seven or seven

After losing his job, Lan You gave up his plan to work and continued to look for his yearning for a new life.Every morning, when he brushed his teeth, he looked at his face in the mirror and felt that things were different.

It seems like you never know how many little things in life can knock you down.A small storm of fate, you lose the motivation to live.

Is there such a thing as fate in this world?

Years are like knives, gentleness is like knives, how many sharp memories I, a fool, insist on holding in my hands, but in the end, my hands are dripping with blood, so miserable.

I still brush my teeth, wash my face, eat, sleep, and walk every day... It just seems that everything has lost its original flavor.Everything you eat is bland and tasteless, and what you do has no interest in life. Is life going to continue like this for decades?Looking back on the past, sitting in a rocking chair and smacking my own mouth, isn't that enough?

At the moment when everything was most intense, Lan You really wanted to die with Fu Lin. He didn't know what was holding him up, but looking at it now, he just wanted to live.

People say that words are heavy, but in the end they are top-heavy. Kneel down and sing a song to conquer fate, and you will no longer be young and frivolous. How much love and hate, how many dreams are buried by us.

And when asked about it, I still have a face of unwillingness and frustration, and I will only shout "full!" What a powerless life, it is broken into pieces by just fiddle with it.Such a self, how to live, whether to linger on and be a walking corpse for a lifetime, or simply leave behind the charge of being an unfilial son, it can be seen that it is all talk, but in the end, I still don’t want to part with the three thousand prosperous world, and would rather be as humble as dust live, and do not die righteously.I have to keep telling myself "I'm not cowardly, I'm really not..."

How can I live with a self that I can't even face?

It seems to be drifting with the tide, as if letting life go by like this, as if everything returns to its original appearance in the blink of an eye.

When love and hate are no longer distinct, Lan You doesn't know whether he is grateful or disgusted with his parents.When everything in the world is overshadowed by your departure, tell me how to face the beauty of this pale world made up of thousands of fragments.

He said he couldn't let go, but he didn't want to do anything in his heart.I said in my heart that everything would pass, but I couldn't get up again on this hurdle.

Everything is nothingness, everything is hypocrisy, Lan Yu seems to tear up the masks of those people, let them go down ugly in hell with him.

There has never been a so-called good person in this world. In the end, who is clean?

It would be better to die clean.

Better to be dead and quiet.

There will be no more turmoil in the world, no more pointing at me, and no more facing so many disappointed eyes and sad eyes.

Lan You is a good boy, he is reluctant to leave his parents and go away, he is also a good lover, he likes Fu Lin, he can't let him go, but he can't leave with him.

The two emotions repeatedly haunted each other, and Lan You lingered in death and survival, and his newly recovered body quickly lost weight.

This is the beginning of July 2016. After losing his lover, Lan You also lost his courage to live.

He is a boy and cannot express his anger with tears, but he can use another way to solve the emotional nowhere to rest.

His body is hairy and skinned, and he is affected by his parents. Lan You doesn't know if his parents will feel distressed if he does this, but when the sorrow in his heart has swallowed his soul, he can only use physical pain to relieve this emotion.

Every night, Lan You used a knife to draw scars one after another on his body.The scars were not too deep, and if they were too serious, his parents would know. He had no intention of retaliating against anyone, but if he didn't do so, he wouldn't be able to live.

Some people say that it's just an object, it's not a big deal.

However, you have tried to give all your dreams and thoughts to one person. When you only have him in your future and you only have him in your heart, has he been taken away by fate?

You watched his body gradually lose its temperature, and you tried to infect him with your own body temperature, but the doctor asked him out.

Those who love you are ashamed of you, and those you love will either leave or just stare at you with disappointed eyes.

The sweet home has become an icehouse, the campus I love has become a prison, everything I have fought for has become a tool to restrain myself, the whole person is so sad that he almost collapses, but he still has to hold up the promise of two people.

Lan You gritted his teeth and wanted to persevere, but his body was already on the verge of collapse. At this moment, he was like a withered grass beside a cliff, and any slight movement of the grass would kill him.

From this day on, Lan You didn't eat anymore. He didn't feel any feeling when he did anything, only when the knife was cut on his body, he felt a little pleasure, and he felt that his heart was not so painful.

How many people gritted their teeth and cried in the dark night without making a sound when they were alone and helpless. The sharp teeth kept tearing the flesh from their arms, and the blood slipped from their lips, with a faint smell of rust.

His consciousness became more and more blurred, and sometimes the day passed as soon as he slept, and fell into the night, drinking saliva, and continuing to wield the knife.

From arm to arm, calf to thigh, until the whole body was covered with scars, Lan You looked at himself in the mirror with only his face and hands intact, and smiled coldly.

He was wearing a long-sleeved shirt with one button buttoned to the top. His complexion was so pale that he almost looked human, his lips had lost their color, and he was exhausted from not eating for a long time.

He swayed like that until he reached the flyover in Haicheng City.This is where they confessed, where Fu Lin had an accident, where he was reborn and destroyed.

He sat there, took out the silver harmonica from his pocket, and played the familiar tune over and over again.

Until he was exhausted and fainted.

No one paid attention to him, no one looked at him, until he felt pain in his left shoulder, which turned out to be festered.

The viscous yellow liquid almost soaked through the thick shirt, but luckily he was wearing black, which was not too conspicuous.

After returning, he went to a clinic, forced the man to give himself medicine, and left.

In fact, everyone knows that the medicine is only temporary, and if his arm is not treated properly, it may be useless.

But he doesn't care, he still has some things to do, as long as he can walk and run, as for other things, who cares?

Who doesn't have a life.

During these three days, Lan You played the harmonica in three different places.

He stood on the Haicheng flyover where people come and go, playing the harmonica.

He sat on the bustling street of Haining and played the harmonica.

He lay on the lawn by the river at night, watching the stars and playing the harmonica.

The world is becoming more and more blurred, and many times I seem to hear someone talking to me, but Lan You turns a deaf ear to it.

Never has it been easier, nothing can hurt you, nothing can threaten you.

When a person renounces everything, he becomes a true Buddha.

No one can beat a man who has nothing, because he is no longer afraid of losing anything.

The glory and pride of the past were completely changed with the departure of that person. From then on, there was only such a scarred and living corpse left in the world, waiting for the death brought by the grace of fate.