love like wind

Seeing that Xu Li had calmed down, Yang Jiayou took a deep breath, and his arrogance dissipated a little: "Don't think about those who have some, with your ability, there is no problem at all in applying for a good university abroad and studying for a graduate student. There is still a way to go in life." It's very long." As he spoke, he wanted to hug Xu Li, but he didn't move. He just touched Xu Li's cheek with his palm, and then withdrew his hand in a panic. He was hesitant and powerless. , still trying to comfort, "If you can make trouble in front of me, I won't hurt you, but what about others?"

Xu Li said, "Aren't you hurting me like that just now?"

"What's wrong with me kissing you?" Yang Jiayou was about to get angry again, like a dynamite bag, "Have you never hurt me before? Don't get me wrong, you were the one who kissed me first! I couldn't sleep for a whole night , the brain cells are all dead, and I don't want to understand where I went wrong!"

"That's because you forced me to ask." Xu Li couldn't help rolling his eyes with tears in his eyes.

"Still sophistry?" Yang Jiayou moved closer, his eyes darkened, threatening and tempting: "If you sophistry, I will kiss you, I will do what I say, if you don't believe me, try it."

Xu Li froze his head and dared not speak.

The air seemed to condense for a moment, then Yang Jiayou remembered the business, and his tone gradually became sincere: "The circle is very chaotic, there are everyone, cheating money and cheating feelings, maybe you will get sick, in case someone doesn't cherish you in the future , What do you want me to do? Huh? Be obedient——" Yang Jiayou held Xu Li's hand as he spoke.

Upon hearing this, Xu Li hastily withdrew his hand, choking with sobs: "I won't mess around, being alone doesn't mean being promiscuous."

The atmosphere relaxed a bit, Yang Jiayou frowned: "When did you start liking me?"

Xu Li didn't speak.

Yang Jiayou pinched his chin lightly, making him look at him, "I'm talking to you, are you dumb?"

Xu Li said, "I don't know."

"You don't know?" Yang Jiayou snorted coldly, "You are full of worries, do you think I can't feel it?"

Xu Li pursed his lower lip, feeling better.

After a long while, Yang Jiayou finally said: "If I were like you, I would be with you." If the two of them hadn't quarreled today, he still refused to face his true thoughts, even if he had him, he didn't want to admit it. He loves Xu Li , love is love, I don't want to talk about other feelings.He has family ties, and his younger sister Yang Jiayu is in a special situation. He needs to consider the feelings of his parents and can't act so arbitrarily.

Xu Li understood, his eyes were wet, and his voice was a little hoarse: "Go back, it's getting late."

Yang Jiayou suppressed his emotions, "Hold a taxi while walking, it's not easy to hail a taxi at the entrance of the community."

Xu Li nodded in agreement.

Moving forward along the sidewalk, there were mottled light and shadows on the stone bricks. Yang Jiayou tried to hold Xu Li, but Xu Li didn't refuse, so he held Xu Li's hand tightly and said, "You just know it in your heart."

Xu Li's mind was a little confused. Many things happened tonight. He knew what Yang Jiayou was talking about. The two of them grew up together. Ever since the confession was rejected, Xu Li never had any illusions about Yang Jiayou.Hearing him say that now, Xu Li felt very sad.

The elders only regard them as brothers, and their relationship is simply unacceptable to the family.

In order to spend more time with his family, Yang Jiayou did not go abroad for his undergraduate degree. He is a person who attaches great importance to family affection.

What should I do now?

The two walked hand in hand for a while, their palms were hot and wet, obviously very uncomfortable, but neither of them let go.On the road, Yang Jiayou let go of his hand. There is a constant flow of traffic here, so it is very easy to take a taxi.The carriage was silent along the way, and the two had their own concerns.

Back at school, it was almost eleven o'clock, and the dormitory was about to close. Yang Jiayou insisted that Xu Li go back first, "Hurry up and wash your face, your eyes are like steamed buns."

