the world in which he exists

Cramped, never-ending cramped.

Darkness, endless darkness.

Like a person falling into the water unable to breathe, like falling off a cliff and falling straight down.

Obviously he was breathing rapidly, obviously he had been in place.

Guan Hui's words of wanting to take full responsibility were on the other side of the wind, and he couldn't hear them clearly with the rustling wind, but he brought a loudspeaker, and the sound continued to expand in the strong wind, with the sound effect of an old radio.

The old radio keeps playing on loop, again forever.

Everyone, including the director, was focused on Guan Hui, who kept talking and trying to help them get rid of all the crimes. No one noticed Gu Chaoming, who was standing in the corner with unsteady eyes.

The old radio is still playing, only Gu Chaoming can hear it, and it only exists in Gu Chaoming's shrinking world.

Seeing that Fan was waiting for him outside the office, Lin knew that he wanted to see him sooner, but the endless looping sound of the old broadcaster in his ear refused to let him go. In front of him was himself waving an iron plate in the cafeteria. figure.

"His father is crazy, don't play with him."

"My mother said that your father is crazy, and you are a little crazy."

"My mother hasn't come back so late, I'm afraid it's that one."

"His father has a problem with his brain. He grew up in such a family. I'm afraid that child in his family will also have a problem in the future."

"This violent element will be inherited. If it is not inherited, he stayed with his father since he was a child. After seeing so many beatings, there will definitely be a little violent element."

"The last time his father knocked on the door in the middle of the night, he also yelled at us. I'm afraid there is something wrong. The child is pitiful."

"A dragon begets a dragon, a phoenix begets a phoenix, and the son of a mouse can make holes."

Gu Chaoming wanted to press the pause button but couldn't move a desperation song played on a loop.

He looked up, only to see the dark night sky without stars, and then lowered his head, only to find that the dark night sky without stars was also under his feet.

He was wrapped in the darkness cloaked in the illusion of a starless night sky. Looking around, he realized that the darkness around him was seamless, like water poured into a drinking glass.

Darkness merged with darkness, and there was no gap to be found.

Gu Chaoming didn't know where the wind came from.

From his 17 years of memories.

From the deepest part of his heart.

His fear, his panic, his anger, from the bottom of his heart.

The heart seemed to be split open, and the unknown and unspoken things in it burst open, bursting out bright rivers.

The last time I felt this way was when Qu Yingyi met Yuanyuan for the first time in the restaurant.

This time, in the office, I recalled myself waving the rice plate after losing control, and realized that I might really be the psychopath that the neighbors said.

Maybe the violent factor will really be inherited, and I will really become the second Gu Tao.

Maybe it's not a maybe, but a fact.

The director of the office stood behind the brown-red desk, angry because they had fought in the cafeteria.

After a meal of criticism and education, Guan Hui tried to take the blame. After Chen Haiyang entered the office, his mouth was not as sharp as in the cafeteria. The director who saw him roll his eyes said, "What's your attitude?"

Guan Hui refused to answer, and Chen Haiyang continued to pretend.

Gu Chaoming, a participant in the cafeteria fight, did not participate in the debate over whose guilt they were.

He stands in the corner.

The lighting in the office is very good, and the transparent light in spring shines directly into the room from the window with the security window, but it can't shine into Gu Chaoming's seamless dark world.

The oil stains on the hands that are about to dry up, the oily spots on the clothes, the picture of myself lifting the iron rice plate is constantly playing in front of my eyes, and the fear in my heart voluntarily makes the soundtrack.

The world is shrinking, shrinking, shrinking to the point where he can't fit.

The voice is squeezed, the limbs are out of place, and the heart is shattered.

Guan Hui and Chen Haiyang were fined to read self-criticism in front of the teachers and students of the school next Monday. The others only made verbal criticism and were warned not to do it again.

"Go back," said the director.

The door of the office opened, and the light outside the door poured in like a tsunami, allowing Gu Chaoming to breathe.

Seeing the anxious Lin Jianfan outside the door, with a bursting heart looking for a habitat, Gu Chaoming couldn't help but threw himself into Lin Jianfan's arms, buried him on Lin Jianfan's shoulder, absorbed the sense of peace in him, and let him leave the strong wind and the darkness the taste of.

At the door of the dangerous office.

