[L Yue] Give me a forever lie

"Isn't that why Ye Shen-jun came here from the beginning?"

"When did you know?" I asked.

Then, Ryuzaki opened his drawer, and a handful of Colt guns were there.He took the gun in his hand and pointed it at me.

"Put your hands up and stand by the window so they can see you. Tell them not to charge up, or I'll shoot," he ordered.

I did.I have no doubt that Ryuzaki will shoot, but at the same time, I wonder when he got this thing.I have entered his room, but have not found any weapons.

"Do you think I have no feelings?" L's voice was very calm. "Do you think I can't understand what betrayal is?"

"Ryuzaki..." I tried to find a weapon, but didn't get any chance.

"You didn't intend to tell the truth in the first place, there were stories about cram school and summer, all lies you wrote in your diary. You said you were a student who chose to rent out because you were bored, and you tried to make me Believe that you are an ordinary young master and playboy, but that's not true, Yue-jun."

I feel like laughing: "You believe the stories you write in your own novels?"

"Yeah, if you were a student like you said, that would be a good story. But you're 23, you graduated from college, you joined the police as an undercover agent. You're a cop now, and I know cops are what."

Between me and L is now not just a black muzzle, but also a huge and ironic fate lying there.True, if it was 17-year-old Yagami, she would run away among everyone for the slightest reason, and live wildly and wantonly in some story-but I am a 23-year-old grown man now, and It's a policeman.From my first year as a police officer, my life was transformed into living with responsibility.

My breathing became involuntarily heavy.I said to him don't shoot, put it down and we can still talk.Everything you have said to me I remember and understand.I also said, you haven't killed anyone, right, even if you go to jail, I will wait for you.I really do what I say.

L smiled coldly, and even looked at me with some pity: "Didn't kill someone? Maybe, he will kill someone soon. Answer me, which is more important to you, love or responsibility?"

I didn't answer.He laughed again: "Forget it...why do I still have to ask?"

Then he shoots.

I was shot four times in total. Afterwards, according to the people who rushed up as soon as they heard the gunshots, they could only see L climbing from the balcony to the roof, and then escaped with the prepared rope.He moved so fast that it is unimaginable that no policeman has been able to find him so far.Not to mention the failure of the above actions, even I myself have not been rewarded for completing the task.

Regarding the mysterious "L", there are a lot of file files from all over the world.It is said that after he left the orphanage, he had contacts and contacts with many underground organizations. Although he did not participate in crimes himself, he could be regarded as an expert in crimes—that is, the role of a consultant.For this kind of person, I spent a lot of effort to find him and approach him, but he escaped at the last moment.The frustration almost overwhelmed me.

I dictated a lot of reports in the hospital but kept our love story under wraps.Every night when he couldn't sleep because of the pain of the wound, Ryuzaki's question would suddenly pop into his mind.

Which is more important to you, love or responsibility?

At that time, Ryuzaki's tone was even full of sarcasm, which was an intense emotion that did not match him at all.

I think so, why does Ryuzaki have to figure out such a self-evident question—and I don’t want to figure it out, for fear that once I understand it, I will be torn apart by the answer.

When I first became a police officer, I was very tired every day.Drive around the world with Matsuda looking for suspects, record statements, look for evidence, and read files.Every case has to go through thousands of clues.The genius mind that I am proud of can only function barely, but the physical work that I am not good at always drags me down.The first time we caught a criminal, we found him without any difficulty, blocked him in his house, and then he rushed out with a machete - the knife almost cut off my finger, Matsuda The shot was fired in time and then had to write a dozen-page report, I didn't sleep a wink for two days trying to interrogate the man.I used to think that time was the worst time of my life.

What makes a person a certain kind of person is not because of the pleasure you experience, but because of the pain you experience.So I can only be this kind of person, rushing forward in times of danger, forgetting how smart and amazing I used to be, no matter how many cases I solve, there is always the next one waiting for me.No matter how vicious the criminals are, I can only face them and never take a step back.That's what the police do.

A few months later, my father told me the decision from above, I can no longer go to the front line, and the case has not been solved-meaning that I have been working in the office for the rest of my life.fuck it.The whole thing is as phony as a Ryuzaki novel.I don't expect him to come back or find him somewhere, I hope this bastard disappears for the rest of his life, lives well, and stops doing bad things.That's the greatest mercy for me...but I dream of him often.

It was in an empty world, where life had no meaning or value, only fragments that were too trivial to recall.He told me about the search after escaping from the orphanage.Those who lived in a muddle all stretched out their hands to him, leading him through one world after another, from light to darkness, and from darkness to light.Hollow echoes from every world.Drug addicts lying in the alleys, drug addicts under neon lights, carnival crowds in dance halls, gambling people in cheap rented houses, gangs haunting students... One cannot live just to live.

"They're not as smart as I am, so they don't think about it, but they can feel it." Ryuzaki said, only an objective statement. "They can rely on some kind of organization, like a gang or a religion, to dispel this sense of emptiness. You should also understand. You usually want to find some value that has nothing to do with academic performance, not what the school gives you, but It's what you believe in, but you don't have the conditions to find it, so you feel empty. Fortunately, you only play harmless tricks like running away from home. You continue to live, or you want to find a reason to continue living, maybe someone Need you, maybe someone loves you, after you get used to it, you don’t care about these things. The sense of accomplishment is the same as using sex, a little at first can satisfy you, and then you will repeat it unconsciously Wanting this kind of satisfaction, but not getting it every time, you can only continue to pursue those bigger achievements. Step by step, you finally stop halfway. Maybe you have left many people behind, but for this It's still not enough for an eternal mountain. You just stop a little bit further than them...they can even comfort each other, but no one stops beside you. You feel lonely."

"... Ryuzaki, this topic is too big."

"But it's too close to me," he said quietly. "Haunted me for 20 years."

"I see."

We're all too smart to get too close to the sun, and sooner or later the wax wings will melt away.

So the biggest lie is hidden in the true story, and the biggest truth is hidden in the false story.