under the filth

After Aisen left for a long time, Tang Cen slowly got up from the ground...to get up.

Sitting in the corner for a long time, maintaining the same posture, seriously hindered the blood flow. When Tang Cen grabbed the edge of the cabinet door and wobbled up, his legs couldn't even be fully straightened.But there was no one to help him, so Tang Cen could only grab whatever he could grab, propped himself up and waited for the blood to slowly flow to his legs.

Tang Cen leaned against the cabinet door, looked up at the closed door in front of him, and pressed his lips together tightly.The room was silent, except for the sound of his body moving, there was no other sound.

As he wished, Eisen really left, simply and neatly.

But when he left, Tang Cen was not happy at all.He couldn't tell what it felt like, and for a long time before that, he couldn't even describe his emotions accurately.

He didn't understand, but he knew it was hard, worse than the time when he isolated himself in the dark, but no one helped him.

Tang Cen felt no sensation in his legs, and his throat was burning hotly, and the pain briefly took away his voice.As if someone had poured chili water down his throat, the inexplicable hotness made his chest and stomach sting, and even the nerves were soaked and burned repeatedly.

Dragging his numb legs to the dining table, Tang Cen grabbed the water glass on the table and drank the cold water in one gulp.The cold liquid ran across the throat, and the hot burning sensation was covered by the surging sourness. The feeling was not much better than before, but even more unbearable.

"Woo--", a weak, suppressed moan escaped from Tang Cen's biting lips, as if he was enduring great pain, he bit his lower lip and lay down on the table , the raised shoulder blades trembled slightly.

It was a crazily, completely uncontrollable tremor gushing out of Tang Cen's body.

Tang Cen maintained a prostrate position for a long time, the thin fabric was wet from the cold sweat, sticking wetly to his back.The hand holding the glass had bruised veins, his fingertips and knuckles were white, and the force was so strong that the glass would almost burst.

Before he completely lost control and hurt himself again, Tang Cen threw out the glass that had been clutching in his hand.

Accompanied by a loud noise, the glass shattered to pieces, and the bouncing glass shards scratched Tang Cen's instep. Blood slowly seeped from the fresh wound, tearing a streak of dazzling red on his pale skin.

The fresh pain and the feeling of the liquid sliding across the skin brought back some of Tang Cen's sanity. He raised his head, revealing his pale, bloodless face that was soaked in cold sweat and distorted by the pain.

He wiped off the cold sweat on his face, propped his hands on the edge of the table, stood up slowly, and staggered towards the glass shards of different sizes.

Tang Cen stepped on the corpse of the glass with his bare feet. He didn't care whether the sharp edge of the glass shards would scratch the soles of his feet. After walking on the shards for a few steps, he returned to the original place.

Those red eyes stared at his toes. After a brief silence, Tang Cen suddenly began to vent his emotions hysterically.

The crisp sound of fragile objects falling on the ground echoed one after another in the small living room. The flying fragments not only scratched Tang Cen's skin, but also drew ugly marks of different shades on the surface of the sofa.

The floor was in a mess. Tang Cen stood in the only place where he could stand in the living room, hunched over and panting heavily, his back heaving violently.The warm liquid blurred Tang Cen's eyes, but the scene just now kept appearing in his calm mind after venting.

Fragmented porcelain and glass products are scattered all over the floor, the sharp edges and corners of the fragments are stained with mottled blood, the furniture is scratched by the fragments, and there are blood-oozing wounds on the body...

Frame by frame, slowly playing back, pressing his head, forcing him to recall his madness.

He is like a madman.

Tang Cen crouched, curled up in the mess, buried his face in his arms, blocking all expressions on his face.His back against the wall twitched uncontrollably, and the moan from his throat was harsh and unpleasant, like the sound from an old bellows.

His life has always been extremely restrained, living with restraint, getting sick with restraint, and seeking death with restraint.No matter how much pain he endured, he has never been so hysterical as he is now.

Whether it was taking medicine or self-mutilation, Tang Cen never tried to hurt others. This was the first time he pointed the knife in a direction other than himself, and stabbed it into a place he couldn't perceive.

It was very painful. Although this time the knife was no longer stabbing himself, Tang Cen endured more than every time in the past. He even began to worry whether his crazy voice would disturb the neighbors downstairs. Will breaking things cause trouble for the landlord?

After the quarrel, Tang Cen calmed down and ignored the wound on his body. He wiped off the messy liquid on his face with his clothes, and slowly got up from the ground, preparing to clean the floor.

Now he has no one to rely on, and he still has to clean up the mess after crying and making trouble.

He knew it would take a long time, but he knelt down silently on the ground, picked up the large pieces, and threw them into the trash can one by one.

But after tidying up, Tang Cen would sit on the ground and rest for a while every once in a while.He felt that this was very boring, so what if it was cleaned up, these things would not disturb anyone if they were thrown on the ground, and he didn't know when he would go crazy again.