You know, I'm so scared, I like you so much.

I like it so much that when I see you, all the darkness is fearless.

The roses given away were kept in a vase on the desk in Lin Jianfan's room, and they could not escape the fate of withering.

What can't wither is time, and it is Gu Chaoming's long love in time.

Gu Chaoming thought that by hugging Lin Jianfan, he could drive away his fear that he might become the second Gu Tao.

He is afraid that 17 years of immersion will make the violent inheritance in the neighbors' mouths come true.

Hugs were the cure for his cracking wounds, but not the cure. The 17-year-old disease root is buried in the deepest soil, and no shovel can do anything.

Hugging Lin Jianfan, Gu Chaoming still had a nightmare that night.

A nightmare about fights in the cafeteria during the day.

He dreamed of the noisy cafeteria, Lin Jianfan pulled him desperately, and he lifted the iron rice plate.

waving.

The water polo exploded, bursting out red blood.

The smell of blood was mixed with exclamations all over him, and along with Lin Jianfan's silence, brought the police who arrived immediately.

The red blood stained his palm, seeped into the lines of the palm, seeped down, seeped into the flesh, and became evidence that he could not cut off.

He looked at his red hands, and he was taken away by the police in the crowd.

He looked back, he saw Lin Jianfan standing where he was being dragged by the crowd, he shouted, called his name, a tear dripped from the corner of his eye, and fell into Gu Chaoming's eye.

Before the morning sun came out, Gu Chaoming opened his eyes in the hazy night, with calm and panic in his eyes.

Water and fire cannot coexist, calmness and panic are also opposites in the world, but both of them exist in Gu Chaoming's opened eyes.

It was not the first time he had such a dream.

But this is the first time he had a dream of killing someone other than Gu Tao, and Lin Jianfan was present.

It seems to be defiled, but it is not oneself who is defiled.His mind was soaked in blood as early as the moment he first thought of killing Gu Tao.

The one who was defiled was Lin Jianfan, the young man in his heart who was easily overjoyed when he saw him.

As beautiful as March, he shouldn't appear in this bloody violent dream.

Gu Chaoming is domineering, he doesn't want Lin Jianfan to get any dirty things, not even in his dreams.

Calmness and panic go hand in hand, the frightening thing is that after waking up from this kind of dream, Gu Chaoming felt calm, accustomed, and familiar.

Get up and stand by the bed to get dressed, as if the god of fate played a joke on him.

Hearing the noise outside the door, Gu Chaoming put on his coat and turned his head to look at the door that couldn't be closed.

A black shadow walked by, like a thief, but Gu Chaoming knew it was Gu Tao who was awakened by the urge to urinate.

The protagonist of the previous dream appeared in front of him after waking up, Gu Chaoming just turned his head and put on the other sleeve plainly.

A violent bomb moves through the home, bringing with it an infectious virus of violence.Gu Chaoming didn't say a word to Gu Tao all morning, as if every word he said would taint some violence from Gu Tao.

Absolutely disgusted.

Put on your schoolbag and open the door to take a breath of fresh air.

Gu Chaoming planted a tree in the dense secret forest in his heart, planted the dream of yesterday, and planted the fear of becoming the second Gu Tao in his heart.

"Where are you? I'll get off the car right away and see if we can enter the school together." Gu Chaoming sent a voice message to Lin Jianfan.

Get off the bus and wait for a while at the bus stop, waiting for Lin Jianfan.As soon as the bus stopped, Gu Chaoming couldn't wait to walk to the back door to wait for Lin Jianfan who got off the bus.

I want to participate in your life, every second is one second.

When Lin Jianfan got out of the car, his arm was like a thirsty fish caught in water, and he put his arms on Lin Jianfan's shoulders, stroking the skin of Lin Jianfan's earlobe and side of his neck restlessly with his fingers, absorbing the moisture from his body bit by bit. peace of mind.

The dreams and panic of last night were locked in the inner cage, put on transparent clothes, as if they did not exist, only existed last night.

The slight chill in the morning and the lemon-like sunshine are the home of the day.

Gu Chaoming's fear comes from the deepest part of his heart.

The love for Lin Jianfan also comes from the deepest part of my heart.

It's just that the former cannot see the light, while the latter can see the difference.

No, in the eyes of Chen Haiyang and Wu Shan, both of them are shady.

