[Soul of Chess] What if

Ah Guang was just an ordinary primary school student.

At least from the time he could remember until he was 12 years old, his life has been as plain as plain water.

Although he had also fantasized about what it would be like if those weird things on TV or in comics really happened to him.

As it turns out, those only exist on screen.

Life is just life, there can't be so many ups and downs.

For 12 years, he has been so firmly convinced.

One day when he was 12 years old, Ah Guang suddenly had a very inexplicable dream.

It was also this dream that suddenly broke his peaceful and even boring life.

Until now, Ah Guang still can't help thinking, if he hadn't gone to his grandfather's house after having that dream, if he hadn't met Zuo Wei, then what would his life be like?

If I hadn't met Zuowei, I would have continued to be a very ordinary elementary school student.Then I went to junior high school step by step, and then I was admitted to high school, and then either went to university to continue my studies, or started to work directly...

Just like most people, like a product on an assembly line, I live a planned, most ordinary life, until the end of my life.

Such a life is indeed very boring.

However, in that case, maybe I don't have to be like now, who is obviously full of depression, but there is no one to tell.

Unexpectedly, in just one day, he lost two friends, Taya and Mitani.Ao Guang could not help but smile wryly at this.

He forgot how he got home, and what he had said to Mitsuko's mother. In short, Aguang is now lying on his little bed with his back to Zuowei.

Although my heart is in a mess now, and I don't feel sleepy at all, Ah Guang really doesn't want to continue to face Zuo Wei in such a tired situation.

He was afraid that he would lose control of himself and say something irreparable.

How do you feel about Zuowei?

This seems like an unanswerable question.

The place where Aguang first met Zuo Wei was not in the dark and gloomy warehouse of his grandfather's house, but in his own dream.

In the dream, he was like a bystander, watching himself and the person named Sai from meeting, getting along, getting to know each other, and finally parting.

It does seem like a somewhat sad story.

Maybe it wasn't because of his personal experience, although Ah Guang couldn't recover for a long time after waking up, and his heart seemed to still have the grief of losing that person in his dream.However, in fact, I don't really feel much about it.

After all, it was just a dream.

Even if it were real, it was just a dream.

Therefore, Ah Guang didn't take this dream to heart at first.

The strange thing is that, knowing that it was just a dream, I was always in a trance for the next whole day, and couldn't help thinking about that dream.

It's like being bewitched.

Then after school, I made a detour to my grandfather's warehouse by accident.

Unexpectedly, I really found the chessboard in my dream in the warehouse of my grandfather's house, and I really saw spots like blood on it.

Only then did Ah Guang faintly realize that the dream he had before might not be just a dream.

To be honest, after realizing this, Ah Guang actually felt a little scared in his heart.

To be precise, it is a kind of resistance to the unknown.

After all, after anyone discovers that his dream has actually become a reality, it is impossible for anyone to accept it happily.

What happened next undoubtedly deepened his feeling.

The person who walked out of the chessboard not only looked exactly the same as in the dream, but even his name and occupation matched the dream!

Afterwards, following the narration of that person, Aguang had a certain understanding of the experience of this person named Fujiwara Sakai.

The ending of this man is indeed very embarrassing.However, this person is just a stranger to me.

Even though he sympathized with him, Aguang didn't feel that he didn't need to give his life to this person like that Tora Ciro, and let him continue his unfulfilled wish.

After all, no matter how sympathetic this person is, it has nothing to do with him at all.

If he hadn't thought that this person was a vengeful spirit, if he didn't agree to the other party's request, he would probably be killed as rumored, and Ah Guang would not have promised him to play chess occasionally.

What made Aguang slightly change his mind about Zuowei was that what he said was just a countermeasure out of helplessness, but Zuowei believed it without doubt.

I always thought that the wraith would be difficult to deal with, but I didn't expect this person to be quite easy to talk to, and even a little too simple.

This made Ah Guang breathe a sigh of relief, and at the same time, he also had a little bit of affection for Zuo Wei.

In the social science test the next day, thanks to Zuo Wei's help, I was able to pass the test smoothly.Therefore, apart from sympathy, Ah Guang felt a little more intimacy with Zuo Wei.

