Thunder can't catch fire

Chapter 62

The year I fell in love with Han Zheng, I almost died of a serious illness.

At that time, my parents were in the period of starting a business, and they didn't have so much time to take care of me and my brother Ling Zhi, and the family didn't have spare money to hire an expensive nanny. A distant relative took care of us.The old lady is old, and her eyes, ears, and memory are not good. She often forgets to cook, and it is common to add more salt and less sugar to the dishes she cooks.Ling Zhi and I were terrified of that kind of dark cooking, so we often went to Han's house to eat.

Han Zheng's parents were extremely gentle and kind-hearted people among the rich people I knew at that time. My parents were still Xiao Xiami in the mall, and they watched other people's faces when they were rolling and crawling. Every occasion is cautious, not daring to speak too much.Only in the Han family can they eat, drink and laugh happily.

At that time, Han Zheng could still be called lively, and he would not always put on a serious face and pretend to be deep.Xie Chen and Qin Feifei often go to his house. Qin Feifei is the same as our family and is a family friend with their family, while Xie Chen is because he and Han Zheng have been classmates since kindergarten, so they have a close relationship.

Loving someone is a very mysterious thing, and sometimes it is a coincidence.That distant relative named Grandma Zhang's memory was confused again one day, and she forgot to pick me up after picking up Lexus, and Lexus had an awkward fight with me the day before, and didn't remind her of it.When my parents came back and found that I hadn't arrived home, they immediately rode a bicycle to the kindergarten to find me.

I still remember that it rained heavily that day, and the management of the kindergarten at that time was not strict. No one came to pick me up, and the teacher would not come to take care of me. I hid under the swing in the kindergarten by myself. and the dribbling rain.

That was the scariest time since I grew up.

When my parents found me that day, I was already passed out, and I developed a high fever that night, which turned into pneumonia after a few days. A week passed, and there was no sign of improvement.My parents were in a hurry, and there happened to be a serious situation in the company. During that time, Han Zheng broke his leg and was also in the hospital.Han Zheng's mother ran back and forth between the east and west wards of the hospital, taking care of both Han Zheng and me.

She is a too gentle woman, she does everything by herself, but she is also too tired.Later, when I got better, I often went to play with Han Zheng in his ward, listened to Han's mother tell us stories, or played flying chess.Han Zheng continued his mother's character, never bullying little girls like boys of the same age.There were no other children to play with us during that time, which allowed us countless opportunities for "alone time".

Since that hospitalization, I have grown to rely on him from the bottom of my heart, mixed with a vague liking for a little girl.

I want to be with him all my life.

The originally hazy feelings gradually deepened as the years passed, and I went to Han's house more and more times, and I became more and more familiar with Han Zheng.He is two years older than me, we went to the same primary school, because our family lived close to each other, we started going home together since the first grade, of course, there was Xie Chen in the middle.Xie Chen is the kind of boy with a gentle personality, and he is also very delicate and good-looking, so he is very popular in school.

But I don't particularly like him.

It seems to be caused by a sense of crisis in the distant future. When he and Han Zheng often hugged each other, looked at each other and laughed, I always felt that he would snatch Han Zheng away, Han Zheng who only belonged to me.And what happened afterwards also proved that my sixth sense was not wrong.

The sudden car accident of Han Zheng's parents completely crushed him.I begged my parents to adopt him. At that time, Qin Feifei's grandfather also had the same plan. I don't know how they talked about it. Anyway, Han Zheng ended up at Qin's house.I cried for a week because of this, and ignored Han Zheng for a whole month.

But in fact, I knew in my heart that he had no intention of talking to me.During that time, he was very silent, not depressed, after all, he was not yet at the age of knowing the world, but since then he seems to have changed, he doesn't like to talk, he is always very serious, and he can really talk. Only Xie Chen was left.

Maybe girls are naturally sensitive|sensitive, or they always observe very carefully when they like people. I found out that he likes Xie Chen when I was in the first grade of junior high school.To be honest, I was shocked and sad at that time.I can't tell which feeling is more.I heard from my parents that a distant cousin of mine didn’t like girls, so he married his boyfriend abroad.Our family is relatively open-minded, but my parents frowned when they mentioned it, with a look of disgust.That brat Ling Zhi patted his chest and assured his parents that he had no interest in men at all.

My original plan was very strong, to go to the same high school as Han Zheng, and I will confess my love after he finishes the college entrance examination. I will be successful.

But now it will never be possible, I can't force him to like girls.Therefore, I fell into the vicious circle I set up, trying to dilute the feeling in my heart by alienating him, so that I don't like him so much.I worked hard for more than half a year, but when it was my birthday that year, he and some friends held a birthday party for me without telling me. The moment he smiled and handed me the gift, all my previous efforts were in vain. In vain.

I finally resigned to my fate.

I am beautiful, have excellent grades, and have a wealthy family. Not all the good things in this world come to me.There is a line in a movie I watched that can describe my fate very aptly: ThejokeisallmylifeIcoulddoeverythingexceptonethingIwanted.

I decided to continue liking him, but keep that liking in my heart forever, until the lid of my coffin covers my body, I will not let him know.

