[comprehensive] those bastards

Today is Christmas Eve, the streets of Toronto have been covered with snow, the window sills are covered with snow, and the glass is covered with layers of icicles, it is extremely cold.

It's another white Christmas this year.This reminds me of the days in Hokkaido many years ago, when the world was covered in white on Christmas Day.Christmas that year will never be forgotten.

I put on a coat and a scarf, and the temperature outside was minus twelve degrees, so I had to be fully armed. Fortunately, I was in good health, and I wasn't that chilly.

There are two worlds in front of the door and outside the door, like a warm fireplace and severe ice in an extremely cold place, completely two extremes.The heart is also like this weather, extremely cold.

A person's life is always lonely.

On the street, the atmosphere of Christmas is very strong, every shop is singing Christmas carols, the bells are being jingled, and children are running around the biggest Christmas tree in the center, no matter how cold the weather is. Their passion for the world cannot be missed.

I am a little envious of them, carefree, as if they have endless energy.

The lights on the Christmas tree are all on, lining those delicate decorations with golden light, which is as wonderful as stardust.

Looking up at the sky, it was really pitch black, the sky on a snowy night has always been like this, only the moon is still emitting a faint light.

"Will you marry me?"

The surroundings suddenly became noisy, and there were voices of booing and teasing.I looked towards the source of the sound and saw that someone was proposing.

The blond-haired and blue-eyed young man's eyes flickered, and he knelt on one knee, looking up at the person standing in front of him with eyes dyed with expectation and anxiety.The person who was proposed was also a young man, a handsome oriental man, even wearing heavy clothes could not conceal his jade-like temperament.

"Promise him! Marry him!"

The booing around is getting louder and clearer, and people here also have kindness towards gays.

Then, the black-haired young man smiled, put his hand in the blond-haired young man's, and said, "Okay."

Enthusiastic applause and good-hearted laughter erupted from all around.

That's great, such a scene is really beautiful.Just like that Christmas Eve in Hokkaido.It's just that I have nothing to do with the word "beautiful".

Haizaki proposed to Furuhata that day, and got a response.Haizaki is happy like a fool, he is clearly an adult, but he shows off everywhere like a child, basically everyone he knows is harassed by him.

And I stood at the window of the company and watched this scene happen.It's still snowy, it's still cold, the sky is dark, and the windows are covered with nice frost, blurring the view.

From a long time ago, I began to envy Haizaki, to be precise, jealousy.

I don't like Haizaki, because he is too similar to me, even if the style is completely different, in other people's eyes, Haizaki and I are people from two worlds, but we still can't hide our amazing similarities in some aspects .

Proud and inferior, but very thorough, this is the trait that Haizaki and I both have.In some ways, he was literally another me.

He should have fallen into purgatory, just like me already in the abyss, our fierce personalities can only make ourselves bruised and bruised in the end.Even if the spine of pride is broken, it will never bend.

Haizaki is very smart. He saw the end of our miraculous generation when he was in Teiko. Indeed, those who stayed were even more miserable.Without Tetsuya's persistence, we would be even more miserable.A life and personality without failure is incomplete.

After Haizaki withdrew, I thought this incident would lead him to the extreme of destruction, I even expected—come on, keep going, soon you will be like me, we are going to fall into the abyss.

However, Haizaki did not.

Because he was redeemed.

Mitsuki Fuhata is the one who pulled Haizaki out of the abyss.

Jiang Qi Guangshu, at first, I couldn't see through him.However, later, I discovered that there was no need to deliberately do this, because his words and deeds directly and clearly showed what kind of person he was, and there was no cover-up at all, which was straightforward and terrifying.

He saw through Haizaki at a glance, and he also saw through me.Then, he pulled Haizaki up from the cliff.Leave me alone looking up in the abyss.

So, I am deeply jealous of Haizaki... Even though we are so similar, I have not been redeemed.

The golden Christmas tree is dotted with stardust, as if the stars in the sky are falling on it, so dazzling and eye-catching.

Christmas hymns linger in my ears, conveying happiness and joy.I am out of tune with this world, like a dark shadow in a golden world, the contrast is so sharp.

Suddenly feel a little cold.

Wrapping my coat tightly, I walked aimlessly on the street, the snow had stopped at some point, except for the noisy crowd, this must be a silent world.

The church bell rang, and the crowd in the distance cheered.

"as!"

The twelve o'clock bell has struck, echoing in the silent sky.Dazzling fireworks bloom in front of your eyes, one by one, fleeting, beautiful but elusive.

The white world is dyed colorful by fireworks, the smoke makes the dark night sky more chaotic, and the smell of gunpowder lingers in the nose.

Sure enough, happiness is always short-lived.

I walked back to the apartment, took off my coat, and the room was warm and comfortable with the heater on.

I can't stop moving forward, even if I have no one to accompany me, I must go to the top alone.Because, I have my persistence, pride, and responsibility.

Maybe, I have found my own light a long time ago, but the too warm light will burn me, and the weak firefly will be extinguished by me mercilessly.

Letting go is the most correct but saddest decision I have made in my life.