Originally, what I said about playing chess occasionally was just casual.

But seeing Zuo Wei's submissive appearance even though he was going to go home directly, and thinking of the help the other party provided him that day, Ah Guang couldn't help feeling a little ashamed.

Out of the idea of ​​compensating the other party, A Guang decided to arrange for Zuo Wei to play chess with his grandfather.

Then, he saw Zuowei's tears.

Only then did Ah Guang realize how important Go is to this person.Thinking of the ending of his disappearance, Ah Guang couldn't help feeling pity for him.

Then, I will play chess occasionally to make you happy.It was not the first time that he was forced to do nothing, Ah Guang had such an idea.

It's just that, since I don't know anything about Go at all, the first game didn't last long before it ended hastily.

Seeing Zuo Wei's depressed mood, Ah Guang suddenly felt guilty.

It was such a simple wish, but I couldn't help him realize it.I'm really bad enough...

In order to help Zuowei arrange the chess pieces smoothly, Ah Guang had the idea of ​​learning some basics of Go first.

Then, with the help of Mitsuko's mother, he came to Teacher Shirakawa's Go classroom.

Asking Shirakawa-sensei about Fujiwara Sakumi was just a casual question.

Unexpectedly, not only did Mr. Bai Chuan not know about this person, there was even no historical evidence to prove that this person really existed.

Seeing the unconcealable sorrowful expression on that person's face, Ah Guang had the idea of ​​wanting to do something for him for the first time.

At least, before he disappears completely, let him have as many happy memories as possible.Ah Guang thought so.

In the following time, Ah Guang not only took Go lessons every week, but also went to his grandfather's house to play chess with him whenever he was free.

With his own efforts, Zuo Wei finally recovered his spirit gradually.

That's right, I was so happy to arrange the game for Zuowei from the beginning.Every time I saw Zuo Wei's satisfied expression after playing chess, I couldn't help but feel happy for him.

After all, Zuo Wei is so pure, as long as it is related to Go, it can make him very happy.

All his joys, sorrows and joys seem to be closely tied to Go.

It's a pity that he will disappear in the end...

Obviously it is so simple and straightforward...

Because of this, as the relationship between himself and Zuo Wei gradually deepened, A Guang tried his best to make Zuo Wei a little bit more happy before he disappeared.

Later, because his grandfather went on a trip, Ah Guang started to play chess in the chess club, and thus met Ta Ya.

At the first meeting, Aguang was attracted by Taya.

Because, in the past 12 years, there has been no such existence by Ah Guang's side.

Taya is not only exquisite in appearance, but also well-educated, and he also has a quiet temperament on him.

In the process of getting along, Taya's thoughtfulness, dedication and seriousness in Go, and a calm and self-sufficient attitude, these can't help but make Aguang yearn for Taya even more.

However, after the second game with Taya, Taya's figure full of unwillingness, powerlessness and despair can still clearly appear in Aguang's mind until now.

It seems that it was that game that made the relationship between Aguang and Zuowei crack for the first time.

"Zuowei...you beat him to death, didn't you?"

"Aren't you going to win two eyes in a roundabout way?"

"Tell me, Zoe!"

At the end of that day, Aguang questioned Zuowei like this.

Later, when Zuo Wei proposed to go to the chess club to play chess, he also rejected Zuo Wei for the first time.

Because, I don't want to see Taya showing that sad expression again.

It seems that since then, Ah Guang has been less interested in arranging chess games for Zuo Wei.His heart began to resist.

It's a pity that I was finally brought into the chess club by Mr. Ogata...

When a celebrity made a request to play chess, I wanted to refuse.

However, seeing Zuo Wei's firm expression that could not be rejected, he finally had to compromise.

However, despite agreeing to Zuo Wei, before the start of the chess game, thinking that he was the only one being excluded, Ah Guang felt very unwilling for the first time in his heart.

At first, he was unwilling to just place the chess pieces according to Zuo Wei's instructions, and for the first time, he had the idea of ​​wanting to play chess by himself.

On this day, I asked Zuo Wei to learn Go:

"Zuowei...can you teach me how to play chess?"

