that he couldn't even take two extra steps to turn off the lights.

The injured right hand can't use any strength, and the leg can't lift a little strength to stand up.Sitting on the edge of the bed, Tang Cen squinted at the switch that was only a few steps away from him, and moved his fingers on his lap...

Hooking the edge of the quilt with his fingers, he dragged the quilt to his body, Tang Cen pulled a corner of the quilt, and wrapped himself completely in soft velvet.He curled up in a ball inside, and the dark cloth simply and roughly cut off the light above his head.

Between turning off the lights and going to sleep, Tang Cen chose the latter.

The undried hair wet the dark bed sheet, leaving irregular water marks on it. The wound that was washed white by the water no longer oozes blood, but when the soft fluff sweeps over the open wound, Tang Cen could still feel the slight tingling.

He hasn't had a good night's sleep for a long time. The long-term lack of sleep and the short and intensive emotional outbursts drained Tang Cen's last bit of strength, leaving him with no extra energy to pick and choose, and this little light and pain came in It is insignificant in front of the exhaustion that almost overdraws the body.

The moment his head touched the pillow, Tang Cen quickly fell into a dream, boundless darkness wrapped his consciousness, but excessive exhaustion overwhelmed the side effects of the medicine, disturbing his mind and tossing and turning all night. Emotions also disappeared completely at this time.

Tang Cen fell into a deep sleep at that time, even the sound of the chain tongue turning couldn't wake him up, curled up in a ball under the quilt, he didn't know that Aisen came in and out of his house several times.

After Eisen came out from Tang Cen, he sat in his bedroom for a long time.The sound insulation of the house was very good, and there was a corridor across, so he couldn't hear any sound from Tang Cen next door, but this made him even more uneasy.

He picked up his phone, clicked on the address book, his fingertips paused for a while on Tang Cen's name, and then quickly slid across it.His fingers slid back and forth, and when he crossed another familiar name, Eisen suddenly stopped, and then his fingers danced quickly on the keyboard, typing a line of words.

After confirming that the message was successfully sent, Eisen let out a long sigh, fell back and collapsed on the bed.Staring at the ceiling with his eyes open, Eisen didn't know if Tang Cen next door had fallen asleep. It was already late at night, but he was not sleepy at all, and was even awake.

Eisen was well aware that there would be problems with the way he got along with Tang Cen since he established a relationship, but he didn't expect it to come so soon. He misjudged Tang Cen's mental state, or in other words, Tang Cen deliberately created this illusion.

But he just forgot that that person always pretended to be himself.

Eisen thought about Tang Cen's affairs, thinking that he would keep his eyes open until dawn, but when he was woken up by the crazy vibration of his mobile phone the next morning, he realized that he had just fallen asleep like this.

I glanced at the caller, it was the person I communicated with last night, and I saw that the other party immediately called back after seeing his message.

Eisen sat up, rubbed his hair, and pressed the connect button: "Hey, Lucas, the thing mentioned earlier..."

Opening the curtains, the blinding sunlight shone through the open window, causing Eisen to squint his eyes.While talking on the phone with his mobile phone, he was looking for the spare key of Tang Cen's house in the drawer.

Tang Cen didn't give it to him, he forcibly took it away, but Tang Cen never wanted to go back.Eisen originally thought that Tang Cen had acquiesced in their relationship, but thinking about it now, maybe Tang Cen just didn't want to mention it to him, and he still felt uncomfortable after all.

"I'll take him there, don't worry." Eisen found the key and held the small piece of cold metal in his hand, "Well, see you tomorrow."

After calling his friends in Switzerland and confirming the itinerary, Eisen tried to call Tang Cen, but no one answered.

He cut off the call, went to the bathroom to wash his face hastily, and then went out with the key.

When Eisen used the spare key to open the door of Tang Cen's house, the sky outside had already fully lit up, and the sun setting on the corridor faintly radiated heat.

He called Tang Cen several times this morning, but Tang Cen didn't answer once, nor did he drag his number into the blacklist.There was no movement at all, which worried Eisen the most.

Eisen had imagined the scene of opening the door, it might be messy or horrible, but the moment he opened the door, the clean and empty space made him a little dazed.

The table in the dining room was empty, and all the tableware that had been placed on the table was gone. The stew pot on the kitchen stove was still in place, but there was a huge garbage bag in the corner.Eisen mentioned it, and the crisp crashing sound clearly told him what was inside.

