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Chapter 7: In Dream Soul
The man on the hospital bed seemed to be fast asleep.It is already the fifth day, and this state has been maintained after the operation.
"Are you Lin Guoxiong's family?" asked the attending doctor who was making rounds.
"No... I am, friend."
For the past few days, he has found time in the afternoon to visit the hospital.There is not a single jar of skin care products stocked on the dining table in the residence. Xiao Min has complained more than once about this: If he becomes a vegetable, will you continue to do this every day?
But the doctor said that after the operation, computer tomography showed that everything was normal, and the brain pressure had remained stable. According to physiological observations, the patient Lin Guoxiong should be recovering.Of course there will still be some sequelae, the doctor explained.Hands and feet may not be as flexible as before, and it will take a period of reconstruction. They may not be as good as before, but they will improve.
As for lethargy, it may be a form of transformed hysterical neurosis.This phenomenon often occurs in patients who have suffered major trauma or lived under prolonged stress.Their spirit and consciousness are in a state of escape, refusing to receive information from the outside world, so they continue to remain unresponsive like a coma.
Will wake up, but it will take time, the doctor said.Might as well talk to him more, it will help.
At first, Aaron didn't know what to say to him.
First, I bought newspapers and picked out some news to read, and then specially downloaded some Mandarin pop songs from his mother's era, and then helped the man put on the earphones after reading.Feng Feifei was the most popular at that time.There are also Lin Huiping and Huang Yingying.His childhood memories were regurgitated several times because of these old songs, but the man still lay there quietly.
Until the sixth day, Xiao Min unexpectedly appeared in the ward.
A-Long first screamed in his heart: Damn!Immediately, he put on an innocent smile, and hurriedly put aside the newspaper he was flipping through, "Why are you here? Shouldn't you sleep a little longer?"
Xiao Min didn't answer his question, but stood silently beside the patient's bed, looked at it for a while, and then said, "I have something to tell you."
After stepping out to the corridor outside, I realized that the air outside the ward was much cleaner.In the four-person ward, each bed has the unique smell of the patient.Some are like dark small rooms, while others are filled with dishes and oily smoke.After taking a deep breath of fresh air, he suddenly thought: maybe those smells are not emitted by the patients' bodies, but left on them by the space they lived in for a long time.
"Is it time to stop?"
Xiao Min immediately served the ball, "What's wrong with you? A person who is neither relatives nor relatives needs to spend so much time every day like this, not doing what he should do?"
"I just feel sorry for the boss, no one ever comes to see him—"
"You've saved his life, and you said he'll recover, so you can't be of much help every day, what do you want to do? Or are you hiding something from me? You and this boss— —What is your relationship with him?"
"Where did you want to go!"
Don't laugh at this moment, he warned himself.After thinking about it for a few seconds, he finally confessed to Xiao Min the whole story of those weird events that he himself still couldn't understand.
Xiao Min's expression turned from anxious to sad in an instant, but his eyes were burning with anger in the next second, as if he wanted to slap him at any time.Aaron secretly clenched his fists, apprehensive and anticipating what kind of feelings would come out of her mouth next, after all, he hadn't revealed this to anyone yet.
Unexpectedly, what he heard was her ironic sentence: "Then why do you think these things happened to you?"
"Maybe I was gay in my previous life?"
I don't know why such a ridiculous answer popped into his head at this moment.
"Shutup—!"
"Or is this a harbinger of the end of the world?"
"Wang Minglong, if you don't shut up, I'm going to scream—"
He had no choice but to put away his pretentious and nonsensical tone, and grabbed Xiao Min's hand, he believed she could understand.If even she can't understand in this world——
"It seems that there is a strange connection between me and that bar. Only I can sense it, which means that I should have some ability to do something, although I don't know yet, that will what is-"
I know it too, and it's unreasonable to say it.Xiao Min listened impatiently, and pulled her hand from his.
"Aaron, you always have a whole set of reasons, haven't you discovered it yourself?"
Xiao Min didn't let himself lose control, but used a low tone that was almost mocking, as if hoping to nail a sentence into his flesh:
"I don't want you to continue to work the big night shift. You say you are accompanying me to work. I hope you start direct sales of skin care products. You lied to me that you have been there. I asked the girls in other stores, and they said that you only went to I never came to the door again. You never open your eyes to see your life, you always see what you want to see, and now it is even more powerful, and you can still see things that no living person can see?... But you Why can't you see my life? How many years are left of my youth? Why don't you ask me if I'm still picking up customers? You dare not ask, right?... You dare not. You can only deceive yourself. You Who are you trying to fool with your nonsense?"
For a while, she didn't understand the truth she finally confessed to him.When he felt better, he froze.He never knew that he was the source of her anxiety.He thought she would like the simple life of the two of them together, but he didn't expect her to have such a strong sense of insecurity.What he could give turned out to be not what she wanted——
"Then forget all the bullshit I said—yes! I was talking bullshit—"
His eye sockets were very red at that time.
"The man lying there now, when he opened his eyes and found that someone had been waiting for him to wake up, that was very important to me. You may not understand. That's what I can give. I can give as well That's all. I'm sorry, if you never thought it was important to wake up with someone next to you, I'm really sorry, I misunderstood. It was all a misunderstanding—"
His apology only made her more angry and sad, and she didn't say another word until she left.After crying, Aaron realized that he was completely useless, and was very frustrated by this.
"Hey, do you think what my girlfriend said makes sense?" He could only tell the anguish in his heart to the sleeping man on the hospital bed, "You made me miserable, do you know that?"
The whole thing was revealed to outsiders for the first time, and the original secret became broken like a dream at the same time.The so-called induction, after all, cannot be proved, but before he said it, everything had a grammar in his mind that he could understand.But at this moment, even he himself was confused.
Is all this just an excuse for him to try to escape, or does he finally have the courage he never had before?
The only person in this world who can defend him now may be the sleeping person on the hospital bed.
If he can wake up.
◎
"Sorry to bother—"
Followed behind the manager and walked into the ladies' lounge.No, it should be the men's smoking room.This group of young boys who have not yet put on wigs and prosthetics are smoking with their feet crossed, and playing with mobile phones.
The manager winked at him, meaning don't forget the 5.00% he promised to give him.This is the condition that Aaron just negotiated with him at the door for a long time.
After yesterday's unhappiness with Xiao Min in the hospital, he couldn't help being shaken, is it because he really didn't work hard enough?After the night shift was over, when I got home, I saw Xiao Min was still wearing the clothes he had when he came to the hospital in the afternoon, staring in a daze early in the morning at a Korean drama that had been replayed countless times on TV.Seeing him coming in, she picked up the remote control and turned off the video, as if she didn't want to talk to him, and went into her room by herself.He didn't dare to ask, how long had she been sitting there?Didn't she go to work?
