sad love

The author has something to say: Loneliness is not synonymous with depression, but a drop of blood and tears in the heart.

Spring goes and autumn comes, flowers follow each other, what year will we be apart tonight?

As the Spring Festival is approaching, migrant workers return to their hometowns to reunite with their families.Brother Zhang and Sister Zhang left, Xie Yunfei and Yu Ting left.The building is empty, only me and Jingyi are left.

"Yunjie, do you love me?"

"I love you, I love your yellow hair, the way your eyes roll when you talk, love you..."

"Then you will marry me, right?"

"The dishes you cook are so delicious..."

"Answer me!" Jingyi's sudden expression made me flustered.

It took a long time to squeeze out three words from my throat, "I will." I said that I wanted to hug her in my arms.

"Don't touch me!" Then she cried with her head on my shoulder.I stroked her hair to soothe her crying.After a long time, Jingyi regained her composure.

"Jay, can you give me a picture of you?"

"why?"

"I can see you when you're not around."

I sent Jingyi to the station, and we sat quietly in the waiting hall, counting the passengers passing by.Time has changed, smelling the bitterness of parting.Jingyi stopped before the security check line, looked at me with an expression I couldn't read and said, "Jie, can you hug me?" Her voice trembled a little, as if it was a farewell between life and death.Later, I finally understood that it was indeed the farewell between life and death.

"Okay." This request came unexpectedly. I have known Jingyi for more than three months, except for her taking the initiative to embrace me. This is the first time she has asked me to hug her.She wept in my arms, and the people who passed by cast their eyes on me.

"Don't cry, we will meet again in two weeks."

"Jie, do you love me? Will you marry me? Will you still?" Before Jingyi could answer the question in her heart, the conductor urged the passengers to board the train again.

Jingyi left, I don't remember how her figure slipped away from my sight at that time.I just remember clearly: the train moves slowly, and the distance between us is getting bigger and bigger.

Goodbye, my girl.

I am waiting for your return.

Three years later I know this farewell is the farewell of this life.

I made up my mind not to go home for the New Year, perhaps because the knot with my father had not been opened, so I chose to be alone.I am quietly practicing against loneliness alone, and my weapons are a few books I bought from a bookstore.During the day, I watched quietly alone, and when I was tired, I lay on the bed and listened to music. I didn’t know when I was lying down, and I dreamed of Duke Zhou.Waking up from a deep sleep, the music was still playing, the book had already slipped to the floor, and I had no idea when the sky outside the window was black.I don't want to go for a walk on the street alone, unless I have to buy daily necessities.

Simple braised noodles, fried rice, or a bucket of instant noodles can complete my meal.I discovered that I had a great appetite, and I was very curious about it.Perhaps the phrase "not thinking about food and tea" does not exist in my world at all.In the first few days, I could always chat with Jingyi, and I knew that she was sick on the other end of the phone, and it was not serious.I persuaded her many times that I should visit her and she just said: don't worry, we will see each other soon.I waited quietly, always feeling that I was being fiddled with by something unknown, and I felt very uncomfortable.A few days later, Jingyi's phone was finally disconnected.I was even more lonely, I closed myself in a small space and didn't want to connect with the outside world.The phone calls from my sister and the greetings from my classmates annoyed me.

Every night my mind is occupied by some boring things, and I feel a headache.Sometimes to be clearer, I conceived to write a novel, and the more I thought about it, the more excited I got, I immediately got up and turned on the lamp beside the bed, took out a pen and paper and started writing.If it goes well, I will reward myself with a big dinner; if my brain is blocked, I have only two choices; either sit quietly and wait for the morning with a pen in hand, or lie in bed.

On New Year’s Eve, the phone I dialed to Jingyi was turned off, and the one who dialed Meiyu was an empty number. I threw the phone aside and lay on the bed with my crossed hands on the back of my head, quietly staring at the ceiling in a daze.The phone rang and it was Yu Ting.

"I know you kid didn't go home, and now you're alone in a daze."

"how do you know?"

"Because I'm looking at you." I looked around the room, "You're kidding me!"

