[Pride and Prejudice] Becoming Katherine Bennett

Catherine slapped very hard without showing any mercy. This slap turned Willard's head to one side, and instantly left red fingerprints on her cheeks.She said angrily: "If my behavior humiliates you, then I tell you clearly, that's right, I did it on purpose. Just like you deliberately insulted me."

Willard was slapped so that his head was turned sideways, and there was no movement for a long time.

Catherine was so angry that the nerves in her temples were throbbing violently, but after the brain that had been dazzled by anger was vented, the tide of reason gradually returned to her body.

She suddenly felt very sad.This kind of sadness is not just pure sadness, but an emotion of humiliation, disappointment, fear, and contradiction.

After saying this sentence forcefully, Catherine lost her strength, as if this action and this sentence exhausted all her strength and courage.Her legs were a little weak, she sat back on the sofa, raised her hands to cover her face, tears flowed from between her fingers.

She pursed her lips tightly, unwilling to show this soft emotion similar to showing weakness in front of Willard.But she was really sad, and the cheap and useless tears couldn't stop.

There was a dead silence in the room.After an unknown amount of time, Catherine heard light footsteps, and someone walked in front of her.

He is looking at her.Even if she didn't look up, she could still feel his substantial gaze.

Catherine's tears were dry.She has long since ceased to cry bitterly. When she is extremely sad, she can cry silently in a very sensible way, and quickly adjust her emotions before others find out, without causing any trouble to others.When she put down her hand, her demeanor had returned to her usual calmness. If you didn't look closely at her eyes, you wouldn't be able to tell that she just shed bitter tears a few minutes ago.

Her eyes were looking sideways, out of focus at all, but anyway, it made her seem to be looking at something without meeting Willard's gaze.

"Why are you crying, Catherine," Willard's voice fell from above her head, with some helplessness in his tone, "it seems to be me who was beaten. I haven't cried yet."

Catherine's heart was full of emotions, but she tried her best to maintain her calm: "Willard Gordon, I found that you are not cruel, but you have no empathy. You have always been so reasonable to bully and hurt others, and it will not happen at all. Feeling guilty. In my heart, I have always regarded you as a friend beyond my limits, and I am grateful for your kindness. I thought my works could make you money and get contacts, which is a great thing for all booksellers .Of course, now that I've seen how cheap it is, you don't need it."

"But I can only do this to repay you. I will not agree to the other things you propose because of gratitude. If I respond regardless of my inner thoughts, it will be an insult to the two of us. You are right, I It was very naive, I actually thought that even if we would not be in touch again, we would still get together and part ways, and we would always be respectable people in each other's hearts."

"I have a high self-esteem and can't help being pretentious. I always thought that you gave me such a good opportunity because you appreciated my book and affirmed my talent. I really didn't expect that you just regarded me as a commodity from the very beginning. , if you are not to me... then are you going to dress me up and make me a gift for you to bribe other big people? Like many other girls of my class do. Because of humble origins, it is a matter of course to be you An object in the eyes, greedy for pleasure, shameless."

"You said I made you think I was a joke. No, sir, you're far better than I am at this. Not only did you make me think I was a joke, you destroyed my self-confidence, you ruined my efforts so easily And faith, let me understand that it is as useless as before. You just stood there and looked at me when you said that, so what kind of eyes did you use at that time? Did you look at those black slaves who were trafficked by you? "

Catherine's words made Willard's face, which was still smiling after being beaten, gradually become gloomy until he was expressionless.He stared at Catherine and was silent.

Catherine laughed at herself: "It seems that this analogy is not appropriate. In your eyes, my price must be much higher than theirs. At least I think you will give me a human price instead of being able to die at any time and have nothing to do." worthless livestock."

It was very quiet inside.It took nearly a minute before Catherine heard the sound of a match across the sandpaper, and soon, the burnt aroma of cigars lingered around her.

This was the second time she had seen Willard smoking.She never knew he could smoke before, and he always held it in front of her many times.She knew what he was like, and he knew she knew it.But he just never showed her the truest side, always pretending to be a modest gentleman and an elegant gentleman.

In fact, it is a bit arbitrary to say so.It's not like he hasn't let her see him at all.He had shown it before, that time in front of Longbourn's gate, he ignored Collins's groveling like trampling mud under his feet, and drove him away like a dog, and then he clearly saw that Catherine's fear and withdrawal.Since then, he's been faking it again.

And out of natural wariness and various concerns, she never spoke to him outside of work.Every time he talked about something other than writing a book, he said and she listened. In order to end the topic as soon as possible, she never took the initiative to answer and answer.

