[Pride and Prejudice] Becoming Katherine Bennett

Mr. Darcy looked at her blankly, his eyes full of bewilderment and puzzlement.

Catherine said: "Mr. Darcy, you said you love me, what do you love me for?"

Darcy's lips moved.He could instinctively come up with many, many answers to this question. He wanted to tell her that he loved her wisdom and cuteness.He pityed her loneliness and felt sorry for her indifference.But for some reason, Darcy looked at Catherine's expression at the moment, and found that he couldn't say these reasons.

"Mr. Darcy, it is indeed as you said, I discovered your feelings for me very early. I was very surprised at the time. This surprise was not only because you are noble and shouldn't like me, but also because your love made me I'm a little confused. I recalled all our previous meetings, but in my opinion, even if we zoomed in on all the details and searched carefully, our contact is really not much, there are only a few, and each meeting is full and short."

"And that's why I was shocked. I can't figure out why you are so enamored of me when we only have a brief contact and can't even say we have a deep understanding."

"I never doubt your love. I know it is sincere. With your character and my conditions, you can only confess to me because you love me, and there can be no other reason. Your love makes me I'm grateful, but at the same time I'm terrified because it doesn't clear up my doubts."

"You don't care about the dowry, and you don't care about my family's low status. These two points are enough to impress any lady. After all, these are the two things that everyone cares about most when talking about marriage. All your struggles also come from this."

"But Mr. Darcy, these two points are not so important to me."

"Compared to what other people think of me, compared to whether I have money, I care more about each other's feelings. For me, only the sentence 'I love you' moved me in your confession just now."

"However, your love can't help but make me doubt. Is what you love the real me? Could it be that you guessed me based on the individual qualities that I occasionally show? In other words, do you know the real me? ?”

"You don't understand, Mr. Darcy. You think you can tell what I am from the brief acquaintance. You see me as a very different lady. I love to read, and I occasionally say Some wise words, I don't like to dance, I'm lonely, I can sometimes understand what you say. Mr. Darcy you are right in your analysis. But what you don't know is that there is a wider world that you can't see What I do and what I have, and that's who I really am."

Darcy turned pale.He was touched by Catherine's words, but he was eager to let the lady know that such a request was too embarrassing: "How am I going to know all of you? If you don't give me a chance and tell me, how will I know? "

His words made Catherine's face stained with a thin blush again.According to social customs, the opportunity that Mr. Darcy mentioned means that the two are going to get engaged, and there is no such thing as boyfriend and girlfriend now.There is only one possibility for unmarried men and women to be together often alone, and that is that they are engaged.

Catherine was moved and wanted to laugh that Mr. Darcy was still trying to get her consent at this time, but she still said firmly: "Then if you understand it, you regret it. You find that you love only the person in your imagination, not The real me, what shall we do then? I know with your character, even if you regret it, even if your love fades, you will take good care of me for the rest of my life. But I don’t need it. Mr. Darcy, I don’t need it. "

"I don't need an unhappy marriage that was doomed to misery when we were young because we found out that the other person is not what we imagined, and I don't need anyone's care. My marriage was never about money, it was about love, I would rather never get married if I didn't meet someone who loves each other from the bottom of my heart."

Darcy looked at Catherine in shock. He had never expected to hear such words from a young lady: "Never marry?"

"Yes." Catherine knew that her words were very bold. No lady would say this to a single man, but she still wanted to tell this gentleman what was in her heart. Because of his strong and sincere love, she couldn't respond, but She wants to give the other party a serious explanation, so that she can live up to the affection of others.

"Mr. Darcy, you only see that I don't want to be like other ladies, and I don't want to learn embroidery, dancing and Latin for the praise of others. But have you thought about it, I don't do these things, and I spend my free time What are you here for? Do you think that even if I don’t like it, I will be forced to learn these things unwillingly. Or maybe I can rely on your love to be ignorant and sit in a huge manor every day waiting for you to come back , put all the hope of life and give me a moment of favor after being busy?"

Darcy didn't know what to answer.He did think that Catherine, though she didn't like it, would do it for social reasons.What else could she do?Isn't it like this for women after they get married, isn't family and social life their main life?

The wider world, does it mean going out to work?Darcy knew that this was impossible. If Catherine had gone out to work before, such news would have spread throughout the town of Meridon.As for her married life, although it sounds a bit monotonous, why should she be dissatisfied with it when she lived like this at Longbourn?

Darcy thought that Catherine thought life would be boring, and he said: "Miss Catherine, Pemberley Manor is much larger than Longbourne, and the scenery is also very beautiful. You will know that it is beautiful all year round after you visit it. The views are different."

Catherine said: "Mr. Darcy, of course I believe that Pemberley Manor is great and beautiful, but we are not talking about the same thing. That's why I said you don't understand me. The part of me you don't understand is far more important than you think , you probably won't be able to accept it."

"You only see me saying I don't want to be like other ladies, but what you don't see is that I don't just talk."

Catherine got up and bowed to him: "I'm sorry, Mr. Darcy."

Hearing this sentence, Darcy knew that his marriage proposal today had completely failed.

Not only did he fail to get the lady's love, he also understood from her words that all his struggles and pains were in the wrong direction in her eyes, and those things that caused him to struggle were not in her heart. important.She had already come to a conclusion about his love, there was no possibility of them, and he didn't know her at all.

Darcy's heart has never been so uncomfortable as this moment.His face was pale, his lips were tightly pressed, and he looked at Catherine without saying a word.He knew that he should say goodbye and treasure to this lady in a graceful manner, and then leave gracefully.But Darcy was unwilling and unable to do so.