The next day it was his turn to take a break. In order to please Qiu He, as soon as it got dark, he carried a mountaineering bag full of skin care products and rode out on a motorcycle.
The economy is in a downturn, and the business in the lounge is not as good as in previous years. The ladies know how to plan carefully, especially when they always meet good sisters who know Xiao Min, which makes Aaron feel very embarrassed. He always feels that they follow Xiao Min's face. Dealing with.Xiao Min would only complain to him why there were several shops that she only showed up to once but never came again. In fact, she didn't know, this kind of practice of relying on mountains and mountains made him feel that he was worthless.
Decided to brave the third sex public relations shop.Just because I thought about it, if I had to rely on my own contacts, the only people who could be regarded as having a close relationship with him around here were those few "ladies" who liked to eat his tofu.He guessed that "they" shouldn't embarrass him too much.
Summoning great courage, he took the first step to sell in the third sex public relations shop.
"Hi everyone, I'm Aaron—"
Before he could finish speaking, everyone started booing.Hey, it's the handsome guy from the supermarket... How are you, brother, so we even brought gifts to the door in person? ... The smell of smoke in the room and their babbling left and right made Aaron speechless for a long time.
"No, that's not the case, I'll come and see everyone, is there any need—"
Before I finished speaking, I heard a burst of laughter: Yes, of course there is a need!
"—I need beauty care products, these are all imported from Japan. It is a very well-known direct-selling brand in Japan. Here is the catalog, please take a look first!" : What are you nervous about?
"Thank you for your hard work, handsome boy, it's hard work to hold two jobs!"
The guy who spoke was only halfway through putting on makeup, and Aaron looked in surprise at his slightly bald forehead and the green stubble on his chin that hadn't been covered with thick powder.
"You don't recognize me or what? It's embarrassing to stare at people like this. I'm Angelina!"
It turned out to be the copycat version of the ancient tomb Lola who often appeared on his night shift.I have to admire his superb makeup skills, and in good conscience, he looked much better when he was a woman than when he was a man, Aaron thought to himself.
Two or three boys who also only drew half of their faces squeezed in front of him together with Angelina.The chatter began to ask all kinds of questions.Are you using it yourself? ...Is there any hair removal? ... which bottle is the exfoliator? ...Actually, they need maintenance more than real women, don't they?Aaron thought about it in his heart.A big man is usually too embarrassed to go to the women's cosmetics counter to ask questions, right?
While coping with the question, he felt two eyes shooting at him from the opposite corner.
The man never got up to join his colleagues, and just kept looking at him steadily.Being looked at was very uncomfortable, so he had no choice but to nod to the other party as a greeting.When the other publicists started to pass on the samples of bottles and cans, the man finally moved and came to sit beside him.
"Are you Aaron?"
Hearing his question, Aaron tried to find any trace of old acquaintance on his face in confusion.Could it be that one of his elementary school classmates is doing this business now?Or when he was in the army, which squad leader changed his career after retiring from the army?
"I'm Tony's friend, call me Xiaojie!"
Meeting Tony's friends here is another one that doesn't seem to be a big surprise.Based on his experience these days, even if Tony's ghost appeared in front of him at that time, it probably wouldn't surprise him too much.
The man said that he just came to this store this month, so he didn't know that Aaron was working nearby.Then I asked, is the business of selling these things good?Aaron originally wanted to say it was okay, but in the end he shook his head guiltily.
"I saw you dance with Tony, at your school. Tony asked us to join in - was it seven or eight years ago? - it was really good, I always remember... you still Do you want to continue dancing?"
Aaron still shook his head.
The man named Xiaojie seemed to hesitate when he had something to say, and he stayed silent for a while, but there was no more to say.Aaron didn't dare to ask more questions, did Tony also work in a public relations shop?
Although this kind of doubt appeared in my mind, I knew it was wrong, so I had to change the way to ask: "Did you meet here?"
Little Jie didn't care about his question, he stretched out his hand to light a cigarette, and let out a long breath.
"I used to be a dancer too, can you see that?"
Although he lowered his voice, the trembling in the man's tone was still clearly heard.
"At that time, Tony and a few friends worked together on the show, because everyone knew each other...I'm sorry, I don't want to delay your business, I just...I just keep asking myself all these years, why did I do this? What happened? That day, if the photo taken that day was not him, but any other of us... After all, we are not like him or a master student, and our family doesn't have so many expectations of us..."
Hearing this, Aaron couldn't help but want to ask him to confirm his question: "At that time, when you accepted the show, did the organizer tell you in advance that the word "comrade" would be typed?"
"No," Xiaojie smiled wryly, "If I knew, Tony wouldn't dare to go to the stage even if he was beaten to death! When we approached him, he only said that it must be lively, and he also invited the Gezai Troupe and a few funny artists, and then everyone reversed the show that day... The photo was published, and the title became something like "lifting the law" and "coming out". Anyway, it is some election language that I don't understand. Tony called me and asked me how things turned out like this? How did the reporter have his phone number? The phone at his home kept ringing, his parents were going crazy, and even on his PTT① some netizens who he didn’t know came to leave messages, some scolded very badly, saying that his comrades’ face had been humiliated by him, and even Said he was using his gay status to get famous..."
Aaron thought that Xiaojie would cry at any moment, but unexpectedly he put out his cigarette and patted Aaron on the back, as if he needed comfort: "Tony should feel very happy with you in his life. At that time We are all envious of him, for having such a handsome BF who can also dance with him..."
what? !
"I--"
Except for a heavy sigh, he found himself unable to say anything at this juncture.
Everyone is gone, is it really necessary for him to put on a straight face and sternly deny it at this time?
What would he lose if Tony could leave such a good impression on his friends if he didn't expose it?If Tony knew, he might also let the deceased understand that he really didn't mean to ignore the cruel response back then——
"At that time, his dream was to open a dance studio, and doing costume shows was just a transitional period. I thought so too at the time. I didn't expect him to leave like this, and I have no goals in life after that...but I will see it here today. You, I'm so happy. You are really, as Tony said, a serious and unyielding person. Seeing you reminds me of what Tony said when he cheered me up. Although, although he didn't finish it himself, but Seeing you working so hard, I feel as if you are continuing to help Tony live hard, so happy..."
While still thinking about how to appease the opponent, Aaron saw that the man had already stood in the middle of the lounge, clapping his hands to tell everyone to be quiet, as if the coach was going to shout to his players before the game.
"Today I unexpectedly reunited with my best friend's boyfriend! Best friend means my good sister who has died, so please support me a lot, little girl, I will be a cow and a horse, and I will repay you in the future!"