The two remained silent for a long time, until the pendulum of the clock in the house struck the time, and Willard asked in an undulating tone: "Who told you this news, Fitzwilliam Darcy? It should be him, who is entitled to know I don't sell many niggers."

Catherine did not speak.

"It doesn't matter, whoever told you is the same. I admit all the parts of what you said about me, and I always said that you understand me. There is nothing to deny. I really didn't take you seriously at first, and now , even if you hate me, you can't just say that I treat you badly, right?"

Catherine side starts.

"As for the black slaves... To be honest, I still miss it when I think about it now. Although I was forced to go to Africa when I had nowhere to go, when I stood in front of the pier with nothing, I watched them noisy carrying wine, food and other things. □□When I got on the boat, I felt my blood was burning and my blood was boiling. I enjoyed the life at sea very much. If Tina didn’t force me to die, I might spend my whole life floating on the sea until I don’t know where to die. You know me What are you talking about, right?"

Catherine remained silent.She certainly wasn't naive enough to think Willard was talking about Gap Year's sailing around the world.

The sea that made his blood boil was cold and cruel.It's death, it's war, it's trade, it's advanced technology carried on a huge warship, smashing the guarded triangular fortress and the heads of soldiers, cheap industrial goods are tilted into the opened market, and countless wealth is lost Looting, countless family members were scattered, and their families were destroyed.

This is the process of "capitalist primitive accumulation", an "advanced civilization" forged with the blood and tears of the colonial people.

Catherine is no longer silent. Although she knows that according to today's social standards, colonial wars are glorious and do not have to bear moral criticism, she still feels unbelievable: "And when you do all this, you will not only not feel guilty and uncomfortable, but also Can worship God devoutly."

"So, I keep saying that you understand me." Willard chuckled lightly.

Kathleen is outraged by his indifference: "Do you think I'm complimenting you?"

"Is it a compliment, so what? I know what I'm doing, and I won't stop doing it just because you criticize or deny it. I'm satisfied that you can understand what I'm doing. I think this is very rare, not many A lady can do it."

Catherine took a deep breath: "Then I should be honored for your favor? In this way, there is one thing that I will feel very confused."

Willard raised his hand, waiting for Catherine's question.

"You said that you bought the diamond ring and wanted to propose to me, saying that I understand you. But you just belittled me to nothing. So what's the problem? After all, it was your clever brain that made a mistake, Did you misjudge me, or do you think," Catherine deliberately paused at this point so that Willard could hear her contempt more clearly, "you are a complete piece of rubbish, just right for you." I am unbearable in your eyes?"

Willard froze slightly when he took the cigarette.He narrowed his eyes slightly and looked up at Catherine.The person in sight was dressed as a young girl, fresh and beautiful, with the softness of a girl, but also the warmth and courtesy of a well-educated person.

But she looked very different from usual.The face that always had a smirk and shyness was full of vivid emotions at this time, with mocking and sad expressions on her brows and eyes, she probably thought she could be calm, but she still seemed very angry, her body slightly moved Trembling, his hands were placed on top of the skirt, tightly clenched into fists.

Willard had never seen Catherine like this.He has seen her excited, seen her happy, seen her beaming with longing.But her happiness and sorrow have never been related to her career and writing.

The cunning lady had always been excessively stingy with himself, and never showed an iota of special affection.Even when they met last time, when he proposed to her, when he ruined her faith and told her that she had nowhere to go except by his side, she just bit her lips tightly, closed her eyes, and remained silent in a slumped manner.

Willard loathed this indifference.He would rather she satirizes him, mocks him, and even hits him with such intense emotional ups and downs than she ignores him.

People are really cheap, and he really loves her, and is always special to her.Willard thought that if someone beat him, he would do everything he could to make that person regret living, but now, he actually became complacent about a young lady who was willing to fight him.

Willard thought this was funny and interesting, he threw the extinguished cigar into the ashtray, turned a deaf ear to Catherine's accusation, but asked another question with a smile: "Does Mr. Darcy know what you look like? "

Catherine froze instantly.Although she immediately picked up the teacup in a disguised manner, her every move was caught by Willard's eyes.

He suddenly laughed playfully, with half of his face covered in red fingerprints, and laughed in a low voice. Soon, the laughter gradually expanded, burst out of his throat, and even his chest vibrated.

Catherine heard that he was very happy about it.

"Poor Mr. Darcy, or poor Miss Catherine. Why don't you dare speak? Eh?"

Catherine tried hard to make her words sound credible: "I didn't dare to say it, I just didn't say it."

