love like wind

That night, Xu Li suffered from insomnia.

Xu Li was thinking about homosexuality. Before he experienced other emotions, when facing Yang Jiayou, his heart would beat faster, he would feel nervous, he would pay attention to every word Yang Jiayou said, and occasionally he would have a physiological reaction.

So, does he like Yang Jiayou, or is he really "sick" as Yang Jiayou said.

In order to find out this point, Xu Li specially checked a large amount of information.

But when he asked himself, Xu Li didn't think there was anything shameful about homosexuality. He wouldn't talk about this topic like Yang Jiayou did, as if he was touching a high-voltage wire.Maybe he was used to being alienated by his classmates in middle and high school, and subtly believed that being unaccepted was the norm, and when someone got close to him, it made him feel uncomfortable.

After entering university, Xu Li cared less about the opinions of the people around him. What kind of person he wanted to be, what kind of job he would pursue in the future, and what kind of life he would live were his own business.What's more, if you are not strong enough, how can you find your long-lost sister.

Probably knowing that this was destined to be a secret love that would end without a cause, Xu Li sealed up his feelings and hid them deep in his heart.Xu Li experienced the death of his relatives when he was young, and was able to stay in the Yang family after many twists and turns. Xu Li always lacked a sense of security. He was not a person with high expectations materially, but he cared more about psychological needs.

Except for the usual class, Xu Li began to use a lot of study to divert his attention. In terms of study, he has always had amazing perseverance.Yang Jiayou once taught him how to acquire knowledge. Although he is not extremely smart, at least he has good study habits, coupled with diligent thinking and good summarization, the knowledge in class is more than enough for him.Universities are no different than middle and high schools, and the exams are not based on selection. With such a learning mentality and obsession, Xu Li's grades are very high.

Now that he decided not to take the academic path, Xu Li wanted to transform the knowledge he had learned into practice as soon as possible.He often pays attention to part-time jobs related to his major, and sometimes he can receive private work on the circuit design of development boards. He crosses the river by feeling the stones, learning while doing it, and earning a lot after each order is completed.

For students in school, what better way to make money than mental work.

Tutoring and part-time jobs in coffee shops can at best be regarded as the life experience of entering university.

Xu Li has a clear plan for the future. Going abroad to study for graduate school is time-consuming. Even if he can apply for a full scholarship to a foreign university, it will still be a big expense in life.Yang Jiayou has a complete family, he only needs to work hard, and his parents will help him worry about life.

Xu Li is now an adult, of course he is no more lonely than a young man, he can control his own life.For the next thing, Xu Li had to go on by himself.With such a mentality, Xu Li's heart became more and more determined.

Once people get busy, they will forget those disturbing thoughts.

Maybe it was Yang Jiayou who was stimulated by the question last time. He didn't come to Xu Li for a long time, and he didn't even make a phone call.

Xu Li was thinking, this is also good, draw a clearer boundary line, so as to avoid embarrassment for both parties.

He didn't think there was anything wrong with this way, even if he didn't stay with Yang Jiayou like before, without any greetings, as long as Yang Jiayou needed anything, Xu Li would still appear by his side immediately.

Just like Yang Jiayou said before: "Xu Li is my sibling, my brother, I don't allow anyone to abuse him."

Yang Jiayou is also engraved in Xu Li's life. He once used the heroic spirit of a young man to give Xu Li infinite strength and courage.Except for the heartbeat, this feeling has long surpassed love, just like Yang Jiayou is a part of Xu Li's body.

On this day, Xu Li went to the part-time company to conduct on-site debugging. He completed the one-line diagram design in the early stage according to the configuration plan provided by the company. He did not understand the mechanical knowledge, and a special mechanical engineer cooperated with him.Although it is only a plan display and may not be issued to the workshop for execution, the model display effect is indeed good.

The man who contacted Xu Li was named Li Yan, 31 years old, the manager of the technical department. The case had been on his hands for a long time. The colleague who took over had left the job. It's a pity that Li Yancai asked his colleagues to look for part-time jobs online.

Xu Li usually talks less and is mainly busy with work, but Li Yan is quite optimistic about him: "Are you interested in coming to the company for an internship?"

Li Yan has seen Xu Li's resume. He is a student majoring in electrical engineering at Nanjing University. It is really rare for him to have such a practical level in his sophomore year.

Xu Li just smiled and didn't speak.

The two were standing under the eaves downstairs of the company, and it started to rain at around eight o'clock in the evening.

In the dark, Li Yan lit a cigarette, and the smoke ring was mixed with water vapor, which made people feel a little suffocating.

"Sorry." Li Yan dusted off his cigarette butt, "I don't know if you mind."

He took a puff and quickly extinguished the cigarette, "Don't you really think about it? Our company is also in good shape."

Xu Li replied: "There will be more classes in the next semester, so I may not have so much time."

Li Yan nodded, "Yes." He took out a business card: "Contact often."

"Thank you." Xu Li took it with both hands.

The rain was a little lighter, and when I stretched out my hand, I only felt my palm being scratched.Xu Li turned his head, and in the dim light, he could see Li Yan clearly. He was thin, and although his hair was short, it seemed to have been permed, with a comfortable curve.About the same height as him, the white shirt looks particularly eye-catching, and the black suit pants.The car lights not far away illuminated Li Yan's face, and there was a bit of fatigue and carelessness hidden in the corners of his eyes.