There was a burst of silence.Aaron thought to himself, thank you for your help, the place is completely cold now.
"No wonder the little handsome guy is so pleasing to the eye, it turns out it's more kissing!"
Suddenly, someone broke the silence and fired the first shot.Then there was an upset sentence from the other end: "It's okay for us to take care of your brother, as long as you hide your own coquettish fox tail well!"
The uproar of human voices a few seconds ago was re-enacted, and the crisis of the cold scene was resolved amidst the laughter of the crowd.In less than half an hour, not only Xiaojie and Angelina cheered and bought the whole group of whitening and anti-aging products, but almost everyone else also had a bottle.
Unexpectedly, this was the best night since he entered the business and started selling.
◎
It's probably a natural inferiority of men who like to swell their faces to look fat. Aaron thought about it afterwards, especially when he was a hero in front of women-even though no one in this room was genuine.It can only be said that at that time, I was so complacent that I put aside the truth and falsehood, and even opened a bottle of wine in their store, and became the first customer on their business day.Even if it's for the business needs of attracting customers—it's too late to regret, so Aaron had no choice but to comfort himself.He wanted to earn their money, but instead, they put their hands into their pockets. I have to say, "he" really has a way.
"What kind of monsters come to your store—well, I mean, what's so special about your store? How can you compete with the 'Zhenggang' women in other stores?"
Xiaojie couldn't answer some questions, so he had to ask Angelina quietly when there were no other customers in the store.Angelina giggled and twisted her mouth, making a grimace that she wanted to eat him.
"There are all kinds of guests in this world, you can sleep with me if you want—"
"Don't make such jokes."
Only then did Angelina put away her exaggerated cigarette eyes and refill him a glass of wine.
"Have you seen the movie "Golden Rooster"? The silly elder sister played by Junru Wu, she has no talents and no sex, but she can also eat and drink in hotels for many years, because sometimes men are not necessarily He wants to find a woman to fuck, he just wants someone to make him happy. Tell me, how many beautiful women know how to play tricks in front of men these days? Because in the real world, there will not be a hotel lady who can put down her figure like Wu Junru , we will play that role for them... Men are so cheap, they want to eat swan meat, but also want self-esteem, he spends money in our shop with the least psychological burden, don't worry about whether he is manly enough .In our place, he is always the most manly, you understand this mentality, right?"
"in addition--"
Speaking of this, Angelina rolled her eyes, a little noncommittal, "Our relationship with other hotel ladies may not necessarily be a competition, maybe it is more like a cooperative alliance. If you are smart enough, you will see later It's time to go out—sorry, there are guests coming, you sit down first and enjoy yourself!"
This night, Aaron felt as if he had finally returned to the world of flowers and flowers in Yangjian.
And sure enough, as Angelina said, they have a lot of funny tricks. Sometimes they put on kimonos, put on matchmaker marks, and pretend to be ugly geishas; Jumping all over the house.I saw half a dozen fake breasts bobbing up and down, making the men laugh out loud, and stuffed tips into the little rabbits' clothes.
Here, grandma can be grabbed at will, butts can be pinched by anyone. It was originally the craziest desire in a man's heart, but when it is really put into practice in these public relations, everyone laughs like they are back to the time when they are still fighting on horseback. childhood.Even the public relations team brought out the costume props and played around, and even the male guests joined the show together.His skin is still too thin, unlike the middle-aged Ojisang who put on a wig without any hesitation, and started singing and dancing with his arms around the ladies.
He counted as an eye-opener, such a flipped and flipped gender game.The two men dressed up as women and rubbed each other's ears. Is the female fantasies these cosplaying uncles got from porn movies finally satisfied?
As for Angelina's deliberate betrayal, he really saw a hotel lady bringing male guests to take care of their business.Why don't you stay in the original makeup pile, why come here to hang around?
Oh, he got it.
If you catch a new item, of course, the original store can't stay for long, so that other girls have a chance to intervene to snatch it.It's still a little early before the time to get down to business, and the car has to be warmed up just right, and if the guests are still interested, it's better to come here, saving you the trouble of keeping vigilant all the time.It's like the couple who just entered the door. It looks like they came from another bar. The woman holds the man's arms tightly, for fear that the fat will be taken away by wild cats——
"Xiao Min!"
He jumped up from his chair as if electrocuted.
Xiao Min, who met his eyes, was also stunned for a few seconds, then resolutely dragged the man beside him, turned around and opened the door to leave.Aaron chased after him before he even had time to put on his jacket.
The low temperature outside made him feel like he had fallen into an ice cave.Not wanting to stage a chase in this alley where many people knew him coming and going, Aaron had no choice but to stop, trembling, and shouted Xiao Min's name loudly to Xiao Min's back.
Xiao Min turned around and asked the man to wait at the intersection, then turned back towards him alone.When she stood in front of him, Aaron found that she was wearing a coat with fur circles on the collar and cuffs, which she had never seen in the closet of their residence.There is also a pearl pendant hanging on her earlobe, like two tears frozen in the cold wind.
Got it, I'm afraid she has already found another place to stay without telling him.
"The one over there is Segawa-san. I've known him for a while. I wanted to tell you later, because you don't know what you've been doing lately..."
He guessed that Xiao Min had already finished the draft, and there was no excitement or resentment in her tone.Could it be that the day before she came to the hospital to look for him, she originally wanted to tell him about it?
"The Spring Festival will be in two weeks. I promised Segawa-san that I will go to Japan for vacation with him. I need to leave for a while, and I need to think about many things in the future. Now that you have discovered it, I don't think so. When it's Chinese New Year, I may leave first in these two days. When I come back—"
"How about when you come back?"
I thought she would say, let's have a good talk when she comes back, or even start over.In the end, the answer he heard was: "I hope you have found a new place by then."
He was wearing only a shirt, and suddenly he was so numb that he couldn't feel the low temperature at that time. "But, but, didn't you say that you should think about the future when you go to Japan?"
"You are no longer in my future."
As soon as the words came out of his mouth, Xiao Min showed a relieved expression, shedding the solemnity that was just like a mask that made people inaccessible.From her eyes, what he saw was not the sadness he should have had when they broke up, but the terrified joy after the ship capsized and was rescued.It was like sitting on a lifeboat and seeing other drifters who could not be rescued. Although she was helpless, her survival instinct immediately gave her a moral reason for self-forgiveness:
"If you can't go on, you know the reason, why can't you face it? What I want is not you waiting for me on the night shift, what I want is... Do you know what I think? I think you Going to the hospital every day, and the ghost things you said are all your excuses, I think your purpose of doing these things is to avoid me, you—"
She shook her head and stopped talking.