In the morning light, Gu Chaoming looked at Lin Jianfan who lowered his head and took out a bottle of yogurt for him from his schoolbag.

Holding the yoghurt with slender fingers, Lin saw that Fan's smile faded away, winning the lemon-like sunshine, and the sweetness of peach spread in the air.

The sunlight streamed down on the yogurt cover and streamed down on Lin Jianfan's profile.

Gu Chaoming took the yogurt from Lin Jianfan's hand, and took over the sunlight pouring down on the yogurt cover, and the sunlight jumped onto Gu Chaoming's side face.

Let others think what they want, threaten as much as they want in their dreams, and let the road be rough in the future, as long as the sun is still streaming on the yogurt you handed me, as long as the sun is still streaming on Lin Jianfan's profile.

As long as you are not in my blood-red dreams, as long as you are in the lime-scented sunshine of spring.

The wheels of daily life never stop, driving towards the hot summer day that Gu Chaoming is looking forward to leaving Gu Tao.

Chen Haiyang and Guan Hui read the self-criticism under the national flag on Monday in front of all the teachers and students of the school. Su Bing's back was not injured, and he was still alive and kicking and continued to tease the girls in class. truth or Dare.

"Truth or Big Adventure?"

Gu Chaoming sat cross-legged on a stone bench in the school corridor.

The sunlight passes through the stone pillars and dense vines on the top of the corridor and projects on the stone benches in the corridor after several twists and turns, and projects on the truth or dare cards between Gu Chaoming and Su Bing.

When the wind blows, the tree shadows sway, and the sun also sways gently.

Not far away are low bushes and gravel roads surrounded by stone carvings.On the day when Lin Jianfan first arrived at school, Gu Chaoming had nowhere to go, so he gave Lin Jianfan the black baseball cap he had worn all day and was sweaty here.

Time flies, Gu Chaoming thinks of that glorious evening, the hot summer air seems to be still around him, he has nowhere to go, he wanders around the empty school, wanders here, turns around, turns around and sees shrinking His.

He insisted on taking himself to the hospital for an examination. He recalled that day when he opened the door of the hospital and saw Lin Jianfan waiting outside the door. Seeing why Fan was laughing at that time.

The lights and shadows were mottled. When Gu Chaoming first walked up the corridor, he thought about the past and turned to look at Lin Jianfan, who was already his boyfriend beside him. This was something he had never thought of before.

If he could know the future or go back to the past, Gu Chaoming most wanted to say to himself who was sitting on the stone bench in the corridor and turned his head: "Don't be cowardly, he will be your boyfriend in the future, come on!"

While Su Bing was walking ahead with Cen Xili holding the cards, Gu Chaoming bowed his head and kissed the top of Lin Jianfan's head.

"The two in the back hurry up, don't babble." Su Bing shouted from the front.

Gu Chaoming didn't know how Su Bing, who was always looking ahead and chatting with Cen Xili, knew that he was chatting with Lin Jianfan.

Gu Chaoming asked: "Are you Erlang God? His Erlang God's eyes are on the front, but your eyes are on the back."

"I am Erlang God with the eyes on the back, and you are the roaring dog next to Erlang God." Su Bing said.

"You're the one who growls, single dog." Gu Chaoming retorted unceremoniously.

"Hey," Su Bing was unconvinced, and turned around and walked to Gu Chaoming's side, "You say I'm Erlang God, but also say I'm a dog, Gu Shuai, you're so arrogant when you fall in love."

"Damn me? You don't think about your past. It rained faster than you changed your girlfriend. The first rain fell, and the second rain was still in the air, so you changed your girlfriend. What did you call your girlfriend’s brother, right, Xili,” Gu Chaoming asked Cen Xili, and then said to Cen Xili, “Xili, I went to see his girlfriend with him that day, but he wouldn’t let me tell you, saying It's his black history, and the girl who called him brother is a junior high school student."

"You want to tear me down and expose me, right?" Su Bing asked Gu Chaoming, "Okay, since you are ruthless, don't blame me for being ungrateful."

Su Bing, who was about to start being unrighteous, went to Lin Jianfan, bypassing Gu Chaoming, who had exposed his old background.

"See Fan, let me tell you something," Su Bing pointed at Gu Chaoming, "Before you came, this guy said you had hemorrhoids, epilepsy and cerebral palsy."

