bad luck in love

After Qi Nianzhi started school, he and Shen Yu went back to chatting online with nothing to say.At the beginning, I returned phone calls and videos, and gradually turned into messages, short messages.Slowly, it was the third thing they used to take for granted: good morning, good night, have you eaten yet.Qi Nianzhi gradually got used to the campus life of the university, shuttling between the basketball team, the student union, and the messy activities in the class.Probably because he was too busy, or because he wanted to avoid it, he tried not to think about Shen Yu's upcoming school entrance, and tried not to disturb the rhythm of Shen Yu's review.Sometimes he would also talk to Shen Yu about the association, and Shen Yu would listen carefully to express his understanding, and sometimes he would smile appropriately.As Qi Nianzhi talked, he felt that he was doing a one-man show foolishly by himself, which was really embarrassing.However, what did he want to hear from Shen Yu's mouth?What else can I hear?Do you feel that community life is really good?Wow, your school is good?How many handsome guys are there?Is there anyone chasing you?For Shen Yu, these questions are too stupid and too difficult, and it is impossible for the other party to think of these boring questions even if they are killed.After all, Shen Yu is someone who would rather remain silent than deliberately create an atmosphere for conversation.

The days are like copying and pasting text, passing line by line.Depressedly looking at the dialog box with Qi Nianzhi on the phone, they are basically all meaningless greetings, and the frequency is maintained 3-4 times a day.Shen Yu basically never talked with Qi Nianzhi about their friends, he always felt that Qi Nianzhi was more or less hostile towards Wei Chen and Zhang Yang, and he didn't know why this hostility arose.But apart from these daily things, Shen Yu doesn't know what to talk about. He doesn't surf the Internet very much. His daily fun activities are puzzles, Lego, reading books, or Mathematical Olympiads. These are basically things that are suitable for one person to do.

Depression grows up alone, and the habits or hobbies formed are naturally suitable for being alone.Most of the time, depression enjoys solitude.Whether his emotions, hobbies, or daily trivial matters, for anyone as sunny and cheerful as Qi Nianzhi, who often gathers with friends in small groups, there is nothing to mention.Shen Yu let out a "hiss", and realized that he and Qi Nianzhi hadn't had a good conversation for a long time.Once two completely different people cannot get close and have no skin-to-skin contact, there will be less ways and means to convey their thoughts.Sure enough, people can't understand each other or be understood at all, so they can only do their best to tolerate.I was so depressed and annoyed, I closed the reference book next to me, what am I doing?

Sometimes listening to Qi Nianzhi talk a lot about the society and the school's lace news, Shen Yu doesn't know how to give feedback at all, so he can only express that he is listening with a more sincere attitude.But Qi Nianzhi seems to be a little concerned about this feedback, and often can't continue talking, depressed and annoyed that he can't even support him.It's not that he has no interest in the things Qi Nianzhi said, but he is full of curiosity about the bizarre world, hoping to get closer to that world.

Shen Yu has never understood the emotion of "frustration" since he was a child, but when he was 17 years old, he really experienced the pain and frustration of being powerless.This step between him and Qi Nianzhi made him feel so far away, and it was so difficult to catch up with the distance of a year, as if no matter how good he was, he couldn't catch up with the time difference between them.Only the skin-to-skin contact each time they met made him truly feel that Qi Nianzhi was a real person, his boyfriend, not the AI ​​in WeChat.

Only 10 days away from the college entrance examination, Chen Lu took Wang Wan, Wei Chen, Shen Yu, Wang Mofan and Zhang Yang to the playground to watch the meteor shower after evening self-study.Looking at the excited Chen Lu, Zhang Yang couldn't help complaining: "What meteor shower do I have to watch? I'll go to your place tonight, it's too late and I won't be able to go back to the dormitory."

Chen Lu patted him: "Okay, let's not talk about you, even if you all go to my place, you can live well."

Ever since Shen Yu and Qi Nianzhi were together, Zhang Yang seemed to never stay in Shen Yu's place again. Shen Yu understood that Zhang Yang was concerned about the relationship between himself and Qi Nianzhi, and he was very concerned about how this boy took care of him in all aspects. gratitude.

Wei Chen put his hands in his pockets and looked into the distance. He didn't know what he was thinking. It was rare for him not to complain about Chen Lu's group activities full of princess hearts.On the contrary, I feel depressed that there are too many mosquitoes, and being dragged out to watch the stars at night is simply abuse.He found a bald-looking grass field next to the football goal, spread his school uniform on it, and sat down next to the goal.

Wei Chen took a look at Shen Yu, walked up to him and squatted down: "You didn't go home directly, I thought you wouldn't come for such a thing."

