greedy gl

Li Tan didn't dare to let Guilanfang see Cheng Huan like this, she thought about it downstairs and brought him into her home.

In fact, there was not much drug in Cheng Huan's body, and it had been diluted, but now the effect of the drug had already taken effect, and he was drowsy, with his brows furrowed, and occasionally babbled, but he couldn't make out what he said.

Li Tan put her on the bed and rushed to the bathroom to vomit for a while.

She rushed to the bar as soon as school was over, and when she was busy, she didn't even bother to eat. She made a bet with Qu Yiming, and the alcohol in her stomach burned her sore throat.

It's been a long time for Li Tan to drink with others like this, and now he just feels sour.

After a long time, she stood up slowly while holding the sink.

Still a little dizzy, Li Tan took another cold shower.

The cold water hits the skin, stirring up a chill in autumn, but it finally cools down the feverish brain.

After Li Tan hastily washed, dried his hair, and treated the wound on the palm of his hand, he hesitated whether to clean it up for Cheng Huan as well.

Cheng Huan didn't smell too much of alcohol, so she probably wasn't fed too much, and it was mainly because of the drug that made her unconscious.

As soon as Li Tan was brushing his hair and entering the bedroom, Cheng Huan curled up on the bed and muttered, as if he was restless in sleep.

She tried to touch Cheng Huan, but found that Cheng Huan's whole body was tense, and the feeling of repulsion was overwhelming.

"pain……"

A very light sentence, but infinitely magnified in the darkness.

Li Tan was silent for a moment.

Although she could be loosened by being tougher, Li Tan didn't want to do that.

She just sighed softly, and simply wiped her exposed face and hands with a hot towel, not even taking off her shoes.

During the whole process, Cheng Huan whimpered and sobbed like a cat from time to time, not knowing what kind of dream he was having.

Even my heart softened after hearing it.

Li Tan left the bedroom with mixed feelings.

Cheng Huan seemed to feel someone leaving, the whimpering gradually stopped, and even his tightly clenched fists loosened a little.

Li Tan noticed this keenly, and dared not approach her even more.

Only those who have been hurt in the crowd will be vigilant against the crowd, even in an unconscious state, they will resist others approaching in order to protect themselves.

Li Tan was going to spend the night temporarily on the sofa in the living room.

She didn't want to go back to her room to disturb Cheng Huan, so she pulled a windbreaker from the hanger at the entrance and used it as a quilt.

When taking out the windbreaker, Li Tan accidentally caught a glimpse of Cheng Huan's cell phone.

The mobile phone was accidentally dropped on the ground when she entered the door. She was so busy that she almost forgot about it.

The phone kept vibrating.

Ding dong news came from WeChat from time to time. Li Tan didn't want to read it at first, but it kept coming one after another.

After countless information bombardments by the opponent, Li Tan finally picked it up and took a look.

It was Song Sheng who came.

Dozens of messages turned into crowded numbers, annoying.

It's wrong to peek at other people's news.

Li greedily thought.

But she slipped back into the bedroom by a strange coincidence, carefully grabbed Cheng Huan's hand and opened the fingerprint lock.

When the fingertips touched, an electric current was brought up, crackling.

Cheng Huan turned his back anxiously.

The voyeuristic desire quietly expands in the darkness.

Li Tan didn't linger, she returned to the living room, opened WeChat, and countless messages popped up immediately.

The first thing that catches the eye is Song Sheng's selfie.

Then a few words of innocuous greasy concern.

Then there is the male genitalia, and the lewd and coquettish words followed by the next, all jumped in front of Li Tan.

Li Tan flipped forward and found that most of Cheng Huan didn't respond, and occasionally replied with words such as "Brother is awesome" and "Brother Sheng, you are really good".

Li Tan could even see the sarcasm on Cheng Huan's face when he said these words.

Cheng Huan seemed to enjoy this state very much.

Using his own body as a weapon, he indulges in the hypocrisy sent by men.