"Darcy is a serious, dignified, upright and kind-hearted person. I'm afraid you won't have the chance to let him see you like, um, baring your teeth and claws. Let's change the question, does he know you are Addison Fitch? ?”

Catherine was silent.

"Oh," Willard protracted, "it seems that he doesn't know. Also, with his personality, he must not accept that his wife is a book that contains prostitutes, murder, rape, and is full of conspiracies. If you are a male writer, you just have to wait to enjoy the flowers and applause, but you are a female, what do you think he will think of you?"

"You think writing an obituary to be printed in a newspaper announcing that Addison Fitch is dead is all over? Oh, my lady, the public may indeed forget, but you will remember, and you will always know that you wrote These two books, but the sweetheart you want to spend your whole life with doesn’t know. Are you going to lie to him for the rest of your life? Didn’t you say, you want to trust? You want this kind of trust? Say, what will happen if he finds out?”

Catherine's face gradually paled: "This has nothing to do with you."

"It is indeed," Willard said bluntly, "but who made me admire you? I was not angry when I was slapped by you. Angry and ecstatic."

Catherine couldn't bear it anymore: "Willard Gordon, you should see a neurologist to make sure you are not crazy."

Willard laughed loudly: "Your suggestion is very reasonable, Catherine, but I can make this diagnosis without going to the hospital."

The man's handsome face was tinged with cruelty and evil. He walked up to Catherine, suddenly possessed him, fixed the shoulder of Catherine who wanted to get up and leave with his hands, and pressed her firmly in place, his eyes stopped at only a few feet away from her. About two inches away, with fierce flames burning in sight, announced with a smile.

"I've already gone crazy."

Catherine's scalp tingled and her whole body trembled.The imprisoned anger made her cheeks twitch slightly.Catherine was so angry that she raised her hand again.

But this time, just as she raised her hand, her slender arm was firmly grasped by the man's palm.The opponent's palm was huge, and the temperature in the palm was as hot as his whole body, making it suffocating.

Willard looked at Catherine, no matter how hard she struggled to pull her arm out, she refused to let go, but held it tighter and tighter: "Darcy, does he know that you write a book? Does he know that you will hit someone when you are so angry? He knows that you Will you have this mean, vicious and cute look? Does he know that you are not a good girl at all, and that you have ambitions and ambitions that are no less than men in your heart? He doesn't know anything, Catherine. And this is you The man you chose to spend your life with? Why don’t you dare tell him? Come on, let me tell you the answer, because you dare not, you are not sure whether Darcy can accept such absurd you, so you subconsciously escape and reject.”

"Still, your mind has changed. You are willing to be worn out and become a qualified noble lady, dressed extravagantly and noblely, sitting among a group of noble wives doing boring entertainment all day long, showing off your husband's Money and status, pretending not to know that your husband has three or four lovers, thinking that as long as you don’t give birth to an illegitimate child, it’s fine?”

"So are you happy to be alive?"

Catherine bit her lip and struggled violently. Seeing that her lip was about to be bitten, Willard let go of her hand and retreated one meter away.Catherine sat on the sofa, panting heavily, as if she had difficulty breathing as if she had just drowned in water.

"Catherine, I always think of you. I don't even know how I fell in love with you, and I can't figure out how to stop loving you. I even thought that if you were reborn like the people you wrote, Or come to this world from the later years, then I must protect you and prevent anyone from causing even the slightest harm to you."

Willard spoke slowly, full of tenderness.

However, the information revealed in his words was like cold water hitting her face, making Catherine dizzy for a while, her eyes blurred and white.She was dripping with cold sweat, shaking violently all over, and there was only one thought of collapse in her mind.

Her secret was discovered.

Is she... going to be executed?Like those poor witches, burned at the stake on a gallows?

Catherine's face lost all color. Willard saw this scene in his eyes, continued to remain calm, and said softly: "Of course, that's just a hypothesis. I don't ask you, Catherine, and you don't have to tell me What. I told you, I don't care about anything else, I just want you, I..."

Boom, boom, boom.

Willard suddenly heard violent footsteps coming from far and near.The coming man made a lot of noise, and he didn't hide it at all, as if warning others not to ignore his arrival.

Willard narrowed his eyes slightly, stood up slowly, put his hands in the pockets of his trousers, and looked towards the door with an unclear expression.

Soon, the sound of footsteps stopped in front of the door, and almost in the next second, someone outside turned the handle violently to push the door, but when they found that it couldn't be opened, they slammed on the door vigorously.

At the same time, the other party's calm voice sounded, word by word, loudly, falling on the hearts of the two people in the room.

"Willard Gordon, open the door."

It's Darcy.