Su Bing told Lin Jianfan about Gu Chaoming's unscrupulous words like a child's complaint. He didn't know that Gu Chaoming had already written about it in the letter he wrote to Lin Jianfan.

"I know." Lin Jianfan said.

"Ah? You know? When did you know?" Su Bing asked.

If I continue to ask, I will find out the letter I wrote in the middle of the night, Gu Chaoming reached out and pushed Su Bing's head: "Go away, don't ask too much."

"It must be the little secret of the two of you again." Su Bing's sense of smell is particularly keen, "Then let me tell you something else, you don't know."

Su Bing smiled triumphantly at Gu Chaoming before saying to Lin Jianfan: "He used to recommend you to me desperately, wanting me to be your boyfriend."

I have never heard of this before. Under the shadow of the mottled trees, Lin Jianfan raised his head and asked Gu Chaoming. Gu Zhaoming smiled awkwardly: "Ahem, we didn't know each other at that time, you haven't come to our class yet."

As he said that, Gu Chaoming immediately admitted his mistake: "Don't be angry, don't be angry, it won't happen next time."

"Want to have a next time?" Su Bing asked.

"Get out of here, please?" Gu Chaoming kicked Su Bing.

Su Bing turned around to dodge, and resorted to his trump card: "Jian Fan, you don't know his famous sayings, instead! Earn! No! Lose!"

"It's enough!"

Gu Chaoming couldn't bear him, Su Bing was going to continue talking, Gu Chaoming let go of Lin Jianfan, and stretched out his hand to cover Su Bing's mouth, but Su Bing reacted so quickly and let him run away.

Su Bing stepped on the stone bench in the promenade and jumped off, Gu Chaoming also jumped off, and the two were fighting in the promenade with mottled shadows.

Cen Xili shook his head: "The kindergarten children have been released again."

Picking a clean place to sit down, Cen Xili and Lin Jianfan sat under the corridor and watched Gu Chaoming hold Su Bing's arm to capture Su Bing, who was outrageous.

After a lot of slapstick, the agreed Truth or Dare began, and he lost the first game. Su Bing was so lucky that he doubted his life.

Gu Chaoming felt that the goddess of luck had woken up, she cared for him so much, she won the card game last time, and she won this time with truth or dare.

"The truth or the big risk?" Gu Chaoming sat cross-legged on the stone bench in the promenade and asked the defeated Su Bing.

Cen Xili shook his head sympathetically: "It's a crime."

One sentence made Gu Chaoming laugh, with his elbows resting on his knees.Lin Jianfan beside him also raised his lips, Gu Chaoming took a peek and caught the smile on Lin Jianfan's mouth.

He is a thief. He used to peek at Lin Jianfan's side face, but now he peeks at Lin Jianfan's smile.

He is not satisfied and wants more.

He was greedy, greedy Lin saw the smile on the corner of Fan's mouth.

Putting the stolen smile into his heart quietly, Gu Chaoming continued to ask Su Bing: "The truth or the big risk?"

"Man, what are you afraid of?" Su Bing patted his chest, "I want to tell the truth."

"Cut," Gu Chaoming disdainfully said, "You slapped your chest so loudly, I thought you were going to take a big risk, and I made you run naked around the playground three times before thinking about it."

"Then you should go on your own. It's good for your health. It's what you need in the future." When Su Bing said this, he looked at Lin Jianfan out of the corner of his eye.

Gu Chaoming raised his hand and patted Su Bing on the head: "You didn't brush your teeth this morning, right? Your teeth are so yellow, and so are your words."

"Let's go," Su Bing said to Gu Chaoming, "Master, I brush every day, in the morning and at night."

"Okay, okay, don't dawdle, I'm asking a question." Gu Chaoming said.

"You ask, you ask." Su Bing, who was about to face the truth-telling question, raised his chin indifferently at Gu Chaoming who asked the question.

"Don't lie, I asked," Gu Chaoming asked solemnly, "Have you ever really liked someone so far?"

"Of course, boys and girls are fine, don't talk about me, it's too fake, if you want to tell a lie, you can tell it in a more reliable way." Gu Chaoming said.

"The devil said you, you think too well."

The breeze brushed the cheeks of Chunri and the sculptures on the gravel road. Maybe the sculptures were too silent and boring, so they left after only a while.