I hate contact with people, but I am willing to be hypocritical and self-serving.

Obviously resisting going to bed, but I really can't refuse and seem to be happy to enjoy it.

Looking at these nasty words, Li Tan wondered how Cheng Huan endured it.

She subconsciously wanted to block Song Sheng, but when she was hesitating, another message popped up.

It's Qu Yiming.

Li Tan instinctively nodded.

But I saw a picture of myself.

It was a certain KTV in Hexian County. On the sofa in the box, many men and women were half naked with their clothes off, and they indulged in sensuality.

And she was sitting obliquely on a high stool in a certain box, with a green face and a cold expression, with a wine glass in her hand, looking down at the mass of flesh.

They are all about the same age, but they started to indulge themselves so early and allowed themselves to degenerate.

Although she didn't participate, she didn't stop it either.

Just watching from a distance, indifferent.

"Don't get too close to that Li Tan."

"She used to be in the Tao, and these are her circles."

Immediately afterwards, several photos of different scenes were sent.

Li Tan doesn't like to take pictures, but many people like to secretly take pictures of her.

It seemed that it was a big deal for her to be in the mirror.

Young people always like to hunt for novelties, mistake fearlessness for bravery, and turn commonplace heresy, but whenever they see "legendary big men", they like to use them as talking points.

Li Tan would stop it at first, but she gave up completely after realizing that the prying eyes were everywhere.

Those people are watching a play.

Outsiders are curious.

Insiders wait for a joke.

No one wants her to be good, and no one wants her to be normal.

Qu Yiming said harshly: "Cheng Huan, don't even think about it. You ran on her so much before, and she didn't come back with revenge? She will sell you sooner or later!"

Li Tan opened the dialog box, and for a moment, Li Tan wanted to delete this person from Cheng Huan's address book.

It was not because of Qu Yiming's sowing discord, but because of those photos that she had long forgotten.

Li Tan didn't have the habit of examining his appearance.

For someone who has struggled to survive since childhood, there are many things that matter more than looks.

But she saw herself in these photos for the first time.

Ugly, dirty, with hideous scars.

These blurred candid shots almost burned her vision.

If you don't delete it, you will be seen by Cheng Huan soon.

She didn't want Cheng Huan to see herself like this.

Li Tan bit his lower lip, and resisted the urge to slowly slide the dialog box back.

She clicked on it again, edited a string of text: "This is my business, don't worry about it", and then didn't press the send button for a long time.

Li Tan let the phone stay on for 10 minutes.

After 10 minutes, she deleted each word completely.

In the end, he simply crossed out the entire WeChat page and closed the program directly.

She was not yet familiar with Cheng Huan's mobile phone model, and when she closed WeChat, Li Tan accidentally opened the photo album.

The large expanse of magnificent colors immediately attracted Li Tan's attention.

Make it hard for her to move away.

There is nothing else in Cheng Huan's album, all of them are her fragmentary paintings——

Complete, broken, gorgeous, bleak.

In these portraits, there are occasionally densely packed text screenshots.

Li Tan involuntarily glanced at the bedroom, Cheng Huan showed no sign of waking up, desire was quietly growing in her heart, and her palms were covered with sweat.

It took Li Tan some time to read those words.

It's about victim blaming and sexual freedom.

Beauvoir said: "By being envied, envied or admired, what she wants is absolute affirmation of her beauty, her elegance, her taste - of herself; she reveals herself in order to fulfill herself... Good looks are a weapon, a banner, a defense, and a letter of recommendation." (Note 1)

Is appearance the only weapon to realize oneself?No.There are many ways to show yourself, but in the traditional social and cultural context, if you want to realize yourself in front of men, you can only actively enter the male gaze.Appearance is a sword to attack the male gaze and a shield to prevent it from becoming an object.

But that itself falls into the subject trap.

Self-affirmation should come from the subject itself, not from others.

Li Tan understood a little bit.

