my ten years with you

Ah Wu didn't cry, he looked haggard, but he tried his best not to cry.He knew that if he allowed himself to let go of his last line of defense, he might be completely broken.

Bai Xiaonan raised his eyebrows, he walked over, Ah Wu's eyes followed him closely, he let himself bite out a few deep tooth marks on his lips, superimposed on the wound he bitten last night, let his face see looked even paler.

"Get up, follow me to the study." Bai Xiaonan kicked him, and Ah Wu slowly looked away without saying anything or moving.

He blocked himself with his hand, Bai Xiaonan glanced at him, snorted, and said in a low voice: "No one will clean up the place where I am, don't follow me, you can wait here by yourself and wait for them to clean up the house .”

Ah Wu stood up slowly, whispered softly, and said hesitantly: "I..."

Bai Xiaonan ignored him, turned her head and walked away, Ah Wu lowered her head, didn't speak any more, and silently followed him out of the room.The moment he opened the door, Ah Wu almost collapsed, he grabbed Bai Xiaonan's clothes, his eyes couldn't help beseeching, he was afraid that he would be exposed to the world.

If it was just the two of them in that room, he could still pretend to be indifferent, and walked out of that room, as if he had lost some kind of shelter, he felt very scared.Even if everyone understood what he was doing here, he couldn't accept being seen like this.

Bai Xiaonan glanced back at him, knocked off his hand, and strode forward with her pockets in her pockets. Ah Wu was stunned for a moment, and couldn't even believe that he ignored her begging.In his almost avalanche of emotions, a strong fear wrapped in grievances was about to overwhelm him.

Ah Wu felt that it was difficult to breathe, and she didn't dare to raise her head along the way, so she could only follow closely behind Bai Xiaonan, hoping that his broad shoulders could somewhat block her.He was short of breath, nervous, scared, and ashamed. He really hoped that this man could look back at him and give him some comfort, but he didn't know how to speak, he couldn't speak.

Fortunately, I didn't meet anyone along the way. I don't know if it was arranged on purpose. When Bai Xiaonan finally stepped into the study and closed the door tightly behind him, Ah Wu felt relieved, almost with a feeling of Feeling grateful, he pointed to the window and knelt down.

Bai Xiaonan glanced at him, Ah Wu was very sensitive to his gaze, and immediately looked back at him, with a little inquiry in his eyes, silently begging him to stop all this.

Bai Xiaonan smiled and ignored him, Ah Wu lowered her head in disappointment, feeling that the sunlight outside the window was a bit dazzling.

The whole morning, Bai Xiaonan was processing documents at the computer at the desk, seeming to have forgotten that there was someone kneeling in the room.Ah Wu raised his head to look at him several times, but he didn't look this way. Seeing him concentrating on the computer, Ah Wu felt dissatisfied at first. He thought that this dissatisfaction came from Bai Xiaonan sitting in that chair. It was so comfortable, but he could only kneel on the cold hard floor, he was neatly dressed, and he was cold and hungry, and the fluid in his lower abdomen was also gathering more and more.Later, he gradually discovered that this kind of dissatisfaction came from the fact that Bai Xiaonan's eyes never stopped on him, and from the moment he came in, he only stared at that stupid computer.

Ah Wu carefully swayed his body, shifting his weight from one knee to the other, being careful not to make a sound every time he moved. Every muscle in his body was hurting, especially the wounds on his back and thighs. But what made him unbearable the most was the heavy liquid in his lower abdomen and the savage shame beating on his skin.

Over time, these feelings have gradually disappeared, or he has adapted to these feelings, replaced by tiredness and soreness.He hadn't eaten for more than half a day, and everything he experienced since last night was very exhausting. He felt cold hands and feet, dizzy, and his body trembled slightly.

Ah Wu was angry, he was very dissatisfied with the way Bai Xiaonan treated him, but his anger had nowhere to vent, so it was gradually replaced by other emotions.Ah Wu found helplessly that when he was angry and helpless, his most frequent emotion was grievance.It surprised him, but it also terrified him.

His knee hurts more and more. This kind of pain is different from being beaten. When he was beaten, he knew that he was forced. He was beaten because he was not strong enough. The pain made him awake and made him want to resist .This kind of pain was different, it was slow, but it gradually intensified the pain, slowly eroding his tolerance for pain.No one really held him down and knelt here, he just didn't dare to resist out of fear of being seen, which made him even forget that he was forced in the overwhelming exhaustion and discomfort, and he even had an illusion , as if he really did something wrong to be punished like this.