He would rather she yelled at him and scolded him, punching and slapping him, instead of the hypocrisy that wanted to pity him back then.Am I really that unworthy?Can all that I have given in our relationship be erased so easily?
"You are the only girl I have ever loved." He gritted his teeth and told himself that he must not cry this time.
"Thank you. It's just that I'm older than a girl, and you're not a boy anymore—" she said, "at least you won't have to keep fooling yourself in the future."
◎
Before midnight, he had finished the entire bottle of whiskey that had been opened that night.He knows he can't drink well, but he has no choice but to get drunk because the last emotion he wants to feel is sadness.
Not only Xiaojie, most people in the store probably guessed what happened after he chased him out.Not wanting the drunken man to lose control in the frontcourt and affect the joy of the other guests, Xiaojie took him back to their lounge, helped him wet a towel, and made a cup of strong tea to soothe his hangover.
Aaron, who was drunk, urged Xiaojie, who was watching over him, to go back to his shift and not let him hinder his performance.Xiaojie ignored it and continued to stay in the small room.Maybe he thought he was still articulate at the time, but no one understood what he was muttering at all.Did Xiao Min not lie to me?She hooked up with Segawa a long time ago, isn't that called lying?Why doesn't she want to believe the weird things I've been doing lately?Or is it that she has been referring to something else, but she has always been unwilling to share her words with me?
The accusation of lying is a slander to his personality.He didn't think she needed to know so clearly about certain things, because those things themselves had no clear answers, and he couldn't organize them into case-by-case reports to explain to her, that's all.
For example, what kind of person is his biological father, whom he has never met?The assistant ballroom dance teacher who taught him tango, why should the suicide tragedy of that person be used as the material for confessing to her?Instead, when I told her frankly about the wandering soul I met outside Melody's door, it was her disdain that aroused me?
Taking care of each other as companions for more than two years, isn't this the most important thing in a relationship?Has she ever thought about how many men's lusts her own body has been stained with? Does she think that ordinary men really don't care about such things?If it wasn't a man like him—
A man like him.
He admits that he may still be stuck in the reverie about Mimi in high school, and when he faced the real Xiao Min's body, he didn't expect that the gap in feeling would be so strong.
The slenderness of a young girl was like a lily in the sun, but now it has become an epiphyllum that blooms unrestrainedly at night, opening its curvy petals to encircle his body. He can no longer look like a lily. You can log out or open a new window at any time, just like when viewing pictures on the Internet.
He didn't know before that he was a clean freak when it comes to sex.Is this what Xiao Min cares about?
Both of them wanted to overcome the problem, but neither of them had the courage to speak out.Yes, I care about you, but as long as you are still in this industry, I can't enter your body... Do I need to confess like this?
Or he could be more confident: Are you feeling inferior?Do you think that as long as you can sleep with you, it means you don't mind your past?What exactly are you trying to prove?Why can't we give it to time to slowly resolve it?
He hehe looked at the dizzying small room in front of him and made a smirk: So this is the feeling of being drunk, if I knew it, I would often get myself drunk, if what she wants is for me to prove that I love her by having sex... Does she understand? Sometimes I don't have sex because I care more?
Only time will help him decide that his feelings for her are not just compensation for adolescent sexual fantasies.
After so many years, he finally learned how not to let his sexual impulses dull his judgment.This thing about sex has been bugging myself for a long time.It is because everyone is so used to explaining too many relationships with the model of sex, what is the difference between falling in love and having sex has become a puzzle that he is careful not to make rash conclusions.
If it weren't for that year, in the dance classroom, that experience made him feel confused, ashamed and unforgettable at the same time... After so many years, he still thinks that not talking about it is the best way to deal with it... After Min, the accidental "movement" in college can be regarded as never happened.If he could choose the easier path, why should he let himself into needless mediocrity?
Although he has never had any contact with gay circles, he has never felt strange when he sees gays coming in and out in the opposite bar every day at work, neither loathing nor uncomfortable. things people.
He just doesn't like being bound by categories.
Especially the word bisexual is the most unacceptable to him.It seems that those three syllables are always vaguely hinting, but it is just an excuse sought by the person concerned when he does not want to face the truth.
The coming and going of sexual impulses is a mysterious tide that cannot be predicted.
Sometimes it went undisturbed for a whole month, and sometimes it hit him in the most incredible of circumstances.
For the same sex, it is not because there is a desire to be filled, but at a certain point in time, someone makes him hate and pity him.
Do you have to be like this?He growled at Tony: I don't want to hurt you so please stop-
Then he couldn't think of any other words, the other's lips sucked all his thoughts, making him a person with a blank soul, as if his life could be restarted and restarted...
From then on, he would start to pay attention to the man's lips.
However, the lips that can make him focus often only happen in an instant, and it is gone in a blink of an eye, and it is too late to feel it. Is it a kind of sexual provocation?
Or is it because, as a man, the ways in which the same kind can express emotions are too limited, which makes me strongly aware of my curiosity about men's lips?
You can shake hands but not hold hands, you can only hug briefly but not snuggle.But Mingming sometimes has nostalgia for their company, and cherishes their helplessness.
Although he had sex with girls when he was in middle school, he couldn't deny that there might be subtle and complex impulses among men, but they were not allowed to explore and experience them.
It turns out that this is called stigmatization.
A word I see often, but now I understand what it means.That is, the fear of being repercussions without having to do anything at all.
He'd always wondered, was same-sex attraction a given from the start for those who came out as gay?Is it true that being attracted to different genders at different stages of life can only be accused of evading confrontation?
In the time since Andy's coma, he's been asking himself.
He wasn't resisting, he just didn't know when he was used to holding a skeptical attitude towards everything.How did his doubts and inability to choose begin?Is it because from the moment he realized that he was also attracted to the same sex, he discovered that he had another secret that was harder to tell than liking the same sex?
Because the same sex he will like is neither sunny and fit, nor cute and youthful.
The ones who caught his attention were usually older men with a sense of vicissitudes.
The person lying unconscious on the ground has been seeing each other every day for almost four years, but when the other person suddenly becomes a body that is still as if sleeping, with only a weak, closed-eyed and pale expression on his face, it will make him cry While waiting for the ambulance, he couldn't bear the urging of his vigorous heartbeat, so he left a mark on his lips that seemed like a testimony of suffering——
Is that hotel lady your girlfriend?
Perhaps no one could understand his murmured drunken heart, but every word spoken by the people around him was transmitted to his eardrums like a loudspeaker, causing his headache to burst like a flame. Another burst of burning.
You're going to make Tony sad...wouldn't you be more comfortable if I took this outfit off? ...
He stared blankly at Xiaojie.
When he felt better, he couldn't help giggling in a low voice.Xiaojie's hand is tentatively moving to his trouser chain.