On the one hand, Cheng Huan thinks that she is just a victim, and others are at fault, but the humiliation and shame brought about by the injury do exist, so she read some about women's liberation, such as "in sexual relations, enjoyment is mutual", Attempts to relieve stress.

On the other hand, she also wanted to affirm herself and get rid of the victim's position, so she took the initiative to attack. The more addicted the other party was, the more she believed that she had the initiative, enjoyed the power and became an accomplice.

She regards active sex as a safe haven, but her rejection of depravity and her aversion to being stared at are also real.

Tired of chaste and depressed life, she mustered up the courage to live a depraved life, but she didn't become happier.

Because nothing has changed.

She just "proved" herself.

But never been accepted as "equal".

——Whether by others or by yourself.

There was a salty smell in his mouth, Li Tan touched his lips, and the outer layer of the gauze tied on his hands was stained with a faint blood stain.

Li Tan carefully wiped off the blood stains on the phone, then pulled out the data cable and put the phone in the study to charge.

While walking around, she heard Cheng Huan turning over uncomfortably in the bedroom, and she resisted the thought of taking a look.

Li Tan opened his eyes and lay on the sofa, upset, and subconsciously wanted to light a cigarette, but when he lit it, he remembered that Cheng Huan said he hated the smell, walked to the balcony, thought and thought, and finally took the cigarette out of his mouth .

She couldn't help biting her hands again, and turned her back to the study, simply out of sight and out of mind.

Maybe it was subconsciously feeling that there was no one in the room, and Cheng Huan's brows in the bedroom gradually relaxed.

Her anxiety faded little by little, and her breathing became longer.

Autumn nights are cold and windy, and they are much quieter than summer nights, and even the chirping of insects has become rare.

There is no moon tonight, and the starry sky is vast.

Li Tan was silent for a long time in the solitude.

No one answered.

The next day, Cheng Huan struggled out of his coma.

The five senses came back, and she fell into a very faint fragrance.

Indescribable, stretchy, pliable, mixed with the scent of green grass.

Cheng Huan had smelled something similar.

Li Tan seems to be using this kind of shower gel.

She slowly opened her eyes, the curtains were closed tightly, and she found herself lying in a strange yet familiar room.

The memory of last night came back a little bit.

Cheng Huan was already mentally prepared to go to bed with Qu Yiming, but unexpectedly, he was cut off by Li Tan in the middle.

Cheng Huan was in a complicated mood for a while.

She thought that Li Tan was just guilty of herself, so she enjoyed the convenience brought to her by this "guilt" with peace of mind, but she did not expect that this sense of guilt could make Li Tan to such an extent that it was almost overflowing.

This time it was Cheng Huan's turn to be at a loss.

She got off the bed softly, and found that she didn't feel much discomfort after being hungover, and walked out of the room slowly, and found that Li Tan was wearing white home clothes, curled up on the sofa watching TV with his legs crossed.

It's an old black and white film, a silent film.

It was sunny outside, but inside the house was extremely quiet.

Li Tan almost blends into the movie together with the off-white sofa.

Cheng Huan was still wearing the suspenders from last night, like a mass of flamboyant colors, directly colliding black and white movies into colorful ones.

Li Tan's eyes were black and blue, and she didn't sleep all night.

"morning."

Li Tan raised his head, his voice hoarse, trying to make his emotions sound calmer.

"I have already asked for leave from school, you go to wash first."

"What do you want for breakfast? I'll do it."

The author has something to say: Note 1: Simone de Beauvoir is a French existentialist writer and one of the founders of the feminist movement. Her masterpiece is The Second Sex.

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Thanks to the little angel who threw the landmine: escaped from the tiger's mouth, climbed the sun, and an old friend who didn't know the date of return;

Thanks to the little angels who irrigate the nutrient solution: 20 bottles of Dawang; 2 bottles of Yeyo;

Thank you very much for your support, I will continue to work hard!