At the end of spring and early summer, I only hear your voice

"I like him very much too, but, it's not that kind of liking!"

"Like is like, there is no distinction between this and that"

"But I never thought about... kissing him..."

"Then let me give you an example. You think you can kiss a girl. Then you say that if Qin is a girl, and you and her have had those pasts, would you pursue her and then kiss her?"

"..." Liang Yiming looked at Lao Zhuang with surprised eyes, he didn't expect him to ask such a question.

Lao Zhuang didn't rush him, Liang Yiming thought for a while and continued, "When I first met him, he was even more shy and introverted than now. He avoided the crowd, sat in a corner, and looked at others vigilantly. ..., I just want to help him, think that he can be better, and at the same time, I feel good in my heart... If he is really a girl, maybe it is possible..."

"That's it. Besides, Su Yuan, you should kiss me too. How do you feel when you tell the truth?"

"Feeling? I just know I'm kissing, and my mouth...is soft~" Liang Yiming was a little embarrassed when asked bluntly by Lao Zhuang

"What about Qin Zheng?"

"...and Qin Zheng..." Liang Yiming panted, "No, I don't know... my mind is blank, some... some can't breathe" Liang Yiming said, his heartbeat suddenly rose, and his face turned red.

"That's it, can't you tell the difference yourself? Even if you can't tell the difference yourself, your heart and your body can tell the difference"

Liang Yiming lowered his head even lower, and turned away from looking at Lao Zhuang.

"I don't understand. What does that have to do with these things?"

Lao Zhuang was silent for a long time,

"Actually, I've always been concerned about one thing. Are you really sure that you like men?"

"Old Zhuang! Why do you say that too?" Liang Yiming looked at Lao Zhuang angrily.

"Don't worry, listen to me slowly," Lao Zhuang continued after taking a sip of tea

"At that time, when I saw you and Wu Dong, you were happy and happy every day. I thought you should have made a decision yourself, but later I found out that you hadn't.

In fact, you can be sure that you are, or you are not, but this is not the same thing as you have been avoiding thinking about it.I won't let you compare Wu Dong and Qin Zheng, but you tell me, or you can clearly distinguish between men and women in your heart now, which is more acceptable to your body? "

Liang Yiming glanced at Lao Zhuang, he didn't understand why Lao Zhuang forced him to make such a judgment, he obviously called him to help him.

"Tell me!" Lao Zhuang was so strong

Liang Yiming's eyes flickered, and he didn't look at him

"From the look in your eyes, I know that you prefer to be with men, don't you?"

Liang Yiming didn't speak, but nodded slightly.

"I'm not asking you to make a choice now, I'm asking you to first determine your own heart. If you like women, it's easy to solve. From now on, you can go on a blind date and find a woman to marry. Wu Dong and Qin Zheng will get away with me." Far away, whether they are happy or not has nothing to do with you, just tell Qin Zheng clearly that you don't like him, you like girls, so let him stay away; but if you are sure that you like men different choices," said Lao Zhuang, his expression dimmed, and he continued

"There will be a different way to go"

"I don't understand, so what?"

"Hey~" Lao Zhuang sighed, calmed down, and said slowly

"Yi Ming~ I'm from here. If you really like men and give up that kind of life, at least there must be a reason, you know why you gave up, and you have a goal to support your future life~"

Liang Yiming felt a little sad when he heard what he said, and turned his head to look at him, yes~ When we met again, Lao Zhuang said that the last time he met "Little Rourou", the girl who worked in the bar that he knew since childhood Together, this nickname was also given by Lao Zhuang,

"I sold the bar and opened a winery with Xiaorourou. I only sell wine. Although Xiaorourou is not a beautiful woman, at least she is someone I have known since I was a child. I can barely accept it. I know that I gave up for my own sake. Mom, my mother committed suicide because of me, I can't help it, even if I'm not filial, I can't take my mother's life~" Lao Zhuangchang sighed, and then said

"Yi Ming, life has been decades, whether it is long or short, there must be a reason to support myself to live. I made clear my orientation and gave up again. I know what I am for. What about you? ? Don’t wrong yourself too much, why are you suffering yourself? For whom? "

"If you go on when you are not sure, you will have no direction and goals. When you are sure one day, you don't know why you have been alone for so many years. What do you want to support your future path? Your heart is not It’s so easy to lie. It will make the four of you suffer, if this doesn’t work, something will happen sooner or later.”

"If you choose to admit yourself after you are sure, it's easy to do. Make a choice between them, or simply tell them that I am gay, but I don't like you either, so stay where you are cool."

