Jigsaw puzzle

Li Ran squatted on the bed under the quilt, trying his best to put on a nonchalant expression.After an unknown amount of time, he saw Han Yicheng's shadow reflected on the floor tiles at the door of the bedroom, so he raised his head.

Han Yicheng hid his hands behind his back, and stood at the door of Li Ran's house with his head drooped, not daring to go in, silently looking inside tentatively.His shadow reflected on the ground was slender and flinched, even crumbling in Li Ran's eyes.

Li Ran forcibly controlled his emotions and made himself look calmer.He walked over and pulled Han Yicheng back to the bedside to sit down, and turned on the warm yellow desk lamp by the bedside.

"I'm sorry." Han Yicheng didn't dare to look at Li Ran, his arms were still behind his body and he didn't take them out.

"Don't apologize to me," Li Ran reached out to put Han Yicheng's side bangs behind his ears, stood up and said as calmly as possible, "I'll go find some gauze, and you have to stretch out your hand when you come back, okay?"

Without waiting for Han Yicheng's response, he went straight to the living room alone, rummaged through the box where Zhang Lingyu usually put the medicines, and emptied it out.When returning to the house, it happened that Li Weiguo came out to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.

"Are you still asleep?" Li Weiguo asked when he saw him.

"Sleeping," Li Ran said perfunctorily, "I just woke up from thirst, so I need some water to drink."

It was too dark in the room, and Li Weiguo didn't have the energy to observe Li Ran's unnatural tone carefully, so he exhorted: "An Sheng sleeps, don't disturb Xiao Han's rest."

Li Ran hurried back to the house with the small medicine box and saw that Han Yicheng was still maintaining that defensive posture. He didn't carefully put his arms forward from behind until he confirmed that the door was closed tightly.

Li Ran saw several deep and long scratches on his forearm at a glance, probably made with a blade, the incisions were very neat, and blood beads were still oozing out slowly.

Those few scars seemed to be cut on Li Ran's heart, making it painful for him to even breathe.

At this time, Han Yicheng is like a lone wolf walking a tightrope with his broken body.He is precarious and extremely sensitive, his most sick side is unreservedly exposed in front of his lover, and any disturbance can easily completely crush him.

"It's okay," Li Ran grabbed Han Yicheng's shrunken arm, and didn't rush to help him treat the wound immediately, but pinched Han Yicheng's stiff neck and carried him into his arms, "Didn't you tell me before, Um?"

Li Ran gently kneaded the back of Han Yicheng's neck, centered on the raised cervical vertebra, and slowly melted away the stiff muscles around him. He said in a low voice, almost close to Han Yicheng's ear: "You did nothing wrong. What, it's not your fault. We'll solve it together, and I'll be with you, okay?"

Li Ran repeated these few words several times, and felt Han Yicheng nod his head imperceptibly.Only then did he let go of Han Yicheng, took out iodine and gauze from the box, and began to disinfect and bandage him.

During this period, Han Yicheng has been surprisingly quiet, almost didn't make a sound, just sat quietly on the bed, watching Li Ran help him wrap his arms little by little.

After Li Ran finished sticking the last piece of gauze with medical tape, he helped Han Yicheng put down the sleeves piled up at the elbow joints to cover up the scars of the injuries.After doing this, Li Ran raised his eyes and found that Han Yicheng's face was covered with tears.

He originally wanted to say something to ease the atmosphere, but when he saw Han Yicheng like this, he couldn't help but feel a sore nose, and quickly hugged him in his arms again to prevent him from seeing his emotions.

"Why have you been crying all the time recently? It's not the first time you've kissed yourself. I haven't seen you cry all the time before." Li Ran lay on Han Yicheng's shoulder and heard his own cheap voice, "It's simply The mother exploded."

Han Yicheng choked when he heard this, and wanted to stop his tears quickly.It's a pity that people's nose, eyes, and mouth seem to be connected when they cry. He tried several times and not only failed, but choked out a pig cry.