He watched as the hand painted with Kodan began to touch and rub his lower body, but he didn't stop it.I can tell him,
"Are you Lin Guoxiong's family?" asked the attending doctor who was making rounds.
"No... I am, friend."
For the past few days, he has found time in the afternoon to visit the hospital.There is not a single jar of skin care products stocked on the dining table in the residence. Xiao Min has complained more than once about this: If he becomes a vegetable, will you continue to do this every day?
But the doctor said that after the operation, computer tomography showed that everything was normal, and the brain pressure had remained stable. According to physiological observations, the patient Lin Guoxiong should be recovering.Of course there will still be some sequelae, the doctor explained.Hands and feet may not be as flexible as before, and it will take a period of reconstruction. They may not be as good as before, but they will improve.
As for lethargy, it may be a form of transformed hysterical neurosis.This phenomenon often occurs in patients who have suffered major trauma or lived under prolonged stress.Their spirit and consciousness are in a state of escape, refusing to receive information from the outside world, so they continue to remain unresponsive like a coma.
Will wake up, but it will take time, the doctor said.Might as well talk to him more, it will help.
At first, Aaron didn't know what to say to him.
First, I bought newspapers and picked out some news to read, and then specially downloaded some Mandarin pop songs from his mother's era, and then helped the man put on the earphones after reading.Feng Feifei was the most popular at that time.There are also Lin Huiping and Huang Yingying.His childhood memories were regurgitated several times because of these old songs, but the man still lay there quietly.
Until the sixth day, Xiao Min unexpectedly appeared in the ward.
A-Long first screamed in his heart: Damn!Immediately, he put on an innocent smile, and hurriedly put aside the newspaper he was flipping through, "Why are you here? Shouldn't you sleep a little longer?"
Xiao Min didn't answer his question, but stood silently beside the patient's bed, looked at it for a while, and then said, "I have something to tell you."
After stepping out to the corridor outside, I realized that the air outside the ward was much cleaner.In the four-person ward, each bed has the unique smell of the patient.Some are like dark small rooms, while others are filled with dishes and oily smoke.After taking a deep breath of fresh air, he suddenly thought: maybe those smells are not emitted by the patients' bodies, but left on them by the space they lived in for a long time.
"Is it time to stop?"
Xiao Min immediately served the ball, "What's wrong with you? A person who is neither relatives nor relatives needs to spend so much time every day like this, not doing what he should do?"
"I just feel sorry for the boss, no one ever comes to see him—"
"You've saved his life, and you said he'll recover, so you can't be of much help every day, what do you want to do? Or are you hiding something from me? You and this boss— —What is your relationship with him?"
"Where did you want to go!"
Don't laugh at this moment, he warned himself.After thinking about it for a few seconds, he finally confessed to Xiao Min the whole story of those weird events that he himself still couldn't understand.
Xiao Min's expression turned from anxious to sad in an instant, but his eyes were burning with anger in the next second, as if he wanted to slap him at any time.Aaron secretly clenched his fists, apprehensive and anticipating what kind of feelings would come out of her mouth next, after all, he hadn't revealed this to anyone yet.
Unexpectedly, what he heard was her ironic sentence: "Then why do you think these things happened to you?"
"Maybe I was gay in my previous life?"
I don't know why such a ridiculous answer popped into his head at this moment.
"Shutup—!"
"Or is this a harbinger of the end of the world?"
"Wang Minglong, if you don't shut up, I'm going to scream—"
He had no choice but to put away his pretentious and nonsensical tone, and grabbed Xiao Min's hand, he believed she could understand.If even she can't understand in this world——
"It seems that there is a strange connection between me and that bar. Only I can sense it, which means that I should have some ability to do something, although I don't know yet, that will what is-"
I know it too, and it's unreasonable to say it.Xiao Min listened impatiently, and pulled her hand from his.
"Aaron, you always have a whole set of reasons, haven't you discovered it yourself?"
Xiao Min didn't let himself lose control, but used a low tone that was almost mocking, as if hoping to nail a sentence into his flesh:
"I don't want you to continue to work the big night shift. You say you are accompanying me to work. I hope you start direct sales of skin care products. You lied to me that you have been there. I asked the girls in other stores, and they said that you only went to I never came to the door again. You never open your eyes to see your life, you always see what you want to see, and now it is even more powerful, and you can still see things that no living person can see?... But you Why can't you see my life? How many years are left of my youth? Why don't you ask me if I'm still picking up customers? You dare not ask, right?... You dare not. You can only deceive yourself. You Who are you trying to fool with your nonsense?"
For a while, she didn't understand the truth she finally confessed to him.When he felt better, he froze.He never knew that he was the source of her anxiety.He thought she would like the simple life of the two of them together, but he didn't expect her to have such a strong sense of insecurity.What he could give turned out to be not what she wanted——
"Then forget all the bullshit I said—yes! I was talking bullshit—"
His eye sockets were very red at that time.
"The man lying there now, when he opened his eyes and found that someone had been waiting for him to wake up, that was very important to me. You may not understand. That's what I can give. I can give as well That's all. I'm sorry, if you never thought it was important to wake up with someone next to you, I'm really sorry, I misunderstood. It was all a misunderstanding—"
His apology only made her more angry and sad, and she didn't say another word until she left.After crying, Aaron realized that he was completely useless, and was very frustrated by this.
"Hey, do you think what my girlfriend said makes sense?" He could only tell the anguish in his heart to the sleeping man on the hospital bed, "You made me miserable, do you know that?"
The whole thing was revealed to outsiders for the first time, and the original secret became broken like a dream at the same time.The so-called induction, after all, cannot be proved, but before he said it, everything had a grammar in his mind that he could understand.But at this moment, even he himself was confused.
Is all this just an excuse for him to try to escape, or does he finally have the courage he never had before?
The only person in this world who can defend him now may be the sleeping person on the hospital bed.
If he can wake up.
◎
"Sorry to bother—"
Followed behind the manager and walked into the ladies' lounge.No, it should be the men's smoking room.This group of young boys who have not yet put on wigs and prosthetics are smoking with their feet crossed, and playing with mobile phones.
The manager winked at him, meaning don't forget the 5.00% he promised to give him.This is the condition that Aaron just negotiated with him at the door for a long time.
After yesterday's unhappiness with Xiao Min in the hospital, he couldn't help being shaken, is it because he really didn't work hard enough?After the night shift was over, when I got home, I saw Xiao Min was still wearing the clothes he had when he came to the hospital in the afternoon, staring in a daze early in the morning at a Korean drama that had been replayed countless times on TV.Seeing him coming in, she picked up the remote control and turned off the video, as if she didn't want to talk to him, and went into her room by herself.He didn't dare to ask, how long had she been sitting there?Didn't she go to work?
