paper idol

In an instant, countless thoughts welled up in Qu Lebai's heart.

Thoughts entangle each other and become a storm.The storm swept through her whole mind, and she didn't know where it went.

Qu Lebai's first reaction was to put the blade back into the book, and put the book back in the window.She looked back, Rou Jiang was wearing earphones, she was concentrating on playing the game, and didn't notice this side.She breathed a sigh of relief, and her eyes lightly fell on the figure next to her.

The figure is well-made, but no matter how good it is, it can't take Qu Lebai's thoughts away from the book and the blade.

Rou Jiang committed suicide?Or self-harm?

Because of public opinion?Or other pressures?

Is it after retiring or before the live broadcast?Was it because of this incident that she changed from STR to Rou Jiang in those six months?

……

This matter was beyond her understanding of Rou Jiang. For a moment, Qu Lebai forgot why she appeared here, and there was only one question in her mind: What's going on?She couldn't help turning her head to stare at Rou Jiang.

Rou Jiang's clothes were thin, and her arms were completely exposed.In the past, she couldn't see her wrist from the camera, but now that she got closer, she realized that Rou Jiang was wearing a blue wristband.

Is that the scar right there... Qu Lebai thought, even wanting to peel off the wrist guard and take a closer look at the scar.

"Are you bored?" Rou Jiang's voice suddenly sounded, startling Qu Le Bai.

Qu Lebai came back to his senses and found that Rou Jiang was turning his head to look this way, and added: "I still have a computer in the room, if you are really bored, let's go online together."

Qu Lebai shook her head and said, "I don't want to go online, so I'll sit down for a while."

She looked around and found a chair not far away, so she sat on it.The angle of the chair is very good, just enough to see Rou Jiang.

Seeing that she found a comfortable place, Rou Jiang smiled softly and continued playing the game.

The barrage exploded into a pot of porridge, saying:

[Ah, ah, I heard the connection! 】

[Why are you not mute now?I thought you wanted a golden house to hide your beauty]

[The voice is a little familiar...it can't be the one I thought, right? 】

【It's Lele】

[Ah, ah, am I the only one who thinks it's a little sweet? 】

……

In the little assistant in the upper left corner, the bullet screen was brushed so fast that Rou Jiang couldn't see clearly at all.She glanced to the side and met Qu Lebai's eyes.She smiled, and said to the barrage: "Okay, let's start! This round is for ten kills, okay!"

Qu Lebai stared at Roujiang for a moment, and found that Roujiang was really serious about playing the game, even if her eyes were on her all the time, she would not be distracted at all.

I couldn't help but think: Why was such a dedicated Rou Jiang defeated by rumors back then?Aren't those the most insignificant things?

While she was heartbroken and resentful for Rou Jiang, she thought of herself at the same time.

For others, what you have suffered is insignificant.But only when you are in the storm, you know what kind of power it has.She wanted to stand up too, but she couldn't even crawl.

How can I get out?

Qu Lebai relaxed and slumped on the chair. Even thinking about her own situation, she didn't feel so painful. Instead, she analyzed indifferently and withdrawn like a bystander.

She seemed to be no longer Qu Lebai, but a ray of air.

This strand of air floated and floated to the clouds; it fell and fell to the ground.

She sneaked into a certain room and saw a woman with disheveled hair sitting in front of the computer, with her back bent and her eyes almost glued to the screen.

The light from the screen shone on the woman's face, and only then did Qu Lebai realize that she was Rou Jiang.

Rou Jiang was playing a game, with her palm resting on the mouse, her fingers gripping tightly, as if she had put all her energy into it.But the game is not an arm wrestling match, and hard work is useless.Because of too much force, but not enough agility, Rou Jiang died round after round, dying faster and faster.

Qu Lebai is just a wisp of air, even if he wants to do something, he can't do anything.She watched Roujiang lose game after game, her expression became more and more ferocious, and her mood became more and more irritable.

In the end, Rou Jiang threw the mouse aside, hammered the table hard, and shouted: "Dish!"

She inserted her ten fingers into her hair, and then grasped it tightly, causing her scalp to deform.Qu Lebai could imagine the pain just by looking at it.She thought of how she felt when she couldn't write, and understood what kind of powerlessness and self-loathing it was, so she couldn't help but "float" forward, wanting to give the other party a hug, even if it didn't help at all.

But the moment her fingers touched Rou Jiang's back, Rou Jiang shivered, as if cold.

Immediately afterwards, Rou Jiang stood up abruptly, ignoring the loud sound of the chair falling on the ground.She rummaged through the box and found a blade.

Don't……!

Qu Lebai's heart suddenly twitched: Could it be at this time...

Rou Jiang stared at her wrist for a long time, with a weird smile on her face, and said, "Hahahaha, dish!"