If he could still persuade himself with "Miss Catherine doesn't know how much I love her and how much I sacrificed for her, if she knows, she can't be unmoved" when he didn't confess, then now, when everyone When he opened his heart openly in front of the other party and still got the result of rejection, Darcy could no longer find the right words to comfort his heart.

She knows he loves him.But she doesn't love him.Even his love, she thought was wrong and false.

Darcy's nerves seemed to be on fire.He found that his past jealousy and anger were far less severe than the blow of being denied at this moment.His face was pale, and the sadness in his heart was revealed in his drooping eyes.

The two were silent for a long time, and Mr. Darcy sighed. He tried to regain his composure, and said to Catherine with a deliberate solemn attitude: "Miss Catherine, I understand your rejection. But I still want to say that although I don’t know you as well as you said, I hope you don’t deny my affection and think that it’s a love that was deceived. I really love you. But I will try my best to restrain and let The relationship ended just as you expected it to."

Catherine moved her lips, but finally made no sound.

Darcy couldn't bear her embarrassment, and didn't want to talk about this sad thing again. He changed the subject and said: "My following words may sound like the jealousy of a loser, but I sincerely ask you not to listen to it with prejudice. .I swear I am out of the standpoint of a friend, not the resentment of failed courtship. Maybe in your heart I am not your friend, but in my heart... Anyway, what I say next may make you feel that I am slandering others , I try to keep my words objective and not mixed with any of my evaluations, I just want to tell you the facts. Ordinarily, this has nothing to do with me, but I don't want to see you make choices on an unclear basis. After all, you In my heart is a very important... friend, no matter what, I hope you live well."

When Mr. Darcy said the word "friend" very reluctantly, Catherine was both familiar and sad with the fragility of the words and the appearance of trying to pretend nothing happened.Her eyes were slightly hot, and she said to Darcy: "Mr. Darcy, in my heart you have always been an upright and flawless gentleman, I will definitely listen carefully to what you say, and I believe you will never have any other purpose. "

Catherine's words made Darcy feel better.Although he didn't know why Catherine trusted him so much, his heart that had become cold because of being rejected now recovered a little bit of warmth.

After considering his words for a moment, he said: "Then I'll be blunt, Miss Catherine. I don't know how you met Mr. Willard Gordon, and I don't mean to be offensive, but I think Mr. things you might not know."

It never occurred to Catherine that Darcy would mention Mr. Gordon in this scene.It soon dawned on her that, just as Gordon never knew she knew Darcy, but was determined to be interrupted when they were alone, Darcy must have seen Willard ask her to open at the ball. Wu, thinking that Gordon also has feelings for her.

It has to be said that the two gentlemen seem to have guessed correctly about each other's thoughts.They did both express affection for her, but they all got the same ending.

Catherine looked at Darcy's tangled and sad expression, and instantly understood that Darcy might have misunderstood her rejection. She said: "Although I was a little surprised to hear you mention Mr. Gordon, but if you want to believe it, Gordon and I Sir is just an ordinary friendship, nothing else, at least not with me."

Darcy looked at Catherine in surprise.He really didn't expect Mr. Gordon to express his heart to Catherine, and then he was rejected.He now believes that Catherine's words that "I would rather never get married if I don't find love" are true feelings, not some excuses made by the ladies.If she shirked, how could she keep rejecting gentlemen with conditions like herself and Mr. Gordon?

Darcy was ashamed of his own mind, for he found that Catherine's words made him feel shamefully better.He knew it was the despicableness of human nature, but he couldn't help being happy.

"Of course I do. If I had known this, I shouldn't have said what sounded like backbiting. But now that I've said this, I'll go on, lest you think I'm playing tricks. It must be said, Willard Gordon was a very fine gentleman, and not just because of his family background. His brother was the Earl of Gordon, as you already know, and they were both very powerful in all England. But they both Very, how should I put it, many people will praise this kind of character, thinking that this is what a man must have. Maybe you don’t know that Mr. Gordon’s current wealth comes from real estate and factories, but in fact his first The bucket of gold comes from the Royal African Company."

In spite of Mr. Darcy's tactful words, the news came as a great surprise to Catherine.The Royal African Company sounds like a very prestigious name, but this company actually only does one business, and that is the black slave trade.

"Many people think that the Gordon Brothers' current wealth comes from the ancestral land and the trust of the Regent, but it is not true. The Gordon family has been declining in the generation of the old Earl Gordon, and their current wealth is all brothers. The two earned it with their own hands. Mr. Willard Gordon is particularly good at making money. He took a boat to Africa and India when he was very young, and began to engage in human trafficking since he was a teenager. Regarding this, anyone who knows Everyone praises his decisiveness and boldness. But a lady like you may not know much about this kind of business, and I don’t understand the details, so I won’t tell you. I’m just telling you my judgment, as a kind of Reference. According to my observation, all the gentlemen who can do this kind of business are decisive figures. This sounds like belittling, but I never mean that. I just hope that before you make some decisions Think about it, so that even if you make a choice, it is not blind.”

Although Darcy refused to mention the black slave trade because he didn't understand, how could Catherine fail to see his attitude.If she didn't know the cruelty of the black slave trade, she might not have noticed the deep meaning that Darcy concealed, but she came from later generations, and of course she knew the cold-blooded and cruelty of this so-called "trade", no matter what historians say "" Objectively speaking, this kind of trade promotes the accumulation of primitive capital.” The slave trade is full of blood and suffering, and every penny from it is full of blood.

There are only a few strokes in the history books, but behind them are centuries of despair and sorrow.

At this moment, Catherine finally understood where the lingering fear she had faced with Willard came from.

That's real blood.