"I also want to... I also want to play chess like Taya, a famous person, and Sakai like you... Is it okay, Sakai?"

Because, he doesn't want to just be the assistant to arrange chess pieces anymore.

At the Haase Middle School celebration, Hikari learns that Taya's goal is to become a professional chess player.

Even though he knew that he and Taya were not from the same world at all, he still didn't want to see Taya again.

In order to stand upright in front of Taya, Aguang is determined to step into the world of Go, and this is why he has the idea of ​​working hard to learn Go and chasing Taya desperately.

In order to get his own chessboard and chess pieces, Aguang and his grandfather agreed that he would be admitted to Haiwang Middle School as a condition.In the next three weeks, Ah Guang spent sleepless nights studying and preparing for the exam.

Although the final result was not ideal, Grandpa still bought a chessboard and chess pieces for Ah Guang.

Then Aguang expressed his determination to Zuowei: "Zuowei, I want to chase Taya, I want to stand upright in front of Taya. So, please, please start teaching me how to play chess from today!"

Yes, Aguang decided to learn Go not because he likes to play chess, but just because he can stand in front of Taya with dignity.

Such an obvious utilitarian motivation, if you can't see the results quickly, it will be difficult to stick to it.

However, Go is not such an easy thing to accomplish overnight.

In fact, as early as Ah Guang learned some Go skills, he had the idea of ​​wanting to play Go himself countless times.

Because, he wants to prove his strength, and at the same time, he also wants to be recognized by others.

It's a pity that most of the people around Ah Guang have already played against Zuo Wei.He knew very well in his heart that if he played chess with other people now, his strength would be so different from Zuo Wei, and it would be easy for others to find out the problem.

So, he has been waiting, waiting, thinking that his strength and Zuo Wei's difference is not so big before playing chess in person.

However, as his chess prowess improved day by day, he was gradually able to understand Xiu Ce. To be precise, it should be Zuo Wei, the deep meaning behind every move.He gradually realized that he might never be able to reach Zuo Wei's chess power in this life, that is to say, he might live in Zuo Wei's shadow forever.

Mingming doesn't want to exist under Zuowei's light anymore.Obviously, he doesn't want to be burdened with a suspiciously advanced chess skill that doesn't match his appearance anymore.He obviously wanted to exist as a substitute for Shinto Hikaru instead of Sakui.

It's just that this seems impossible at all.

This recognition made Ah Guang feel depressed because of Zuo Wei's existence, and sometimes he even felt a little out of breath.

It would be fine if Zuowei didn't exist...

Sometimes, Ah Guang couldn't help having such ugly thoughts.

However, even though his heart was suffering, Ah Guang still had to cover it up carefully.He maintained a nonchalant expression, trying not to let Zuo Wei notice the slightest bit.

After all, it wasn't Zuo Wei's fault.

Everything is just trying to figure it out.

What right do I have to blame Zuo Wei for all my faults?

It's just that after realizing that Taya's arrival was for Zuowei that day, the negative emotions that Hikari had been accumulating for a long time suddenly got out of control.

Why Zuowei?

Why is Zuo Wei the only one?

Why are you all just looking at Zoe so intently?

what about me?

What am I?

Obviously the person standing in front of you is me...

But, why is Zuowei the only one you can see...

Since I have never existed in your eyes, then I don't expect anything extravagantly anymore.

Ah Guang thought so, so he protected himself with sharp words like a hedgehog, trying to push Taya far away.

Although he already regretted these words when he uttered them.

However, he doesn't want the friendship shrouded in Zuo Wei's light.

It would be fine if I hadn't met Zuo Wei.

In that case, I can be an ordinary primary school student, and I will not have any intersection with the world of Go at all, and I will not have to bear the illusion of advanced chess skills, and I will not meet Taya, let alone be full of depression but can’t do it at all. Find someone to tell, and be careful not to hurt the innocent Zuo Wei who will eventually disappear.

It would have been nice if I hadn't met Zoe...

At the end of the day, after tossing and turning for a long time, Ah Guang finally fell asleep.Dimly, he thought so.

The author has something to say:

Here is Ah Guang's mental journey.I hope the explanation is clear (T_T)