The next day it was his turn to take a break. In order to please Qiu He, as soon as it got dark, he carried a mountaineering bag full of skin care products and rode out on a motorcycle.
The economy is in a downturn, and the business in the lounge is not as good as in previous years. The ladies know how to plan carefully, especially when they always meet good sisters who know Xiao Min, which makes Aaron feel very embarrassed. He always feels that they follow Xiao Min's face. Dealing with.Xiao Min would only complain to him why there were several shops that she only showed up to once but never came again. In fact, she didn't know, this kind of practice of relying on mountains and mountains made him feel that he was worthless.
Decided to brave the third sex public relations shop.Just because I thought about it, if I had to rely on my own contacts, the only people who could be regarded as having a close relationship with him around here were those few "ladies" who liked to eat his tofu.He guessed that "they" shouldn't embarrass him too much.
Summoning great courage, he took the first step to sell in the third sex public relations shop.
"Hi everyone, I'm Aaron—"
Before he could finish speaking, everyone started booing.Hey, it's the handsome guy from the supermarket... How are you, brother, so we even brought gifts to the door in person? ... The smell of smoke in the room and their babbling left and right made Aaron speechless for a long time.
"No, that's not the case, I'll come and see everyone, is there any need—"
Before I finished speaking, I heard a burst of laughter: Yes, of course there is a need!
"—I need beauty care products, these are all imported from Japan. It is a very well-known direct-selling brand in Japan. Here is the catalog, please take a look first!" : What are you nervous about?
"Thank you for your hard work, handsome boy, it's hard work to hold two jobs!"
The guy who spoke was only halfway through putting on makeup, and Aaron looked in surprise at his slightly bald forehead and the green stubble on his chin that hadn't been covered with thick powder.
"You don't recognize me or what? It's embarrassing to stare at people like this. I'm Angelina!"
It turned out to be the copycat version of the ancient tomb Lola who often appeared on his night shift.I have to admire his superb makeup skills, and in good conscience, he looked much better when he was a woman than when he was a man, Aaron thought to himself.
Two or three boys who also only drew half of their faces squeezed in front of him together with Angelina.The chatter began to ask all kinds of questions.Are you using it yourself? ...Is there any hair removal? ... which bottle is the exfoliator? ...Actually, they need maintenance more than real women, don't they?Aaron thought about it in his heart.A big man is usually too embarrassed to go to the women's cosmetics counter to ask questions, right?
While coping with the question, he felt two eyes shooting at him from the opposite corner.
The man never got up to join his colleagues, and just kept looking at him steadily.Being looked at was very uncomfortable, so he had no choice but to nod to the other party as a greeting.When the other publicists started to pass on the samples of bottles and cans, the man finally moved and came to sit beside him.
"Are you Aaron?"
Hearing his question, Aaron tried to find any trace of old acquaintance on his face in confusion.Could it be that one of his elementary school classmates is doing this business now?Or when he was in the army, which squad leader changed his career after retiring from the army?
"I'm Tony's friend, call me Xiaojie!"
Meeting Tony's friends here is another one that doesn't seem to be a big surprise.Based on his experience these days, even if Tony's ghost appeared in front of him at that time, it probably wouldn't surprise him too much.
The man said that he just came to this store this month, so he didn't know that Aaron was working nearby.Then I asked, is the business of selling these things good?Aaron originally wanted to say it was okay, but in the end he shook his head guiltily.
"I saw you dance with Tony, at your school. Tony asked us to join in - was it seven or eight years ago? - it was really good, I always remember... you still Do you want to continue dancing?"
Aaron still shook his head.
The man named Xiaojie seemed to hesitate when he had something to say, and he stayed silent for a while, but there was no more to say.Aaron didn't dare to ask more questions, did Tony also work in a public relations shop?
Although this kind of doubt appeared in my mind, I knew it was wrong, so I had to change the way to ask: "Did you meet here?"
Little Jie didn't care about his question, he stretched out his hand to light a cigarette, and let out a long breath.
"I used to be a dancer too, can you see that?"
Although he lowered his voice, the trembling in the man's tone was still clearly heard.
"At that time, Tony and a few friends worked together on the show, because everyone knew each other...I'm sorry, I don't want to delay your business, I just...I just keep asking myself all these years, why did I do this? What happened? That day, if the photo taken that day was not him, but any other of us... After all, we are not like him or a master student, and our family doesn't have so many expectations of us..."
Hearing this, Aaron couldn't help but want to ask him to confirm his question: "At that time, when you accepted the show, did the organizer tell you in advance that the word "comrade" would be typed?"
"No," Xiaojie smiled wryly, "If I knew, Tony wouldn't dare to go to the stage even if he was beaten to death! When we approached him, he only said that it must be lively, and he also invited the Gezai Troupe and a few funny artists, and then everyone reversed the show that day... The photo was published, and the title became something like "lifting the law" and "coming out". Anyway, it is some election language that I don't understand. Tony called me and asked me how things turned out like this? How did the reporter have his phone number? The phone at his home kept ringing, his parents were going crazy, and even on his PTT① some netizens who he didn’t know came to leave messages, some scolded very badly, saying that his comrades’ face had been humiliated by him, and even Said he was using his gay status to get famous..."
Aaron thought that Xiaojie would cry at any moment, but unexpectedly he put out his cigarette and patted Aaron on the back, as if he needed comfort: "Tony should feel very happy with you in his life. At that time We are all envious of him, for having such a handsome BF who can also dance with him..."
what? !
"I--"
Except for a heavy sigh, he found himself unable to say anything at this juncture.
Everyone is gone, is it really necessary for him to put on a straight face and sternly deny it at this time?
What would he lose if Tony could leave such a good impression on his friends if he didn't expose it?If Tony knew, he might also let the deceased understand that he really didn't mean to ignore the cruel response back then——
"At that time, his dream was to open a dance studio, and doing costume shows was just a transitional period. I thought so too at the time. I didn't expect him to leave like this, and I have no goals in life after that...but I will see it here today. You, I'm so happy. You are really, as Tony said, a serious and unyielding person. Seeing you reminds me of what Tony said when he cheered me up. Although, although he didn't finish it himself, but Seeing you working so hard, I feel as if you are continuing to help Tony live hard, so happy..."
While still thinking about how to appease the opponent, Aaron saw that the man had already stood in the middle of the lounge, clapping his hands to tell everyone to be quiet, as if the coach was going to shout to his players before the game.
"Today I unexpectedly reunited with my best friend's boyfriend! Best friend means my good sister who has died, so please support me a lot, little girl, I will be a cow and a horse, and I will repay you in the future!"
There was a burst of silence.Aaron thought to himself, thank you for your help, the place is completely cold now.
