under the filth

The morning sunlight shone into the room through the curtains and fell on the messy double bed, printing irregular light golden fine lines on the light gray sheets.

There was no one in the room, and the mobile phone was lying alone on the ground. The only thing that could tell the location of the owner was the sound of rushing water from the bathroom.

Tang Cen stood in front of the pool with a straight face. His upper body was naked, and he turned the faucet to the maximum, letting the cold water wash over his left wrist.

A water-stained blade sits on the sink, and the light from the bathroom lamp casts a cold glow on it.After a small amount of red liquid rushed out from Tang Cen's wrist, it quickly dissolved into the clear water and disappeared without a trace.

Tang Cen didn't turn off the faucet until the red liquid stopped oozing from his wrist, took off the towel from the stand, and wiped his left hand that was numb from the cold water.

Compared with the heavy study day, the campus on Saturday morning is often quiet, after all, no one wants to miss this good time to sleep in.Usually Tang Cen would wake up an hour later than usual on Saturdays, but today he woke up half an hour earlier.

And not surprisingly, he was in the bathroom for another half hour.

Since arriving in England, Tang Cen would spend at least half an hour in the bathroom every once in a while.Studying alone in a foreign country, Tang Cen can only maintain his rationality due to this weak pain, sober and addicted.

This habit is too hidden, so no one has discovered it so far, and naturally no one knows the reason.

Tang Cen hung the towel back to its original position, took out the usual hemostatic tape from the bedside table, and stuck it on his wrist.

Touching the edge of the adhesive tape, Tang Cen knew that it would not be long before the skin under the adhesive tape would return to its original smoothness and delicateness, with no trace visible.

Putting on the long-sleeved shirt and buttoning the cuffs, Tang Cen tugged on the sleeves again, making sure that none of the tape could be exposed before sitting on the ground.

It was still very early, and Tang Cen didn't want to go back to bed and continue to sleep, and he didn't want to read the book he hadn't finished before.He picked up the phone that had been dropped on the ground before, and turned on the screen to read the messages on it.

The screen was empty, except for a greeting sent half an hour ago, which was Tang Cen's familiar account: Good morning.

Morning, did you get up early today?Tang Cen typed this line on the phone expressionlessly, and hit the send button.

The simple four words came back quickly: adjust the class and make up.

Tang Cen's fingers tapped on the keyboard a few times, and after thinking about it, he deleted it.Repeated back and forth four or five times, and two or three minutes had passed since the message was sent, Tang Cen replied to the other side: Pay attention to rest.

Ah, you too.

The cold text was displayed on the screen of the mobile phone, and even the usual concern was gone.

Tang Cen rested his head on the bed, slumped on the ground and looked up at the gray-white ceiling. The slight tingling sensation from his wrist did not affect his daily activities, but only made him more awake.

There was still a meeting with Lu Sheng at noon, Tang Cen did the math, there were still three hours before it was time to go out.He was sober and sober, and he still had no idea what to do during these three hours.

As the sun fell on his body, Tang Cen exuded a soft halo.He closed his eyes slightly and put his hands on his forehead, blocking the light from the window.

Now Tang Cen finally connected all the things that happened in the past two months. Lu Sheng approached him with a purpose. From the very beginning, he was very blatant and didn't hide anything.It's only because he was sick during that time, and he was too slow to everything, that he didn't notice it for so long.

There is no doubt that Lu Sheng likes him, but thinking of his father who is far away in China, Tang Cen subconsciously wants to reject the noon appointment, even though it was proposed by himself.

Through the thin fabric, Tang Cen touched the place where the tape was stuck, and pressed down slowly and firmly with his fingertips.Bursts of tingling pain passed through the nerves and spread from the wrist to the cerebral cortex. Tang Cen raised his head and took a deep breath.

reject him.After tearing off the blood-stained tape and pasting a new one, Tang Cen made up his mind before going out.

When we arrived at the restaurant, Lu Sheng was already waiting inside. Through the glass window, Tang Cen saw that he was studying with the menu.

From the corner of his eye, Lu Sheng caught a glimpse of a person sitting down on the opposite side, and naturally handed the menu in front of the visitor: "What do you want to eat?"

After ticking two boxes at random, Tang Cen handed the menu to the waiter.He looked at Lu Sheng who was sitting opposite, and tried to euphemistically mention what he said on the phone: "Recently... there are some rumors in school, I wonder if you have heard of them?"

"You said I was pursuing your affairs?" Lu Sheng put down his water glass, and straightforwardly clarified the meaning of Tang Cen's words.

Although he was mentally prepared, but when Lu Sheng said it so carelessly, Tang Cen turned his head in embarrassment.He looked at other places and responded vaguely: "Ah...um."