Shen Yu smiled: "To each other, to watch the meteor shower, I didn't expect you to come."

Wei Chen also smiled: "Actually, today's matter, Chen Lu is not only for Wang Wan's appointment, but also for me, why am I embarrassed not to come?"

Shen Yu raised his eyebrows, not understanding what Wei Chen meant, waiting for him to continue.Wei Chen gave Shen Yu a meaningful look: "Chen Lu is a very careful person. Although he smiles every day, he has everything in his heart. He asked us to come together because tonight is the Aquarid meteor shower."

Gloomy: "Aquarius?".

Wei Chen: "That's right, if it's another zodiac sign, he probably wouldn't insist on everyone coming together."

Shen Yu: "I remember, you are Aquarius".

Wei Chen nodded: "So you don't have to force it, go back early. I know how little he thinks, so I'll just stay here."

Shen Yu glanced at Wei Chen. He knew that Chen Lu was careful, but he didn't expect that Wei Chen was also very careful: "There is no one in my house, and no one cares about those who come back. Let's stay here with you for a while."Shen Yu originally wanted to say that he was alone when he went back, but he changed his words when the words came to his lips. The three words "one person" sounded a little lonely, but Shen Yu felt that he was not lonely, and he didn't want to let the other party have this illusion.Wei Chen didn't seem to expect that depression would stay, he looked a little happy?

That night, they really waited for an extremely spectacular Aquarid meteor shower.Sullen, who had no interest in watching the meteor shower, was still shocked when he saw the trajectory of the stars sliding down from the night sky.He raised his head and sighed: "The beauty of this meteor shower is so fragile."In that brilliant moment, he somehow thought of Wei Chen beside him. He seemed to be a man of radiance. Why did he think that Wei Chen's heart was filled with the desire to fall?Shen Yu felt that the person squatting next to him was obviously not alone, but he was very lonely, very very lonely.In that grand spectacle, Shen Yu made a rambunctious wish, and he hoped that everyone's wish would come true.

Qi Nianzhi looked at the basketball in his hand, thinking about the neglected and avoided topics with Shen Yu recently, what is wrong, is it the timing?or fear?He sighed deeply. During this period of time, Qi Nianzhi, who had hated the torment of a long-distance relationship, suddenly discovered that he and Shen Yu actually needed the test of distance and time.In the past, they had basketball, intersecting lives and circles of friends.At that time, all problems were not problems, and any troubles seemed to be easily solved, and as long as there was no crisis of trust between them, there would be no crisis.After he entered the university, Shen Yu gradually knew nothing about his friends and his life, and the hobbies of the two parties no longer overlapped.From conflicting viewpoints, misunderstandings and contradictions at the beginning, they gradually lost the topic.But Qi Nianzhi knows, what if there is no topic to talk about and can't understand each other, he loves to be depressed, as long as love is enough.He has always firmly believed that they are in love.If we can go through four years with this belief, there will be a particularly happy ending.Qi Nianzhi jumped high and sent the ball into the basket.At that moment, a thought flashed through his mind: he has always believed in himself, but what about depression, can he believe in depression?In other words, will depression believe in herself?

When the results of the college entrance examination were announced, Qi Nianzhi was sitting in the dormitory and calling Shen Yu.Shen Yu checked the grades in front of the computer while holding the phone.Although he was not at all curious about his college entrance examination results, Qi Nianzhi kept forcing him to check.Qi Nianzhi didn't know what he was looking forward to. He hoped that Shen Yu would perform normally and go to B University, or he would go to his school with abnormal performance. He felt that he was going through a trial, and his only hope was that this trial would end soon.That's right, even if Shen Yu's performance is abnormal, he shouldn't come to their polytechnic school as a liberal arts student, right? What are you looking forward to, or what are you afraid of?

The moment "719" heard Shen Yu report his grades, Qi Nianzhi finally woke up. D University is a polytechnic college, and it is the only top college in his city. How could he let Shen Yu take 719 grades? As a result, I came to such a school to study Chinese.Of course he knew that when Shen Yu insisted on enrolling him in D University, he didn't want him to gamble his future because of an impulse in adolescence.In other words, Shen Yu was already ready to sacrifice his dream for him and go to a polytechnic university to study Chinese.Faced with such a good depression and such a great sacrifice, Qi Nianzhi suddenly felt that he couldn't bear it.Those who sacrificed were clearly prepared, but those who accepted the score were unbearable.