Su Bing first complained about Gu Chaoming, and then began to answer Gu Chaoming's truth-telling questions on Feng's tail.

"You mean true love?" Su Bing blinked, "Of course there is."

"You have?" Gu Chaoming didn't believe it.

"Why can't I have it? Can't a prodigal son have true love?"

"Ugh," Gu Chaoming made a vomit, "You're still a prodigal son, don't put gold on your face, tell me who it is?"

Su Bing pretended to touch his chin: "According to what I asked my secretary to find out in 5 minutes, that senior girl is named Fu Peiru, from Class [-], Grade [-], and she is very beautiful. The last time you have seen a fight in the cafeteria The one who helped me."

Gu Chaoming has long forgotten what the girl who helped Su Bing looked like, only the dream that night was real and clear.As soon as Su Bing mentioned that day, the blood-stained nightmare came out to patrol again.

Patrol to see if Gu Chaoming has forgotten it.

Gu Chaoming quietly and quickly stuffed it back into the cage in his heart, preventing others from discovering the darkness that flitted through his heart.

Su Bing was still talking about how beautiful his senior sister was, just like how he praised the girl in class 7 who became the class flower of his class back then.

"If she was a man, she must be at Fan's level. She is really beautiful. You don't know that she helped me when I fell, and I looked at her face. Her hair was so floating in the light... "

"So... floating?...?" Gu Chaoming frowned.

"Oh, I'm not the representative of the Chinese class. I can achieve full marks in the composition. If you can understand it, just imagine it. If you don't understand it, forget it."

"No," Su Bing became excited after finishing speaking, "You mortals must not be able to imagine how beautiful fairies are."

"Is this your true love? Why doesn't it sound like me?" Gu Chaoming said.

"Why isn't it my true love? She is so beautiful."

"Why do you feel like you speak the same way as Guan Hui? The last time Guan Hui asked him, he also had this vague feeling..."

Before Gu Chaoming could finish his sentence, he suddenly realized that he had slipped his tongue, and immediately turned around halfway: "Uh...you...you are interested in Fu...why did you go?"

Gu Chaoming glanced at Cen Xili while talking. Cen Xili had doubts on his face when he heard Guan Hui's name. He wanted to know what they asked Guan Hui behind his back, but he couldn't think that Gu Chaoming was asking Guan Hui. Whether he likes him or not, if he knew, Cen Xili would not have heard it so easily and pretended not to hear it.

"My goddess is called Fu Peiru! Remember this name, and I will call her sister-in-law from now on!" Su Bing said loudly.

"Yes, yes, Fu Peiru," Gu Chaoming nodded again and again, "You must have taken a fancy to Senior Sister Fu's beauty."

"Haven't you heard a saying, it starts with appearance and falls into talent."

"That's what the star-chasing girls in our class say."

"Aren't they all the same? My goddess is both talented and beautiful, and she's also a top student. She's a college student who chooses A. She..."

"What are you doing? Points will be deducted for bringing cards to school."

Su Bing hadn't finished praising the rainbow fart of his goddess when You Xin's voice came from not far away.

The shadows of the trees were faint, and the shadows covered You Xin who was walking. As You Xin got closer, the shadows returned the afternoon sun to him.

The armbands of the student union pinned on the sleeves with paper clips swayed with You Xin's hand holding the registration book in the sun.

Upon hearing You Xin's voice, Su Bing rolled his eyes to the horizon.

You Xin walked to the stone bench they were sitting on, and looked down at the cards they hadn't put away.

You Xin hadn't had time to speak, and the registration book hadn't been opened, when a substandard Mandarin came from behind him.

"What are you doing?"

Hearing this characteristic Mandarin, even Lin Jianfan, who was rarely caught, knew that it was the dean who brought him into the classroom when he just came to school.

"No, the wig piece is here, go, he can't run fast!" Su Bing said quickly in a low voice.

A gust of wind blew by, and visited the statue that was too silent again. Chunfeng blamed the statue for being too silent. She stopped beside the statue.

Chunfeng turned his head and saw a group of teenagers running away holding hands in the corridor.Chunfeng covered his face with a smile, envious of the youth's vitality.The spring breeze followed them, blowing their hair, kissing their smiling faces, and blowing their youth.