Thank you for these five years

Before leaving, I pretended to be magnanimous about the arrangement of Xiao D's trip to Chengdu, saying that it didn't matter.

However, when little D really arrived in Chengdu, I was impatient.

In the next few days, I saw Xiao D and Fan walking through the streets of Chengdu together, and went to Jiuzhaigou together to play.As for the photos of them together, I finally broke down and couldn't stand it anymore.I started talking to little D every day, my narrow-mindedness became stronger day by day, jealousy and unexplained hatred grew in my heart.On the day Xiao D and Fan returned to Chengdu from Jiuzhaigou, I broke out and gave Xiao D an ultimatum: go back to Hunan immediately, and come back to me.

That night, Xiao D and Fan were in Tianfu Square. When we received my message, we had a quarrel. Later he cried and sat on the edge of Tianfu Square wiping his tears, with Fan next to him.

The next day, little D came back and caught the plane from Chengdu to Changsha.I also went to Changsha that day.Booked a hotel on Jiefang West Road.In the evening, he came.I lead him into the room.

silence.

"Can you stop being so willful?" Little D said.

"But I can't stand it," I responded, "I thought I could, but then I realized, sorry, I really can't stand it"

"Then you said it was okay at the beginning," he said, "Besides, the two of us really have nothing to do, the rooms we booked are all standard rooms."

"But, how do I know, I just watch you two play, I'm alone at home, I can't stand it", "I try to tell myself that you are all right, but it's useless, I need you."

"You are too capricious and narrow-minded."

"I'm not self-willed, I'm afraid I'll lose you if I'm not careful!"

"We should calm down." Little D kept a straight face and stopped talking.

……

After a while, he just swiped his phone, put it down and lifted it up again.As for me, I turned my head and looked out the window. There was a lot of traffic, and the Jiefang West Road was still very lively in the middle of the night.I turned my gaze back to the room, and saw the man by the bed, silent.

……

……

"Don't be like this" I gave in, "Husband..." I can't stand this kind of coldness.

Little D just recited it and still ignored me.

"Honey, I'm itchy, fuck me." I leaned over and whispered in his ear, and my hands started to move around, teasing him.I didn't cater to, nor refused, and I dominated the game.

That night, we did do it later, but it was a bit awkward, and the previous problems were not completely resolved, and Xiao D still didn't want to talk to me.

The next day, we set off from Changsha to Chengdu.

I continued to be self-willed, and I asked little D to accompany me to re-walk the place where he and Fan walked.Little D didn't object, but just led me there.On the road from Chengdu to Jiuzhaigou, there is no words to accompany each other.When I was resting on the road, I took him to take a group photo, and I could see the reluctance on his face.Arrange accommodation that night, and the tour guide allocated a standard room to us.As soon as I entered the house, Little D got down on the ground by himself, leaving me alone to tidy up.Looking at him lying on the bed, I didn't know what to say.After tidying up, I lay down on another bed.

At night, I tossed and turned and couldn't sleep.Looking at the direction of little D, the pitch black is also a blur, thinking to myself, will this herald our future, and it will be such a blur.

No, you can't.

I got up and climbed onto Little D's bed.It turned out that he hadn't fallen asleep either. After feeling me coming, he moved his body, sat up, leaned against the bedside and turned on the light.

"I'm sorry, my dear, I was wrong" I began to admit my mistake, leaning on his chest, "I'm self-willed, please talk to me"

"say what"

"You didn't talk to me all this way, I can't stand it"

"Then what do you want me to say?"

"What are you thinking? Why ignore me."

"I'm thinking about us" Xiao D finally planned to say more, "I wonder if we should continue..."

"[I hugged him] to"

"But what if I don't want to?" He said, "You are so self-willed, it's really tiring"

"But I..."

"Tell me, but what... I'm really a little tired"

"I'm uncomfortable, I'm narrow-minded because of you, I'm self-willed because of you, I don't want to lose you"

"I don't want to, but it's not good to continue like this." Xiao D seemed to think of something, "Look, you still peek at my phone, and I don't like that either."

"No, I don't want" I burst into tears, "I promise you, I won't do this anymore, and I won't look at your phone anymore"

"Really? But it happened"

"I swear, I really really don't look around anymore" I begged, "I don't want to make you angry anymore"

"[Xiao D touched my hair] Hey...let me think about it, these few days" turned off the light, and we lay down.I still held him and just fell asleep like that.

In the next few days in Jiuzhaigou, I was very careful, keeping my word and not trying to make him angry.I responded immediately to what he said, and it was like this until I returned to Chengdu from Jiuzhai.On the night when I returned to Chengdu, I was still on the bed, and I mustered up the courage to ask him tentatively, "We can continue."

…………… After a long silence………

"Um"

Although the conversation was short, but for me, it really touched the ground with a hanging heart.

And that night, I also decided to drift north.I want to be closer to him.

In the next few days in Chengdu, I felt a lot easier.We visited Chunxi Road and walked through Kuanzhai Alley.On my birthday, we ate hot pot together, and the hot pot restaurant even gave birthday buns, and I posted a photo of us together on the ticket circle.Later, we went to Jinli, went to Muji restaurant, and also went to a gay bar in Chengdu.These places all string together all our memories in Chengdu.

After all, the summer vacation is coming to an end. I agreed to go north, and I first came to the city where we were studying in university.Because I had passed the teacher qualification certificate test before, I first found a job as a teacher in this city.That's how the nine-to-six days started.I, a person rents, lives and works in this city.Little D returned to his hometown city, not far away.We get together occasionally, but most of the time we live and work separately.In order to improve myself, I signed up for accounting and statistics exams. After returning home from work every day, I just read and studied, and I rarely had time to accompany Xiao D, even with a mobile phone.

This kind of life is really stressful.Once, I couldn't take it anymore.During the video with Little D, I cried.I cried hoarsely in front of him. I felt that I was suffering. One was the life of being alone in Beijing, and the other was the huge pressure to improve myself in the exam. At that time, I was especially afraid that I would not pass the exam.What's more, she came over silently to keep an underground relationship with him, but it could only be shown in the form of friendship.All kinds of things weighed on me. That day I stripped away my strength and fearlessness in front of little D, leaving a lonely, confused, helpless and vulnerable self.

Fortunately, hard work paid off, I passed the accounting exam and the statistics exam.As for work, when I wanted to quit my job as a teacher, I found out that a company I liked was recruiting.I started to prepare materials and actively applied for the job.

The god of luck may have favored me this time. When I knew that I had passed the initial test, I was very excited.I called and told Xiao D to share with him, and then went to the mall to buy new clothes that day to prepare for the next retest in Beijing.Later, I passed all the way and passed the re-examination.

When I learned that I had successfully applied for the job, I felt relieved.From then on, a new life began.

I told Little D the result, I am going to work in Beijing.Little D is also happy for me. Although we are still living in different places, we feel closer.

In December 15, I joined a new company.At Christmas time at the end of the month, I, Xiao D, Jing, Qi, and Fan held a pajama party at Xiao D's house together, and had a very, very happy time. [Special thanks to Little D for letting me know Jing, Qi, Fan and some of Little D's family members.Although it seems to them that Xiao D and I are just a close friendship, that's fine.At least it makes me feel that I have friends and relatives in the north, and I am no longer so lonely.And the city of Little D has also become my second hometown. There are many people and places I am familiar with, and many things have happened]