under the filth

For Tang Cen and Jiang Yan, parents are always a particularly heavy topic.Friends who didn't know were envious of Tang Cen's generous father and yearned for Jiang Yan's gentle mother, but they had never seen the ferocious faces they showed when facing their own flesh and blood.

Hearing Jiang Yan talk about her mother, Tang Cen probably knew it, but he didn't know how to comfort her.

Filled with unreasonable irritability and anger in his heart, Tang Cen got up and went to the kitchen to pour a glass of cold water, and poured it into his belly with his head raised.He stood by the sink in the kitchen, watching the sunset slowly set over the hill, Jiang Yan's trembling voice kept echoing in his ears: "I didn't realize until I recalled that she had been secretly observing— No, watch me, watch what I'm doing.

"She always laughed at me inexplicably, and sometimes I didn't know why. I seemed to be scolded by her when I didn't do anything wrong. At that time, I was afraid of going home, and I would be scolded as soon as I went home, but If you come home late, you will be scolded."

Maliciousness sometimes comes so suddenly, and Jiang Yan's mother also reminded Tang Cen of Tang Songyuan, the father who kept denying all his efforts and achievements.

Just like what Jiang Yan's mother did to her, when Tang Cen was about her age, Tang Songyuan also threw the test paper that he missed by two full marks in his face, scolding him for all kinds of wrongdoings.

Tang Cen still remembers until now, because of those two points, he received two slaps from Tang Songyuan, and got an angry sentence: "Trash!"

That is to say, from that day on, Tang Cen gave up all his extracurricular activities, almost cut off communication with his classmates, and plunged into his studies.He didn't want to see Tang Songyuan's eyes again, and he didn't want to hear those two words again, but no matter how much effort he put in, all he got was Tang Songyuan's words: "It's not enough."

He closed his eyes, the shadow of Tang Songyuan kept appearing in his mind, the disappointed eyes hurt Tang Cen's heart.The wound on his waist and abdomen not long after the stitches were removed began to ache, which made Tang Cen regain some sense of sobriety.

Putting down the water glass, Tang Cen covered his wound.He gasped and listened to Jiang Yan's crying: "She sent me to school, but she pointed at every place on my body in front of her classmates and parents on the street. She said, 'Look at yourself, you are fat and fat. Short and ugly!'

"I just stood there and listened to her humiliating me continuously. I could feel the eyes of the crowd on me, and I could hear their whispering. Standing in the crowd laughing at me.

"Later in the classroom, I thought I could catch my breath, but the boy was imitating my mother in front of other people. I didn't cry at that time, I just didn't understand why I was treated like this. But now I look at my hands , my own face, I feel that I am an ugly monster."

Ugly, freak, the labels on Jiang Yan are all insulting, and they were nailed to her by her mother and classmates.The people around laughed and trampled on Jiang Yan's dignity, wantonly humiliating her.

At that time, everything around her couldn't wait to show Jiang Yan the ugliness of the world. When everyone else was walking towards a bright and beautiful future, Jiang Yan was left alone in a dark corner.

"Until now, I think I'm ugly. No matter which class I'm in, any girl in the class is prettier than me, and I can't hold my head up in front of them." Jiang Yan yelled the last sentence almost hysterically. of.

Tang Cen didn't know where she was now, and what kind of harm she had received from her mother, but he knew that Jiang Yan had been holding back these words for more than ten years.He was the first and only one to hear her finish.

However, the irony is that Jiang Yan regards Tang Cen as a life-saving straw, but she doesn't know that he was once one of those who regarded her as a freak.

Or maybe it was because of such a sense of guilt that Tang Cen heard it until the end, even though he didn't do anything to Jiang Yan on the surface.It's just that Tang Cen has always played the role of a bystander, he is not the perpetrator, so Jiang Yan feels that he is different from others, so she asked him for help.

His hand holding the phone trembled uncontrollably. Tang Cen wasn't sure whether the girl on the other end in his hometown was crying uncontrollably, or showing some other expression, but the eyes that had been smiling were probably already flushed. .

Tang Cen thought about it carefully, the girl at the same table was not ugly, but just like every ordinary high school student, simple and simple, after all, not every girl has a pretty face.But this world always has strong malice towards women, especially for mediocre and inferior women.

His hand couldn't help touching the scar on his waist and abdomen. Tang Cen knew that he couldn't persuade Jiang Yan, and he couldn't say anything to comfort him. At the same time, he rationally told him not to interfere in such a thing, but now, Tang Cen can't do it. Leave her alone.

