monologue

Su Zheyu's confident gaze showed doubts for the first time, and soon he hid his doubts again. He stared at the man sitting in front of him. He looked younger than him in appearance, but his words were younger than him. To be crazy and disorderly, he is not asking Su Zheyu why he killed someone, he is discussing the process with him.

Su Zheyu has read many psychological and spiritual books. He knows these things very well. He is keenly aware of the difference between Wen Ti. He is different from those experts and scholars. Su Zheyu feels the danger from Wen Ti. An even bigger monster lived.

"I keep rehearsing what I want to do in my mind. Every day in the dead of night, I take my scalpel and search for the carotid artery in my neck, but I can't find it." Su Zheyu said.

Wen Ti said: "The pieces of glass on the fence, towels, toothbrushes, belts, and even a toothpick can be used as suicide tools. Your scalpel is a very luxurious tool, and you are hesitant because of it."

"Of course, if a scum like Liu Junsheng is still alive, how could I die before him? I abide by social rules and treat everyone around me kindly. I try my best to show my sunny side, but when I see my father die At that moment, I suddenly figured out that he was called a lunatic all his life, and I was also called a lunatic because of him. We have lived on thin ice for so many years and never caused trouble to others. Is the malice of a psychopath deeper than that of a rapist?"

"There is a mentally ill person around you. You can see him every day, get in touch with him, and always be on guard against whether he will get sick and hurt you. Once he has a little mistake, he will be blamed as sick, but people condemn strong. By the time the rapist is caught, people will speak out against criminals who will not harm them, and they will not be burdened because they know they are safe."

"So should mental illness be abandoned and excluded by society? I have been to a mental hospital, and everyone there is trying to recover and return to society. However, many patients are relapsed by external stimulation after recovery, and even live in mental illness for the rest of their lives. In the courtyard, old people died in it, even when someone mentioned it after they died, they would say, are you talking about the mental illness?"

"You have only been to an ordinary mental hospital, you have not been to a guardianship mental hospital, and you have not seen how a group of violent mental patients bite other people's throats, let alone how they go crazy all the time. Thinking about tearing people apart, I haven’t seen how they used a chopstick to suddenly get sick in a public cafeteria, cut their belly and pulled out their own intestines, saying it was a snake entrenched in his stomach, that’s how they vented their emotions The method is cruel, cold-blooded, and inhumane, although there are not the vast majority of such patients, but the appearance of one is terrifying enough."

Wen Ti didn't play games with Su Zheyu. What Su Zheyu always showed was hostility to this society. What happened to him was not compensated by this society. His father was crushed to death by drunk Liu Junsheng, and his girlfriend was also raped by Liu Junsheng. Rape, he is a man with strong self-esteem, he sought help but the reality made him more desperate, so his self-destructive tendencies became more and more serious.

From a humanitarian point of view, Su Zheyu's actions are wrong and unacceptable. They cannot be tolerated by the law and cannot be accepted by the vast majority of people. But from Su Zheyu's point of view, he believes that the society is wrong, so he Paranoid and pathological think that what happened to him was brought to him by society, and paranoid is also a common symptom in mental illness.

After hearing Wen Ti's description, Su Zheyu fell silent. Why didn't he treat Liu Junsheng the same as those people?But from the very beginning, he was running towards Liu Junsheng, and his thoughts of revenge increased day by day, and a voice in his body kept urging him.

"The feeling of killing is very exciting. Maybe you will feel sick when you hear it, but that feeling is more exhilarating than taking drugs. Maybe I am not just a psychopath, and I am not just a monster in my body. They tell me how Killing people, what method should I use to kill him, they give me suggestions, and I will only feel more and more exciting and excited, but I know that I am more excited than most people who have the same experience as me. Easily irritated, even though my dad has always told me since I was a child that I am not mentally ill and I will not be ill." Su Zheyu paused, he seemed to regard Wen Ti as a confidant, he swallowed, and then said, "I do It’s something that still scares me when I think about it.”

Wen Ti asked, "What is it?"

Su Zheyu said: "I killed a dog when I was 12 years old. That was the beginning of my nightmare. I strangled it with wire from the trash can. I cut off its flesh piece by piece. I never I have been patient in one thing, but that time I was extremely patient, while my father was not at home, I stewed his meat and fed it to the stray dogs in the community, that was the first time I thought about killing."

"I kept looking for ways to test whether I was a psychopath. I stole my dad's antipsychotics, but it didn't work. It only made me more and more anxious. But one night I saw someone running downstairs. A dog, it looks like the one I killed, I saw it coming towards me, at my feet, it looked at me and I looked at it, and when I came to my senses it was gone , the strange thing is that I haven't had any anxiety since then, I'm even more cheerful and sunny than before, I thought I was fine."