"No wonder the little handsome guy is so pleasing to the eye, it turns out it's more kissing!"
Suddenly, someone broke the silence and fired the first shot.Then there was an upset sentence from the other end: "It's okay for us to take care of your brother, as long as you hide your own coquettish fox tail well!"
The uproar of human voices a few seconds ago was re-enacted, and the crisis of the cold scene was resolved amidst the laughter of the crowd.In less than half an hour, not only Xiaojie and Angelina cheered and bought the whole group of whitening and anti-aging products, but almost everyone else also had a bottle.
Unexpectedly, this was the best night since he entered the business and started selling.
◎
It's probably a natural inferiority of men who like to swell their faces to look fat. Aaron thought about it afterwards, especially when he was a hero in front of women-even though no one in this room was genuine.It can only be said that at that time, I was so complacent that I put aside the truth and falsehood, and even opened a bottle of wine in their store, and became the first customer on their business day.Even if it's for the business needs of attracting customers—it's too late to regret, so Aaron had no choice but to comfort himself.He wanted to earn their money, but instead, they put their hands into their pockets. I have to say, "he" really has a way.
"What kind of monsters come to your store—well, I mean, what's so special about your store? How can you compete with the 'Zhenggang' women in other stores?"
Xiaojie couldn't answer some questions, so he had to ask Angelina quietly when there were no other customers in the store.Angelina giggled and twisted her mouth, making a grimace that she wanted to eat him.
"There are all kinds of guests in this world, you can sleep with me if you want—"
"Don't make such jokes."
Only then did Angelina put away her exaggerated cigarette eyes and refill him a glass of wine.
"Have you seen the movie "Golden Rooster"? The silly elder sister played by Junru Wu, she has no talents and no sex, but she can also eat and drink in hotels for many years, because sometimes men are not necessarily He wants to find a woman to fuck, he just wants someone to make him happy. Tell me, how many beautiful women know how to play tricks in front of men these days? Because in the real world, there will not be a hotel lady who can put down her figure like Wu Junru , we will play that role for them... Men are so cheap, they want to eat swan meat, but also want self-esteem, he spends money in our shop with the least psychological burden, don't worry about whether he is manly enough .In our place, he is always the most manly, you understand this mentality, right?"
"in addition--"
Speaking of this, Angelina rolled her eyes, a little noncommittal, "Our relationship with other hotel ladies may not necessarily be a competition, maybe it is more like a cooperative alliance. If you are smart enough, you will see later It's time to go out—sorry, there are guests coming, you sit down first and enjoy yourself!"
This night, Aaron felt as if he had finally returned to the world of flowers and flowers in Yangjian.
And sure enough, as Angelina said, they have a lot of funny tricks. Sometimes they put on kimonos, put on matchmaker marks, and pretend to be ugly geishas; Jumping all over the house.I saw half a dozen fake breasts bobbing up and down, making the men laugh out loud, and stuffed tips into the little rabbits' clothes.
Here, grandma can be grabbed at will, butts can be pinched by anyone. It was originally the craziest desire in a man's heart, but when it is really put into practice in these public relations, everyone laughs like they are back to the time when they are still fighting on horseback. childhood.Even the public relations team brought out the costume props and played around, and even the male guests joined the show together.His skin is still too thin, unlike the middle-aged Ojisang who put on a wig without any hesitation, and started singing and dancing with his arms around the ladies.
He counted as an eye-opener, such a flipped and flipped gender game.The two men dressed up as women and rubbed each other's ears. Is the female fantasies these cosplaying uncles got from porn movies finally satisfied?
As for Angelina's deliberate betrayal, he really saw a hotel lady bringing male guests to take care of their business.Why don't you stay in the original makeup pile, why come here to hang around?
Oh, he got it.
If you catch a new item, of course, the original store can't stay for long, so that other girls have a chance to intervene to snatch it.It's still a little early before the time to get down to business, and the car has to be warmed up just right, and if the guests are still interested, it's better to come here, saving you the trouble of keeping vigilant all the time.It's like the couple who just entered the door. It looks like they came from another bar. The woman holds the man's arms tightly, for fear that the fat will be taken away by wild cats——
"Xiao Min!"
He jumped up from his chair as if electrocuted.
Xiao Min, who met his eyes, was also stunned for a few seconds, then resolutely dragged the man beside him, turned around and opened the door to leave.Aaron chased after him before he even had time to put on his jacket.
The low temperature outside made him feel like he had fallen into an ice cave.Not wanting to stage a chase in this alley where many people knew him coming and going, Aaron had no choice but to stop, trembling, and shouted Xiao Min's name loudly to Xiao Min's back.
Xiao Min turned around and asked the man to wait at the intersection, then turned back towards him alone.When she stood in front of him, Aaron found that she was wearing a coat with fur circles on the collar and cuffs, which she had never seen in the closet of their residence.There is also a pearl pendant hanging on her earlobe, like two tears frozen in the cold wind.
Got it, I'm afraid she has already found another place to stay without telling him.
"The one over there is Segawa-san. I've known him for a while. I wanted to tell you later, because you don't know what you've been doing lately..."
He guessed that Xiao Min had already finished the draft, and there was no excitement or resentment in her tone.Could it be that the day before she came to the hospital to look for him, she originally wanted to tell him about it?
"The Spring Festival will be in two weeks. I promised Segawa-san that I will go to Japan for vacation with him. I need to leave for a while, and I need to think about many things in the future. Now that you have discovered it, I don't think so. When it's Chinese New Year, I may leave first in these two days. When I come back—"
"How about when you come back?"
I thought she would say, let's have a good talk when she comes back, or even start over.In the end, the answer he heard was: "I hope you have found a new place by then."
He was wearing only a shirt, and suddenly he was so numb that he couldn't feel the low temperature at that time. "But, but, didn't you say that you should think about the future when you go to Japan?"
"You are no longer in my future."
As soon as the words came out of his mouth, Xiao Min showed a relieved expression, shedding the solemnity that was just like a mask that made people inaccessible.From her eyes, what he saw was not the sadness he should have had when they broke up, but the terrified joy after the ship capsized and was rescued.It was like sitting on a lifeboat and seeing other drifters who could not be rescued. Although she was helpless, her survival instinct immediately gave her a moral reason for self-forgiveness:
"If you can't go on, you know the reason, why can't you face it? What I want is not you waiting for me on the night shift, what I want is... Do you know what I think? I think you Going to the hospital every day, and the ghost things you said are all your excuses, I think your purpose of doing these things is to avoid me, you—"
She shook her head and stopped talking.
He would rather she yelled at him and scolded him, punching and slapping him, instead of the hypocrisy that wanted to pity him back then.Am I really that unworthy?Can all that I have given in our relationship be erased so easily?