Ah Wu looked up several times, and Bai Xiaonan saw it all. He could clearly see his eyes ranging from anger, to dissatisfaction, and finally to silent begging for help. Bai Xiaonan thought it was funny that he lost his temper at the window, He smiled without making a sound, turned his head and continued to look at the computer, watching Ah Wu's reaction from the reflection of the computer screen from time to time.

This kid is quite stubborn and has a temper, but this is not a bad thing, but it makes him feel interesting.Being interesting does not mean that he will indulge this temper. He knows that if he asks Ah Wu to come over now, Ah Wu will not refuse again, and he may reluctantly follow his request, but he needs to let Ah Wu I understand that if you want to be forgiven, you have to take the initiative to admit your mistakes, and even the slightest bit of reluctance is not allowed.

This time, what he wants is complete possession.What he cared about in the past, what he didn't want to destroy, he can be satisfied with Ah Wu.This one is all his, from hair to toe.And the real possession is to accept a person's active offering with both hands.

Soon it was noon, Bai Xiaonan lit a cigarette, glanced at Ah Wu who was peeking at him out of the corner of his eyes, and said with a slight smile: "I'm going down to eat lunch, you should kneel well, after lunch everyone will rest for a while, No one will come to see you, but if you don't obey, I will know."

Ah Wu's body shook heavily, he opened his eyes wide and looked at Bai Xiaona, there was protest, dissatisfaction, and vulnerability in those eyes, but he didn't speak.

Bai Xiaonan smiled slightly, admiring his struggle, and closed the door of the study.

After he left, time seemed to pass even slower, Ah Wu stared out the window fixedly, regretting why he didn't speak just now, but he didn't know what to say, what could he say to make Bai Xiaonan stop treating him like this?

He remembered that when Bai Xiaonan applied the medicine to him last night, his fingers were so light, his voice was so gentle, his gaze fell on himself, so focused and concerned, as if he was very important to him.Ah Wu didn't want to admit it, but he actually liked that feeling very much.

No one has ever thought him important, no one has ever paid attention to him, even if the way is rough, even if the price is heavy, but he really likes the gentle Bai Xiaonan.

Why does everything change when I wake up?Did he ruin it all himself?

It shouldn't be like this, Ah Wu closed his eyes, thinking tiredly.He shouldn't yearn for this kind of tenderness, it's a trap, it's his deliberate intention to let himself gradually fall into danger, and he will never recover, forgetting the taste of freedom.

Ah Wu pinched his thigh, reminding himself that he must not forget some things, but his reason was slow to respond to his tired and aching body, but his longing for warmth spread quickly.

Besides, what else is he worth calculating?For Bai Xiaonan, he has nothing, even if the goal is himself, he doesn't need to calculate anything, he can take whatever he wants directly, there is no need for this kind of illusion of warmth.

He said he was the only one who didn't give up on him, he said he was the only one who wanted him, forever, forever.is that trueDoes he need to lie?

Ah Wu was a little confused, his physical strength was exhausted, and his mind was beginning to lose his clarity. Do you want to persevere?he asked himself.

For what?

He has nothing.

No you are not.What you have, you should insist on, for him.There is another person who cared about you, no one can take him away.

Ah Wu vaguely thought that there was once a person in the world who cared about him for nothing, and he didn't have nothing.

But that person walked away, left, and got farther and farther away, just like everyone, everyone who gave him a little warmth will leave in the end.It is getting harder and harder to remember him, and his knees are getting more and more sore, he is hurting, his body is hurting, and his mind is not dizzy. He hopes that someone can comfort him, even just for a while, so that he can continue to persevere.

But insist on what?

For a moment, he didn't know the answer himself.

But what he wants, he is very clear, every minute he understands more clearly, he wants to rest, wants a little bit of care, a little bit is enough.

The greater the desire, the greater the fear.He was afraid that Bai Xiaonan was lying to him, no one would want him forever, everyone would leave, he has knelt here for so long and has not been forgiven, did he give up too?

Ah Wu was frightened by his own thoughts, partly because he realized that he was secretly yearning for Bai Xiaonan's possession of him, partly because he was really afraid that Bai Xiaonan would not keep a little tenderness towards him.

This fear reached its peak when he heard the sound of the study door.

Someone was talking, but the voice was not Bai Xiaonan.