Wen Ti was playing with the recording pen. He felt uncomfortable after sitting in one position for a long time. He changed his position, but his attention was always on Su Zheyu, and at the same time, he also felt the gaze behind him.

Su Zheyu said: "After my dad died, it ran out. It always followed me. It asked me if I wanted to kill Liu Junsheng. Just like killing him, I started to worry again. I was always Thinking if the police can find the killer, will I be saved? How can I get out of it?"

"But no, they didn't do anything, they covered the murderer, I was angry with it, made a plan to punish the murderer, discussed how to kill him, how to use my knowledge of anatomy to tidy up his internal organs, it sounds Isn't it scary? I feel like I turned into a monster. I can't tell if I'm Su Zheyu or that dog. Then I finally kill Liu Junsheng. I didn't follow the method of killing that dog. I dismembered Liu Junsheng. I Throwing his body parts on the road, and returning to my humble operating room, the dog disappeared. I stood in the basement and looked at the letters written in Liu Junsheng's blood all over the wall. At that moment, I was desperate and scared. I seem to have changed back to Su Zheyu, I remember all those patterns and letters clearly, but I’m sorry, it wasn’t written by me, it was written by that dog.” After Su Zheyu finished speaking, he looked quietly at Wen twig.

Wen Ti looked behind him and said, "Is there a black spot on it?"

Su Zheyu nodded, Wen Ti smiled and said, "I saw it."

Su Zheyu turned his head, only the white wall with slogans was empty behind him, he turned his head back again, Wen Ti sat on the chair, still smiled at him, and said: "If you can't kill it, it will kill you, Psychosis is like that dog, you don't know when it's there, but it's always there, you can't see it but I can see it."

"Okay, today's conversation is over. If you have anything else to say, you can contact me again." Wen Ti stood up from the chair, he put the chair back, and found Chu Xingmu looking at him His eyes were a little strange.

Wen Ti smiled and asked, "What's wrong?"

Chu Xingmu closed the pen cap and notebook, put on his clothes and said, "Let's talk when we go out."

Wen Ti glanced at Su Zheyu before going out, he sat on the chair and smiled at Wen Ti, his mouth moved a few times, Wen Ti went out.

Wen Ti followed behind Chu Xingmu, Chu Xingmu didn't say a word, and there was no expression on his face. After walking out of the detention center, Wen Ti stopped, and Chu Xingmu tried to calm his behavior. Wen Ti got into the car, and Wen Ti put the recording pen she had been holding in her hand into her jacket pocket. Chu Xingmu sat in the driver's seat and looked ahead, but she didn't intend to start the car.

"Why... um..." Before Wen Ti could ask, his mouth was blocked by Chu Xingmu.

Chu Xingmu leaned sideways on Wen Ti's seat and kissed his lips. Wen Ti stared into Chu Xingmu's eyes intently. Chu Xingmu then supported his neck and kissed him deeper. Wen Ti put his right hand on the On his waist, his chin was raised slightly. Chu Xingmu saw that he was actively cooperating, and he no longer restrained himself. No one lost in the skill of kissing, and he tried his best to let the other party beg for mercy first.

After a few times of lingering, Chu Xingmu let go of Wen Ti, he held his face and said, "Every time I hear you talk about what happened in the mental hospital, I'm scared to death."

Wen Ti blinked her eyes and asked, "Captain Chu, are you afraid that one day when you fall asleep, I will kill you like Su Zheyu used a scalpel to find an artery to kill himself?"

"You are so eloquent, is it also your friend who taught you?" Chu Xingmu kissed his lips again, and did not let him go until Wen Ti's face turned red and he was short of breath. Chu Xingmu even heard Wen Ti's panting They all thought it sounded terribly good.

"Will you really do this?" Chu Xingmu asked, he kissed Wen Ti's eyes, "You will grow up well."

"I'm an adult." Wen Ti pulled on the seat belt and asked with a smile, "Are you going to tie me up?"

Chu Xingmu took the seat belt from him and Wen Ti fastened it. He sat back in the driver's seat, and Wen Ti reached out to turn on the car music switch. When a familiar piece of music played, Wen Ti was slightly surprised.

Chu Xingmu said: "I found several versions, I don't know which one you want to hear, so I put them all in."

"Captain Chu is so busy, he still remembers such trivial things." Wen Ti said.

Wen Ti was teasing Chu Xingmu, and besides, he was secretly having fun in his heart. Chu Xingmu was so busy that he was willing to spend time looking for nursery rhymes. This kind of contrast really surprised him.

