TSN—ME—What if

Eduardo thought, he shouldn't look back.

He should have found a quiet place to calm down at this moment, his heart was beating hard in his chest, and he was afraid of being heard by the other party.

He should have found a quiet place to seriously think about the reason for the next meeting between the two of them.

He should have stepped out of the door without hesitation, instead of standing here alone looking at the other person's lonely back.

He has always been like this, refusing to lose his composure in front of others.

Eduardo lifts the wrist that Mark had held earlier, the marks still on it.

Mark said he couldn't feel it.

Suddenly, Eduardo sees light.

How could it not be felt? !

The effect of force is mutual!

oh! Mark Zuckerberg is really a cunning guy!

Da da da.

One step, one step, another step.

The leather shoes collided on the polished floor of the church, and the sound was crisp and rhythmic.

Mark looked up, looking at Eduardo who returned to his side, puzzled.

Eduardo said helplessly: "You have to send me back, I don't know the way."

Mark still looked up at the other person, without making a further reaction.

Eduardo urges, "We should hurry up, I have a party to attend, hope those guys don't wait for me to be the master."

Mark said mechanically, "You can..."

He stopped abruptly, closed his lips tightly, and stopped uttering a word.

"We have to go back," Eduardo insists.

Mark nodded and stood up eagerly: "Yes, I think so too."

The two walked out of the church side by side, Eduardo put his hands behind his back, one hand over the other wrist mark and said, "I'm afraid of you, Mark."

His voice was very soft, as if he was praying, but also as if he was comforting himself.

"I know."

"I don't have any confidence in you."

"I know."

"So, please don't go back on this deal."

Mark once stubbornly believed that he could face anyone's departure, so he never turned around to see the back of others' departure.He would feel relieved that the other party left before him.

But when he stood at the window and looked at Eduardo's leaving back again, he realized that he was far from the peace he imagined.

He couldn't accept Eduardo's departure.

For the first time, anger and unwillingness buried him, and even blindly imposed all the faults on the other party.

The second time, Eduardo walked away with red eyes.

Those caramel-colored eyes were full of disappointment and fear for Mark Zuckerberg, but also full of sadness and despair.

Eduardo came back to comfort him who was frustrated, the other party was always like this, showing up in time when he thought others were down, but he told the other party that everything was unnecessary.

Whether it is morality or affection, he can easily give up.

When he showed this side to the other party, he was afraid of convenience.

So Eduardo begins to deny the value of being around him, doubts planted somewhere Mark didn't know about, growing bigger and bigger as time goes by.

Until that day, Eduardo forced himself to make a real choice.

Mark used to think it didn't matter, after all he couldn't influence other people's thoughts.They are also very aware of each other's differences. It is one thing to be clear, and another to compromise.

At least there isn't much chance that Mark Zuckerberg will compromise.

It's nothing, Wardo's always been needlessly naive, and if he's going to come down with me, then he's got to live with that. Mark convinces himself with ego and perfect reasons.

But the truth is, Eduardo says, "I have to leave you, Mark."

For Mark Zuckerberg who refuses to accept the real thing.

Obviously he should be angry, but his mind was occupied by those eyes full of sadness and fear, and there was no time for anger.

He obviously knows Eduardo very well, knowing that he can analyze it step by step.

But the confusion is getting bigger and bigger, disturbing the nerves.

Later Mark figured it out, knowing doesn't mean understanding.

He understood Eduardo's fear, because he broke the beautiful imagination in the other's heart, but he couldn't understand the sadness and despair in the other's eyes.

The kind of despair that seems to be unable to bear anymore and chooses to give up.

It's as if the other person loves him so much, but is afraid of getting close to him and causing his body to be broken, so he chooses to stay away... It took Mark a long time to figure it out.

Time gradually settled everything, and he also learned the understanding he once dismissed.

There are too many things that can't be considered too much, just like Eduardo back then, he didn't care about it and acted as a qualified friend.

So Mark heard himself reply, "Iswear."

[I had a dream, a nightmare, extremely bad.

At this moment, the finger holding the pen couldn't stop shaking, and tears seemed to burst out of my eyes in the next moment, but my self-esteem stopped me, and I refused to roll down my cheeks.

I can't imagine what I would do if I had to go through such a bad thing in my life.

Can you be as strong as in your dream, and finally fight back?

Lies, betrayals, old age and death.

If this is how me and Mark end up, what can I do to make it less pathetic?

Or, as far as Mark is concerned, am I really as important to him as I think?

I don't have the slightest confidence.

Yep, I don't have any confidence, that's the fact of the relationship I'm in.

If it does happen, how failed am I really?How could the relationship between the two of them develop to such an extent!

Or, for Mark, am I the kind of person who can be easily discarded?

Why can't he choose even a milder way? !

I'm not excusing myself for doing that stupid thing, it's awful, so bad I wonder if I've been brainwashed by aliens, because that's what it looks like if you don't have a brain.

I'm just, I'm just sad...

The nib trembled more, and my hand couldn't control it, because my hand trembled more frequently than before.

Angry?

Yes.

Are you unwilling?

Yes.

Fear?

Yes.

To myself, to Mark.

My mind tells me it's just a dream.

My beating heart tells me that if I don't take it seriously, then this is where I end up.

What should I do?

———Black Box＊EduardoSaverin's Secret Diary]

——The end of the first part—