Molu

Su Mo once asked me what was my first impression of her, and what did I say at the beginning?I can't remember.But when I think about it now, I can't think of anything.This child has always looked the same since she met her for a while. She was dressed in casual clothes, glasses with black frames that were not too big, and her hair was short. It was hard to say the first impression.And after teaching for so many years, I really didn't remember the students' good virtues, let alone a student who didn't know how to teach for a long time.

I can't remember how I got to know Su Mo well.I just remember that after the class was over, her good morning and good night had been on my mobile phone for a while.The water that I never stopped in the class and the paper towels on the podium that were brought up after the class made this student a little different.

Su Mo's college entrance examination results surprised me a little. The progress of the students is probably the most fulfilling thing about my career as a teacher.But my life after that was no different than any other year, except that my wedding was being planned.

At the wedding, I was too busy to take care of myself, and I didn’t have time to care about other people. I finally had a rest. The unread messages on my phone didn’t bother to read them again, including the text messages from Su Mo reporting safety, which were probably lost along with the chat records that I deleted.

To be honest, if Su Mo hadn't found her, she would still be lost in memory like most of my students.

When Su Mo contacted me again, it was probably when I was the most vulnerable. The days when only alcohol can have sleep are too difficult, and the busy classes already hurt my throat.As a teacher, my voice cannot be damaged, but I still insist on going my own way, after all, I am a wanton person.

Su Mo broke into my life with the company of weekends again and again.At first she was careful not to piss me off, not to touch my hot spots.The company on the other end of the phone in the middle of the night, almost as soon as I send a message, she will reply immediately.The entanglement with my ex-husband is difficult to tell others, but probably Su Mo is only related to me, without the constraints of social circles and too many emotions, I have talked to her a lot without pressure, so much that I don’t even remember it myself. But she remembered everything, and then said nothing.Late night after night of drinking, Su Mo became my punching bag. I vented my negative energy without any scruples, and didn't care whether she would leave or not.

What is there to care about?Just a student, even some special students.But there is no such thing as eternity in this era, we all have to leave, and it makes no difference if it is earlier or later.

Su Mo's insistence surprised me a little. Those emotional words were too much after I woke up, but no matter whether the child's reply at night showed sadness or not, the next morning's "good morning" would still appear. When she came to me, I couldn't see any trace.I maintain a tacit understanding with her, no matter what is said in the middle of the night, it will still be the same during the day.How can there be no traces of what has been said and what has been experienced? It’s not that I haven’t seen the injury in Su Mo’s eyes, but she never mentioned it, so I won’t say it.

I know her feelings, no one will be nice to a person for no reason, except the benefit is love.Su Mo, who has graduated, and I have no interest relationship, so there is only love.The tenderness in her eyes is too obvious. I have met too many people with her. The coldness in her eyes when she looks at other people is too different from the gentleness when she looks at me. I am happy to be liked by her , but I am also guilty.Su Mo's words did not reveal the slightest bit of her feelings, and I couldn't refuse her feelings without reason.

Su Mo's kindness to me is too gentle, and it is rare to have feelings for the same sex. When I realized that Su Mo was kind to me because of love, I was used to it and was greedy for the warmth she gave me.

I know it’s unfair to Su Mo, so let’s treat it as selfish. I can’t refuse that kind of warmth. Su Mo’s company is not strong but it makes people feel comfortable. Her care is in the details. She will remember those things that I don’t notice. Remind me that she remembers everything I tell her.Good morning and good night every day let me know that someone in this world is thinking about me every day.

As time goes by, I give her no less trust than my best friend, but I feel more and more guilty.I took up her spare time, knowing her feelings but not responding, allowing her to invest more and more, watching her stuck in my feelings and unable to get out.The words of persuading her to give up on me always linger in my heart, and I hesitate to speak again and again, not only because I covet her good, but she didn't say anything, and I always feel weird to let her go without a reason.

I once said to her that "devotion is not as good as long-term companionship", and her companionship is engraved in my heart.Seven years is too long, this child has become a very important part of my life.In the days when she just graduated and couldn't continue to accompany me in class, there was a short-haired girl with her head bowed and fiddling with a mobile phone or books in the last row of the classroom. Sometimes she blurted out "Su Mo", which baffled the teaching assistants and students.