The headlights diagonally ahead were turned off, and a man got out of the cab, without an umbrella, looking in their direction.

Xu Li was about to say goodbye.

"Wait—" Li Yan called to stop him.

Xu Li stopped in his tracks and asked, "What's wrong?"

Li Yan started to light a cigarette again, frowned and took a puff, "Can you please stand beside me for a while."

Xu Li looked at the man not far away, as if he understood something, "You...know each other?"

Li Yan coughed twice, "Don't worry, he dare not come."

Xu Li didn't understand what Li Yan was talking about, but just stood by his side according to his request.

The rain was falling, and after standing for so long, the man's clothes should be soaked.In the darkness, the man finally looked back, sat back in the car, slammed the door loudly, and sped away quickly, splashing water.

Li Yan extinguished his cigarette, apologized again, and said softly, "Thank you just now."

Xu Li said, "You're welcome."

"Have you brought an umbrella?"

It didn't rain when we came here, Xu Li said: "This place is very close to the bus station."

Li Yan made a stop gesture, "Wait a moment."

Not long after, Li Yan came out with an umbrella, "Take it, the future will be long."

"Thank you." Xu Li took it and walked towards the bus station.

It was nearly ten o'clock when we returned to the dormitory. Xu Li found a box of purple rice cakes on the table. He turned around and asked Wang Yunfei, "Who gave it to you?"

Wang Yunfei was playing a game without turning his head: "Who else is there? Yang Jiayou." The students thought that the two of them were relatives, and it was normal for them to have a good relationship.

Xu Li let out an 'oh', pulled out his chair, sat in front of the desk, and finished eating the purple rice cake.

The phone vibrated, it was a WeChat message from Yang Jiayou: Did you receive the item.

Xu Li replied: Finished eating, thank you.

I thought Yang Jiayou would say something else, but the phone was very quiet.Xu Li knew that Yang Jiayou must be apologizing for the last time, "Are you sick?" In fact, Xu Li would not take these words to heart. He knew Yang Jiayou's character and it annoyed him. It is normal to say a few angry words.

But while eating, I suddenly felt very sad.

It's so annoying, what should I do?

On weekends, Xu Li went to the library with his laptop. Apart from completing the academic content in class, he read a lot of materials about homosexuality.He really wanted to find out what kind of feelings he had for Yang Jiayou.

He was doubting himself, whether he mistook dependence for liking.

When noon was approaching, the students in the library went to the cafeteria one after another, and the surroundings were very quiet. Xu Li wore earphones, turned his face to the side and looked out the window, feeling agitated.According to scientific explanations, there are several causes of homosexuality. The first one is the violation of the same sex in childhood or adolescence, and the sexual orientation is forcibly changed.The second type is natural, just like some people are heterosexual, it is the answer engraved in the genes; the third type is the choice of homosexual sexual orientation due to the influence of the environment in the process of getting along.

In terms of getting along day and night, he also spends a lot of time with Yang Jiayu. Why did Xu Li not fall in love with any girl from the beginning to the end, but instead had feelings for Yang Jiayou unconsciously.There are no examples of homosexuality around them, so it should not have been influenced by the environment and made a choice.

Which one is he?Xu Li did not find the answer.

Ask yourself, Uncle Yang's family has given Xu Li a great sense of security, there is no saying that Xu Li is extremely dependent on Yang Jiayou, as long as he doesn't see Yang Jiayou and doesn't deliberately think about him, Xu Li can automatically block many feelings.

For straight men, same-sex liking is more like harassment. From this point of view, is Yang Jiayou forgiving his offenses again and again?Thinking of this, Xu Li felt out of breath.Even though studying can keep people busy, Xu Li still feels very lonely when he is free.It's not that I want to fall in love simply, but I feel that I am different from ordinary people and have no similarities.

The scene I saw last time suddenly flashed in my mind. Even though Li Yan didn't speak to the man in the rain, the atmosphere was a bit ambiguous, even mixed with a bit of game. Could there be some kind of connection between them?

Even though he was worried about emotional matters, Xu Li gave up the idea of ​​asking him for advice when he thought that the other party was a professional.

The phone on the table vibrated, and Xu Li came to his senses. It was a group text message for the basketball team's dinner, scheduled for 6:00 on Sunday night, at a Hunan restaurant near the school.Xu Li originally wanted to push it, but the text message emphasized that he must arrive on time, saying that he was the captain of the senior year and was about to go abroad, and he wanted to get together with his teammates before leaving.

Xu Li replied: Received.

On Sunday night, Xu Li arrived on time, but before everyone arrived, he took a quick glance and saw that Yang Jiayou was nowhere to be seen, Xu Li was relieved immediately.They are on the same basketball team, and it is inevitable to encounter such occasions. It is estimated that Yang Jiayou is also avoiding something.

After waiting for about ten minutes, the number of people was almost complete, and the captain ordered the food.

A few boys who were familiar with each other were playing Doudizhu on their mobile phones. Seeing Xu Li sitting next to him, "Hey, hurry up, let's play a game before the food is served."

A mechanical announcement of 'Welcome' came from the restaurant's gate, and Xu Li said, "I'm not good at technology."

"The rooms are ready, hurry up."

Xu Li felt a gust of wind coming from behind him, and he heard Yang Jiayou's voice, calm and cold: "What room?"