"Old Zhuang, do you know about my dad?" Liang Yiming finally spoke

"Yeah, you told me"

"Well, you also know that Wu Dong and I met in a bar. We started dating because of interests. I admit that I was very happy in the days when I was with him, but I can't get past my own hurdle. How can I change? Becoming someone like my dad, this kind of thinking is deeply rooted, making it impossible for me to accept him.”

"What about Qin Zheng?"

"Qin Zheng?" Liang Yiming breathed a little shortly, "He used to be a normal child, I don't know why, maybe he just misunderstood himself because he was always with me"

"You suspect that he is not sincere?"

"No, I believe him, but what if he misunderstood himself? How can he be sure that he likes men, and that he will always like men in the future?"

When Lao Zhuang heard his words, he suddenly became happy, and Liang Yiming was stunned with a smile.

"Damn it, what are you laughing at, Lao Zhuang?"

"I'm laughing, aren't you thinking about things that people in love would think about?"

"No, no!"

"And said you don't like him!"

"..."

"Let me ask you another way, if you reject Qin Zheng, what are you going to do?"

"What should I do? It's still the same as before~"

"Yi Ming, how cruel you are, don't you think it's painful for a person you love so much, but you can't be together every day?"

"But, but do we have to separate?" Liang Yiming thought that he would have to be separated from Qin Zheng in the future, and he couldn't accept it. He never thought about what it would be like if Qin Zheng wasn't by his side. After two years in college, Qin Zheng was still in school after graduation. But they also often participate in the internship of the radio station, and the two of them have not broken contact in private, let alone after work, the two of them are already used to being by each other's side.

"You don't want to leave him, right? But you also have to think about others. How does it feel to put delicious food next to a hungry person and not let him eat~"

<Then are we really going to separate?Can't be together every day? >

He got off the beach and lay on the sofa, feeling that he had no strength in his whole body, nothing in his mind, and he didn't know what he was thinking.A person passed before his eyes, father, mother, grandmother who loves him, Wu Dong, Qin..., thinking of Qin Zheng, he thought of the day when he held his hand to his forehead, apologized to him, told him not to go, not to go!Hug his waist and say, I like you, I like you

Liang Yiming sat up all of a sudden, and suddenly felt a little pain in his heart. It was not a psychological effect, but a real pain in his heart, which made him unable to lie flat.

Through what happened on the night when Qin Zheng was drunk, Liang Yiming realized one thing. He was sure that he liked men. Whether it was Qin Zheng or Wu Dong, the physical feeling when they hugged each other let him know where his desire was. .

If when he was with Qin Zheng, he couldn't be sure whether the other party was "because he was Qin Zheng" or "because he was a man", then when he hugged Wu Dong, he was very clear that the relationship between him and Wu Dong was unacceptable to him. Even so, there will be feelings.

The remaining problem, then, is, what to do?Like Lao Zhuang said, start a blind date and find a woman to marry?There is Su Yuan in front of him, but thinking of Su Yuan looking at him with affectionate eyes, is he going to lie to her forever?That was cruel.

Or accept Qin Zheng?Is it not just as simple as accepting Qin Zheng, but also fully accepting one's own orientation and life in this situation in the future?Accept other people, like Lao Jin and Xiao Yangzi's different perspectives and behind-the-scenes discussions?Accepting that the grandmother in his hometown might be disappointed in him?

The options are easy, but making up your mind to choose is hard.

Lao Zhuang was also silent for a long time before saying, "On this point, Qin Zheng is braver than you. He still has parents to explain, and your only grandma is not around. Do you want to disappoint his determination?"

<Yeah~ He still has parents, maybe one day he will be accused by his parents, will Qin Zheng be turned against his parents because of me?Or let him get it and lose it later?It's better... I never got it~>

The conversation with Lao Zhuang ended in an inconclusive conclusion. He thought about it all night and made a bold decision in his heart---resign

The reason why he chose to leave completely was because he couldn't make the decision to accept or not.

Accepting Qin Zheng made him feel scared. He couldn't bear these responsibilities, but he lacked the courage to face it and couldn't bear it when he rejected him. The only way to leave him was to really leave and never see each other again. Maybe that was the only way Control yourself not to think about him.

Liang Yiming hid in the bed, covered his head with the quilt, and wept secretly. Although no one could hear him, he still lowered his voice and bit his fingers hard.

The night outside is still quiet and there is no sound. Occasionally, the sound of cars passing by on the road in the distance gradually fades away.