The two froze for a while, both thought it was funny, but the current situation really couldn't make them laugh.But Li Ran finally pulled Han Yicheng out of that emotion, Han Yicheng even tried to lift the corner of his mouth, showing a sinister expression that seemed to be a smile but not a smile.

Li Ran turned off the light and lay back under the quilt again, holding hands with Han Yicheng.He stared at the ceiling for a while, then asked, "What did you feel when you were particularly uncomfortable, can you tell me about it?"

After Li Ran asked the question, there was a moment of silence in the room. Just when he thought that Han Yicheng would not speak again, Han Yicheng spoke.He spoke intermittently at the beginning, and some words did not convey the meaning, but he seemed to be very persistent, insisting on describing all the feelings clearly, the more he spoke, the smoother he was, and all the things that had been squeezed in his heart for too long poured out at once.

"I didn't intend to hide it from you on purpose. It felt like a burst, and I couldn't control myself."

"Every time I do this, I feel that I can hold it back next time, but when the critical point comes, I can't think about other things." Han Yicheng closed his eyes and exiled himself into the darkness, "At that time, the normal thinking is completely It's different, the surroundings are all gray, and I can't concentrate on doing anything, so I have to hurt to feel better."

"I don't want to be like this anymore, I really don't want to," Han Yicheng finally said, "But my hard work is useless. The more I endure, the longer it will take me to lose control."

"Yeah." Li Ran nodded in the dark, "The feeling of being out of control...it's really hard."

The room was quiet for a while, Li Ran thought that Han Yicheng had fallen asleep, so he quietly grabbed Han Yicheng's arm and hugged him, and when he was about to sleep for a while, Han Yicheng spoke again.

"I want to get better soon, even if I take medicine or affect my life, I want...to recover quickly and become a normal person, and I don't want to be a patient anymore."

"You didn't..." Li Ran tried to refute him, but felt that he had no position to say that Han Yicheng was not a "patient", so his voice weakened after saying three words.

"You don't want me to take medicine, do you feel sorry for me?"

"I don't want you to be affected too much by this disease. You have heard from Director Qian about the side effects. Your health, life, and work will all be disrupted at once, and the effect is still uncertain."

Han Yicheng turned sideways: "You don't believe me?"

Although Li Ran couldn't see Han Yicheng's eyes clearly in the dark, Li Ran was very sure that Han Yicheng was looking at him.

"It's not something to believe or not to believe. This disease doesn't mean that the more you suffer, the better it will be. Slowly adjusting is also a choice. Anyway, I will accompany you no matter what—"

"I don't want you to 'stay with me'!"

Han Yicheng pre-adjusted a little bit higher, Li Ran shut up all of a sudden, he didn't know what Han Yicheng meant, and felt that he had been poured a pot of cold water.

"...what?"

"I don't want you to be 'accompanied', I want to be 'together' with you." Han Yicheng repeated what he said just now, and moved to the side, further narrowing the distance between the two of them.

"I want to play games with you, go on a trip, eat at roadside stalls, watch horror movies, grow morning glory, and set off fireworks, instead of just letting you 'accompany' me, worrying about being afraid all day and being unable to do anything .”

"If it was in the past, it didn't matter if I was sick or not, and I didn't care if it dragged on for a lifetime. But it doesn't work now, I can't help being afraid, what if you get bored and leave me during this period, even if I recover after a few years, What do you think I am old? I am 31 this year, I have lived like this for ten years, and I don’t want to live like this anymore.”

"you..."

Speaking of this, Li Ran actually knew in his heart that Han Yicheng was right. He could certainly swear to Han Yicheng now that Han Yicheng's illness would not affect their relationship, that he would never change his mind, and that he would always love him so much , but what qualifications does he have to let Han Yicheng accept all the orders?

Nothing in this world is eternal. Money and real estate will depreciate. Li Ran knows better than anyone how much weight a light promise can have.