The taxi took a turn, and when he arrived at Yang Jiayou's dormitory, he paid the bill and got out of the car.

Now that the conversation is over, the two of them are no longer awkward, but they are both careful to maintain boundaries with each other, and they both know what it means to actually cross that line.Yang Jiayou no longer had emotional ups and downs like before, and had dinner with Xu Li when he was free.

The kiss that happened under intense emotion made people feel uncomfortable when recalling it. Only holding hands that day made Xu Li feel very warm.

Apart from the objective boundary problem, Xu Li felt that Yang Jiayou really had an opinion on homosexuality, and he never had any intimate contact with Xu Li in public.Even when the two of them went to a movie normally, Yang Jiayou would scoff at the sight of two boys kissing in the front row, occasionally mentioning the topic of homosexuality, and his expression was not very good.Xu Li felt that when they walked together hand in hand that day, it was probably Yang Jiayou who was comforting him.

Xu Li didn't know whether Yang Jiayou admitted from the bottom of his heart that he was gay. If he couldn't accept it, Yang Jiayou's reaction was considered homophobic. It is said that there is a word called "deep cabinet". The distance between 'homophobia' and 'deep closet' is quite subtle, as long as getting along is no longer awkward and keeps a proper distance, Xu Li thinks it is acceptable.

During this period, Xu Li didn't do any part-time jobs anymore. Apart from attending classes, he just went to the library, living a quiet and fulfilling life.Yang Jiayou didn't like him interacting with Li Yan, Li Yan later called to thank him, Xu Li replied politely, and did not talk to him further.

The college entrance examination in June is approaching quietly. The college life of Yang Jiayou and Xu Li is not so tense, but Yang Jiayu is facing tremendous pressure.Although her parents didn't set high expectations for her, she still wanted to do her best.

Fortunately, art colleges have lower requirements for cultural courses. Yang Jiayu's piano skills are exceptional, and she usually has a tutor at home to help her review her homework.In August, Yang Jiayu received the admission letter from Nanjing University of the Arts.

Either way, this is welcome news.

Both Yang Jiayou and Xu Li went to school locally, and stayed home for a while during the summer vacation. To celebrate Yang Jiayu's admission to university, the family went out to have a barbecue.As time passed, they were no longer as close as they were when they were young, Xu Li and Yang Jiayou maintained a subtle distance, only Yang Jiayu was still the same as before.

However, Yang Jiayu came out even more slim. She hasn't grown much since the second year of high school. She is about [-] meters tall, which is not short among girls.Fair complexion, long shoulder-length hair, black and soft, an oval face, when he smiles, his eyes are gentle and bright.

Yang Jiayou was standing not far from the lawn grilling skewers, watching his sister and mother laying tablecloths aside, thinking that in the future there must be a good boy who loves Yang Jiayu, holds it in his hand, and takes good care of him so that he can rest assured.Yang Jiayu is thoughtful, kind, and caring. Once she adapts to university life, she will gradually be able to be independent. When she graduates, she will at least be a piano teacher.

Regarding future plans, Yang Jiayou has considered many times, the only thing he dare not think about is the relationship between himself and Xu Li.There is no place for 'homosexuality' in the education he has received and in the existing values.

He has feelings for Xu Li, but he doesn't think he is gay.

They are just 20 years old, their lives are still long, and there are still many things to do. Who knows that the heartbeat at this moment is not impulsive?

Yang Jiayou grew up watching the relationship between his parents. Although his mother Xu Ying has a bad temper and would throw things when she gets angry, Yang Jiayou really feels that her mother has paid a lot for this family.Father Yang Zhenhua is generous, caring, careful, and has a good balance between career and family. He is a considerate husband and a respectable father.

Over the years, his parents have always been Yang Jiayou's role models.

Because of this, Yang Jiayou couldn't explain his feelings for Xu Li at all. It was an inexplicable feeling that didn't fit his personality.As Xu Li tried to break free from him again and again, Yang Jiayou felt very uncomfortable, as if his heart was torn in two.He thought about it, this kind of unknown feeling, he will cherish it for a lifetime, this feeling will not fade with the passage of time.

