Mo Ming Zhou Zhou

Dreaming back at midnight, covered in sweat and tears.

I hugged the quilt and sat on the edge of the bed, the moonlight slanted in this crowded space, I remember it was the living room of this room, my first kiss was given to a drunk man, but unexpectedly everything was empty, and I could exchange it with anything There is no going back to the time when we used to laugh.

Remember, the gentle smile of the mother in the dream, so stubborn and strong, she said to her father, I will never come back again.Then, Xiaohai looked at himself bitterly, and said the same words cruelly, no matter how much I begged, he refused to turn back.

My biological mother left this house before I was nine years old. She didn't tell me why, and she disappeared completely without even an explanation.I didn't cry or make a fuss, looking at my father who was drinking and throwing things like crazy day and night, he is so stupid, my mother will definitely come back, after all, I am her favorite Mingming.

However, one day, two days, a week, and half a month passed, and my mother still didn't come back. Finally, that time, my father took me who was standing at the door waiting for someone as soon as school was over and threw me on the sofa. The quiet little boy shouted: "What are you waiting for! Your mother will never, ever, never come back! You can't wait in this life—" He shouted so seriously and so hard, I believed it.Because this time he didn't drink, and he didn't shed tears.

Mom won't come back, I know this is the heaviest sentence in my life, so that all the beautiful and colorful dreams once became so pale all of a sudden.

From that day on, I no longer played with my friends, and I no longer got close to the kind teacher, because I was afraid, I was afraid that others would suddenly ask: "Zhou Moming, where is your mother, why doesn't she send you to school?" I really want to tell everyone, I don’t need anyone to send me to school, I don’t need anyone to teach me to study, and I don’t want anyone to care about me. You are so hypocritical, I don’t want this kind of cheap pity!Maybe in that cold life, only the meaning that stood up and pulled me back when I was knocked down by a group of children was the only warmth!

I always thought that I would never have this kind of emotion again, but when Xiao Hai's figure disappeared into the dream, despair swept over me. I couldn't control my body trembling violently, and the coldness spread from the soles of my feet and palms to my whole body.They're all gone, they're all gone, why is this world so ruthless and insists on leaving me alone?So lonely, so cold, it's really hard to live!

Maybe it's the pain I've accumulated for too many years, or maybe I'm too dependent on Xiaohai. In short, the clear sky collapsed, and the dust covered my tearless eyes.I came back from outside numbly, clutching a bottle of sleeping pills bought at a high price, I don’t know how much I spent, I don’t know how far I walked, I don’t know who I told, I don’t seem to have taken it for a long time Let's go to class, hehe, what does it matter, anyway, this should be over.

If it is said that I can still face negative confrontation after my mother left, Xin Xiaohai is an untouchable wound. I don't want to escape anymore, because I once accepted and liked someone so sincerely. He knew me very well, but I It hurt that innocent heart.Since I missed it, don't say goodbye.

No matter what the final judgment is, I will accept it. I heard that people who commit suicide cannot enter heaven, and will be punished and tortured in hell for eternal life.Hehe, it's really exciting. I don't know if there are countless Chinese and foreign tortures that are so powerful?It's just that I can no longer see Yi's silly smile and Xiao Hai's affectionate eyes.My heart hurts, imagining other people crying at my funeral.What a sad hypocrisy, hypocrisy and affectation, I can hardly tell the truth from the fake.When Zhou Moming needs to take a fancy to those worthless shit status and reputation, you'd better get out of my sight!I have never owed anyone in my life. What I have gained is far from what I have lost. You have only taught me how to treat people indifferently when I was a child. When I saw the ugly woman under my father, all the beauty left in this world was gone. You think I am young and ignorant, but I understand what cheating and betrayal are. My mother is So proud, so confident, she worked hard and desperately to love, but what did she get in the end?Don't talk shit about forgiveness to me, even if you find a thousand reasons for yourself, it's just the eunuch's fig leaf, there's nothing in it!The so-called love is dirtier than sex.How to teach civility and manners, how to pretend to be a gentleman, I did it, what happened in the end?I don't have a complete friend around me, I don't have a woman who can give myself wholeheartedly, and even Xiao Hai's love is frighteningly frightening to death, can I be considered a man?Or, am I still a living person?

It is better to die naked than to live so uselessly!

After taking a shower with cold water, and wearing the suit Xiao Hai sent back that he wore, I thought back to the small moments of good times in my short life. Although they were so short in my nearly 20 years of life, yet so brilliant...

Enough, enough, Zhou Moming has enough money, let's earn interest in the next life!Swallow the medicine with tears in your eyes, kiss the fingertips that Xiao Hai has pulled countless times, maybe a shooting star will pass by your window in a while, then let me take another look at your handsome side face in your sleep !

When the night comes, I imagine entering the void where there is nothing. Will there be a meadow full of flowers and butterflies, or just a bloody, unwilling and painful soul?

[Zhou Moming, male, 19 years old, Han nationality.Time of death: -year-month-day 0:10 Cause of death: suicide]