Li Ran didn't think that Han Yicheng would question his feelings for him. According to Han Yicheng's personality, it would take complete trust and unimaginable courage for him to take the initiative to reveal his scars in front of him.

He just didn't want Han Yicheng to worry about it anymore.

"I don't think you're old, and I don't think you're annoying." Although Li Ran had already figured it out in his heart, he couldn't help repeating it.

After that, he kissed Han Yicheng on the bridge of the nose: "You can decide how to treat it yourself, but you have to call me before you go. Anyway, I will be with you until you recover. It doesn't matter if you don't like it."

"Thank you."

"Thank you, let me go to sleep quickly."

After that night, what reassured Li Ran was that Han Yicheng didn't seem to be particularly anxious to find Director Qian right away, but instead devoted himself to work, typing on the computer every day when he went home.

Every time Li Ran saw the data codes on his screen, it was like reading a bible. He felt that if he did this kind of work, he might not care about romance at all, and would be depressed by work first.

Speaking of work, Li Ran looked at the crowd in his dance studio and sighed again. The old store could barely make a profit or lose money, but the new store couldn't hold back and there were no newcomers signing up at all. Dragging the money for publicity and maintenance on various apps.

Anyway, the storefront couldn't be left empty, as time passed, it became half of Chen Xian's base for having fun with Qi Xin and her classmates.

Because Han Yicheng and Li Ran couldn't take care of Qi Xin recently, and she couldn't stay in Qi Dongqing's bar all the time, Chen Xian, who was half a freelancer, gradually took over the business of taking care of the children, taking a few little girls with her every weekend. Running wildly all over the city caused Qi Xin's popularity in the class to rise sharply. She wished that the whole grade knew that she had a "cool sister".

Li Ran didn't mention the story between Chen Xian and his sister to Han Yicheng, so Han Yicheng still felt a little inexplicable sense of loss when he saw the little girl who used to be around him for money now running behind other people's ass all day long.

Especially this little girl is getting more and more cool now, after being sent home by Chen Xian at night, she went directly into her own room, completely ignoring Han Yicheng who was writing and writing PPT in the living room.

"Do I need...to tell her about my illness?" Han Yicheng asked Li Ran.

Li Ran thought for a while, then nodded: "I have to say, this little girl is too smart, even if you don't take the initiative to tell her, you will definitely not be able to hide it from her when you start formal treatment later."

Han Yicheng was thoughtful: "Okay."

Seeing Han Yicheng calmly sitting on the sofa working overtime, Li Ran always felt a bit magical and realistic.It has been more than two weeks since the last time they talked at their own home, during which Han Yicheng broke down twice, one of which was inexplicable, and he did not have any sexual behavior with himself before.

Just like what Han Yicheng himself said, he is really uncontrollable when he is good and bad. He usually looks no different from normal people. Even in the two days when he just recovered from the collapse, he seemed to be in a better mood. I can still wear a smile from time to time.

Li Ran sometimes had the hallucination of "maybe he recovered", and when Han Yicheng took off his clothes, the gauze wrapped around his arm was like a loud slap in the face, repeatedly waking Li Ran out of his fantasy.

"I can probably understand half of what you made today." Li Ran looked at the PPT on Han Yicheng's screen and yawned. He squinted his eyes and read a few words, "Are you guys going to make a report?"

"Assessment title." Han Yicheng didn't look up, and continued with the work at hand, "We have to make a report on Wednesday."

"What's the use of a review? Will you get a raise?"

"Well, the basic salary will be higher." Han Yicheng finished typing the last sentence and hit the Enter key, "If I can't follow the project because of my physical condition, the salary can at least guarantee my daily life."

Li Ran didn't expect that the reason why Han Yicheng worked so hard to work overtime recently was because of this. He froze for a moment, before he could think of how to answer the conversation, Han Yicheng stretched his neck and turned to look at him.

"Let's go to see Dr. Qian on Thursday, okay?"