He didn't want Shen Yu to gamble his future for him, especially since they didn't know themselves well enough, let alone each other.They met the best of each other in the once small world, and fell in love with each other unscrupulously.It's like a person who has never eaten an apple, suddenly knows the taste of an apple, and thinks that the apple in his hand is the most delicious apple in the world.Although Qi Nianzhi has been to the new environment and knows that apples are not only red, but also green, purple, and even colored, when he turns around, he is still attracted by the original apple.But depression is not, he has never been to a new environment, he has not seen all these colorful things, if he selfishly confines depression to the territory he is familiar with, it will be unfair to depression.

In private, Qi Nianzhi hoped that Shen Yu would leave the familiar place and go to a completely new environment, where he would re-understand their relationship and firmly stick to the original choice.Because without this process, Qi Nianzhi would always be in fear.He finally admitted that he was insecure and didn't trust depression as much as he trusted himself.If Shen Yu chases him to D University and continues to spend college time with him, he will continue to worry about the depressed workplace.He was afraid that after seeing the world without him and seeing more people, Shen Yu would still choose to leave him.Instead of worrying like this all the time, it is better to let the other party see the world earlier and leave him earlier.He thought, it was gloomy perfection that pushed himself into a dead end with no way out.

"So, you mean you don't want me to go to D University?" Sullen felt that a fire in his chest was about to burst out and burn himself to ashes.

"Who said before that 'life is so long, and it's only four years in college, it would be a pity if you can't choose a subject you like'? And your 719 grades come to D University Chinese? Who will be eliminated?" Qi Nianzhi felt depressed and stubborn. No matter how hard I try, I can't hold it down.The No. [-] Middle School ranked second in the school, and the third in the city went to D University for Chinese. Wouldn't this make the people of the city laugh at their big teeth?

Qi Nianzhi thought about the future, once he regretted it, the culprit would be himself.He couldn't bear the weight, and Shen Yu couldn't bear the consequences of this choice.If this is the case, how should I explain to my depressed parents, friends and even the school?For the first time, Qi Nianzhi felt that good grades were such a headache.

"So, you don't want me to go to D University, and you don't want us to end this masochistic long-distance relationship." Su Yu still repeated his previous meaning.

Qi Nianzhi: "Shen Yu, why did you persuade me to go to University D? I never said that I could go to any school in City B and wait for you there. How did you tell me then? Why did you change the school today? I tell you this, but you can’t accept it? Love and ideals are not in conflict, and we should not stubbornly put them on opposite sides. If one day our love is over, it must be love that destroys it, not someone else Yes. Once you enter the new environment, you will understand how I feel now. If there is love, we can survive anywhere. I will definitely go to City B after graduation. You can go there early, not very Okay? If there is no love, what can I do if I sit at the front and back tables with you? Just calm down and think about it, okay?"

"Ideals are very important, but my love is more important." He said gloomyly and coldly, "So Qi Nianzhi, what are you afraid of? You are afraid that if one day we break up, I will go to D University for you, and you will have to leave Is it to blame? Or, because you think I have paid too much, you will not dare to break up with me in the future? Do you not trust me or yourself?".As Shen Yu was talking, he suddenly felt very boring, completely boring.He silently recited the last unspoken words in his heart: "It's not that you don't believe me, or that you don't believe in yourself, but that you don't believe us at all."

Qi Nianzhi: "I haven't thought about it that much, but I know nothing is eternal. It doesn't matter how you understand it, but I just don't want you to gamble your future. Because I don't think it's worth it, I'm not worth it like you Do".

"Love is eternal, but it's a pity that you gave me something wrong." Shen Yu hung up the phone immediately, holding the pen firmly in one hand. 719, a score that discouraged many people, but he suddenly hated himself, hated himself for not counting with his fingers, and missed the test by fifty points.Now everyone is persuading him to apply for B University. Even if he doesn't choose that way, everyone can understand that he chooses another well-known university with outstanding liberal arts.But if Shen Yu chooses a polytechnic school, probably everyone will think he is crazy.That's right, B University is his ideal, but Qi Nianzhi embraces his love.

Shen Yu really hoped that Qi Nianzhi would tell him firmly: "Don't worry about what other people say, just come to me", then he would definitely do so desperately.However, if the parties do not need it, what's the point of going there by yourself?If it was Qi Nianzhi two years ago, he would definitely look at him and say these words firmly.The Qi Nianzhi two years ago, Shen Yu suddenly found that the one he loved was the Qi Nianzhi who had no scruples two years ago and could only see himself in his eyes.But Qi Nianzhi's love is no longer the unscrupulous self who didn't care about anything because of love two years ago.But the tragedy is that Qi Nianzhi has changed, he is different from two years ago.But I haven't changed, I'm still the same as that time.