"That's not a groundless rumor." Lu Sheng put down the chopsticks in his hand, clasped his hands, looked into Tang Cen's eyes, and said frankly and solemnly, "I really like you, and I'm pursuing you now."

For the expected answer, Tang Cen didn't show any surprise or anger. He just sighed and asked in a distressed tone, "When did it start?"

Lu Sheng looked into Tang Cen's eyes, and said word by word, "It's been from the beginning. I've noticed you for a long time, but you haven't noticed it all the time." From the very beginning, he was caught in this pair of dark as night, like It was in the eyes that glowed softly like black pearls, "I was going to confess my love to you in the park that day."

Of course Tang Cen remembered that incident, and was lightly dismissed by Lu Sheng at the time, but he always had a vague feeling that it should be a very important matter.He took a deep breath, only to feel a headache: "I interrupted you?"

"Yes." It's not shameful to interrupt Tang Cen's confession because of eye allergies, and Lu Sheng didn't intend to deny it.But when he saw Tang Cen's distressed expression, he couldn't help but say something more: "But you don't need to show such a distressed expression, I pursue you without hindering our normal communication as classmates."

Maybe because he felt that the meaning in his words was a bit weird, Lu Sheng added: "I know you haven't dated anyone before, so you don't have to reject me now."

Tang Cen looked at him silently without saying a word.The restaurant's chandelier reflected a few points of light in his dark eyes, making his eyes look extraordinarily clear and bright.

Being stared at by such a pair of eyes, Lu Sheng knew that he was deeply sunk in and couldn't extricate himself.He swallowed and tried to make his voice not so hoarse: "I won't do things that bother you. If you don't like men, you can treat it as a friendship between ordinary friends."

It's crazy, Tang Cen didn't know Lu Sheng for a long time, and he never thought that this person could say these things to him so frankly.To continue to be friends with a person who is pursuing him, this kind of thing Tang Cen couldn't do with the cheek.

Tang Cen changed his face in front of Lu Sheng for the first time, he raised his eyebrows and asked: "So you mean, you pursue your love, I live my life, and I can even always accept your kindness with peace of mind? "

"You can understand it like this, or you can accept it with peace of mind." Unaffected by Tang Cen's anger at all, Lu Sheng spread his hands as if it was a matter of course.

This man can really speak.It was difficult for Tang Cen to accept such a development.He nestled in the soft sofa, with his left hand on his chest and his right hand covering his face.His wrist was aching from this movement, but he couldn't cope with it clearly: "I can't do this kind of thing."

Lu Sheng stared at him for a long time. He knew what his words and deeds meant, and he also knew that it would cause such trouble to Tang Cen.Although it was not his intention to trouble Tang Cen, if he does not take the initiative now, Tang Cen will get farther and farther away from him in the future.

"But if I really can't catch up, I will let go." Lu Sheng didn't press too hard, he took the initiative to take a step back and gave Tang Cen a little room to buffer.

Tang Cen raised his head and asked helplessly, "Then how long do you plan to chase?" The tone seemed to imply that Lu Sheng would agree to him after chasing him for enough time.

"Until I don't have any feelings for you." As for when he will have no feelings, Lu Sheng thinks that may be the moment when his life is coming to an end.

Naturally, Tang Cen would not believe Lu Sheng's words. Since he had a showdown with him today, they would no longer be able to get along like ordinary friends like before.Even if Tang Cen tried his best to maintain it, their relationship became ambiguous in the eyes of others.

But right now, he really can't make any decisions.

"Give me some time and let me think about it calmly." Following the steps given by Lu Sheng, Tang Cen almost compromised.

Tang Cen ate his lunch like chewing wax, and he didn't know the taste. Lu Sheng saw that his appetite was not good, so he didn't say anything else.Neither of them said a word, and for the first time fell into a deadlock of silence.

After eating, the two left the restaurant. Lu Sheng looked at his watch and asked Tang Cen tentatively, "Go back together?"

Tang Cen was looking down at the stone bricks on the ground, and the rubber soles rubbed back and forth on the uneven edges of the stone bricks.

Regarding Lu Sheng's invitation, Tang Cen blinked before raising his head, trying not to look so strange on his expression.There was a smile on the corner of his mouth, and he refused in a calm tone: "No, I'll walk here before going back."

Then, under Lu Sheng's watch, Tang Cen walked to the other end of the fork in the road.

Tang Cen walked very naturally, unhurriedly.He only left a back view for Lu Sheng, so Lu Sheng didn't see the red corners of his eyes.

Tang Cen let out a long breath until he turned around a street and could no longer see Lu Sheng when he turned his head. Tang Cen felt an inexplicable soreness in his chest, which was more painful than the wound on his wrist.

He didn't understand how he could make Lu Sheng like him so much.