If you have to give a definite answer, Yang Jiayou can't watch Xu Li deviate from the track, even if Xu Li feels lonely and wants to try same-sex relationships, he can't go out to meet friends, something will happen!

Yang Jiayou had seen Xu Li's New Year's greeting card to Yang Jiayu, which was proof that Yang Jiayu showed his dissatisfaction in his first year of high school, saying that his own brother was not so careful with her.When I opened it, I found a soft and fluffy feather in the greeting card. The New Year greetings were very simple, but the word 'Mao Mao' was written in the title column.Yang Jiayou was puzzled at the time, returned the greeting card to his sister, and said angrily, "Your name is not Maomao."

Yang Jiayu rolled his eyes: "There is a 'Yu' in my name, isn't 'Yu' just 'Mao'?"

Yang Jiayou was stunned suddenly, wanted to say something, but couldn't speak, his heart was filled with warmth.

Yes, even his own brother is not so careful.

But he was used to duplicity, and before he left, he deliberately said: "Okay, you will change your name to 'Yang Jiamao' in the future."

"You are called 'Yang Jiamao'," Yang Jiayu stared at her brother, she thought for a while and said, "No, you should be called 'Yang Jiazuo'!"

The two brothers and sisters couldn't help laughing.

Thinking of these details of life, Yang Jiayou felt even more sad. If Xu Li didn't keep an eye on him, who would know what stupid Xu Li would do? ?

Doesn't that mean killing Yang Jiayou?

There is a reason why Yang Jiayou resists the gay circle. Now is the information age, it is not difficult to really understand something.He has always believed that many people appear to be rebellious under the guise of homosexuality, but they are actually indulging their own desires and making excuses for promiscuity.Such people, whether gay or straight, are extremely irresponsible.

Of course, everyone has the right to choose.Just one thing, he knew very well in his heart that he didn't want to live this kind of life.

It is easy to destroy the relationship between him and Xu Li.Xu Li has been lonely since he was a child. He has an independent personality and strong self-esteem.Without even thinking about it, Xu Li's heart would be broken after a few casual tortures.

Compared with trampling, caring is a more difficult thing.

When he was young, his father said to him: "Compared to sympathy, self-esteem is more important. Disasters deprive people of material things, but they should not also deprive them of spiritual things. This is cruel." Yang Jiayou remembered this sentence for a long time. He cannot be a cruel man.Let’s not talk about coming out, what will his parents think of him.Parents have always regarded Xu Li as their own son. If Yang Jiayou insists on being with Xu Li, Xu Li will be very passive and embarrassed in front of his parents. This is not a problem that can be solved by showing off.Xu Li was already alone, and Yang Jiayou couldn't let him lose this affection again.

Even if Xu Li didn't say these things, Yang Jiayou would think about them for him.

Xu Li confessed before that even though Yang Jiayou was unprepared and even avoided him for a while, to be honest, he didn't blame Xu Li, he only worried that he was not doing well.

It is precisely because of this that Yang Jiayou is used to dragging Xu Li to do everything. They have to play together, study, run, chase dreams together, feel the wanton opening of life, become a better self, and experience more rich and interesting together. Life.

Seeing the world, seeing the wind and waves and the bay, you know what you want in the end.

Being confused together not only tramples on this feeling, but also discounts life.

At this time, Yang Jiayou didn't know that the balance in his heart was tilting little by little, the love had already spread hopelessly, and the quarrel that day was just the fuse.

Seeing that the skewers were almost done, Yang Jiayou called Xu Li, "Bring the plate here."

Xu Li was cutting fruit at the side. After the platter was assembled, he took the tinfoil plate and walked towards Yang Jiayou, "It's almost enough."

"Eat corn?" Yang Jiayou squinted his eyes as the smoke was smoky, and put the skewers into the tin foil plate, "Be careful of the heat."