"So one day when you want to attack me while I'm asleep, just think about this nursery rhyme. When you really can't help but want to attack me, remember to be more erotic."

"But I never believed you were mentally ill."

"Didn't I say that I'm recovered? The way I prove to others that I'm not mentally ill is to admit that I am mentally ill. I have a perception of my behavior. Only by admitting that I am mentally ill will they think I am sober. Only then will I feel that I have a chance of recovery, of course, recovery from mental illness is never calculated as 100%.” He once said these words to Lin Manshu.

"Many scholars have also suffered from mental illness, but that does not prevent them from achieving higher achievements in related fields." Chu Xingmu said.

Wen Ti raised her eyebrows and asked, "Are you underestimating me?"

Chu Xingmu said, "I think you are small, and it is true that you are small and bold."

"People in the Wen's group think I'm a playboy who spends money like water. Wen Xiangqin thinks that I will threaten his status in the Wen family, but they don't even know that I'm an illiterate who hasn't even attended school. Such a person How can it threaten those who have returned from studying in top universities and can easily gain a foothold in the business world? I am so obedient, like a puppet doll, what are they not satisfied with?" Wen Ti's The tone is really a bit incomprehensible.

Chu Xingmu saw that he was cheap and good-looking, so he didn't expose him. Chu Xingmu still remembered the books on that wall. He would rather go to the training ground to train if he was asked to read so many books, let alone Wen Ti's self-cultivation and Etiquette, few people around him can match, if he is really like what he said, how could Zhong Changxin invite him to join the research group and how did he get other scholars in the research group to agree to his joining?

Maybe in Wen Ti's eyes, the control of those people is just a game he played with them, Chu Xingmu believes that Wen Ti definitely has this ability.

He felt that even if Wen Ti had never been to school, his education would not be any worse than that of others. Chu Xingmu had also heard of Zhongminglou, a scholar at the same level as Professor Mu Fang, who had passed away already. It has been almost ten years. Professor Mu Fang's main achievements are in the field of criminal psychology, while Zhong Minglou focuses more on criminal psychology. The two are opposed to each other and cherish each other.

"I originally planned to take you home to meet my parents today." Chu Xingmu said.

Wen Ti smiled and said, "I haven't prepared anything, what are the preferences of uncle and aunt?"

"I like it." Chu Xingmu deliberately paused for a while, and he looked at Wen Ti ambiguously, "Bring them one more son home."

Wen Ti turned his face to the car window, looking at the scenery passing by outside the window, Wen Ti seemed to remember something, he took out a small gold box from his pocket, "Are you running out of smoking candy soon?"

"It's over long ago." Chu Xingmu took the candy box and asked, "Where did you buy this smoking cessation candy?"

"A friend of mine gave it to me."

"how much is it?"

"I don't know. I heard him say that it seems to be calculated by grain."

Chu Xingmu asked with a strange face: "How much is a grain?"

"forty."

Chu Xingmu coughed a few times, as if he really swallowed 40 yuan into his stomach, Wen Ti couldn't help laughing, but accidentally bumped his arm, and he covered his arm and frowned again.

Wen Ti said: "Actually, as long as I don't smell the smell of smoke, that's fine."

"I want to quit, and the time is almost up." Chu Xingmu ate two quit smoking candies.

"You said you were a drug addict, what happened?"

"Five years ago, I was forced to take drugs. I quit smoking for three months, and then I started smoking. On the one hand, I relieved the pressure brought by those cases, and on the other hand, I made up for the vacant spirit. Dependence." Chu Xingmu said, as if in his opinion, detoxification is a very easy thing.

"Xia Ci was the one who helped me get rid of drugs the most. At that time, he was the only one who believed that I could get rid of drug addiction."

"Did you ever like him?"

"Why do you ask?"

"You definitely need an emotional anchor in that situation."

"Would you be jealous if I said I liked it?"

"of course not."

"Really not?"

"Ah."

Wen Ti replied very rationally, because at that time he didn't know Chu Xingmu, he didn't know everything about him, he didn't know what he had experienced, and he didn't know that the people who appeared by his side at that time meant nothing to him. What kind of existence, and Wen Ti's life is a mess, he is distressed about how to deal with life, the messy relationship in their family and what that person did almost made Wen Ti breathless.

Hearing Wen Ti's answer, Chu Xingmu seemed to be a little bit lost. Wen Ti saw it but didn't explain it. Sometimes Wen Ti was too rational and would give people a feeling that he didn't care about anything.

Chu Xingmu has had this feeling since a long time ago. He is by your side, but he is far away from you. You keep approaching him, and you find that the distance is not the distance.