Later, I occasionally took classes to teach. If her class was before my class, when I entered the classroom, there would always be something on the podium as before.A few careful students below teased me, and familiar teachers also made fun of us. Su Mo always smiled and said nothing. Sometimes I thought we would just get along like this forever.

It took a long time to completely get out of that failed marriage. Although Su Mo's company is warm, the words that are always on the phone screen can't soothe my increasingly tired heart.She is still a child, I can't ask her to come out in the middle of the night to accompany me crazy, and our relationship was not that good at that time.Just the company of the weekends every week won't bring me out of despair.

When time has reduced my obsession with the past, I only occasionally think of the man who existed in my memory for more than ten years, but it doesn't matter anymore, and now is the most important thing.

After the divorce, there are quite a few people who chase after me, and there are more ambiguous ones. In the adult world, there are not so many explicit displays of love, and more are hints in words.I tried to get along with some of them, but most of them couldn't accept my personality, and some even couldn't accept my higher salary than them.They can't tolerate the thorns all over my body, and they can't understand my strength like a man.Having a history of marriage seems to lower my value as a woman. Su Mo advised me that I will always meet someone who doesn’t care. I also firmly believe that, so I am not in a hurry to marry myself. from parents.

My husband met in the sixth year after my divorce. At that time, Su Mo was preparing for her graduate graduation. I didn't tell her that he was pursuing me.It wasn't until Su Mo and I were working together that he came to pick me up after a dinner party that Su Mo didn't know his existence.

I didn't deliberately hide anything. After all, Su Mo didn't have much time to talk together after work. She tried her best to prove herself, so busy that I, a superior leader, seemed to have a lot of leisure.

When she heard me tell the fact that I was going to get married without accident, she couldn't hide the sadness on her body.Su Mo was smiling, and said to me with a smile that it is good that you have made up your mind, but I remained silent, and the car was embarrassingly quiet.Su Mo's hand touching the ring was trembling, and I drove the car without saying anything.

On the day of the wedding, Su Mo wore a skirt and said that it was to satisfy my wish. Su Mo's blessing was sincere, and I knew she wanted my happiness, even if this happiness was not given to me by her.She has always considered me in this way. If it weren't for gender, I might really be with her, but there is no if.

When I came back with a gift and saw the empty desk, I was angry. Even though I kept telling her that nothing lasts forever, she would leave sooner or later, but I thought that was at least something after she got married, and even thought that It will always be like this.

It's been a long time since the red dot appeared in the dialog box on the phone, and I didn't notice the disappearing names in the group, so I realized the fact that Su Mo had left.I called and texted, no reply.I asked my colleagues, but no one knew when she left. In the end, someone from the personnel department told me that Su Mo handed in her resignation on the day I boarded the plane and left.

I suddenly realized that there was no way for me to contact Su Mo. When Su Mo cut off my contact with her, I even had no way to find her.I didn't try to find her again, and since she's gone, let's go.It's not like I can't live.

When Su Mo contacted me again, I was surprised. I hadn't heard from him for several years, but he surprised me when we met.I didn't expect that she actually sent me an invitation card, and my husband even thought it was for a gift money.I know that Su Mo won't. What she paid for me in those years is not what the so-called gift money can pay back.Besides, Su Mo never cared about these gift money, her attitude towards money has always been enough.I really can't guess Su Mo's thoughts, and her memory has passed for a long time, I really didn't think of the reason why she invited me, but after so many years, I decided to go and see.

Su Mo's wedding was more like a family banquet. There were not many people. Su Mo was smiling all the time. That smile was the same as when Su Mo met my colleague, polite, kind, and alienated.That's Su Mo's smile on people who are not close to her. I've seen it too many times, but I didn't expect it to look like this at her wedding.

At the wedding, Xinyao was playing with Su Mo's niece all the time, so I had to put more energy on her. When Su Mo came to toast, the words I said were not alienated from the tone we should have. .I saw Su Mo's stiffness for a moment, but we haven't seen each other for so long, I don't know how to face our relationship, this tone is just a subconscious reaction.

Probably, leaving is the final outcome.