The rest of life may not be different

Su Wuxu opened the curtains, and the light shone into his eyes in an instant, hurting his eyes, but he still opened his eyes to look at the blue sky. It was blue for a long time. Like Wei Jing, he likes blue, whether it is the sea or the sea. The blue sky still makes them calm, but now he is so calm that there is no wave, and the cool breeze blows across his cheeks when he opens the window. His eyes are blurred and he can't see the dense trees downstairs.

He boarded the bay window and looked down, his heart was full of sorrow, and death was the best relief for him. At that moment, he didn't think about anything, he just thought, Ah Jing, whether you are alive or dead, I am already I can't bear it anymore, wait for me when you die, live, don't follow me to die, and in your next life... don't get entangled with me...

He walked towards the edge step by step, and he was about to fall when he closed his eyes. Maybe his brain was thrown out, or maybe he was pierced by the undergrowth. In short, the appearance of death is definitely not good, but does he care?

Su Wuxu never thought that he was so peaceful now. Just when he was about to fall, there was a knock on the door. He didn't intend to pay attention to it, but suddenly felt that something was wrong. With his size, there was no reason why he should not touch the top of his head. , He blinked his bloodshot eyes and looked at the delicate and white hands, a little unbelievable, he jumped out of the bay window and looked at himself in the mirror for a while, and finally grinned so much that tears flowed down his face.

You see, what a joke God made with him, he looks exactly like his mother when he was about ten years old when she was just buried. After getting up, old man Su was still worried, and asked someone to pry open the door to see him, otherwise he would have died that day.

So this is a fantasy in sleep?Or is he really reborn?

He opened the drawer and took out the knife and cut it at his arm without hesitation. The pain was as usual, and the blood fell drop by drop on the floor and exploded into a beautiful flower. He inexplicably saw the same flower on Wei Jing's chest, and suddenly His hands and feet were cold and he squatted on the ground in a panic. When Mr. Su opened the door, he saw Su Wuxu squatting on the ground holding his head and trembling. The blood was sticking to his head and cheeks, which was shocking...

Sure enough, after bandaging the wound in the hospital, he met Bai Lingge again.

"Doctor Bai, what do you think I should do if one day I can no longer control my emotions?" Su Wuxu sat up and leaned against the wall, lowering his head and asked slowly.

He still loves Wei Jing very much as always, but if he continues to be implicated in this life...Su Wuxu doesn't want Wei Jing who is so sunny, even his smile seems to be able to infect people all over the world, he will lose his legs, or he will still be a stranger ...

"What's bothering you lately?" Bai Lingge was still so cold, sitting on a chair and taking the time to observe him.

"What are you worried about?" Su Wuxu thought for a while, then turned his head to look directly at Bai Lingge, "My mother just passed away, what do you think I am worried about!"

Bai Lingge glanced, then nodded slightly, "I thought you were suffering from social interaction disorder, that is, autism. Generally speaking, it is a sudden inability to communicate with normal people, but now it seems that it is not necessarily true. Isolated schizophrenia?" Bai Lingge asked a rhetorical question, which seemed meaningful.

Su Wuxu re-examined the doctor who had been treating him in the early stage, and he didn't think he seemed to have insight into his inner thoughts every time, making him feel that he had no secrets in front of him!

"Maybe." Su Wuxu said lightly, very tired and bored.

"Doctor Bai, prescribe some sleeping pills for me." Su Wuxu rubbed his head. His illness was due to psychological reasons. Even when he returned to his childhood, look, the people around him still remained the same, bustling and noisy.

Bai Lingge glanced at him up and down, and said for a while, "I don't worry about you."

"Why? I won't commit suicide, and I won't harm anyone." Su Wuxu said it with bitterness.

"It's you who eat too much unconsciously."

Su Wuxu thought about it, Bai Lingge really understood him, if the medicine didn't work for him for the time being, he would naturally increase the dose unconsciously, or he would have wanted to kill himself a long time ago.

"Then what if you swallowed a lot of sleeping pills?" There was a fake ghostly smile on the corner of Su Wuxu's mouth.

Bai Lingge felt more and more that his heart was much older than his own, and he was sick...

He explained, "The drug will put you into a semi-sleep state, stomach irritation will cause vomiting, the nerves will be paralyzed, and when the body cannot move, the vomit liquid will enter the lungs and nasal passages, causing great breathing pain and burning of the lungs Although you can’t move, you have to endure this pain for about 15 minutes, but this is the so-called salvage time.”

"Oh, I thought taking sleeping pills was the easiest way to die." Su Wuxu shrugged.

"Disappointed? Do you want to die?"

"Use sleeping pills to die?" Su Wuxu snorted slightly ironically. Even if he died, he would stab his heart with a knife, and he still had to feel the pain and loss of life, covering his whole body so that he would not feel nothingness.

"You're only ten years old, and you feel that life is elusive. This is very difficult for you. After all, you have already believed in your heart that there is no difference between death and life, and you have even planned how to kill yourself step by step, isn't it?"

Su Wuxu was stunned for a moment by what Bai Lingge said. That's right, he is only ten years old, so why should he be entangled? Couldn't things that didn't happen later on him not be reversed? !