Immediately afterwards, the blade kissed the skin, licking out a tiny fountain of blood.

"No!!!" Qu Lebai yelled, and even felt his wrist hurt.

"Wake up... Lele wake up..." Rou Jiang's voice sounded, much gentler than when he yelled "cai" just now, like spring breeze and sunshine.

Qu Lebai grabbed an arm in a daze, and then woke up profusely in sweat.She looked at Rou Jiang in front of her, still in shock, and said, "Are you still there?"

Rou Jiang was stunned for a moment, and said with a smile: "My home, who is I not? I just downloaded the broadcast. What, have a nightmare?"

Qu Lebai looked down and saw Roujiang's wrist that he was holding.The wrist is slender, including the wrist guard, and it will be held with one palm and two fingers.Qu Lebai's thumb moved slowly, caressing the exposed skin, just in time to feel the pulse.

Feeling Roujiang's regular pulse, she finally couldn't help it, and gently lifted the wristband with her fingers, revealing the ugly scar inside.

Rou Jiang subconsciously pulled her wrist back, but Qu Lebai grabbed her and asked softly, "Does it hurt?"

Rou Jiang paused for a while, then smiled relievedly, and said, "I was afraid to scare you, since you know, then you don't need to wear the wrist guard."

She took off the wristband, revealing the complete scar.The scar was deep, as if it went deep into the marrow of the bone, and one could clearly see how much Rou Jiang hated herself at that time.

Hate yourself for not being able to win the game.

Rou Jiang showed Qu Lebai her wrist, and said, "Look, isn't it ugly? Sometimes I am scared myself."

The wristband was worn for too long, and a circle of red was drawn on the wrist, which was shocking to watch.This is Roujiang's past, a calamity she could never get out of.She once wanted to hide from Qu Lebai, but she finally revealed it.

Qu Lebai asked again: "Does it hurt?"

Rou Jiang didn't answer this question, but turned around and walked out of the study, saying, "Come with me."

Qu Lebai had been sitting for too long, her legs felt numb and her feet felt numb when she followed, and every step she took was like stepping on steel needles.

Rou Jiang walked quickly, and led Qu Lebai to stand at the door of a certain room.Qu Lebai noticed this room yesterday, but thought it was a utility room, so she didn't pay attention.Now it seems that there may be a lot of things.

"I didn't commit suicide, but my parents found out. They sent me to the hospital for fear that I would commit suicide again, so they tied me up and prevented me from leaving the hospital. I looked at the ceiling for a month and suddenly found it interesting, so I got this room." Saying that, she pushed open the door.Qu Lebai just glanced at it and was shocked.

The room was small and empty, without any furnishings, but it was full of white.The walls, floor and ceiling are all white, to the point of being blinding.Qu Lebai couldn't help thinking: Maybe there is no need for lighting at night.

Rou Jiang walked in and explained: "I think white is a very magical color. It can make people forget everything else. It seems that I am the only one left in the world. After I was discharged from the hospital, I stayed in this room for two months. I never leave my room except to eat and go to the bathroom. My parents were super worried and thought I was insane. But I didn't, I just thought, no one else. I'm the only one in the world. Can you understand? "Rou Jiang looked at Qu Lebai, there seemed to be a thousand words in his eyes, but he couldn't say it.

Qu Lebai raised her head involuntarily, staring at the ceiling.The decoration is so well done, there are no impurities on the ceiling, no dust, no cobwebs, no cracks.Even if you want to distract yourself, you can't.

I can only see Bai, and only think of myself.

This feeling is very strange, it is clear that the soul is still in the body, but the spirit has stretched out, and it has begun to slowly integrate itself and become mellow.

There is no one else in this world.There is no one else.

The ego is an amazing thing, it's always there, but it's always ignored.It has emotions, but no voice.

Qu Lebai looked at it for a few seconds, but felt a little dizzy, and unconsciously fell to the ground.After sitting down, his sight narrowed, and he should have seen Rou Jiang beside him.Rou Jiang's wrist drooped naturally, revealing half of the scar.

His thoughts were separated from the pure "white", and his eyes focused on Roujiang.

"Does it hurt?" Qu Lebai asked again.

She asked three times, Rou Jiang avoided talking about it twice, this time she finally had no choice but to smile wryly and said, "It hurts, of course it hurts."

"But compared to this, hating yourself hurts more. Does it hurt you?" Rou Jiang stared at Qu Lebai.

Hate incompetence, hate weakness.

Qu Lebai paused for a long time before saying, "It hurts."

Pain, how could it not hurt?Everyone wants to be a hero, and when they are disappointed, they will curse harder than anyone else.

Forgiving yourself is much harder than forgiving others.

Rou Jiang smiled, pointed to her scar and said, "Then I will hurt for you."