"You are the only girl I have ever loved." He gritted his teeth and told himself that he must not cry this time.
"Thank you. It's just that I'm older than a girl, and you're not a boy anymore—" she said, "at least you won't have to keep fooling yourself in the future."
◎
Before midnight, he had finished the entire bottle of whiskey that had been opened that night.He knows he can't drink well, but he has no choice but to get drunk because the last emotion he wants to feel is sadness.
Not only Xiaojie, most people in the store probably guessed what happened after he chased him out.Not wanting the drunken man to lose control in the frontcourt and affect the joy of the other guests, Xiaojie took him back to their lounge, helped him wet a towel, and made a cup of strong tea to soothe his hangover.
Aaron, who was drunk, urged Xiaojie, who was watching over him, to go back to his shift and not let him hinder his performance.Xiaojie ignored it and continued to stay in the small room.Maybe he thought he was still articulate at the time, but no one understood what he was muttering at all.Did Xiao Min not lie to me?She hooked up with Segawa a long time ago, isn't that called lying?Why doesn't she want to believe the weird things I've been doing lately?Or is it that she has been referring to something else, but she has always been unwilling to share her words with me?
The accusation of lying is a slander to his personality.He didn't think she needed to know so clearly about certain things, because those things themselves had no clear answers, and he couldn't organize them into case-by-case reports to explain to her, that's all.
For example, what kind of person is his biological father, whom he has never met?The assistant ballroom dance teacher who taught him tango, why should the suicide tragedy of that person be used as the material for confessing to her?Instead, when I told her frankly about the wandering soul I met outside Melody's door, it was her disdain that aroused me?
Taking care of each other as companions for more than two years, isn't this the most important thing in a relationship?Has she ever thought about how many men's lusts her own body has been stained with? Does she think that ordinary men really don't care about such things?If it wasn't a man like him—
A man like him.
He admits that he may still be stuck in the reverie about Mimi in high school, and when he faced the real Xiao Min's body, he didn't expect that the gap in feeling would be so strong.
The slenderness of a young girl was like a lily in the sun, but now it has become an epiphyllum that blooms unrestrainedly at night, opening its curvy petals to encircle his body. He can no longer look like a lily. You can log out or open a new window at any time, just like when viewing pictures on the Internet.
He didn't know before that he was a clean freak when it comes to sex.Is this what Xiao Min cares about?
Both of them wanted to overcome the problem, but neither of them had the courage to speak out.Yes, I care about you, but as long as you are still in this industry, I can't enter your body... Do I need to confess like this?
Or he could be more confident: Are you feeling inferior?Do you think that as long as you can sleep with you, it means you don't mind your past?What exactly are you trying to prove?Why can't we give it to time to slowly resolve it?
He hehe looked at the dizzying small room in front of him and made a smirk: So this is the feeling of being drunk, if I knew it, I would often get myself drunk, if what she wants is for me to prove that I love her by having sex... Does she understand? Sometimes I don't have sex because I care more?
Only time will help him decide that his feelings for her are not just compensation for adolescent sexual fantasies.
After so many years, he finally learned how not to let his sexual impulses dull his judgment.This thing about sex has been bugging myself for a long time.It is because everyone is so used to explaining too many relationships with the model of sex, what is the difference between falling in love and having sex has become a puzzle that he is careful not to make rash conclusions.
If it weren't for that year, in the dance classroom, that experience made him feel confused, ashamed and unforgettable at the same time... After so many years, he still thinks that not talking about it is the best way to deal with it... After Min, the accidental "movement" in college can be regarded as never happened.If he could choose the easier path, why should he let himself into needless mediocrity?
Although he has never had any contact with gay circles, he has never felt strange when he sees gays coming in and out in the opposite bar every day at work, neither loathing nor uncomfortable. things people.
He just doesn't like being bound by categories.
Especially the word bisexual is the most unacceptable to him.It seems that those three syllables are always vaguely hinting, but it is just an excuse sought by the person concerned when he does not want to face the truth.
The coming and going of sexual impulses is a mysterious tide that cannot be predicted.
Sometimes it went undisturbed for a whole month, and sometimes it hit him in the most incredible of circumstances.
For the same sex, it is not because there is a desire to be filled, but at a certain point in time, someone makes him hate and pity him.
Do you have to be like this?He growled at Tony: I don't want to hurt you so please stop-
Then he couldn't think of any other words, the other's lips sucked all his thoughts, making him a person with a blank soul, as if his life could be restarted and restarted...
From then on, he would start to pay attention to the man's lips.
However, the lips that can make him focus often only happen in an instant, and it is gone in a blink of an eye, and it is too late to feel it. Is it a kind of sexual provocation?
Or is it because, as a man, the ways in which the same kind can express emotions are too limited, which makes me strongly aware of my curiosity about men's lips?
You can shake hands but not hold hands, you can only hug briefly but not snuggle.But Mingming sometimes has nostalgia for their company, and cherishes their helplessness.
Although he had sex with girls when he was in middle school, he couldn't deny that there might be subtle and complex impulses among men, but they were not allowed to explore and experience them.
It turns out that this is called stigmatization.
A word I see often, but now I understand what it means.That is, the fear of being repercussions without having to do anything at all.
He'd always wondered, was same-sex attraction a given from the start for those who came out as gay?Is it true that being attracted to different genders at different stages of life can only be accused of evading confrontation?
In the time since Andy's coma, he's been asking himself.
He wasn't resisting, he just didn't know when he was used to holding a skeptical attitude towards everything.How did his doubts and inability to choose begin?Is it because from the moment he realized that he was also attracted to the same sex, he discovered that he had another secret that was harder to tell than liking the same sex?
Because the same sex he will like is neither sunny and fit, nor cute and youthful.
The ones who caught his attention were usually older men with a sense of vicissitudes.
The person lying unconscious on the ground has been seeing each other every day for almost four years, but when the other person suddenly becomes a body that is still as if sleeping, with only a weak, closed-eyed and pale expression on his face, it will make him cry While waiting for the ambulance, he couldn't bear the urging of his vigorous heartbeat, so he left a mark on his lips that seemed like a testimony of suffering——
Is that hotel lady your girlfriend?
Perhaps no one could understand his murmured drunken heart, but every word spoken by the people around him was transmitted to his eardrums like a loudspeaker, causing his headache to burst like a flame. Another burst of burning.
You're going to make Tony sad...wouldn't you be more comfortable if I took this outfit off? ...
He stared blankly at Xiaojie.
When he felt better, he couldn't help giggling in a low voice.Xiaojie's hand is tentatively moving to his trouser chain.
He watched as the hand painted with Kodan began to touch and rub his lower body, but he didn't stop it.I can tell him,
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