"Yeah, I'm only ten years old... Don't you think it's inappropriate for Dr. Bai to say these things?"

Bai Linge shook his head, "You will understand."

Su Wuxu's face also became serious, he looked at Bai Lingge, "I always think you can understand people's hearts."

"Psychology is the study of 'people', rather than what other people usually think is normal or not. And psychological counseling is nothing but speech and behavior with theoretical support behind it." Bai Lingge said that there was no reaction , still indifferent.

Su Wuxu nodded half-understood, inexplicably feeling some irony in Bai Lingge's words.

"Why did that person become anxious?" Su Wuxu then asked.

"All people's troubles come from ignorance. Freud said, 'People live in anxiety, life is a tragedy, and people are the protagonists of the tragedy.' All living beings are suffering, and everything is nothing. If you are too paranoid, it will destroy you sooner or later. , in this life, people are nothing more than losing all the way, and the category of eternal life is worthy of praise precisely because it is rare."

Su Wuxu smiled, thinking it was very interesting. "Even if it's a tragedy, at least it's the protagonist. I remember you said that a person is the sum of experiences."

"Yes, paying attention to the process is life, and paying attention to the result is waiting for death, because death is the final result." When Bai Lingge said this sentence, he chuckled with unknown meaning, and Su Wuxu hardly heard it. While listening to Bai Linge, I always feel that this person is inextricably connected with me...

Later, Bai Lingge prescribed some medicines for him, one kind of antipsychotic drugs: fenoperidol (0mg-5mg/day), sulpiride (4mg-0mg/day), the former one is to reduce impulsivity, Self-talk, self-injury, and emotional stability, the latter is to improve loneliness, increase the amount of speech, and improve mood.

An antidepressant: sertraline (25mg-150mg/day), which can improve stereotyped repetitive behavior, improve mood, and relieve obsessive-compulsive symptoms.

When Su Wuxu was discharged from the hospital and was about to return to the old house, Bai Lingge watched Su Wuxu get into the car upstairs, and a sentence from Shakespeare came to mind.

There is no distinction between good and evil in the world, it is determined by thought.

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Mr. Su was worried that Su Wuxu would stay so self-absorbed because of this, and even committed self-harm. He asked Bai Lingge, and Bai Lingge told him to find Su Wuxu's points of interest, so that he could shift his focus to improve his mood.

Sure enough, Mr. Su was very fast, and he vacated an empty room the next day, which was filled with various books about painting, and the bookcases were filled with various brands of paints and drawing boards. , a very talented painting teacher came to teach Su Wuxu.

He could see that Su Wuxu liked painting very much. When he came here, he liked to stare at the paintings of famous masters in his study. Later, Su Wuxu was discovered by his father when he was painting at home, and he was even scolded by his father for being ignorant. After he paused, he never painted again, and in his later memories, he did go back to the old house and continued to pick up the paintbrush.

He still remembered the teacher his grandfather had hired for him. He didn't talk much but was clear, and his tone was unhurried, which didn't make people feel disgusted. Moreover, the teacher didn't plan to talk to him too much.

Su Wuxu stretched out his white/slender hands and picked up the white cloth on the drawing board. It seemed like a lifetime ago. Since when did he put down his paintbrush and use a sharp weapon for self-defense.

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"Ningli, where's your brother?" Xia Lin and Jiang Xiuyun were stunned when they heard that Su Wuxu had committed suicide, and then came to see him as soon as Su Wuxu came back.

"Brother is in the first room on the far left of the corridor over there." Su Ningli was watching TV alone in the hall, and he was chewing snacks while pointing to the corridor next to the stairs on the right.

Xia Lin groaned, seeing Su Ningli's smooth and soft hair, couldn't help rubbing it, and muttered as she walked, "Why is his brother so cute?"

Jiang Xiuyun knocked on the door, and waited for a strange voice inside to say, please come in. They were surprised, then pushed the door and walked in, and saw Su Wuxu diluting the paint and painting with a brush, with unprecedented seriousness.

The two of them looked at Su Wuxu's pale face, and through the thin body, they could even see the light blue blood vessels under the skin, but those focused eyes with sharp eyes flickered back after seeing Jiang Xiuyun and the others, "Why are you here?"

"... We heard that you have self-harmed yourself, so you don't look like that?" Xia Lin asked after looking at him.

Su Wuxu was a little helpless, "I'm not self-harm, I'm trying..." He didn't say the second half of the sentence, and suddenly felt that it was not only weird but also stupid to say whether it hurts or not.

"Try to see if the blade is sharp?" Jiang Xiuyun jokingly said with eyebrows curved.

Su Wuxu squinted at him, "You think so."

"You are so scary..." Xia Lin looked at the expressionless Su Wuxu with some trepidation, feeling that he had changed, and the look in his eyes made people shudder.

"By the way, are you still going after school starts the day after tomorrow?"

Su Wuxu counted the days, that's right, he will meet him when he is promoted to the first day of junior high school the day after tomorrow, Su Wuxu's black eyes narrowed slightly, "Go."