"Yeah, you'll know when you open the door." I opened the door and saw Sister Yuting standing shivering in the doorway.

"Didn't you go home?"

"I'll go back and see that Mom and Dad are back again."

"Why don't you accompany them?"

"They are in another world. I believe they are doing well." Listening to Yu Ting's words, my chest was about to burst.

I quickly cleaned up and started cooking.

"I'll help you."

"You're tired after a day's driving, so take a rest."

"There are wine bottles all over the floor. I haven't slept well for several days and nights. Aren't you tired?"

Neither of us could convince the other to take a break.In the end, the two of us made New Year's Eve dinner together.Stir-fried potatoes with celery, shredded pork with green peppers, and scrambled eggs with tomatoes are my New Year’s Eve dinner.I laughed while eating: "Ha, what a shame!"

"Don't say that, it's not shabby to be with you. Your appearance was sent to save me. If you didn't appear, I really don't know what I would be like at this moment."

"It should be sympathy for each other."

"Yes! Sympathy! Why don't you go back with Brother Yunfei?"

"We don't know the same way, I want to go back to my hometown to visit and pay homage to my parents.

"I'm sorry to bring up your sadness on New Year's Eve."

"It's okay. I'm used to it. In fact, living alone is pretty good."

"Loneliness can really make people find their lost self. But these days I will walk with you."

"Thank you, but sleep for three days before going out for a walk."

"Then didn't I sleep all over my face?"

"Sleeping is not a manifestation of depravity, but a choice. In fact, we can do many things in deep sleep, such as letting our thoughts fly all over the sky, such as listening to songs, or crazy sex."

"Sleep tired, sleep tired is a great happiness."

In the past few days, I accompanied Yuting to visit the scenic spots around the city, and I found that she and I have many similarities, maybe it's like what she said, we have sympathy for each other.Each scenic spot is brightly illuminated and lively.I took Yuting's hand and walked through the crowd, stopping at every scenic spot to watch.

"Yunjie, do you think we look like lovers?"

"A bit."

Yuting smiled and gave me a kiss.Her kiss made me uneasy, and I always felt that Jingyi was watching from behind me.

"Why are you unhappy?"

"Do you and Brother Yunfei often go out to play?"

"He only has work in his eyes, and he only thinks about how to get the position of vice president in two or three years."

"Don't blame him, this is an era that makes men crazy and women stupid!"

In the evening, I accompany Yuting to watch movies, Europe, America, Japan, South Korea, Hong Kong, Macau, and mainland China, watching them all night long.The reason why I watch movies all night is not because the movies are so exciting, but to pass the time.Yuting lay quietly in my arms, staring at the computer screen.I burst into tears when I saw the moving wow, and screamed loudly when I saw the scary scene.When I saw the sex scene, she held my hand tightly and hugged her tightly, or said "Let's have sex".Her words are not ridiculous, but I really don't know her well enough.

"Yunjie, do you like movies from that country?"

"I like domestic products, I support domestic products."

I prefer Japanese and Korean ones. For example, Korean TV dramas pay great attention to details.Although they are common things in life, there is a touch of emotion in every simple action; in Japan, thinking about life and death, and pursuing the truth really touch people's hearts.It is often seen in Japanese movies that a person suddenly disappears from the world. This kind of thing is really shocking.Life and death are like cherry blossoms, life is brilliant and death is tragic.European and American films mainly create a scene that has a great impact on people's vision.Of course, there is no shortage of victorious songs and tragic heroes. "

"So you don't like domestic products?"

"My emotions towards domestic films are really complicated, probably because of the subject matter. I don't like anti-Japanese films and spy films. Every time I turn on the TV, it's either anti-Japanese or spy films. I don't know what to watch. I know every time All Anti-Japanese War films have added some elements, but these elements are not grafted very well. Watching Anti-Japanese War films is like watching a comedy, and you can’t see the authenticity and cruelty of war. Tell me, can we really fight devils with a smile? What’s more, the constant remakes of the same story, the directors thought it was improvement and innovation. In fact, in a sense, it’s disrespect for the audience. A sequel would be better. Otherwise, the arrival of a foreign culture would create a kind of lameness of our own."