The light in the bedroom was still on, Tang Cen should be inside, but there was no sound at all, and Eisen didn't dare to go in.

He paced around the living room, but found Tang Cen's cell phone in the gap of the sofa.Turning on the screen, a series of missed calls from him appeared on it.

Tang Cen left the phone here and turned off the mute again. No wonder he didn't answer the phone.

Rubbing the cracks with his fingertips, Eisen stepped lightly and walked cautiously towards Tang Cen's room.When passing the bathroom, Eisen glanced in, originally worried about an accident, but that extra glance made him freeze on the spot.

There are irregular cobweb cracks winding on the bathroom mirror, fragments of different sizes are stuck in the cracks, the center piece is missing a few pieces, and there are still mottled reddish-brown traces in the cracks.

That's the mark of a fist hitting the mirror.

The blood in the crack had dried up, but Eisen still felt glaring and hideous looking at it.

Food that has not been touched at all, mobile phones with shattered screens, garbage bags with various debris in the corners, and mirrors that have been smashed...

After Eisen left, what happened in this room, and all the things that he hadn't had time to deal with, told him clearly, without any concealment.

The mess in that place was done by Tang Cen, and Tang Cen squatted on the ground and cleaned it up bit by bit.Eisen didn't dare to imagine that scene. If he was there at that time, he was the one who did these things, and Tang Cen would no longer have to face the mess caused by his loss of control.

Bearing double the pain and persisting in doing this, it's not that Tang Cen is strong enough, but that he has no choice. ①There is no way to choose one's own birth, choose one's own family, and there is no way to escape from everything that exists. Tang Cen can only accept everything, waiting with endless patience for relief or collapse which will come first.

Eisen had always naively thought that he could understand Tang Cen's pain because he knew about Tang Cen's condition, but now all this told him that he was wrong, and it was outrageously wrong.

People's sorrows, joys and joys are interlinked or unconnected. Emotions can be transmitted and atmosphere can be exaggerated, but what everyone can feel is only the superficial and superficial part.Those who have not experienced life and death cannot understand the joy of reunion with pain, and those who have not struggled in despair cannot understand the pain of rational collapse when enveloped by darkness.

Eisen has never seen the most obscure filth and savagery in human nature, and he has never seen Tang Cen's hideous face under extreme emotions, which is also destined to make it impossible for him to understand every collapse of Tang Cen.

Walking softly to the bedroom, Eisen saw Tang Cen curled up on the bed wrapped in a quilt.The light was still on, and Tang Cen's entire face was buried in the quilt, so Eisen couldn't see his face either.

After staring at it for a while, Eisen lowered his volume and called softly, "Tang Cen?"

However, the person on the bed did not subconsciously respond to him as usual when he was drowsy, nor was he awakened.Eisen wasn't sure if he was asleep or didn't want to see him, so he raised his hand and silently turned off the light for him.

Tang Cen doesn't like the light produced by this modern technology. He likes to bask in the sun, but he doesn't like the feeling of being surrounded by the light of incandescent lamps, especially when he is most defenseless.No matter what state he was in at the time, Tang Cen would definitely struggle to get up and turn off the lights, and only in that situation would Tang Cen resist.

After many times, Eisen also saw that something was wrong.After the climax, when Tang Cen was still not sober, Eisen asked tentatively. At that time, Tang Cen was panting and talking intermittently.

"It's too cold, there's no temperature."

But now, Tang Cen allowed the light above his head to shine on his body.Eisen looked at him curled up in the quilt, and felt an indescribable feeling in his heart.

After closing the bedroom door, Eisen walked into the kitchen and dug vigorously with a spatula a few times before dumping the congealed stuff in the saucepan into the trash can.But the coagulated juice of the stew still stuck to the bottom of the saucepan, and he rubbed it vigorously twice to wash off a small piece.

The sound of running water was very clear in the silent room. Aisen was worried that he would wake Tang Cen up, so he could only soak the pot in water and wait for the dried up stew juice to soften before cleaning it.

After tidying up the kitchen, Eisen tied up the garbage bag containing the stew, picked up the large bag of debris in the corner, and walked out of Tang Cen's house lightly.

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① Taken from Winston Churchill: "We persevere, not because we are really strong enough, but because we have no choice."