Jiang Yan was as isolated and helpless as Tang Cen when she was hospitalized alone. Her request was not too much, she just needed a listener.He can't walk yet, at least not for the next few 10 minutes.

Some people always smile and look bright and cheerful, but behind that smile, they are crying in embarrassment, but they still live without showing any clues.

Even when Jiang Yan was pointed at her nose and accused of false charges, she smiled and endured it. Many times, Tang Cen didn't even understand why she was still laughing, and she could still laugh.

She used to be so considerate of others, but no one was able to be so considerate to her from the beginning to the end. Everyone was just wasting her kindness for no reason.

"But even if she did that to me and said that to me, and she gave birth to me in October, I have no way not to love her." Jiang Yan asked tremblingly, "I can't do harm Her matter, but who will love me like this?"

Tang Cen didn't know who she was asking, but through the screen, he couldn't help but want to hug her.

Just like Tang Songyuan is always denying his life, and Tang Cen is still living according to his instructions, Jiang Yan will not take the initiative to bring up the good and bad of her parents, but their insults and injuries to her are engraved in her bones, and will always be Indelible scars.

Those sharp and piercing words are like pairs of hands stained with muddy mud, dyeing the innocent and ignorant, white paper-like childhood black and dirty, breaking the delicate and sensitive nerves of adolescence, trying to connect them into their own dreams according to the thoughts of the world. The desired appearance, but it became a knot.

How many teenagers' hearts have been pierced by their parents, and the words spoken unintentionally by close relatives are often the most capable of poking holes in people's hearts. The fear and pain caused by those words are undetectable to the speaker, but But it is always shrouded in the hearts of delicate and sensitive people.

Tang Cen couldn't quite understand what it was like to have a mother by his side, and he didn't know what a mother was like.In his memory, his mother was just the cold photo in the frame, and even the voice was vague in his memory.

In the Tang family, no one had ever mentioned his mother to Tang Cen. For a long time, Tang Cen even thought that he had no mother.But after meeting his classmate's mother and feeling the gentle strength of the young woman touching his hair, Tang Cen got a cold photo from Tang Songyuan.

The result of constant questioning was just a photo. The young and sensible Tang Cen quickly accepted the fact that his mother had passed away, and stopped mentioning a word to Tang Songyuan.

Listening to Jiang Yan's cry now, Tang Cen couldn't help thinking, if his mother was still there, what would he be like now?Will the beautiful woman in the photo caress her head tenderly like other mothers?

But to Tang Cen, that was only a hypothesis after all.

Tang Cen returned to the room and sat on the cold floor.He leaned his back against the edge of the bed, listening to the voice on the other end of the microphone, and slowly buried his head in his arms.

When he came back to his senses and removed the phone that had been attached to his ear, he realized that the call had ended an hour and a half ago.

After hanging up, Jiang Yan only sent a message: Good night.

Tang Cen swiped up and down the screen, but there was no other new news.

Good night.Tang Cen raised his numb and trembling hand, tapped the keyboard a few times with his cold fingertips, and sent this reply.

Tang Cen leaned his head back against the edge of the bed, using the light from the phone screen to see the lines on the ceiling clearly.It was early in the morning, but he didn't want to do anything. Jiang Yan suddenly broke into his life, disrupted his daily life, and left quietly when he was at a loss.

He clutched his left chest, feeling the warm and powerful beating under the skin, but the rest of his body was icy cold.

A seemingly heartless person will cry on a social platform that outsiders can't see, so what is he like?It looks like a normal person, but what is it like in reality?

"Why do I live?" This was the question Tang Cen had been thinking about since he could remember.He always thought that he was studying for Tang Songyuan and surviving to achieve Tang Songyuan's goal, but now these deep-rooted thoughts were shaken because of Jiang Yan's words.

That whole day, Tang Cen didn't close his eyes to rest.He sat on the floor, staring blankly at the darkened room, until the sun slowly rose, and then stood up unsteadily.

Stumbling into the bathroom, Tang Cen took off his clothes and threw them on the ground. The hot water from the shower hit his body, dispelling the coldness on his body.

Tang Cen covered his face and leaned against the wall of the bathroom, letting the water wash over his body along the top of his hair.He let out a long sigh, and since he chose to connect with Jiang Yan's call, something has changed.

Tang Cen, who was already wandering by the edge of the quagmire, was dragged into the mud by Jiang Yan who was struggling in the quagmire.