But thinking about it this way, Tang Cen finally cleaned up everything.

He didn't know what was the point of persisting like this, but his body still moved involuntarily, as if he didn't know the point of living, or had been blindly manipulated to live for so many years.

So what can he do?

In the past 30 years, the number of times he has been able to make choices can be counted on the fingers, not to mention that the only few choices he made were forced to do so.

Tang Cen threw all the fragments he could pick up into the trash can, and the remaining fine fragments had to be cleaned up bit by bit.

It was also because he had to clean it up little by little that Tang Cen found his phone with the broken screen under the sofa.

He smashed almost everything that could be smashed at hand, water glasses, dishes, and all the decorations on the table were smashed by him, so even the mobile phone was not spared.There are several cracks meandering on the black screen, like a spider web, and the fine shattered glass is barely stuck in the cracks, and the sound of the fine shattered glass rubbing against each other can be heard when you wipe it with your hand.

It probably couldn't be used anymore. Tang Cen didn't quite remember how much force he used, but he didn't plan to use it anymore after falling like this.

Seeing the spider web-like cracks on the top, Tang Cen felt as if he was covered by something and had difficulty breathing.

Tang Cen threw the phone on the sofa, squatted down and continued to clean the last spot.

After rolling twice on the soft sofa, the flat object lay quietly in the gap between the seat cushion and the backrest.The location of the card was just right, with the back of the phone facing up, so the screen went on and off several times afterwards, but Tang Cen didn't notice it.

After cleaning up the crumbs, Tang Cen got up from the ground, but before he could stand up straight, his body in a state of extreme hunger suddenly lost his balance, and he fell into the sofa with a whirl of dizziness. .

The sofa was very soft. Of course there were no new wounds on Tang Cen's body, but his field of vision suddenly turned into a darkness with green light spots, which made him lose all mobility for a while, and he could only slump on the sofa and wait. Vision restored.

I don't know if it was due to hypoglycemia or what, but his eyesight quickly returned to normal, but the throbbing pain in his stomach made Tang Cen frowned again.

Dragging his limp body into the kitchen, Tang Cen lifted the lid of the only saucepan in the kitchen.When they quarreled before, the stew cooked by Eisen was still in the pot in the kitchen, but the fire had been turned off. After such a long time, the smell of the food has long since dissipated, and the cold lumps in the pot The food has long been wrapped in a sticky paste.

Tang Cen's lips were still pale, he knew he should eat something, but too many things happened that night, he didn't have any appetite at all, not to mention the food in the pot, no matter how delicious it was, Tang Cen didn't want to eat it. Take a second look.

He dare not think...

Covering the pot, Tang Cen dug out a piece of chocolate from the refrigerator, tore open the package, and stuffed a piece into his mouth.After chewing the cold slightly bitter chocolate and swallowing it into his stomach, Tang Cen pretended that he had finished his dinner. He leaned against the wall and slowly moved into the bathroom.

He broke out in a cold sweat before, and then squatted on the ground to clean up for most of the day. He was hungry and tired, and now he just wanted to take a shower and go to bed.

But after entering the bathroom, Tang Cen didn't think so anymore.

There was a big mirror in the bathroom. Tang Cen stood in front of the mirror, looked at his horrible face in the mirror, slowly raised his hand, and took off his clothes.

His body was also horrific. The exposed skin on his upper body was covered with hickey marks, and there were several bite marks on his collarbone and shoulders. You could tell what had happened to him just by looking at it.

It's not the first time Tang Cen saw it, but looking at his own body now, he just felt disgusted.

Whether it was before or now, the marks on his body never seem to fade away. When the marks left by the previous man fade away, the next man will make up for it.

Disgusting.

The huge piece of glass in front of Tang Cen clearly reflected his face, fully showing the embarrassment on his face and body before his eyes, and he could see everything at a glance.

He lowered his head, leaning on the edge of the sink, trying not to look at the person in the mirror, but as soon as he looked up, he could see how unbearable he was now.

The light in the bathroom was on the mirror, and the refracted light fell into Tang Cen's eyes, as if they were laughing at his madness and his despicable past.

"Gay!"

"**!"

"You are a psychopath!"

"boom--"

The fist smashed hard on the mirror, and a mottled and broken pit was smashed on the wide mirror surface, and the reflection in the mirror became fragmented.Blood flowed along the cracks in the broken glass and dripped into the white porcelain basin, those few scarlet drops were particularly dazzling.

He's not crazy, he's just mentally ill.

Tang Cen was sitting on the edge of the bathtub, holding the shower in his left hand, and there were subtle tingling sensations from his fingertips.

The water flowing from his body was still red at first, but slowly, it turned light red, and finally became transparent again.

He let the water wash over the wounds on his hands and feet, and Tang Cen didn't start to wash his body until the wounds were white and no longer bleeding.

He wants to die, but not now.

He couldn't... couldn't cause anyone any more trouble.