I'm the kind of person who does things decisively and leaves no stone unturned.Now that I have accepted my fate, I hope that the person I like can be safe and happy, even if the person beside him is not me.Han Zheng and Xie Chen are getting closer and closer. Like a bystander, I watched their unacceptable love slowly take root and sprout.Han Zheng's grades were very good, and this excellence lasted until he was in college. When I went to Qin's house for dinner, I heard Qin Feifei say that he could go abroad with a full scholarship after graduation.At that time, Han Zheng's expression was indescribably weird, and he subconsciously looked at Xie Chen. I had a bad feeling in my heart, so for the first time in my life, I followed them to the gym where they often played basketball after dinner, and eavesdropped on him. They talk.

My sixth sense came true again unfortunately.Han Zheng is not only unwilling to accept the offer, but also plans to show his family the matter with Xie Chen.At that moment, my whole body trembled.I believed that I had an open starting point, carefully hid those dirty thoughts in my heart, and then made the worst decision in my life.

I told Mr. Qin about this.

Thinking about it carefully, apart from those high-sounding, "really good for him" rhetoric, in fact, I also have real timidity hidden in my heart.I can't imagine them walking past me holding hands in front of everyone, hugging, kissing... The things I have believed in for so many years are crumbling, and the wind will collapse.

Xie Chen has been a person with unsteady will since he was a child, but he is a good person.Mr. Qin and I have brainwashed him in a few words. He is afraid that he will affect Han Zheng's future. He is afraid that they will be cast aside by the world and cannot live a normal life.I know that Han Zheng is very stubborn, if we come forward to dissuade them, we will lose nothing, so I proposed that we can pretend to be with Xie Chen, tell Han Zheng that we are together, and ask him to give up this relationship voluntarily. a relationship.

This move is extremely sinister and vicious, killing | people invisible. It's not that I don't feel sorry for Han Zheng, but I keep convincing myself that this is the best for him.

It's just that I didn't expect Xie Chen to have such a great influence on him, and Han Zheng actually went to serve as a soldier in a fit of anger, and he left for several years.During that time, he broke contact with Xie Chen, Xie Chen was in great pain, and I kept chanting a spell in his ear to dissuade him from "wasting all previous efforts".

What is "waste of previous efforts"?Thinking about it now is ridiculous and sad.I'm like a clown who thinks he can control other people's lives and reverse his own.But actually?

I don't have a happy day.

I have never dared to tell anyone that I actually asked Xie Chen to go to that mall on the day the fire broke out.I want to buy a pair of thermal pants for Han Zheng, but I don't know his size, so I want Xie Chen to go with me.

Looking back on the events of that day now, my memory is a bit confused. When I close my eyes, I can only see a large area of ​​fire and Xie Chen’s smiling face in the fire.

I am a demonic woman, I am selfish, cocooned, and ultimately hurt others and myself.Han Zheng never knew why Xie Chen's death hit me so hard. He didn't know that I didn't care about my disfigured face at all. If it wasn't for my parents persuading me, I wouldn't even want to have an operation.

Han Zheng is a kind person. He was so sad that he was dying, but he was worried that I couldn't think about it. He kept explaining to me, accompanied me to see a psychiatrist, and wanted me to get out of the shadow of the fire.I know it's largely because of Xie Chen, but I deliberately ignored that factor.People who are used to pretending to be asleep are difficult to wake up.

I like to numb myself.People like us can always see a glimmer of hope in desperate situations.I said to myself, why not marry Han Zheng.If you are married, you don't need to worry about him, you only need the status of a wife to ensure that his life will be smooth and smooth, and he will never stand in front of everyone and tell them that he likes men.He will be perfect and powerful, just like when he was a child, walking in the eyes of everyone's praise and approval.

I didn't expect that he really agreed.Maybe he was just too tired.The moment he took my hand, I was so happy.I'm not such a selfless person. For me, if I can't let him love me, it's good for me to watch him and guard him all my life.

But maybe, I have done too many wrong things in my life, so that God can't forgive me.I didn't expect that another Xie Chen would appear.That man named Zhou Yan, from the first time I saw him, the hairs all over his body stood on end.I suspect that I have seen another Xie Chen. They have similar eyebrows and eyes, and the curvature of the corners of their lips when they smile are surprisingly consistent.Although... the personalities are very different.

From the moment he appeared, my nightmare began.

I tried my best, but in the end I couldn't keep Han Zheng.

I think he hates me. When I asked about him and Zhou Yan in the hospital, I looked into his eyes without any tenderness or love. I finally understood that he has always hated me. He hated me for taking Xie Chen away. , hated me for living alone in that fire, hated me for binding his marriage and life...

You love someone, but he hates you.

After so many years of vain work, it is my fault that I ended up like this.It turned out that what he wanted was never a perfect life, he was never afraid of the secular world, and he never thought of compromising.

Grandpa has been unable to accept him and Zhou Yan, I think, I should try my best for him one last time.I talked to my grandfather on and off for a week before I convinced him to try to let Han Zheng pursue his own life.At the end, the old man asked me: "Actually, you like Han Zheng a lot, don't you?"

I didn't answer, just smiled briefly.

I love you until the day the lid of my coffin is closed.

The author has something to say:

Start writing the settings you already have!Thanks again for reading!